your kids and you rdressing

[erica12b]

i have not seen this question in some time (or i missed it) for thouse that are out and there kids know, how has it afecter them are they open minded about others, do they resent it, do any of your sons dress to ,

i have noticed that the younger the girls are the more excpting they are (its no big deal)

did any of your fathers dress? what dinamics are there when it comes to parents and kids(12 and up) and crossdressing

any family 's hear to give us a full picture of how it afected /afects the whole family

[kimdl93]

I have two sons and two step daughters. All are now young adults. I'm in a rather unique situation in that my ex wife outed me rather publically and repeatedly - to my sons, other family members and friends. Some of them discounted her comments, others were too polite to mention it. I think my sons live in denial.

My step daughters aren't officially aware, but I suspect the younger one knows something because she surprised me when I was sitting on our patio wearing a fairly androgynous tank top, khaki shorts, stockings and sandals with 2 1/2" heels. She never said a word...never frowned or said anything to her mom. Still, although I dress nearly full time at home, I never am dressed when they are around.

[erica12b]

so the boys are in denial, (it was said in a hateful way) and so do the girls even thou one saw you partly dressed its not something your talking openly about with them

i have two boys the oldest will never find out he is so male and opininated (was not there his first 8 yr , he came with my marrage, ) then we had a boy and after the divorce, he idolizes me and i dont want to do anything to give his mom anymore leverage against me ,so both of my sons will not know tell a lot later in life ,if ever

[kimdl93]

For the record, I don't feel nor intend that the comment about my sons' denial was in anyway hateful. Its just an observation that, although their mom made frequent and very angry remarks about my CDing at the time, they seem to have let it go. We have a good relationship, but the subject of my CDing has never come up. Regarding my step daughter, I think we both felt that it was better to leave the subject alone. She's seen me wearing some fairly androgynous clothes since then...even commented on a cute top, but we left it at that.

[Cynthia Anne]

All of my kids are grown and and resent me for dressing. I guess they take after my X SO B IN THAT RESPECT!

[StaceyJane]

My wife outed me to my daughters but they have been very accepting.

[erica12b]

i did not say i well , sorry kim -the boys let what there mom said go they heard the hateful way it was said and did not hold on to it ,

stacyjane , you cant leave i with that please give a little more info was it a slip of the tonge, and how have they been excepting ?

[Staci K]

I have 2 teen girls; well one teen girl (16YO) and custody of our niece (14YO). Both are very accepting. I can slip into pantyhose and a skirt in the evning and they don't treat me any differently at all. To them I'm still dad, clothes don't make the person. They look at it as you can dress a druggie/felon in a Armoni suit and while he may look to be a sharp dressed man, but again, clothes don't make the person - he's still a druggie/felon.

My daughter (the 16YO) is far more girly than my niece. I can suggest getting out the basket that holds all the different color nail polishes and paint my nails (toe or finger) and she's all over it - does really good too... Once she had done my fingernails in a pretty pink with a pattern overlay with white polish (she has a talent with the super fine brushes like they use in nail salons). At the time I was still working in the downtown office; she did such a good job on my nails I wore them that way to work and all for a week.

[kimdl93]

no problem, erica. it was hateful the way the boys learned of my dressing. That's probably why they chose to ignore it. The funny thing is that my CDing wasn't a factor in the divorce, in fact she was very supportive and understanding during our marriage. I think it was just a convenient blunt instrument that she used to express her anger during the divorce.

[erica12b]

thanks kim do you think it changes the way they look at others ?

and nicole do you ever talk about it or is it just something that has always been, ?

[Staci K]

Erica,

No it has not alway been. For the first 15 years of my marriage I was deep in the closet to everyone. I first came out to my wife, and only received, "OK so go put on a skirt - whatever floats your boat and makes you happy. You're still my husband."

Following that my wife and I devised a plan to 'feel the waters' with our daughter (back then we didn't have custody of our niece yet). Since we both are employed by the same large company, they do a diversity training session annually. My wife and I at the dinner table one evening started discussing a ficticous email we received at work about the upcoming 'diversity training.' There really wasn't any emails at that time, it was all just a ploy to open the dinnertable conversation to feel the waters in a non-confrontational way. When we learned our daughter has no problems with alternative lifestyles, actually said she prefers the boys that wear eyeliner (she can talk to them about anything just like one of the girls), I came out and the rest has been history...

When we got custody of our niece Nicole went back into the closet for a while. We used the same tactic to feel the waters with her. Only this time our daughter knew exactly what we were doing. Once we learned she has no problems, I came out to her too and its understood that to save any problems, it stays in our home and isn't told to anyone outside the 4 of us.

