transitioning in the workplace

[Aeva]

Hi Everyone;

I'm curious to the impact that transitioning and hormones has had on people's professional lives.
The reason why I'm asking, is I've been thinking about what it means to be "ready" to do HRT. I guess my original thoughts on the matter, is it involved a good degree of soul searching, and great certainty that it was something you needed. Recently, I've realized it might also have something to with preparation. It is said that luck favors the prepared.

A bit of background with my current situation:
There's a clinic near where I live that has an informed consent program for hormones. As I understand it: no permission slip needed from a shrink; you go in to do a blood test to learn what the risks are, make another appointment to explain your transition plan, and if it won't kill you and you seem to be all there, you get hormones. I found this out through a therapist I started seeing recently; and so naturally, I've booked an appointment with the clinic (for early next month)... I thought I was being proactive, but my therapist was surprised that I did it so soon.

As far as family goes: my older sister is also a mtf, and had her SRS a couple years ago. I'm out to my Mom, and she's been very supportive, encouraging me to do what I feel I need to. I am not out to my Dad yet, but it may happen soon. My Mom's advice, is that his main concern for both myself and my sister is our financial stability.

Friends: I've told most of the important ones already. I have a 'wish list' of a few more I'm planning on telling in the near future, but as far as the rest of them go, I'm not worried how they figure it out.

There are a fair amount of people in my life, who I know will support me through hard times - I'm not worried about the effect on either of these areas of my life.


But - there's my workplace. I'm a programmer, and I work for a successful market research / tech start-up of 20 employees. I go back and fourth a lot over the issue of whether I like my job or not, but the truth is, it does give me health insurance, and a salary. Things I need to support myself. I believe I can trust my boss (the "chief technology officer") and some of my coworkers; but the overall atmosphere in the office is more on the sarcastic side, and so it isn't clear what is "holy" and what isn't. Also, we have one female employee who works at our chicago office. It is kind of like a fraternity. I think if I could have it my way, I'd maintain a male identity for this stage of my career... but I also understand that there is a point in HRT where it becomes much harder to pass as a male. I realize that I don't have a clear picture as to how to handle this.

Also, it might be worth noting, I'm turning 23 in about two weeks.


So to restate my original inquiry, I'm really interested in hearing about peoples' experiences with transitioning in a workplace. What kind of job? How old were you? What did you do to prepare yourself and your coworkers? What kind of pitfalls did you encounter? Is there anything you would have done different, and why?

Thanks for taking the time to read my long winded post =)
-Aeva

[pamela_a]

Aeva, it sounds like you've got a pretty well thought out plan and have support in place. Regarding your question about work: 1. How long have you been with them? 2. Do they like your work?

I'm a bit more than double your age and I transitioned at work. I'm an engineer and I'd been there 10 years when I officially transitioned. Over the course of a couple of years leading up to my transition I started changing my presentation. By the time I officially transitioned at work and went full time I'd been presenting mostly female for some time and it wasn't a big deal to anyone with whom I worked and I received some wonderfully supportive responses to my announcement.

I can't think of anything I wish I'd done differently, it all went very smoothly. Just keep doing your job and keep your management informed. A valuable employee is a valuable employee, either male or female.

[Stephanie Anne]

I came out to my work 4 months ago. I am 37 and 7 months into hrt. My job accepted me with open arms. I have been a hard and valuable worker there for nearly 4 years and my work got to know me before transitioning so they knew I was not going to change the way I work.

I took the bandade approach after agonizing about it for almost a year. I told my boss and HR that I would like to wait a month or two to inform my coworkers and that I wanted to tell clients on a case by case basis. When ready, I called or emailed my coworkers out of state and the ones in the same city, we had dinner (small company so there are only about a dozen of us total). Nobody had any issues and were very supportive.

After I had told every coworker, I proceeded to change my name on all my public correspondence. My largest clients are all happy for me and quite a few have talked to me since over the phone about it. The security staff at our datacenter has been the most amazing and professional of my transition so far.

The only thing I would have done different is to agonize about it less before hand. Other than that, I could not have dreamed of a better time transitioning, it has been a fairytale.

I have had nothing bad happen and everyone from family to friends to places I shop all the time have been so wonderful. This experience has really let me finally become comfortable with being trans. I would say my life has actually gotten much better after I came out. This helped me go from terrified to full time and very comfortable in every situation.

I still am awkward in public as I spent the better part of 25 years from a kid to an adult suffering social phobia. It is going to take time and I am still a little uncertain some times but I am learning fast.

[Sophie_C]

Aeva, I have done a lot of research on this, and for what it seems, 90%+ of people get fired / "let go" from their job, soon after transitioning, typically under some BS excuse / performance review, etc. If a person is in a public-facing role, it approaches 99%+.

If you can work it so either (A) you are the best employee in the company's history, meaning you have to work like a dog, day and night, 90 hours a week etc, making you invaluable or (B) make it so that everyone in your company just LOVES you by being social to just the right level to everyone, so much that it'll upset the entire company morale if you are fired or (C) be such an effective employee that it'll cost the company far more if you leave than it will be to keep you (i.e. your clients will follow you wherever you go, even if you transition and you have that in writing) or possibly (D) you work in a tiny corner of the office, in a non-customer facing position and subtly hint at a lawsuit to HR prior to transitioning, with a mountain of data aggregated to back yourself up (i.e. years and years of performance reviews, customer positive feedback, before and after) then you stand a remote chance of keeping it.

But, you had better pray to God you'll keep the job, since the chance of continuing your career mid-transitioning, once let go, is even lower than keeping your job. I would say that over 99% of people, who are let go and cannot transition to a point of extreme passibility due to lack of funds and / or age, typically are pushed to a poverty-level job, at best, if not, are forced to de-transition.

This is one of the biggest problems in transitioning and why ENDA is so damn important. Trans prejudice is probably the worst employment-based prejudice in recorded history. If it was 1950 and you were a woman wanting to work in a steel mill you'd have a far easier time than it would be to be hired as a transitioning woman in a regular office job.

Now, for your specific scenario, I'd really, really, really make it so that you're liked in your company (given that it is so small), especially the OWNERS of the startup, and focus on not being customer-facing, and then toss in a huge dose of fear for HR in terms of lawsuits. For what I remember, trans people ARE protected by an ENDA-ish thing within Illiniois, so that just might barely be enough to do it.

This is a tremendous challenge. To be honest, I do literally think it's easier to climb Mount Everest than it is to keep a job while transitioning.

Addendum: I have completely forgotten about your age. Being 23, and not far from college (from an employer's perspective), you have ONE "ace in the hole" so to speak, most people don't:

If you are serious, then you can transition right now, starting your career from square one, even if you're fired. Get it done. Get all of your documents changed. Even get your records at your college changed. If you do it and do it quick, you can simply present yourself as the woman you are, who recently finished college, did whatever (traveled, just spent time figuring yourself out, etc), and from an employer's perspective, the typical questioning won't be present. Especially after having a job or two's experience, which they can prove as references (in time) and if you transition well, you'll just be seen as any ordinary woman. But you've better move fast, or it won't be possible to frame it this way, and you'll have the mountain of problems I just mentioned.

Good luck.

[luvSophia]

One thing to point out is that there is very little involved in HRT that is going to make it hard to pass as a male if you so desire. Get your hair cut, take the earrings out, trim your nails and get rid of the clear nail polish. Skip the feminine and androgynous clothing. If you really, really need to, bind your chest. And voila, it's a guy. Female to male transitioners do those things all the time. What is very likely to happen though is that doing all that work to stay presenting as a male is going to be very unpleasant option.

As far as getting your hormones through a clinic based on a policy of harm reduction and informed consent, I am all in favor of that. Just remember though that in order to get a surgery letter a relationship of some sort with a therapist is needed. And it is up to the therapist just how involved that relationship is.

My personal experience with transitioning in the workplace fell under the "be prepared to lose everything - your spouse, family, friends and job" warning so we probably don't want to go there.

[Frances]

The only thing I would have done different is to agonize about it less before hand.

That is the best advice I have read on the subject.

I transitioned at my current job. I am a translator. I waited a year before informing HR that I was seeing a therapist and that a transition was possible. I knew it was unavoidable, but I did not want to scare them. I then feminized myself slowly over the course of the ensuing year. When I started HRT (about a year after our first meeting), I asked HR if I could write a letter to the employees. They wrote their own with a link to mine on the Intranet. I informed my collegues (all 200 of them) that I was going to start coming to work presenting as a woman in few months, which gave everyone enough time to get used to the idea and allowed me to feminize myself even more without having to hide it. During this period I used the one person bathroom in the lobby of my building.

