What does your S/O say if you buy her sexy lingerie?

[Stephanie47]

Decades ago when we were first married and young, we would go shopping for lingerie. We would peruse the racks in the lingerie department of several stores and select sexy lingerie for her. Of course, we'd then head home for some serious action. Aside from the fact it is almost impossible to find as much lingerie as back then, my wife does not like it if I were to buy for her. She feels my selections are based on how I would be look in the gown-not her. Well, it ain't so, but, I cannot argue the point because that would bring up the whole cross-dressing issue. I can truthfully say when I would buy for her, I would not be thinking how I would look in that gown. What's a horny guy to do?

Anyway, any of you have similar issues with your wife or girlfriend?

[Salina]

My wife says "Thank you, it's very pretty" Then it goes into her lingerie drawer rarely if ever to be seen again.

[Elle1946]

Yours or mine? I say ours. Then she says thanks.

[sandra-leigh]

Mine says, "What's that for?" and then, "Is that for you?" Even if it is obviously too small for me, her first suspicion is that I bought it for me, because she doesn't wear anything fancy. Even the pair of panties I bought her for xmas, I had to specifically point out the design and show how it is the style she wears all the time and that I never wear -- a style that is difficult to find here in Canada.

My wife would prefer that I didn't buy clothes for her. She'd rather I buy her the most expensive Apple Mac on the market, to go along with the rest of her stable of Apple Macs that she doesn't use, or to buy her a diamond ring to put in her drawer or to lose. :sad:

[jarts55]

After almost 30 years of being married I can tell you exactly what she would say. "Don't waste your money." Has also said "If you like it, you wear it." Next time I hear that one I'm going to do exactly that and make sure she knows it.

[Karren H]

If I did give her lingerie for any occasion.. She would most likely burn it...

[RADER]

If I did give her lingerie for any occasion.. She would most likely burn it...

Karren; Maybe she just wants to help keep the house warm.

My wife is at the stage that she goes for flannel type gowns, to keep warm in.
I am the one to have a nylon nightie, or baby doll on. Though I am no baby doll.LOL Rader

[minalost]

Last time I bought her a sexy night gown she said the only reason I buy that type of thing for her is because I want to wear it. Too true I'm afraid! She is also the type that would prefer not to "waste the money;" and besides, she is (like Rader's SO) more into flannel than nylon or silk.

[Eryn]

She has quite a few sexy nightgowns and she looks amazing in every one of them. However, I think the nightgown she likes the best is the simple soft cotton one that I bought her that matches the one I bought for myself.

[laceyjessica]

My wife is pretty much the same....Even if i wanted to buy her something pretty (she wears ugly white cotton bra and panties daily) she would say i know you bought this for yourself, which even though is probably the truth, i would like to see her in something cute,but she has no desire.....I am weird in that unless u are a "10" i think the naked body is ugly i would prefer to see her in a gorgeous bra and panty set

[Allsteamedup]

OK, so here's a GG.
When you shredded every ounce of my self-respect, stole my sexuality and left me feeling the most unattractive heap on the planet.......tears (mine) weren't enough to put me back together. God knows, I had enough body issues before you sprang your cross-dressing on me. So, after my pregnancy, I wanted to wear my beautiful clothes again, but while I was pregnant, you wore them all, the hand-made wardrobe I had bought whilst a career girl. Even my swim and sanitary wear. You stripped me of everything.
It was only then I realised how foolishly those clothes 'protected' me from the outside world. Yes, I had functioned at a very high level but those clothes 'spoke' as I arrived.
But you had lost your job so nothing was replaced. Anyway, I had nightmares, when I would be walking past a shop window and the dresses on the models would break down the window, chase me down the street and hit me.
So since then you have bought me three sets of lingerie. I wore them, but always wondering what you had bought for yourself; there is no way you would buy lingerie without some for yourself. The last ones were not a good fit, so the saleslady explained how she had to persuade you from what you had originally wanted into something more suitable for me.....
If I could explain to any of you the nasty, lingering suspicion, which isn't my fault, in any of this,I would have done a service. But you are male and you push anything inconvenient to the back of your mind.
I would like you to stop telling me what you think I would look good in, based on what looks good on you. I am terrified of opening any package, no matter the size. My guts go into spasm, I smile and probably lose it or put it away. Do you understand why??
As GGs we love gifts, but the way they are given (after having filtered all the hints we offer!!) is as important as the gift. If we don't respond the way you want, ask yourself why.....