[erica12b]

again do you think it has changed the way they look at others, out side the family unit or its it a "normal"family secret

(i hate that word normal ) lol

[Staci K]

again do you think it has changed the way they look at others, out side the family unit or its it a "normal"family secret

(i hate that word normal ) lol

I don't think it has changed the way they look at others. We live in the Seattle area which is pretty open and diverse area to begin with - especially in the Capital Hill area. While I may not have been out to them, it certainly wasn't nothing new to them considering where we live.

When I say keep it secret between us, its because I don't want family problems since the courts are involved in placing our niece in our custody.

[erica12b]

im not good at typing my questions sorry to all

ill try again if they know about you now, do you think they would feel and act the same if you had never told them



im thinking that the way we raise our kids is like or the same as when we tell the new friend we are dating we like to dress , timing is everything lol

[StaceyJane]

i did not say i well , sorry kim -the boys let what there mom said go they heard the hateful way it was said and did not hold on to it ,

stacyjane , you cant leave i with that please give a little more info was it a slip of the tonge, and how have they been excepting ?

Sorry, My wife found a pic of me on the computer. She didn't know what to do so she told my daughters. She didn't say anything to me.My daughters are all grown and they were a lot more accepting.
My youngest who was 19 at the time wrote me a letter saying that she and my wife knew. I about had a heart attack when I found the letter but it did lead to me coming out. Now my life is a whole lot better.
Last Christmas I spent an few hours with my daughter and her husband and new baby en femme. I also got a bottle of perfume from them.

[kristinacd55]

I've got 2 daughters, 25 & 19 and I suspect that they suspect with different instances that have happened over the years. The 19 year old still lives at home, so it's an issue when I want to dress. I'm going to my first support group meeting next wed. so this may come to a head. My wife knows I dress and is slowly coming around to it. Anyway, we'll see what happens after the meeting! I know someday my daughters will know, it's just a matter of what the reaction will be.

[kimdl93]

I don't know for certain if having learned that I was cross dressing has made my sons more tolerant - I know they both have gay friends and that doesn't seem to be an issue. The girls are so different. The older one is incredibly judgemental of others...which I believe reflects her own insecurities, while the younger seems far more accepting of friends who are a bit outside the norm. She happens to be the one who "caught" me - so maybe it was just no big deal to her.

[erica12b]

i think that the girls in there late teens are more open minded, i have read a lot of threads , have not ever talked with any but it makes sence

[erica12b]

any wifes or SO of cd's want to add some of there talks with the kids ?

[Staci K]

Hi again Erica; I don't think coming out to my kids have made them any more or less tolerant. As I stated, Seattle area is a very diverse area and the girls have been friends with open MTF CD classmates (yes, they are friends with some boy students that prefer to present themself in skirts and other female attire) long before I came out to them.

[erica12b]

times are a changing , in my time you would not do that lol and im not that old lol yet

[erica12b]

do any gg's have any input

[Being Paige]

Both my daughters know, my oldest will be 21 my yougest 15. I think my oldest torerates my like my wife, but at least she will hang out with me a bit and talk to me. I'm not sure what my youngest thinks about it!

[erica12b]

paige have you ever talked with them about it ? or is it just something dad dose

[sue1965]

I have a 23 year old daughter and two boys, 15 & 17. the boys don't know but my daughter does. She lived with me for 4 months and before she moved in I told her about my CDing. she just said "whatever" It turned out, for me, to be a great thing. She would critique the clothes I would wear. Her and 2 of her girlfriends that were always here, would color my nails and put makeup on me. For Christmas, my daughter bought me 2 pairs of skinny jeans, saying that was one thing i didn't have in my wardrobe.

[Rogina B]

I have a 9 yr old daughter that has grown up to see her father dressed as a woman. She takes acceptance from my wife and if all is well with Mom,then all is well..lol Anyway,we go places as a family but keep our dstance in public as she can't properly explain me to any schoolmates we could bump into.I am still Dad to her no matter how I am dressed. And yes,I think it has and will continue to open her level of acceptance as she grows up.

[erica12b]

if your out dressed just be aunty ro

[Rogina B]

Aunt Rogina is what I told her to say but she really isn't quite ready to pull it off.Great shopping is all around us here in Lauderdale and bumping into school pals and their families is very likely..

[erica12b]

time will tell how its going to work out , your wife is ok with you going out dressed you are ahead of most of the group hear (lucky) just having some one to talk too has got to be nice.

[Ericka2]

Very interesting thread, I have three kids, two girls, 20,15 yrs old and the boy is 19, his in college, my 15 year old girl lives with me, my situation is up in the air, I think they suspect something I remember my son asking me if I wanted to be a girl because we were talking about physical appearances and we all just laughed it off, my wife knows all about Ericka she's the step mom, but she says that my lil girl is like a little Ericka because the similarities, (we both can be bitchie at times) lol, I'm hoping some day I'll tell them, I would like to wait until my daughter is out of high school but that's debatable since there's times I would like to tell her since we are so close....

