Where to began...

[WillowWriter]

Well, I'm have the most hard life. Bullying, depression, nearly no friends. I've been crossdressing since I was 10 years old. Very on and off thing, but I just can't stay away. Two of my closest friends know about my crossdressing. They've haven't said much since I told them a few months back. Right now I'm struggling with majority of my life, because I've tried to stop, but I just can't. I dunno if it's just something I can't break off of, or something that is stuck with me. My family isn't the most supportive. I have a really religious younger brother who is quite nosey so I can't say anything or even do much. I'm not sure what to do. I'm at a loss and I'm really stressed by everything. Does anyone have any ideas, I'm just really doing bad. I got a list of problems with nearly no help.

[Jessica86]

You are who YOU are. Not what someone else makes you to be. Don't be depressed over it, just live your life to the fullest, and listen to the only opinion that matters, the one inside of you.

[kimdl93]

well, you have begun at a good place. We can't provide therapy, but can offer empathy and encouragement. First, if you're dealing with depression, you must seek out a qualified psychologist or psychiatrist. Depression is incredibly common, so don't feel alone. And often...very often...the symptoms can be minimized or eliminated all together through congnitive therapy. I would urge you to seek counseling first - and only take medication in combination with therapy.

You listed off plenty of factors that would make anyone depressed - so don't feel ashamed of it. When I was deeply clinically depressed, my therapist helped me learn to think realistically about my life and my place in the world. Of course, we discussed my cross dressing, but ya know - she helped me realize that being a CDer (wherever you may be on the spectrum) isn't a crime and its nothing you need to be ashamed of. And she helped me learn how my own thoughts about myself, my life expectations, and my learned reactions to various situations, were creating the sense of despair and hopelessness at the heart of depression.

Of course, there can be clinical factors too - my deep depressive episode was triggered by a rapid weight loss (on medical orders by the way). So please, seek help. You don't have to tell your family anything other than that you need to see the doctor, and explain it to him or her. They can help you get on the right path.

If you don't have a doctor or can't afford one, contact a local federally qualified community health center - they can connect you to the resources you need.

[WillowWriter]

I've been seeing a therapist for many years and I've never felt comfortable talking about Crossdressing. I have Bipolar Disorder so I'm being treated with medication, but it on and off helps. What I really need is support from my friends. They are really good to me, but I don't know how to ask for support, because I kinda embarrassed.

[Karren H]

Oh yeah... I remember the embarrassment!!! The internal struggle... Took a long time to get past but once I accepted that I am who I am and I like what I like and that it isn't going away... Life in general and Crossdressing in particular became fun.. Maybe you could reach out to new friends locally that have similar issues?

[WillowWriter]

Maybe, I dunno where to look. I live in a suburb and there aren't many groups of any kind, so I'm kind limited, but thanks for the idea. I'll try looking around.

[Shari]

Do you feel that your bouts of bi-polar disorder stem from your crossdressing, or are there other issues involved?
Perhaps the dressing is just adding fuel to the fire, creating even greater mood swings because of your inability to come out, or most likely, your own inability to accept who and what you are.
One thing for sure, your dressing will not go away. Accept that fact, and you're halfway home.
An observation: You're quite young to be medicating. I don't know what you're taking or the frequency. Maybe a change in therapists followed by a a change in medications is in order. Don't stop what you're taking now until you get another opinion.
Maybe a fresh start with a new therapist is what you need the most. It might even open the door to someone you feel more comfortable with and are able to discuss all your issues with.

[WillowWriter]

Right, I see what you're saying. As of now, I'm TRYING to talk to my best friend. It's hard though. I've been medicated since I was 11 years old. I think you maybe right with the change of therapist, the sad truth is, I don't have any health insurance right now, so I'm in a really tough spot, because I'm only working part-time. I don't know if there are any links with my bipolar disorder and my crossdressing, but maybe there are, not sure.

[kimdl93]

Willow - do check with a federally qualified health center if there is one nearby. They can help you by providing therapy and medications at affordable prices. Here's a link for finding health centers in Illinois - http://www.iphca.org/FindaHealthCenter.aspx

[danielleb]

Alot of us have been down a similar road. I was mandated by the school I attended in fifth grade to be on medication. Many times issues of depression,bi-polar, anxiety, stress, etc. can all be intertwined with the larger issue of gender identity. If you truly feel that you are at a point where you need help with this issue, then you are going to have to take responsibility for yourself and tell your parents that you need assistance! Seeking a gender therapist sounds like it would be a great benefit for you right now.

[Angelofsomekind]

I see your in Illinois, you said you were in a suburb, of Chicago? There are many places around here to go out dressed, and in June there's Be All in Downers Grove, I highly suggest checking out Be All.

www.be-all.org

And when you turn 21 there are plenty of clubs to check out!

[WillowWriter]

Thank all for the different ideas. I talked with my two closest friends and Ty said they are dine with my dressing and want to support me anyway the can. I'm looking into a group for this and I checked out be-all.org. It sound interesting. Thanks again for the ideas. I also saw my therapist tonight, I couldn't bring myself to tell him, but healthcare stuff is being worked out.

[eluuzion]

hiya Willow,


You seem to have some reservations about confiding in your counselor. Finding a mental health professional that you are comfortable with and "trust" is important. There is one out there that you will "click" with, you simply shop around. Every professional understands that. It is nothing offensive to the therapist, and they will often supply some recommendations.

Sometimes when your whole world is spinning at once, it is simply a sign you need to break that big blurry mental quagmire into smaller pieces that are more manageable. One option is to sit down with pen and paper, let go of your worry for a moment, and imagine you are doing a homework assignment. Your goal is to (unemotionally) make a list of all the separate "problems" that make up that big ball of confusion in your head. Family issues, friend issues, financial issues, physical health issues, medication issues, job issues, problems with Joe, dating, etc. Once you get started, it is pretty easy to do. Don't get anal about it by "thinking" about each one when you jot it down. The goal is to make a quick list in about 20-30 minutes max, not resolve anything on the list. You can polish it up later. :thumbsup:

Here are a few resources that may help...

therapist/psychologist search engine (find one in your area)
http://www.therapist-psychologist.com/directory_therapist-psychologist.html

Illinois public health programs in your community (select your county)
http://app.idph.state.il.us/cecweb/

A-Z topics list Illinois Dept. of Public Health
http://www.idph.state.il.us/a-zlist.htm

Mental Health Forum with section on bi-polar, etc
http://www.psychforums.com/forum.html

Huge Psych site with lots of info/forums/etc
http://psychcentral.com/

163 Bipolar resource links
http://psychcentral.com/resources/Bipolar/

124 sexuality & gender resource links
http://psychcentral.com/resources/Sexual_and_Gender/

The great part about "forums" is that it makes you realize that (when compared to some of the members) you are much more "mentally stable" than a lot of us out here...:heehee:

:hugs:
:love:

[WillowWriter]

Thanks for the advice eluuzion. I'll look through the links. Thank you.