[Angiemead12]

I stopped buying her lingerie as it just gets pulled out once in a blue moon, I just buy it for moi nowadays!

[KellyCD]

OK, so here's a GG.
When you shredded every ounce of my self-respect, stole my sexuality and left me feeling the most unattractive heap on the planet.......tears (mine) weren't enough to put me back together. God knows, I had enough body issues before you sprang your cross-dressing on me. So, after my pregnancy, I wanted to wear my beautiful clothes again, but while I was pregnant, you wore them all, the hand-made wardrobe I had bought whilst a career girl. Even my swim and sanitary wear. You stripped me of everything.
It was only then I realised how foolishly those clothes 'protected' me from the outside world. Yes, I had functioned at a very high level but those clothes 'spoke' as I arrived.
But you had lost your job so nothing was replaced. Anyway, I had nightmares, when I would be walking past a shop window and the dresses on the models would break down the window, chase me down the street and hit me.
So since then you have bought me three sets of lingerie. I wore them, but always wondering what you had bought for yourself; there is no way you would buy lingerie without some for yourself. The last ones were not a good fit, so the saleslady explained how she had to persuade you from what you had originally wanted into something more suitable for me.....
If I could explain to any of you the nasty, lingering suspicion, which isn't my fault, in any of this,I would have done a service. But you are male and you push anything inconvenient to the back of your mind.
I would like you to stop telling me what you think I would look good in, based on what looks good on you. I am terrified of opening any package, no matter the size. My guts go into spasm, I smile and probably lose it or put it away. Do you understand why??
As GGs we love gifts, but the way they are given (after having filtered all the hints we offer!!) is as important as the gift. If we don't respond the way you want, ask yourself why.....

Holy hell......


"Allsteamedup"(what a fitting name I must say) I feel so bad for you. You are obviously full of hate. You need some kind of support, and IMO a divorce. Hate like that, IMO cannot be resolved in any other way but separation.

Now, back on topic. When I buy my SO lingerie, I buy it for HER. Not for me. Now I HAVE bought her things that I have myself, but only because I loved it and thought she would as well. She's very thankful everytime I buy her something, which isn't as often now since she has most everything she wants. I'm lucky that my SO is still very young(18) and still enjoys wearing sexy things. We're still discovering what each other really likes though, as I've introduced her to things that she likes very much now that she didn't have much knowledge of in the past.

EDIT: I must also mention that she never really had much before I met her, she never really had the money for it. Since we got together as she puts it she's had "a serious upgrade to my underwear drawer!" She's thrown away most of her old stuff and when I asked her why she replied with "I have so much better stuff now duh!" Since 99% of the time now she wears something I bought her, I don't think she minds it.

[BevAndrews]

My wife and I have worked out what styles of lingerie (sexy and everyday) suit her, and I know her sizes, so I can buy for her.
Bras are an exception, as she needs to try them on, so I take her to the store and pay the bill afterwards!
I started making sure she had sexy lingerie that she liked and would wear on the day she complained that my lingerie was prettier than hers.
Outerwear is easier, and she rarely returns and almost always wears the clothes I buy her.
I did buy her a skirt that was a little too long for her just before Christmas; she wore it once then gave it to me to have. I didn't complain.

[Tina L.]

My gf would think that i bought it for myself and found out it was to small, which is probably the truth

[Kali]

We just go shopping for it together. She's tough to buy lingerie for as she's tall and voluptuous and most of the stuff we see is designed for much more petite women or simple doesn't fit over her bust properly. She will often buy stiuff for me; I put in a drawer, rarely to be seen again (I hate how I look in it).

[Tommie T.]

We buy lingerie for each other and enjoy wearing what the other has given us.My wife tends to wear more utilitarian for day in and day out but does enjoy the frilly stuff sometimes.We share some things but not so much anymore as I have so much of my own.We also have matching panties,bras and nightgowns.Fun to dress like twins on occasion.

