Our gifts

[Valerie Nova]

For those of us caught between genders, it would seem that many of us have many mental and emotional traits that are typical of the opposite sex. This can benefit us greatly, as we can have combinations of male and female traits that aren't often seen in one person. For example, few of us ever feel the need to defend our masculinity, since we have no problem with having feminine qualities. Because of our unique combinations of male and female personalities, many of us are capable of things that few men, and few women for that matter, are able to do.

In my case, I've found that I'm one of the only straight guys I know that understands women about as well as men. I could write a whole book on how when the exact same facts are stated to a woman two different ways, it can make her either happy or upset depending on the specific words used. Every woman I've known has gotten really upset many times over something that it's completely illogical to get upset over, but I still have a good track record of figuring out what's wrong anyway. I suspect others here have this capability too.

Also, I've found that I have an eye for aesthetics, and girls will ask my opinion on matters of style and fashion every so often. I can tell a girl what parts of her body an article of clothing will accentuate or whether it goes with her shoes, but I can also tell her whether I, as a straight guy, think it makes her look sexy. I've often been dragged along on clothes shopping trips, but you know what? I really like them, even if all the clothes are for her.

Plus, I think most of us are probably a bit more creative than average. When you yourself don't fit in any rigid category, thinking outside of rigid categories comes quite naturally.

So, does anyone else think they have any abilities or insights due to their particular combinations of male and female traits?

[5150 Girl]

Plus, I think most of us are probably a bit more creative than average. When you yourself don't fit in any rigid category, thinking outside of rigid categories comes quite naturally.
Odd you should mention this, as I was just think about this very thing this morning. We have a set of problems that are unique to us. We have to think out the box to overcome these. Inovation is a nececity for the TG person.

[geri-tg.]

I feel blessed as a CD I love to shop for my wife. She ask me to go with Her when she wants new clothes or shoes. I feel very close to her feel her needs. She loves to tell and show friends about the clothes I buy. Yes I am blessed.

[erica12b]

we have gifts but they are also a two edged sword , (i feel more deeply than a guy ) and working in a guy world the thick skin brush off , stuff hurts

[Jodi]

Sorry. Any man who believes that he really understands women is living in fantasyland. Just when you think you have it all figured out, PMS hits and all rules go out the window.

Jodi

[Eryn]

...In my case, I've found that I'm one of the only straight guys I know that understands women....

Well, you may have a bit more empathy for women, but completely understand them? I don't think so! :eek:

I think that my perspective gives me a few extra ways to communicate with GGs and perhaps a bit more common ground. That has to be used sparingly, though, because it gets rather creepy for them if a guy infringes too far into "their world."

[Joankristy]

So, does anyone else think they have any abilities or insights due to their particular combinations of male and female traits?






I find that people will come to me with their problems, because I listen to them and try to help them figure out what to do!One of my friends (who happens to be a woman) says that I listen to people like a woman does, without looking down on them or laughing at them.

[Valerie Nova]

Sorry. Any man who believes that he really understands women is living in fantasyland. Just when you think you have it all figured out, PMS hits and all rules go out the window.

Jodi
The classic response of men who have given up. ;) What's so hard to understand about PMS? A day or two every few weeks women are more irritable than usual. But I'm sure you knew that. Women are complicated, sure, but not as complicated as guys make them out to be. And of course every woman is a bit different, so you have to know her a while before you truly understand her, but that's true for guys too.


Well, you may have a bit more empathy for women, but completely understand them? I don't think so! :eek:
I'm not sure what the big deal is. I mean, understanding women isn't like understanding machines, but it's not like just because women don't always act logically there isn't some method to their madness. :p


we have gifts but they are also a two edged sword , (i feel more deeply than a guy ) and working in a guy world the thick skin brush off , stuff hurts
Yeah, that was never the case for me. I can be as callous as any other guy, not that that's a good thing either. It's probably a good thing I'm not a woman because I think I'd be a horrible bitch.

Men often have a lot of insecurity about their masculinity, and I'm thankful I don't. And paradoxically, the fact that I don't have that makes me seem more masculine since I have nothing to prove.

[BRANDYJ]

I have for a long time felt more in touch with the emotions and feelings of women. I think being a CD and being TG gave me more empathy and understanding of the fairer sex. I honestly believe my level of compassion, understanding and gentleness is more in line with the way most women handle relationships and emotions toward others. But I will never claim to know exactly how or why a woman says, thinks or feels about everything. But definately more in tune then the average non TG guy perhaps. At least I like to think so.

[Karren H]

Gift aren't necessarily good.. Or positive... I have to ability fo shop for ever.... And spend tons of money on pretty things...

[Valerie Nova]

Ok, when I said I can understand women, I obviously never meant I can read their minds. I guess what I meant is that I understand women about as well as I do men. That any better?

[PretzelGirl]

I don't know that this is a CD/TV thing. I think there are a lot of men that can have this level of understanding. Part of it is called shutting up and listening. Unfortunately, a lot of men don't do that. We (and that probably isn't an all inclusive we) are just a subset of those that actually listen.

[karenhunni]

empathy , empathy i think is the trait that most of us have more than guys .

[gwenbeth]

But our "gifts" are not without their cost. In my case the cost of being Gwen is that my guy side is in may ways broken. He has poor self confidence and is socially awkward.

[Steph.TS]

I don't just think outside the box, I don't know where the box is! lol I feel empathy, I can cry, can see what would look good on me (never had the opportunity to shop for/with a woman) but I have found outfits that I think made me look beautiful (though my head took away from if as it as too masculine) I think Gwen is right though, my male side is broen in much the same way she described, I've tried fitting in but that almost never happens.

[Kaz]

I think it's the other way round.. we are who we are... these gifts may or may not lead me to a CD orientation. I don't think it's the reverse. There are loads of guys I know who have similar ideologies, outlooks, etc but have no desire or need to CD!

Something else I have noticed is that there are loads of CDs who are quite openly aggressive and alpha male! They just like to dress up and regard it as their God-given right so to do!

Life is complex, ain't it?

[2SpeedTranny]

Ok, when I said I can understand women, I obviously never meant I can read their minds. I guess what I meant is that I understand women about as well as I do men. That any better?


No... but it would make a great start to a standup comedy routine. :heehee:




Something else I have noticed is that there are loads of CDs who are quite openly aggressive and alpha male! They just like to dress up and regard it as their God-given right so to do!


It is my right. Whether I feel like dressing like a drag queen, a cowgirl, a gothic vixen, a lawyer... wearing makeup with hunting camo or a polka-dot sundress with combat boots... I'm a man and I'll wear what I please. I have ugly things for my workaday, and pretty things for other times.

We're born naked. Anything and everything we wear is one of two things: a costume, and protection from the elements. Well, that, and in most places, something to keep you from getting arrested.

[Stephanie Anne]

I have no understanding of the thought processes of men. The macho take a prize and make sure you're on top confuses the hell out of me. I never understood the benefit of arrogance from any gender.

When I read this I think that it is just another man trying to tame something he does not want to understand.

Want to understand women? Try listening and not just waiting to be heard.

I also don't understand the concept of how listening, appreciating beauty and being creative are marks of being transgendered. The same stereotypes can be labeled for gay men.

Not all women are molded into your little box and if anhing it is insulting to assume that you understand anyone in the way you say you do. I know many gender non conformists and feminine women that would take great offense to your little confidence show.

[Valerie Nova]

I have no understanding of the thought processes of men. The macho take a prize and make sure you're on top confuses the hell out of me. I never understood the benefit of arrogance from any gender.

When I read this I think that it is just another man trying to tame something he does not want to understand.

Want to understand women? Try listening and not just waiting to be heard.

I also don't understand the concept of how listening, appreciating beauty and being creative are marks of being transgendered. The same stereotypes can be labeled for gay men.

Not all women are molded into your little box and if anhing it is insulting to assume that you understand anyone in the way you say you do. I know many gender non conformists and feminine women that would take great offense to your little confidence show.
I guess the point of this thread was, it goes without saying being a CD kind of sucks. There's this compulsion to do something that just about everyone thinks less of you for, rather than a compulsion to do something cooler and more socially acceptable. But, there are often nice personality traits we get too that kind of make up for this. Any maybe it would be nice to focus on the positive.

Oh, and believe me, all your reasons for posting that are perfectly understandable. ;)

[Kaz]

I have no understanding of the thought processes of men. The macho take a prize and make sure you're on top confuses the hell out of me. I never understood the benefit of arrogance from any gender.

When I read this I think that it is just another man trying to tame something he does not want to understand.

Want to understand women? Try listening and not just waiting to be heard.

I also don't understand the concept of how listening, appreciating beauty and being creative are marks of being transgendered. The same stereotypes can be labeled for gay men.

Not all women are molded into your little box and if anhing it is insulting to assume that you understand anyone in the way you say you do. I know many gender non conformists and feminine women that would take great offense to your little confidence show.

I am really sorry Stephanie, there was nothing on your post to indicate that you were GG - maybe you should be more open about this. I thought this site was for CDs (OK I accept I could have been mistaken and things do change over time... so maybe it isn't now). I know that I am a naturally arrogant male with no feelings for anyone as exemplified by my not understanding who you were before I responded to to the thread (mental note: check out everyone before you say anything!) and I apologise for trying to blur any issues.

Men.. so uni-dimensional aren't they?

[sissystephanie]

Kaz, this Forum has always been for CD's, but also for GG's who want to add info.

I have been a CD for a very long time, and think I do have some "gifts." I'm not sure they have anything at all to do with the fact that I am a CD though. I guess the major one is that for years I have been able to look at a woman, and dress her in my mind to make her look beautiful! When my late wife found out that I could do that, she would not go shopping without me! I probably picked out 95% of her clothes, which she loved. She did have very good taste, but liked my choices better!! BTW, for those who don't already know, my dear late wife totally accepted and supported me being a CD!!

I do know one thing for sure!! I have never in my life understood women completely, and don't know one single man who does!! Just can't be done!!

[Presh GG]

I am a gg and I resent the implication you seem to think we are all alike.

Presh GG

[Samantha B L]

For those of us caught between genders, it would seem that many of us have many mental and emotional traits that are typical of the opposite sex. This can benefit us greatly, as we can have combinations of male and female traits that aren't often seen in one person. For example, few of us ever feel the need to defend our masculinity, since we have no problem with having feminine qualities. Because of our unique combinations of male and female personalities, many of us are capable of things that few men, and few women for that matter, are able to do.

In my case, I've found that I'm one of the only straight guys I know that understands women. I could write a whole book on how when the exact same facts are stated to a woman two different ways, it can make her either happy or upset depending on the specific words used. Every woman I've known has gotten really upset many times over something that it's completely illogical to get upset over, but I still have a good track record of figuring out what's wrong anyway. I suspect others here have this capability too.

Also, I've found that I have an eye for aesthetics, and girls will ask my opinion on matters of style and fashion every so often. I can tell a girl what parts of her body an article of clothing will accentuate or whether it goes with her shoes, but I can also tell her whether I, as a straight guy, think it makes her look sexy. I've often been dragged along on clothes shopping trips, but you know what? I really like them, even if all the clothes are for her.

Plus, I think most of us are probably a bit more creative than average. When you yourself don't fit in any rigid category, thinking outside of rigid categories comes quite naturally.

So, does anyone else think they have any abilities or insights due to their particular combinations of male and female traits?


You've hit on to something some mental health professionals have suspected for decades. CD's probably inherit a lot of stuff which makes them unique. Vir,at least I think so. I have many good freinds on this forum and even they don't agree with me yet I feel very sure that a great deal about CD'ing and a lot of incidental stuff about CD's is hormonal and neurological in nature and if this were more widely recognized maybe people wouldn't think we were perverted or maladjusted. I guess it's true most m to f CD's hit it off with women a little easier than do other guys. The freindships are wonderful.The shopping trips,etc.,makeup and clothes but please don't let yourself get too confident that you have a flawless understanding of women. And there are lots of f to m's and Transexuals in the forum. But for the average m to f CD I would not be too quick to assume I was %100 a women. But you are absolutely
right in that there are a lot of feminine attributes and traits and characteristics in m to f cd's and you may as well shine it on and be proud because they can't be cured and they are nothing to be ashamed of anyway!

hugs, Samantha

[Valerie Nova]

Ah, ladies, it seems we have an example of how women often think right here! See, women often don't listen to your words so much as the apparent emotion in your words. The emotion I appeared to be conveying was arrogance (since I seemed to be bragging, my bad), so it doesn't matter that understanding other people is usually seen as one of the forces of good in the universe, a bunch of people assumed that by "understand" I meant "get inside their heads and manipulate". I'm actually quite bad at that. Not enough acting ability on my part. I meant, listening to a girl and understanding what she's talking about, then reading between the lines.

