Furthering a self acceptance thought

[erica12b]

In the thread have you ever felt.... (http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?147792-Have-you-ever-felt....) I saw a thread of truth for this thread and my thoughts came together?

A lot of the cd’s needed the help of a gg (wife, gf, close friend) to get over the guilt’s and to help with the self acceptance
Talking and sharing of feelings , along with the learning about mixing and matching ,helps the cd get over the crippling guilt’s we had when we started with there acceptance, ours comes to, , the closeted cd comes out of closet to there comfort level

The Trans girls have a deeper feel and push to dress, they go thru the same progress going to the transitioning choice

If there is no acceptance there is no growth of self,

There are exceptions like (Karen) they are strong enough to make it on there own


Am I making any sense to any of you?

[sissystephanie]

You do make some sense!! I am just not sure where it is supposed to go. I did have a wife who accepted me as a CD, and supported me in every way she could. But I had already been crossdressing for may years before we married, and had the acceptance that you refer to!!

Although we have our differences ( I do wear ladies jeans!!), Karren and I are a lot alike. We do our thing and let the world go on!! That is the way it should be!

[erica12b]

i dont realy know , i do know i still get the guilts and crave (need ) someone a gg to take to /with if i never do i know it will eat me up and ill die sooner than later

but the accepence of just one lets us grow internialy (i think ) any one else see a pattern?

[Phyliss]

i dont realy know , i do know i still get the guilts and crave (need ) someone a gg to take to /with if i never do i know it will eat me up and ill die sooner than later

but the accepence of just one lets us grow internialy (i think ) any one else see a pattern?

Would a better term than "accpetance" be something like "confirmation" or even "affirmation"

We instinctively "know" what we want, but somehow require the input of another person, just to be sure of ourself. (exceptions noted, as in the "strong willed" people)

Never had "the guilt" (except as a child, but then I just KNEW I was the only one, who....)

[msniki48]

Would a better term than "accpetance" be something like "confirmation" or even "affirmation"
We instinctively "know" what we want, but somehow require the input of another person, just to be sure of ourself. (exceptions noted, as in the "strong willed" people)

Never had "the guilt" (except as a child, but then I just KNEW I was the only one, who....)


Erica, as Phyliss has mentioned there are other words to describe what you speak of besides acceptance...another for me...is Validation. when you receive validation that you are moving in the right direction, it is easier to proceed..at least it is for me.:daydreaming:

hugs

may you receive a little bit of all of these words to help you in your journey.:battingeyelashes:

[Jonianne]

Erica, yes, what you are saying does make sense. Like ReineD said in the other thread, the best way to get past the false guilt and shame is to risk opening up to a safe person. I did that in my therapy group and found so much acceptance that eventually it seeped into my being. Later I opened up to friends I could trust. Owning your feelings and who you, without denial, is a begining of self-acceptance.

What Karren said is important too. While in my group, it took a really long time to come to self-acceptance and I would go through fits of deep depression. The day it dawned on me that no one was making me feel bad about myself, "I" was the one who was making me feel bad about my self and no one else was, the moment that really sunk in, the depression immeadiatly lifted and never returned. That was nearly 14 years ago.

Memorizing and quoting this text to myself was a major help to me. http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?84515-Truly-accepting-yourself&highlight=

[Joanne f]

Yes acceptance is a good thing but in a way it is making you feel like something is being accepted that is not normal so being treated as normal would in my opinion feel a lot better than being accepted , but then i guess most would have to feel that they are accepted before they can feel normal , maybe one day it will all seam quite normal then there will be no worries as to whether you will be accepted or not .

[erica12b]

yes to all replys , the words can be changed, (too each there oun) but it is the driving force of the conection with another(almost as strong as the need to dress)

i dont know where im going with this but i do see a conection , its steps or mile markers, that must be passed, remember how it felt when you found the forum? it the human conection that helps so much

any one see anything else? ( im not thru the steps yet)

[Phyliss]

... there are other words...another for me...is Validation.

THAT is the word I was attempting to convey ... VALIDATION ....such a nice word

[JamieTG]

Joanne made a good point. Acceptance from others helps, but in my own case I still can't get past the fact that it is not considered normal. Other people accept me but I can't seem to accept myself. I feel like I'm a bad person just because I'm different. I've tried therapy and I know my thinking is irrational. I wish I could accept the fact that its OK to be different.