[Claire Cook]

My wife does not like "sexy lingerie"; she buys what fits her and what she is most comfortable in. Bras are pretty personal, and I'm more than happy to let her buy what works for her. She has difficulty finding ones that really fit and always tries them on beforehand. Panties are another matter. She always looks forward to finding cotton Jockeys for Her in the Christmas stocking. They aren't sexy, but they are what she loves and and wears.

[insearchofme]

My wife says "Thank you, it's very pretty" Then it goes into her lingerie drawer rarely if ever to be seen again.

Salina,

We must be married to identical twins!

[SuzanneBender]

Lingerie is a minefield! Lets face it lingerie isn't for her. Most women feel self conscious about their bodies and lingerie makes them even more self conscious. We like the way our wives look in it so we buy it for them. Not for them but for our own desire. My father had a saying," Never buy the one you love anything that you can plug in or lingerie for a gift because it will just get you in trouble." I realize that this was sage advise now that I am older and wiser.

That is one side of the coin. Now enter crossdressing, being transgender what ever you want to call it. I realize that I can no longer shop for or with my wife. I will always be accused of buying or looking at things for myself rather than her. It couldn't be further from the truth. When I buy a gift I buy it with her in mind. Not me. If I want something for myself I will buy it for myself and I will say it is for myself. I am who I am and I will buy what I feel I need. There is not a need to hide it under the false pretense of a gift for her. If I get her a necklace, bracelet or purse it has to do nothing with me wanting that item. It has to do with me wanting to demonstrate that an item pales in comparison to the love I have for her. If its not exactly what she wanted its not because I wanted it. Its simply because I mis-read her taste in that item.

My heart goes out to Allsteamedup and also her spouse. She sounds like a lot of wives that I know. Please understand most of us did not choose to be transgender. Its a burden or a gift, depending upon your perspective, that we had no say in carrying. Its a part of us and your sexuality, self respect, or attractiveness has nothing to do with us being who we are. Many wives often carry a "nasty lingering suspicion" concerning all of this and, depending on how and when we came out, many times it is initially deserved. However, after time passes there comes a point where she begins to own that nasty lingering suspicion. For a marriage to work there has to be trust not suspicion, honesty not deceit, and love not hate. I wish her and her hubby and all of the rest of us the best of luck in finding a way through all of this that provides everyone with happiness and love in the their lives.

[TabbyJames]

Even before she found out about my crossdressing, the lingerie would end up at the bottom of the cavernous drawer never to be seen again. I learned early on that she prefered cotton printed nighties and granny panties so proceeded to purchase these for her over the years. Once my secret was out I discovered the vintage Olga gowns and wore them often. She loved them and would borrow them frequently, problem is, they are extremely rare in sixe 2X. Solution: we developed our own line/lable of these vintage reproduction gowns and now she has many and wears them every night. We don't even have to share any more :)

[TGMarla]

She says she likes nice lingerie. But she never (ever!) wears it. She says she simply doesn't have the body for it. But she at one time did have the body for it, and she never wore it then, either. So I don't bother buying it for her.

[kimdl93]

I'm very selective about what gifts I buy for my wife...special gifts are usually jewelry that she can wear everyday. While we both love wearing lingerie, we generally purchase our own. The one time I bought her a sheer dress, triangle bra and thong, she ended up suggesting that I wear it. (and I did!)

[JulieC]

My father had a saying," Never buy the one you love anything that you can plug in or lingerie for a gift because it will just get you in trouble." I realize that this was sage advise now that I am older and wiser.

It is sage advice. Of course, it doesn't always apply, but nevertheless it is a strong, valid rule of thumb.

I've bought my wife a number of things that plug in. For example, I bought her a hair dryer; her old one was literally sparking. I feared for her safety using the thing. I also bought her a rice cooker. She kept saying she wanted one, wanted one, wanted one. Sometimes, it is what she asks for. Sometimes, it's something she really needs and doesn't even realize she needs it, or she's holding off getting it.

As for lingerie; when I was younger, I occasionally bought girlfriends various lingerie items. I stopped around age 25. I realized as others have noted here that I was really buying for myself (not to wear; to see it on them). It was a selfish 'gift'. Now, this sorta changed with my wife. When I met her, she wore grandma pantyhose, and panties and bras that were barely utilitarian and looked like something from a gulag. Bleah. In upgrading her 'under'drobe, I worked with her. I didn't buy things for her for the most part. I did buy her three different types of pantyhose for her to try on as replacements for the horrible hosiery she wore. She settled on Hanes Silk Reflections, and she largely wears those to this day. As for other things; it's been a mutual adventure in upgrading her underdrobe. She'll ask what I think, I'll chime in with opinions, or suggest a different direction, etc. I make sure to never stray into objectification territory.

When I buy lingerie for myself, my wife usually is with me or is at least aware that I am doing so. Sometimes I'll find something of interest that she might like, and I'll suggest it to her. But, it's always her choice; not mine.

Also, I've never violated my wife's wardrobe without permission. She knows that when we buy something for her, it's hers. I have my own collection of femme clothes. Anybody who thinks it somehow wise to wear their spouses clothes without permission need only read the post above by Allsteamedup to see how horribly bad that will go.

[cordgrass]

I suspect the problem is that men don't buy women quality lingerie. Crappy cheap lingerie like Victoria's Secret, made with slave labor, is extremely uncomfortable to wear, unsupportive and falls apart after the third wash. It's made for men to look at, not for women to wear. As such it's a veiled demand for sex.

I can't imagine a woman not liking and not wanting to wear quality lingerie. And if there's a question that the man is buying it really for himself, give a gift card, then she can pick what she likes and in what size. I know I would be thrilled if I got a LaPerla or Wacoal or Agent Provocateur or Wolford's gift card.

Well technically only Wacoal makes my size. Incentive for me to lose weight! :D

[kimdl93]

I suspect the problem is that men don't buy women quality lingerie.
:D

I think there's truth to that. I despise the really cheesy lingerie that comes out around Valentines day. Some of that stuff is so tacky and the material feels like abrasive. On the other hand, there's a long satin and lace gown that I could just die for!

[Kathryn_Cox]

Stephanie, I nearly always buy my wifes underwear and she always loves all of it and wears it all of the time, she only wears boreing white cotten when she has her weeks that we girls will never understand. I know that I am very lucky with the SO that I have and I really appreciate it. We who do not have the support should be a little more tolerent and give them time or space to adjust, or be more understanding on how they feel. I have not always have an understanding SO so I do know how difficult it is, but please try to be tolerant and patiencent and maybe things will work out. :hugs: Kathryn


OK, so here's a GG.
When you shredded every ounce of my self-respect, stole my sexuality and left me feeling the most unattractive heap on the planet.......tears (mine) weren't enough to put me back together. God knows, I had enough body issues before you sprang your cross-dressing on me. So, after my pregnancy, I wanted to wear my beautiful clothes again, but while I was pregnant, you wore them all, the hand-made wardrobe I had bought whilst a career girl. Even my swim and sanitary wear. You stripped me of everything.
It was only then I realised how foolishly those clothes 'protected' me from the outside world. Yes, I had functioned at a very high level but those clothes 'spoke' as I arrived.
But you had lost your job so nothing was replaced. Anyway, I had nightmares, when I would be walking past a shop window and the dresses on the models would break down the window, chase me down the street and hit me.
So since then you have bought me three sets of lingerie. I wore them, but always wondering what you had bought for yourself; there is no way you would buy lingerie without some for yourself. The last ones were not a good fit, so the saleslady explained how she had to persuade you from what you had originally wanted into something more suitable for me.....
If I could explain to any of you the nasty, lingering suspicion, which isn't my fault, in any of this,I would have done a service. But you are male and you push anything inconvenient to the back of your mind.
I would like you to stop telling me what you think I would look good in, based on what looks good on you. I am terrified of opening any package, no matter the size. My guts go into spasm, I smile and probably lose it or put it away. Do you understand why??
As GGs we love gifts, but the way they are given (after having filtered all the hints we offer!!) is as important as the gift. If we don't respond the way you want, ask yourself why.....

I am realy sorry that you feel how you do, I can only assume ( and you know that assume makes an arse out of you and me) that you do not have an SO that is considerate about how you feel about the dressing. If you are so anrgy about it then I would suggest that you need to sit down and talk about it with each other rather than ranting to complete strangers. Believe me I know that it feels better to rant at someone you will never meet or dont know but it will not sort the problem that you seem to have. Darling I am so sorry to appear blunt but if you dont tell him it wont change. And I do know that you will think that I am just another one telling you what to accept. but if you post you will get advice good or bad wanted or not. I really hope that you can work things out. Sorry to be so blunt :hugs: Kathryn

[CaitlynRenee]

Clothing??? Lingerie?? Absolutely nothing scratchy............ such as, the cheaper quality rayon, satin, taffeta, etc. NO Frederick's, ever. My skin is very thin and chem damaged so cracks easily. Soooo, soft for me as well.

The finer nylon nightgowns by Shadowline and sometimes Vanity Fair. The softer Microfiber panties (again no satin). Soft is the key word here. Luckily, she wears a 6 and I wear an XL so she and I both know who wears which panties in the house.

The key is to watch, when your SO goes shopping, to see which items really attract her. MY SO is reluctant to buy for herself as she's a real penny pincher. A trip back to the store will find that item bought, paid for, and usually wrapped for a special occasion. BY the time she decides she wants to go back and buy an item, it's usually already out of stock or season or discontinued.

[MiamiMarie]

I suspect the problem is that men don't buy women quality lingerie. Crappy cheap lingerie like Victoria's Secret, made with slave labor, is extremely uncomfortable to wear, unsupportive and falls apart after the third wash.

Easy there, Cord. I used to develop lingerie for Victoria's Secret, and darn it, I took pride in my work.

That said, my passion in college and for most of my career was lingerie. I've sold it, developed it, and got my undergraduate degree in designing it. I used to be a tight-bodied biscuit and if I had my druthers (and old body), I would rather wear lingerie all day than outerwear.

Sadly, I have put on considerable weight since then. My husband still buys me lingerie (sexy yet appropriate babydolls), which I appreciate. My style is different from his so I can tell when it's for me. But I no longer wear so much lingerie because it makes me feel fat.

Time to go on a diet :)

[cordgrass]

I AM fat, no question, and I love wearing lingerie.

The VS designs are always beautiful, it's just the fabric, construction and particularly labor practices that are substandard.

http://www.ethicalshopping.com/clothing-accessories/clothes/theres-nothing-sexy-about-victorias-secrets-labor-practices.html

But do not want to derail the thread!

[Jess Marie]

When I buy lingerie for my S/O, we usually implement it within a few days of buying it. I just bought her a red and lace bra with a matching pair of boyshorts and a short skit with built in g-string. We have used it like 10 times and she absolutely loves it. I bought some panties for myself and they were in the same bag. When she found it I was questioned about wearing bra's (i still have not told her). She was very upset with me. But after some convincing, she accepted it and everything turned out great. I enjoy her wearing it too :)

[OccasionalSkirt]

I keep my cross dressing out of the bedroom. I think it's kinda dangerous to go down that realm, IMO. So, sexy lingerie is just for my wife...and I enjoy going with her to VS and helping her pick it out.

[stellaaahhh]

mine would say"i suppose it fits you"

[t-girlxsophie]

My Wife loves when I buy her Lingerie,because I know what she likes and is comfortable wearing,Most guys we know do buy the most uncomfortable,tacky looking "sexy" lingerie,We on the other hand,of course have the Insight to know better

:hugs:Sophie

[2B Natasha]

I suspect the problem is that men don't buy women quality lingerie. Crappy cheap lingerie like Victoria's Secret, made with slave labor, is extremely uncomfortable to wear, unsupportive and falls apart after the third wash. It's made for men to look at, not for women to wear. As such it's a veiled demand for sex.

I can't imagine a woman not liking and not wanting to wear quality lingerie. And if there's a question that the man is buying it really for himself, give a gift card, then she can pick what she likes and in what size. I know I would be thrilled if I got a LaPerla or Wacoal or Agent Provocateur or Wolford's gift card.

Well technically only Wacoal makes my size. Incentive for me to lose weight! :D



AMEN sister. Why anybody buys VS is beyond me also.

Also. Sexy is a very subjective term and idea. Mine is, I guessing. Much different then the OP's idea of sexy.

[Veronica Lacey]

In a satin-lined nutshell my wife is appreciative of the lingerie gifts I have bestowed over the years and there have been many.

In 16 years I have about a 90% success rate on fit, style and colour for her so I think it's gone well. I keep my purchases separate so that she never feels that I was buying for two and used her gift as an excuse to piggyback my own purchases (she knows I dress but wants it kept private from her.) If I see something I like I keep it in mind and return on another day as it just helps me stay focussed on who I am buying for.

[NZ_Dawn]

I recall that my last gift of lingerie was rewarded with the projected thought .." Is this somehting that you want to wear". Yes I was thanked for the gift of course, but I saw read the underlying feeling she had. I cant say that it was ever worn. Having thought about my wifes reaction to such a gift and some discussion I now tend to prefer to go shopping with her and let her choose or ask her if she likes somehting I suggest. Its a gift, the thought or gesture appreciated and worn.

alsteamed up has provided me with some confirmation of what I suspected. Somehow Im not confident I can reverse this similar view that my wife may have also, but I no its there and do tgry and owrk through it by discussion and unmderstanding on both our parts. Jewellery also seems to push a button. ;-)

[missysubcd]

She normally says thankyou and wears them if they are a design she likes. Occasionally she teases about buying it for myself.

As she's not feeling great about her shape right now (although I adore it completely) I'm not getting her anything new as it won't be helpful.

[DaphneGrey]

OK, so here's a GG.
When you shredded every ounce of my self-respect, stole my sexuality and left me feeling the most unattractive heap on the planet.......tears (mine) weren't enough to put me back together. God knows, I had enough body issues before you sprang your cross-dressing on me. So, after my pregnancy, I wanted to wear my beautiful clothes again, but while I was pregnant, you wore them all, the hand-made wardrobe I had bought whilst a career girl. Even my swim and sanitary wear. You stripped me of everything.
It was only then I realised how foolishly those clothes 'protected' me from the outside world. Yes, I had functioned at a very high level but those clothes 'spoke' as I arrived.
But you had lost your job so nothing was replaced. Anyway, I had nightmares, when I would be walking past a shop window and the dresses on the models would break down the window, chase me down the street and hit me.
So since then you have bought me three sets of lingerie. I wore them, but always wondering what you had bought for yourself; there is no way you would buy lingerie without some for yourself. The last ones were not a good fit, so the saleslady explained how she had to persuade you from what you had originally wanted into something more suitable for me.....
If I could explain to any of you the nasty, lingering suspicion, which isn't my fault, in any of this,I would have done a service. But you are male and you push anything inconvenient to the back of your mind.
I would like you to stop telling me what you think I would look good in, based on what looks good on you. I am terrified of opening any package, no matter the size. My guts go into spasm, I smile and probably lose it or put it away. Do you understand why??
As GGs we love gifts, but the way they are given (after having filtered all the hints we offer!!) is as important as the gift. If we don't respond the way you want, ask yourself why.....

I am so very sorry this happened to you and caused you this pain. For whatever its worth you can always bend my ear if you want to.

I don't buy her lingerie, It is a gift I would be giving myself. On occasion we shop together but thats different.

[t-girlxsophie]

I buy my wife nice things because I love her and not for any self gratifying reason,Im sorry All Steamed Up has had a bad experience,but some of us actually have no ulerior motives

[Allsteamedup]

Nobody has actually said by what ratio they buy sexy lingerie for their SO compared to their own vast selection.
In most families there is only so much money to go around after paying the mortgage etc. so if the cross-dressing SO actually has two wardrobes , his own and his Femme wardrobe, obviously that leaves less for children and spouse.
I was always less concerned with the cost than the time issue. Sourcing exactly what you need at the price you are prepared to pay takes a lot of time. Somebody else in the family was donating that time.
Quality lingerie and jewellery never fails!

[shawn123]

Mine has no idea I dress, (and we're not the same size) so I don't have to worry about her thinking they're for me, not her (besides, if I like it that much I buy one for me in the right size).

Usually she says she likes it, then it goes into a drawer to be worn maybe once. If I mention it, she swears she really likes it and wears it 'a lot'. So I've pretty much quit trying. She wears what she wants, regardless of what I say or think she looks good in.

[Billie Jean]

Yours or mine? I say ours. Then she says thanks.When I was married that was the same response I got. Luckily we wore the same size. She got to wear it when we were intimate. Billie Jean