I guess I kinda was bragging, but just because I wanted to give some examples. So there, I edited it to make it not seem like I think I'm The Amazing Hypno, Master of Women.

Samantha - good point, although psychopathy and pedophilia are also examples of neurological conditions. I guess we can all be relieved we're not sexually attracted to children. How the hell would you deal with something like that?

[sometimes_miss]

Those of us who haven't gone completely insane are usually more able to understand other people's feelings, and I'm sure you'll find more than a few both amateur and professional psychologists on this board, simply because a lot of us went into that field to figure ourselves out, and learned a lot about others as well, in the process. After my divorce, and understanding that there were very, very few women interested in any guy who crossdresses, I decided to study the dynamics of human sexual attraction, and learned all the little behaviors and mechanisms we can do to make other people more receptive to us; doesn't change whether they'll be attracted to crossdressers or not, but I did learn what NOT to do in a lot of situations, so I'm pretty well liked by nearly everyone I know (other than a few malcontents that I don't care to know anyway). Other than that, well, I did help my ex pick out a new bra that would be more comfortable than the ones she was constantly complaining about; does that count?

[Valerie Nova]

Those of us who haven't gone completely insane are usually more able to understand other people's feelings, and I'm sure you'll find more than a few both amateur and professional psychologists on this board, simply because a lot of us went into that field to figure ourselves out, and learned a lot about others as well, in the process. After my divorce, and understanding that there were very, very few women interested in any guy who crossdresses, I decided to study the dynamics of human sexual attraction, and learned all the little behaviors and mechanisms we can do to make other people more receptive to us; doesn't change whether they'll be attracted to crossdressers or not, but I did learn what NOT to do in a lot of situations, so I'm pretty well liked by nearly everyone I know (other than a few malcontents that I don't care to know anyway). Other than that, well, I did help my ex pick out a new bra that would be more comfortable than the ones she was constantly complaining about; does that count?
Gee, thanks Mr. (Miss, Mrs.?) Buzzkill. :(

[Frédérique]

So, does anyone else think they have any abilities or insights due to their particular combinations of male and female traits?

It’s cute that you call your “combination of traits” GIFTS. I suppose they are, but it’s all in how you use these gender-specific or unspecific characteristics. In my case, I have an artistic, sensitive, shy nature that places me in a different position within society, i.e. I’m an outsider. From this perspective, or my particular starting point, I came to crossdressing via my inherent nature – it was just another avenue to explore, and I had the inclination to do so. Since I’m not a mainstream person at all, I would hesitate to call my transgendered proclivities “gifts,” nor would I call them “feminine,” since these are human characteristics that we all share. Although I may dress like a woman, I would never claim to understand women – crossdressing doesn’t imbue one with deeper understanding into inexplicable things, nor does it originate from a self-proclaimed “aptitude” for all things female, whatever your definition of the latter may be…


I have no understanding of the thought processes of men.

I have news for you – males don’t understand their thought processes, either, meaning they don’t stop to think (if they have that ability).


The macho take a prize and make sure you're on top confuses the hell out of me. I never understood the benefit of arrogance from any gender. When I read this I think that it is just another man trying to tame something he does not want to understand.

It confuses me, too. You’ve learned something important – MtF crossdressers can be arrogant, and remain male in all but appearance…


I also don't understand the concept of how listening, appreciating beauty and being creative are marks of being transgendered. The same stereotypes can be labeled for gay men.

There’s something to it, believe me (I’m an artist). I would explain this further, but, since you don’t understand the concept, I’m sure it would be a waste of my time. BTW, is it OK to be a gay crossdresser? Just asking…
:sigh: