Middle ground

[gretchen2]

So my whole life I have been very extreme about everything that I do. I never do anything half-assed and I always try my best to do it right, and doing it right is all in your head at least for transition. My way of doing it right may not be your way of doing right. Ask ten people the same question and you will get six different answers. I have had the extreme approach to my transition, which is really messing with my head. I had this idea of how I was suppose to look as a woman and it is very acceptable by societies standards, but not mine. My look that I created works fine when I go out for the evening, but on a day to day basis it does not work and I look the fool in the mountains where I live. So now that I am going through a second puberty I realized that I can experiment with my look as though I was a teenager again, but as an adult of course. It’s all so weird. So I was wondering how many of you had to find some sort of middle ground for your transition? mainly speaking of your appearance because as far as I am concerned there is no middle ground with hormones, except for maybe low dose, but I suppose that can be up for debate.

[Stephanie Anne]

It never goes as you planned. Funny how life does that as well as transition. I gave up after a few months, said "f**k it" and let it happen as it happens. Worked great for me and I learned to stop taking every little perceived insult or setback as personally harming me.

I decided I am geeky, eccentric, and librarian in my appearance and it works for me. I dress to make me happy and stopped caring so much about "passiblity". After that I blended into society as the woman I am very quickly.

I can't say any further than where I am right now but I did fret before transition and during.

[gretchen2]

Thanks Stephanie Anne, last night I tried an experiment. I am a recovering alcoholic and I go to AA meetings on a regular basis. For the last three months I have been going to AA fully as myself, full makeup, wig, skirt, ect... last night I decided to go to the meeting in work mode. My work mode consists of eye makeup, light jewelry and a casual top, no wig, no full makeup, no skirt, I'm a carpenter, wigs and skirts do not mix well with saws. So last night I confused everyone, I could see that they did not know what to do with me and most of them called me by my old name. Of course I politely corrected them on the name thing , but they were confused. I know who I am, what I am and where I want to be, getting there is the tricky part.

[Stephanie Anne]

I know this may not work so I am only stating my observation and not suggesting it as a requirement. Once I gave up trying to concern myself with the insistence that other people be correct with gender pronouns and my name, I found I had an easier time. Granted I will correct someone over the phone who has my male information but if a friend, colleague, or anyone I interact with and have known since before transition, makes an error in naming, I no longer feel the need to correct them.

I had found the reason I did that is because I was insecure in my own appearance and decision to transition. once I gained self confidence and acceptance, the need to be called she or Steph diminished greatly.

[CharleneT]

I know this may not work so I am only stating my observation and not suggesting it as a requirement. Once I gave up trying to concern myself with the insistence that other people be correct with gender pronouns and my name, I found I had an easier time. Granted I will correct someone over the phone who has my male information but if a friend, colleague, or anyone I interact with and have known since before transition, makes an error in naming, I no longer feel the need to correct them.

I had found the reason I did that is because I was insecure in my own appearance and decision to transition. once I gained self confidence and acceptance, the need to be called she or Steph diminished greatly.

:iagree:

There is a kinda Zen to transition, especially deeper into it, the less you "try", the better it works out. I think sometimes we telegraph our own discomfort/worry at first.

[gretchen2]

I am insecure, but it is getting better. The people in the meeting do need to be corrected since I am there often and the old name is unacceptable. I have no problem with slip ups, they happen and it's ok, just don't do it on a regular basis. I know that it all takes time and I thank you both for your kind words and experience.

[tanyalynn51]

:iagree:

There is a kinda Zen to transition, especially deeper into it, the less you "try", the better it works out. I think sometimes we telegraph our own discomfort/worry at first.

It seems to work pretty well early on, too- I've always been pretty good at letting things work out in life anyway- Im finding it pretty easy to flow with it. I also dont want to do this so much that I dont move when opportunities present themselves- it is a balance, but the right door will present themselves if I watch for them, not force them.