[Sally24]

My "kids" were told in the last few years. My daughter (28) already had her suspicions so it was pretty easy. She has fully embraced it. In fact she was the first to ask to borrow clothes! She has gone out with me multiple times and seems to have adapted well. My son (25) on the surface says he is ok with that. He has offered to go out with me but hasn't made it there yet. I think he might be a little uncomfortable, but not disapproving of it. Overall I think they have taken it ok and the stress level for me has faded to almost nothing.

[t-girlxsophie]

My Son found out a few years ago,by my carelessness more than anything,by a distance the worst time of my life,I nearly lost him through it.I just hope these days that he wont ever find anymore out about me (i've never wanted to know,or find out),he is 18 now,which Im sure some of us can remember is,that its a funny age.

When I started chatting online to my now,wife We decided to be truthful with her kids letting them know that mummys new bf likes to dress as a lady,when we met up we left it a fair while before Introducing Sophie to them,I was determined everything I did the second time would be 100% truthful secrets can destroy relationships,We can only do what we think is best for our situation for only we know the right way to go IMO

:hugs:Sophie

[erica12b]

one of the things i was trying to find out was how every one deals with it , not telling the SO is a big secret that we all have had to deal with , but not telling the kids is the same secret but has a twist , if they are out of school i am leaning twords telling them ( if they can handle it, and except it, in (the cd's experiance)) if they will not except it and you just know they will freak then no im not for telling them, the younger they are the better i think it might be , (too a point ) i think out of school is the key

[erica12b]

i should say i think its a big secret for a kid to keep ( i dont want to put my kids under that kind of pressure ) school and trying to deal with the teen yr is hard enuff

[LitaKelley]

I have three daughters with my wife. Of the three, only my youngest knows, because the other two do not live with me.

She's only 4 going on 5, so it's no big deal for her.. she don't mind.. I think.. she sees me all the time dressed.. hard not to since it's every day

[Rogina B]

On the other hand,the more usual it is for Dad to be dressed,then it fades from importance as the newness is long since gone..My closets and makeup assortment no longer holds any interest from her..We live in one of the most accepting places in the country so there are lots of "different'people here.

[erica12b]

area makes a big difference, I will agree, and I think a daughter makes a difference to you have a point on loosing interest to, if its just a every day thing, do you ever talk about it, if it embarrasses her or come up with guild lines like some do with there SO, how would she handle it if a friend came over out of the blue and they walked in on you dressed? Have you talked about stuff like that at all?



im big on letting my kids have a say in our lives , my ex lets them know what they will and can think.(her way)

[divamissz]

I told my stepson when he was seventeen. He had known a pre-op TS friend of ours, so it wasn't a shock. He says he's okay with it, but he's never wanted to look at a photo of me dressed, seen me en femme, or talked to me about it. I wish he was more accepting, but I guess I should take what I can get.

[erica12b]

yes take what we can get , but always leave the door open for more , lol

[Bridget Fitzgerald]

I can't speak for coming out, but my best friend's son has known since birth with no real effect. He isn't thrilled about it but still loves his dad.

[PretzelGirl]

I think it can be tougher for those that dressed all along to figure out when to tell a child. I am a latebloomer having only dressed for the last oh say 3-4 years. I already had two kids out of the house. The oldest is my son and he is on the east coast and I haven't even thought about telling him because of the distance. He is the one I would have to think about it the hardest as I honestly don't know how he would take it.

My daughters are 26 and 19. I told the older one last spring when she moved to the area I live in. The youngest I told a few months. ago. I waited on her because she was going through some stressful personal times, so it wouldn't have been a good move. Both are very accepting of my choices and they are accepting in general in their lives. I have been out with both of them, and it hasn't been an issue.

[erica12b]

im glad they are excpting , do you think you know how they feel about you dressing ? or the are just excepting your choice to dress ?

[rhonda]

I think young kids were made to wear clothes other than what is considered normal , girls and boys would know how to treat each other better and we all could wear what we wanted , I bet men's clothing wouldn't exist

[t-girlxsophie]

My stepkids have seen a lot of things that have affected them from my wifes past relationships,they have seen their mum abused,and treated horribly so I must be doing something right as they are always respectful and are never fazed by seeing Sophie about most days.I think the fact they know how much I love their mum and would never hurt her,or them carries a lot of weight with them.They have been out with us too,when ive been dressed and had fun,they are great kids and I think the fact they knew from the start was also a big factor in how they feel about Sophie

:hugs:Sophie

[AliceJaneInNewcastle]

my best friend's son has known since birth with no real effect. He isn't thrilled about it but still loves his dad.

My 7yo son's attitude is the same.

[erica12b]

do you ever think that the boys might want to try it? or not