After 5 months, I informed HR that I was going to come to work full-time. They sent out a message informing everyone that I was going to use the regular women's bathroom and that everyone should use my female name. It has been almost two years since then, and everything went just fine. The personel has changed quite a bit, and the new employees do not know my past, which is fine with me.

[pamela_a]

Sophie, I'm sorry to hear about your bad experience, at least I'm assuming you're speaking from personal experience.

I understand the need for being prepared but honestly, for all of the positive posts I've read here and on other forums about how well transitions at work have gone. I take much encouragement from these that people are finally beginning to get it and they also recognize a valuable employee is worth keeping.

I'm personally really bothered by the abject negativity so many show here. It's almost like some are saying "DON'T Transition, it's hard and bad things will happen." Caution is always in order but I'm so tired of reading all of the "the world will end" posts

[Stephanie Anne]

One more piece of advise, well two.

Life is compromise - going into a workplace transition thinking it is your way or the highway is going to make people think you are a liability. Be mature and smart about your transition and be willing to compromise to achieve your goals.

Expect nothing, deserve everything - don't expect them to just hand you the keys to the kingdom, you deserve them but you have to understand that there may be letdowns and setbacks. See advise #1 as it ties into this.

Of course there will be people that are militant on not letting the cis centric cisocracy push you around. It is a cis dominated world and you have to accept that and understand how to negotiate your way in. Life is a negotiation, not a takeover.

Cis = those matching life to assigned birth gender aka non trans people.

[Faith_G]

Another successful on the job transitioner here. I am the face of my company to my overwhelmingly male customers in a very conservative area. It seemed like an impossible situation, but I needed to transition and I didn't want to throw away 11 years without trying. Management was worried and I was too, but they didn't want to lose one of their best people. 6 months on and things are still going well. We lost one small customer.

I think people who are reliable, exceptional workers and have good people skills have a very good chance of successfully transitioning no matter what their field. If you are there when you are supposed to be, are very good at your job, and your bosses and co-workers think highly of you, I expect things will work out OK. If you're often late or out sick, have a poor attitude, and do the bare minimum needed to get by, of course you'll be out on your butt.

As Sophia mentioned, it's going to be a while before it becomes really obvious that something is going on. There's a woman in my therapy group who has been on hormones for close to 10 years and is STILL not out at work. People are clueless, the only comments she gets is from people asking how she stays looking so young.

[Traci Elizabeth]

I can not add anything to the above but I can wish you well and tell you that you seem to be thinking things out thoroughly.

[Teri Jean]

I transitioned on the job and have had little resistance. I have worked for the University for 27 yrs and work in our Physical Plant department doing building repair. I have an all male workforce in the Physical Plant minus the two clericals so I am the woman on the job. Hormones was started shortly after starting my RLE and they have softened my attitude and I think made it easier to work with a diverse environment.

My work has been super about making this work for myself as well as the university. So I have really no major complaints.

[ReneeT]

You ladies are all an inspiration to me. It is tremendously helpful to hear success stories from thase who have gone before me. Pamela, i am follwing your approach- slowly feminizing my appearance, so that, when i do announce it to the world, they will already know.

My only real concern is that i have a very public facing role. I am going to work over the next few years to "transition" to a more back office role

[PortiaHoney]

Aeva, I have done a lot of research on this, and for what it seems, 90%+ of people get fired / "let go" from their job, soon after transitioning, typically under some BS excuse / performance review, etc. If a person is in a public-facing role, it approaches 99%+.


I am surprised at these figures you have Sophie.

Going off these figures of 99%+, I should know of 594 people who have been terminated for whatever reason. I don't even know 594 trans-girls. I do know of a few who left their job because they failed to make reasonable arrangements before arriving at work for the first time. "Ta Da - I'm a woman now!" does not seem to cut it. I know of some who left because "they" felt uncomfortable about everyone knowing their past. I even know a few who left because they did not have the courage to approach their employers when they finally made their decision. I have yet to meet someone who was terminated "because" of their transition.

I transitioned in the workplace 8 months ago. I spent the best part of 7 months prior to that making arrangements to transition with HR and upper management. I am in a public role. I have 5 very good friends who have also transitioned in the workplace and in varying degrees of public contact. We are all still with our original employers. I would say that 100% of the girls I know, who were employed at the time of their transition, and who made appropriate arrangements and worked "with" their employers, did not lose their jobs due to transitioning.

I do understand there is a high unemployment rate amongst trans people. Many have so many issues dealing with their own transition that employment just becomes far too hard.

However, it may turn out that your colleagues attitude to you, Aeva, will be less than welcoming. Whether or not that will cause you to seek other employment will be how you handle them. You have already noted that women in your particular workplace are discriminated against. We can be rated a rung lower than them on the attitude ladder, so you already know what to expect. You will find that you no longer belong to the "boys club". You may find so little reward from your job that you may consider leaving. Isn't it like that with any job. Job dissatisfaction is one of the main reasons people leave (apart from WEC's). It all comes down to how much respect you have earned in the workplace prior to announcing your decision. A bad employee before transition is likely to become a worse employee after hormones. The transitioning period is a taxing time. There is so much more to deal with than just getting used to wearing makeup and different clothes. It will affect your work performance. It may become the deciding factor in your employer asking you to leave using one of those "bogus" excuses everyone complains about. It's not a reflection on your transition, just your ability or attitude as an employee being compromised by the additional stresses and strains which are normal.

I am, however, concerned that you would consider such a life changing decision without professional guidance. So many girls I have known, have taken it upon themselves to self medicate and go outside the system only to find that they have done permanent and irreparable damage to their bodies. Don't kid yourself. Hormones will affect how you think as much as they do your body. They are powerful drugs. A good psychiatrist or psychologist is a good ally to keep you on track. We already have too many suicides because people "convince" themselves what they think they want, only to find they have stuffed their lives up completely. I know of one girl who managed to completely transition only to end it all 6 months later because she couldn't deal with the changes it brought.

And, most of all, good luck on your journey, wherever it takes you.

[Aeva]

Wow! Lots of good stuff here =) Thanks everyone! And by all means, if anyone else wants to share their story, please do.

So, a few more specifics: I've been at my job since last august. The company just had it's two year anniversary a few weeks ago... so I guess on one hand, I haven't been there very long, but on the ether hand, neither have they. I've completed a couple of big projects in that time, and I have a broad range of skills, some of which are unique to me in the company; so I think there's no question to my coworkers and boss if I'm cut out for the work. As far as performance reviews go, we just invented our own bonus and performance rating system, so everyone's first performance rating comes at the end of the quarter. Also, we have monthly one-on-one meetings with our respective patron executives, and I feel like mine have been pretty strong so far. Also, I know that as far as tech hires go, we've maxed out the pool of trustworthy talent from peoples' immediate professional networks, with myself and a few other recent hires being the last ones... so we are at the point where hiring new people is a riskier affair. Also, it has been said a couple of times that "we haven't had that bad hire yet", which I think reflects well upon everyone. Also, my boss introduced me to someone once as one of his "genius programmers"... for whatever that is worth =)

In the near future, the tech team is going to split into an R&D team, and a tactical team; the former one I am going to be a part of, which is good for me, because the latter one focuses on more repetitive tasks that we're working on ways to automate =)

Anyways:
One thing I've noticed in many of your experiences, is that it seems like everyone here has been established within their own companies for a good many years before coming out. I think that is perhaps another significant factor in one's worth to the company, is to be part of the old guard... I'm not really sure how to translate that to my own experiences, partly because I've been with my company for like 4-5 months, and partly because the company is really just starting to develop organizational strata.

My original thoughts on HRT is that it would be none of their damn business, that for work I don't mind being called my male name, using the men's room, dressing as I already dress (jeans, t-shirt), keeping my legal stuff as it is, and in the strange chance I get laid off or quit, then I'd switch stuff over and start fresh. My therapist didn't seem to think that would be a good strategy though; and it is also said that hormones are more effective in one's 20's than later in life.

I'm thinking now of a potential modified approach, based on everyone's experiences so far. For one, I will still start HRT soon. I think I want to wait until the end of the first quarter (whenever that is) to see what my formal performance review is, so that I have a good bench mark before I tell anyone; and in the mean time, put in more hours, keep my sleeping habits in check, minimize idle time, and try to work smarter. Some balance of modesty verses showing off is ideal, too, since I want people to like me =) But, I think I have a good sense of that.

At some point in this plan, it think it would be worthwhile to explain to my boss what is going on in my life, at least so that if any difficulties come up, they management is not taken off guard by it all and over react and do something like fire me. I think I do trust my boss to think things over carefully and with an open mind, and would seek his input on any preferences in how to approach the whole deal. I do have it to my advantage (perhaps) that I work 100% within the company, so, no worries about client relationships or public image.

Also, there are other fantastic networking opportunities available to me, as Chicago is big enough that people attend user groups and open source people congregate for various reasons on a monthly basis. I had been originally finding reasons not to go, since I didn't want to introduce myself to new people and then be all like hey I'm a lady now (not a good attitude for when you move to a new city, btw)... but I think in the time where I'm working hard to stand out in my company, it would also be worth my while to seek professional connections outside of the company, so that if I get shit-canned, I can get back on my feet quicker. I think in these circles, I'm less worried about what people will think of me, since they are more socially oriented, without the stress of deadlines and production goals and profit margins. Also, if I get laid off, then that's a fine opportunity to get my identity paperwork switched over.


I really appreciate all the input everyone! I was (and still am to a good degree) absolutely terrified about the consequences, and how little I know of what to expect. I think this is in part due to a lot of old information; it was surely true that in 1950-60, it didn't matter how good you were, or how technical your work, you'd get laid off for sure, I might say with 100% certainty. I've been cautioned on relying just on internet knowledge by my therapist, since the world is changing way more rapidly today, and that there are a lot of people who were hurt in the past, and are understandably still feeling the damage today. It had been advised to me that I seek out first hand accounts, to give me a better sense of what adventures await me. I think the problems people face with discrimination are just as real today as they ever were, but it seems to me that there are also opportunities to succeed today, that may have not previously existed.

@Sophie: it is good to know that I have some basic legal protection... I will make it a point to look that up. However, I will not throw down the threat of a lawsuit very easily, if at all. I do not believe that opening up with a threat is a good way to make friends and influence people. Additionally, if it would be needed, then I feel that for a number of reasons, it would be in my best interest if I just cut my losses then and started fresh elsewhere.

I think overall, my attitude right now is that transitioning will change a lot of things in my life, some things for the better, some things for the worse; but I don't think that will be a bad thing, just makes life more interesting =)

Also, I'm still not entirely optimistic, but I think that it seems reasonable to say that you get what you give.



[edit]
An overly defensive and verbose addition (the post before me was not there when I started writing this about an hour and a half ago):


I am, however, concerned that you would consider such a life changing decision without professional guidance. So many girls I have known, have taken it upon themselves to self medicate and go outside the system only to find that they have done permanent and irreparable damage to their bodies. Don't kid yourself. Hormones will affect how you think as much as they do your body. A good psychiatrist or psychologist is a good ally to keep you on track. We already have too many suicides because people "convince" themselves what they think they want only to find they have stuffed their lives up completely.

For one, I AM seeing a therapist now; if I decide in the coming month that hormones aren't for me, then I will back out.

But, really, I'm not impressed with the psychological establishment's historical authority on the subject; and it still has a long ways to go.

Also, do not think for a moment that I just decided out of the blue yesterday that I'm a trans, that I'm gonna go the whole way, it's gonna change my life, etc etc etc. This is something that has been haunting me since before I found a label for it, for as long as I can remember. In more recent history, I've tried to make it all go away by embracing my male identity for the greater portion of 5 years. It isn't something that is going to work itself out, and it brings me a lot of pain in my life. In the last two/three years I've realized that I've lost time, and didn't gain much by doing that, and so have committed to approaching this on my own terms, taking the things I like, and leaving be the things I don't. And, hey, guess what, I've been way happier since I started coming out to my friends, and being more honest with my life and gender identity.

The reason why I went to the therapist recently was because I felt like I was trapping myself again, since I moved to Chicago. I've been avoiding meeting new people, because it is like losing progress to make a ton of new friends who think you're a dude, as well as for other reasons. I HAVE been thinking about suicide, because I felt like I reached a dead end in my life; where if I continue to make predictable decisions based on social expectations, I can look forward to feeling like a crazy person and hurting for the rest of my life.

To me, it has come to a point, where I can:
1) Transition, and a lead a more complicated life, but be at peace with myself.
2) Keep avoiding it, and hating myself for it.

Additionally, I realize the possibility that transitioning will not fix all of my problems magically. Many of the effects of hrt are said to be reversible; and yes, some are not. I feel that if by some fluke this doesn't fix anything, I feel like it will have been worth it to have tried.

And what harm? Yes, it will have an impact on my professional life. Some people would believe that maximizing your money over time is your exact high score and worth as a human being. I find that mastery at my work is what makes me fulfilled. I'm a social person, who's willing to take risks. If this puts me back, something else will bring me forward. If all else fails, I'll write a book about it all.

As for physical harm? I think it is up to me to decide what I want to do with my body. I Previously took Accutane: yes there were risks of irreversible damage without fixing the problem, but by gods it actually worked.

Also, it stands that if I do nothing, that has potential for irreversible harm to me, too, in a number of forms. I'm not thinking about doing this because someone made it sound fun or cool.

I mean, seriously: I'm trying to plan how this will impact my professional life. If I survive that - and I will give it my all to do so - and find that it ended up to my detriment, I think I can deal with it.

This is my body, and my life.

[edit2]
I see you made a change:
"And, most of all, good luck on your journey, wherever it takes you."

I do appreciate the good wishes =)
If it makes you feel any better, I am trying to learn as much as I can about it, both from a weekly visit to the therapist, reaching out to people like yourself, learning about other people's experiences, and lots and lots of books.

I'm pretty decided (as you can see above) on what I feel is right for me on a fundamental / introspective / spiritual / etc level, both form a life of soul searching, and my experiences and identity experiments. I do believe that luck favors the prepared, and so I'm doing my best to learn more about things outside of myself to decide what is really best for me.

[PortiaHoney]

In direct response to the original question


I'm curious to the impact that transitioning and hormones has had on people's professional lives.So to restate my original inquiry, I'm really interested in hearing about peoples' experiences with transitioning in a workplace. What kind of job? How old were you? What did you do to prepare yourself and your coworkers? What kind of pitfalls did you encounter? Is there anything you would have done different, and why?

What kind of job? - Manager Retail Store
How old were you? - Old enough to know better - you shouldn't be asking a girl her age!
What did you do to prepare yourself and your coworkers? - Talked to everyone explaining what I was doing, the process and why to those who were curious. Honesty is the best approach - nothing to hide, nothing to be ashamed of.
What kind of pitfalls did you encounter? - More humourous encounters than I was prepared for (keep your sense of humour at all times). Using the toilets was a biggy (it's the small things which have the biggest impact). The uniform didn't fit right at the start. People "sir'ing" me on the phone, then the silence when providing my name.
Is there anything you would have done different, and why? - Should have done it way sooner because there really wasn't anything to fear. I think I got the process as right as I could. Probably would hold back on providing some of the more personal information, people just don't need to know everything and some things they should just not be told.

[Hope]

I know the clinic you are talking about, and they do indeed prescribe hormones outside of the standards of care. I am not sure that I think that is such a good idea, but I know they do it... and understanding the issues involved I would rather see people get hormones in a safe(ish) controlled manner rather than self medicating... so it is better than at least the one alternative. But that is a different matter all together.

About transitioning at work:

For me it was not going to happen. I was a member of the clergy (technically still am - it is one of those things you cant exactly un-do - though I am resigning sometime in the next 48 hours) and even in one of the most liberal congregations in one of the most liberal denominations in the country, in the church, transition in place would cause a schism and be a distraction from ministry. I had an appointment to talk with my bishop last week, but he put it off, and now I am getting the feeling that someone tipped him off. I got a supper-shitty email from him today. Which is fine - the point of our meeting was for me to resign... but it would be nice if he wasn't a douche about even meeting with me. Sorry to hijack your thread, I am just a bit pissed right now.

Any way, a year and a half ago when I started this journey in earnest, I realized that transitioning in place was not going to be an option for me. So I started looking for a change of career. I have a masters degree and applied for every non-profit administration, volunteer co-ordinator, fundraising specialist gig I could find and didn't get a single interview. I have years of experience doing these gigs, and more education than the places were looking for - but I got squat. That is the job market we are living with right now. But then I did something ballsy. I started applying for gigs out-side of my experience and comfort zone, and I put right in my cover letter that I am trans, and I started to get interviews, and I now have a gig at a company who's non-discrimination policy specifically states that they welcome ANY gender presentation. The salary and the responsibility level is not what i am used to, but there is a LOT of room for advancement... and I get to play with make-up all day. Which makes up for a lot.

The truth is that with computer skills, you will be in much more demand than a lot of other folks. And while some tech firms are super scummy homophobe / transphobe frat houses - there will be even more that are full of decent people and are delightful places to work. Not everyplace is a charred hell-scape.

One of the things I would do if I were you, would be to move to a city that is a bit more progressive than Chicago. If you have a need to remain in the mid-west, or the great-lakes region in particular, I would take a SERIOUS look at Madison WI. For one thing, Madison has AWESOME protections for trans people. You can't be fired, or kicked out of your house for being trans here. The people are surprisingly enlightened (if you ignore the new governor) and I feel completely comfortable being out and not even attempting to pass. And I know of one pretty major tech company that is local that is ALWAYS hiring programmers of all stripes... If you want more info - drop me a PM. I will be happy to give you the hook-up.

[pamela_a]

I know the clinic you are talking about, and they do indeed prescribe hormones outside of the standards of care. I am not sure that I think that is such a good idea, but I know they do it... and understanding the issues involved I would rather see people get hormones in a safe(ish) controlled manner rather than self medicating... so it is better than at least the one alternative. But that is a different matter all together.



Hope, just because they believe in informed consent doesn't mean they work outside of the SOC. My GYN is at my primary clinic group and is following my HRT. She operates under "informed consent" and is a member of WPATH. I don't want to hijack this thread but I will say I believe the "gate keeper" mentality and actions many therapists exhibit can often become more harmful than helpful in transition.

[Hope]

Hope, just because they believe in informed consent doesn't mean they work outside of the SOC.

Well... Yes, it does actually. One either follows the standards of care, or they do not. It is not something with a lot of grey area involved.

To quote from the WPATH standards of care, page 13:

"The administration of hormones is not to be lightly undertaken because of their medical and social risks. Three criteria exist.
...

3. Either: a. A documented real-life experience of at least three months prior to the administration of hormones; or b. A period of psychotherapy of a duration specified by the mental health professional after the initial evaluation (usually a minimum of three months)."

That is (part of) the standard of care.

The clinic in question does not follow that. Therefore... this clinic (and apparently your physician as well) does not follow the standard of care. Membership in WPATH or not. It is not something that is up for debate.

We can debate about whether or not working outside the SOC is a good thing or not, and I think we would likely end up on the same side of that debate, but whether or not someone follows the standards of care is a question of fact, not a question of ethical deliberation.

[StaceyJane]

Well, I am lucky enough to work for an organization with a long history of being sympathetic to GLBT issues.

The US ARMY

Oh wait a moment.....

I am a civilian employee of the the Department of the Army. I have no idea how transitioning will go over with them. I guess one day I will find out.

[Teresa Macaw]

I too am Civil Service for the US Air Force, really want to transition but of course need to keep the job a few more years. Was wondering if anyone out there has been a DoD civilian employee (not contractor) & transitioned successfully? If so please tell us your experience. Most of my close friends say I have a hard time passing as a man, but work as such. If all else fails will try in about 5 yrs when I can retire. Just hope like Stacey Jane we can do it one day! Teresa

[Melody Moore]

I have no idea how transitioning will go over with them. I guess one day I will find out.
I believe the DoD in the USA has been looking into allowing transgendered people to serve, The reason I know tthey have been looking at a new model with regards this policy is because they have been making enquiries with us through some members of our national TS support network here in Australia because we are your allies. Captain Bridget Clinch forced the Australian Army to change their policies (http://www.theage.com.au/national/sexchange-soldier-forces-army-to-scrap-transgender-policy-20101204-18ks9.html) recently because it was discriminatory to not let transgender people serve under the human rights & equal opportunity laws.

[Aeva]

Hope, just because they believe in informed consent doesn't mean they work outside of the SOC.

... I believe the "gate keeper" mentality and actions many therapists exhibit can often become more harmful than helpful in transition.


Well... Yes, it does actually. One either follows the standards of care, or they do not. It is not something with a lot of grey area involved.
...
We can debate about whether or not working outside the SOC is a good thing or not, and I think we would likely end up on the same side of that debate, but whether or not someone follows the standards of care is a question of fact, not a question of ethical deliberation.

If you're interested, here's a link to the clinic's website (http://www.howardbrown.org/hb_services.asp?id=37). As I understand it, Hope is correct to say that they don't follow it.

The standards of care are actually not the issue, since they're actually pretty reasonable (I've read them). The issues are that for one, you need to be diagnosed with a psychological disorder to get treatment), even if you're a well adjusted individual. Normally, that means something like GID - and even if you take the label with pride, it is from a book that exists to describe people who are mentally ill. If you get hormones at Howard Brown, the official diagnosis is for an endocrine disorder. Secondly, there are psychologists who behave as gate keepers and and up doing way more harm than good to individuals that seek their help. Howard Brown's hormone program provides a safe (in that you're medically monitored) alternative to people who might otherwise seek them without any medical guidance what so ever.

I don't think I'm explaining it very well, but if you think the program is sketchy, they have a lot of information about it on the website; what are the steps, why it exists, and some other interesting resources.

Also, the program is only for hormones. For surgeries, you still have to follow the rules.

I imagine this is the sort of thing that is hard for us not to have a really strong opinion about whats right and wrong... and to complicate the issue further, both avenues are actually designed with the goal of helping people empower themselves in mind. I am a strong believer in the worth and dignity of the individual, and their capacity to ultimately decide for themselves what is best for them. It is also the individual's responsibility to learn as much as they can, as it is the responsibility of friends and loved ones to help them be empowered to do learn and be who they need to be.

I for one do not believe that being transgendered means I am unable to make informed decisions.
I feel that hormones are a necessary step for me; but I'm not sold on the idea of surgery just yet (though I can see myself warming up to the idea). I think it is important for me to know EXACTLY what hormones would and wouldn't do, and so I'm still going to go through with at least the initial appointment to learn about it. I feel that if I decide not to go through with it, that should be made on the exact same information as my decision to go through with it would be. Also, it is not an ultimatum; I think the timing is important, but I don't know when just yet (other than "soon").

I don't believe that I have all of the answers on my own, which is why I sought out a therapist for some guidance. I think the standards of care are kind of appealing, in that they illustrate a loose program to follow, which takes some of the fear out of not knowing what is going to happen. I do not feel that this is a program that adapts safely to my current circumstances, though.



OK, so to sorta pull this back on to the topic of careers, and specifically what I've been thinking about now that I have all this new stuff to digest:

I'm starting to warm up to the possibility of approaching the management with the goal of transitioning... but there's a lot of unpredictable aspects to it that I really just won't know until I try. It would be more comforting if I've been part of the company for a decade; but the truth is, I've been there since last August, and it is a kind of higher stress environment, and which can make it difficult to tell how expendable you are. The other thing that kind of bugs me about this, is that even before I started thinking about the idea of transitioning at work, that I've been considering finding a new job anyway.

So, I got to thinking, what if I fail... without a plan, I just freeze up.

Well, I thought of a "back up plan" that's quite appealing... and I might do it anyway. Basically, I had been thinking that I would like to do the grad school thing =) Either for my masters or doctorate in computer science, but an masters in fine arts isn't entirely unlikely either. Additionally, I do really like the idea of teaching computer science, so maybe "professor" might be something worth adding to a list of potential future careers.

I figure if I got in, then I could work on transitioning while in school. It seems when you're paying to be somewhere, individuality is safer than when you are paid to be somewhere...


I think I'm not really going to know until I talk it over with my friends and family. I think then I'll get my thoughts into perspective, and build up the resolve I need to make a decision.


PS @ Hope:
You raise a really interesting point, about being open about one's trans identity in one's cover letter, as apposed to hiding the fact. It definitely goes against "common sense", but it seems intuitive to me that you definitely stand out by doing so (which is huge in this economy), and that sidesteps the whole problem of having to come out in a workplace in the first place =)

[christinek]

I too am Civil Service for the US Air Force, really want to transition but of course need to keep the job a few more years. Was wondering if anyone out there has been a DoD civilian employee (not contractor) & transitioned successfully? If so please tell us your experience. Most of my close friends say I have a hard time passing as a man, but work as such. If all else fails will try in about 5 yrs when I can retire. Just hope like Stacey Jane we can do it one day! Teresa

I to am a Govt. employee, trust me you are safer than you think! Discrimination is a big no-no in our profession. My wife works with a transgendered female in her organization. This wont stop the bashers of course but your job is safe. If any negativity becomes you seek your MER person for help. I work in personnel so I have a deep background in this area. I am also going to begin transition in the workplace so I wont only be talking about it I will be living it.