Time to tell my son.

[bgirl]

My son is in his thirties and was trying to explain his new roommate to me. "Well he's a guy who thinks he's a girl..." and I interrupted and said you mean 'she'. He paused and said 'ya that's what we call her'.
Its just been the last few years I have started to accept myself. In most of my sons memory I was homophobic (in denial & cover-up). So it took him many years to tell me he was gay. I knew for a long time but waited for him to come out.
But now I feel like a hypocrite. I openly support GLBT issues, and am starting to be happily in my place between genders. I am inspired by parents of "My Princess Boy" Its time to openly support difference and acceptance.
I think of all those years I could have shown my son that acceptance.
My fear? I have found that not all of us in the GLBT community support all parts that those four letters stand for. So acceptance is the issue. But if he can accept his roommate(calls her his adoptive mom) maybe he can accept me.

[Michelle 51]

Hopefully some day soon the GLBT community will "all" start to agree on what we have in common and push aside what is different about us.I wish you luck .Only you know what the timing should be

[Gina X]

I came out to my straight thirty year old son last year as being a CD and his reaction was a little like "well I knew that what took you so long?"

[Pythos]

I am amazed how people in minority groups end up discriminating against minority groups within them. Though, I think the number of straight CD and TSs may outnumber some of these people.

As far as telling your son. TELL HIM!! Don't contemplate it. DO IT!!!

This is what needs to happen. Cding has to be exposed just like the idea of homosexuals. Why it is still a taboo for men to appear slightly or fully feminine is quite beyond me, and yet looking like a thug, crook, or scum is perfectly acceptable.

I still cringe when I read of a woman being sexist when it comes to men gaining latitude when it comes to fashion. Usually because they have the attitude "women fought for this, men didn't." Which I think is one of the most hypocritical statements that gets bantered around.

Discrimination is discrimination, is discrimination.

[CaitlynRenee]

bgirl,

I sincerely hope that your son is understanding. He should be. After all, weren't you understanding of his revelation?? Is it difficult?? Of course it can be but I'm sure you will use an approach that will NOT alienate him. If at first he and/or his room mate seems reluctant to accept your openess, remind them of how open YOU have been.

My youngest son was CD/TG in high school and may still be. But I have a younger daughter who has been very open with me of being BI/CD herself. She's always known of my TG/CD writings and poetry and we are very open in our discussions. Some of our discussions are hilarious, but she has great fashion sense when it comes to my CD clothing. So does her mother.

My daughter also feels there is a certain 'unfairness' at times about how the G/L communitiy responds to the CD/TG community. I don't have the answers myself. I'm just open to my family (those that are at home) and let the chips fall where they may.

Good luck and I hope it all turns out right for you.

Right on, Pythos!

[TGMarla]

As I see it, the only thing you are risking is being called a hypocrite. And he would be right about that, and you can own it. But that will wear off as your relationship progresses. Small price, if you ask me.

[Lorileah]

I am amazed how people in minority groups end up discriminating against minority groups within them.

that is true both inside their groups and outside their groups. I have found many groups who have been marginalized tend to hold dislike to other groups as well.

Bu back to the OP. Bgirl, I think you are safe. Your son does not sould like a radical in the LGBT community. He will of course have questions and you will have a long discussion and then the sun will shine :) He found the courage to confide in you already so you know he will be willing to hear what you have to say. :)

[JulieC]

I am amazed how people in minority groups end up discriminating against minority groups within them.

Sadly, I think there's something in base human nature that causes this. I've read that children who are physically abused often physically abuse any pets that might be in the house with them. Discrimination might track the same way. The need to feel superior to something when others are overtly asserting superiority over you. I've seen this expressed soooo many times, by soooo many people. "I'm weird, but I'm not THAT weird! :eek:"

[Roberta Marie]

You said that you are starting to be happy in your place between genders. That concept which contradicts the binary way of thinking about gender can be very difficult to come to grips with. This seems especially so for some TS, which may have struggled so long with their own backwards dichotomy of gender. If your son has come to understand his roommate in these terms, you may have to be patient in helping him to understand that for us, gender is not a dichotomy.

Your son is bound to have some questions, and, if he is anything like my kids, he may have difficulty reconciling the image that he has held of his father for his entire life, and the father that stands in front of him. Take the time to let him express his feelings, and listen to understand his feelings.

[Fab Karen]

When you talk to him about it, confess your past personal fears & self-denial. Many gay people have felt those things too. Good luck, sounds like he may be accepting if he accepts his TS roommate.

[DaphneGrey]

When you talk to him about it, confess your past personal fears & self-denial. Many gay people have felt those things too. Good luck, sounds like he may be accepting if he accepts his TS roommate.

Definitely what she said! Just be honest and all should be fine. I wish you luck!

[bgirl]

We did talk and we are ok. At first he was blown away, asked me a few questions. Turns out he is a crossdresser as well. We had something to talk about in common. How strange is that? Then he asked me if I thought it was genetic. I said knowing my father, I'd have to say no. And he replied, "knowing my dad, until today, I would have said no too!" All in all it was a surreal conversation. I think we are going to be just fine.
Thanks all!

[Roberta Marie]

That sounds great. I'm glad it's working out for you.

Are you willing to let him see you dressed? Are you willing to see him dressed? Just curious. I think we might be able to learn something if you are willing to share such experience (if you decide to persue that route).

I'm reminded of that Crosby, Stills, Nash, & Young song, "Teach Your Children". When I think back on raising our kids, I think I have learned as much from them as they have from me.