[Pythos]

OMG, I have been saying this for years. My "self acceptance" would be bolstered by having a female SO supporting me in my endeavors. My issues with my mother as well as aviation would be mostly if not completely alleviated if I had an loving and accepting female. Just like how many successful females had men backing them up.

[Kate's at home]

I am now married, and my wife accepts. Yes, we discussed quite a bit up at very front towards understanding and acceptance by her. Her understanding of my emotions, thinking, and outcome in overall attitude as her guy who understood and acknowledged (confirmation and validation) her in our daily lives helped her quite a bit. Something like "So now I really get how you get me so well" was the message in transition to her acceptance. Critical in process.

As for me, the self acceptance is really the key. Something that largely happened decades ago as I realized slowly on my own (w/o the aid of something like this, which is wonderful!) all the sides of "me". I would not say that sharing and her acceptance have "helped" so much as brought out more and new dimensions in all aspects of my life, including this one. And yes, I'm grateful for both her "getting it" and the experiences that I now enjoy as a result.

Kate

[SusanMarie]

When I finally was honest with myself and honest with my SO...life got better for us...and continues to get better everyday. I would not have this satifisfaction with my life if it were not for all the support (plus all the other positive words used in the previous posts) provided by my SO.

And for those of you who have to go it alone...there are not suffcient words to express my humble respect for your accomplishment.

[erica12b]

what ever the word is that works for you , its the ineraction with a loved one or trusted friend , that get you over the hill, even if they dont do it with you you told them they set up rules (you work with in the rules ) its the ineraction that lets us grow

ok some one that is better with words needs to wright this i dont know how to say it or put all of this in to the right words , anyone want to try?

[erica12b]

this all go's together this thread , a personal reflection on "internalized transphobia" (http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?147793-a-personal-reflection-on-quot-internalized-transphobia-quot), and FeAR . acceptance of self , then growing from there , how much and how far are up to the indevijual , but you half to get over the steps this one (self ) is i think the big one but its not the first one or the last ,

i feel like i have just discoverd something wanderfull , but i dont know what it is , lol

what do you girls think ,is this train of thought going some place or not?

[PretzelGirl]

It seems to me that self acceptance has many levels and they are not necessarily sequential. If you are past the "I can stop this so I will purge" thoughts that is one kind. Being able to tell your loved ones is another. And note that even with this one you may not be past the first one I mentioned and that is why I say they are not necessarily sequential. Either one of these two is a valid first "acceptance". And the list can go on depending how each person wishes to categorise it. You might consider going out or dressing in front of a group of friends more self acceptance.

[erica12b]

sue has a good point as I was reading her post we all think of it as a road but its more like a puzzle each peace gives you more of the whole picture no one puts the peaces together in the same way , but you half to get the edges , the middle and the fill in extra’s
The word that we each need can be different, but the interaction is key

If we put it all together what do we get ?

[Fab Karen]

No GG or anyone building my confidence- I went from ( long ago in a galaxy far, far away ) under-dressing ( when out ) & being nervous about buying clothes in a thrift store ( is anybody looking?? quick, grab it :heehee: ), to eventually figuring out how to start doing some decent-looking make-up, & finding decent wigs, and getting used to buying femme clothes & make-up, it's no big thing. And eventually, I just "got tired of being sick & tired" as the saying goes. The fresh air of freedom is sweet.

[erica12b]

that two karen's that are strong independent ladys

[docrobbysherry]

For a long time, I had the urge to TELL SOMEONE I knew about Sherry!

Finally, I told the most accepting, open minded person I knew. An old girl friend. We still had/have feelings for each other, but live far apart.:)

At first she was accepting! But, soon tired of hearing about and seeing Sherry. ( In pics only).:sad:

What I learned from this is:

What I'm doing is NOT accepted by most folks! My dressing is a strange/weird/perv activity to those that don't know about CD/TG/TSs! Whether they know me or not!
I'm NOT going to get validation from friends and family. And, likely will NOT from strangers!:thumbsdn:

Since I don't have the desire to live as a woman, I'll get my validation on line and at the rare venues and occasions where my dressing IS ACCEPTED!
And, I'm hoping that will satisfy Sherry and I BOTH!:brolleyes: