g/f of 11 years still dont approve

[jennifer24]

Hi, just wanted to share something with you about wives or girlfriends you may have or been with
I have been with my g/f over 11 years and she still dont approve of my femme side, she knew when we got togather that I had a femme side.
I tried to quit when we got togather but you now how that goes (could not)
I really dont want to even if i wanted too now, I`m so much happier as female.
You would think after 11 years she would either except me for who I am or leave. I want this relationship to work out but dont think its worth saving because i`d have to give it all up (I know that wont happen)
Even signed up for my 1st tgirl meeting, asked here 1st she said fine.
Now thats its getting close shes giving me these signs that she dont want me to go.
I just want to be happy with who I am with or without her.
She is getting to controlling trying to tell me when I can dress ( if it were up to me it would be 24/7 except for work)
Just trying to get some input from other girls that are going or been in the same situation as me.
Just a tgirl feeling lonely now

[Stephanie47]

I'm usually in the minority here for my advice. Unless you are married and have children, I'd say to break off the relationship. It is a tough choice when there are young children involved and a lot of marital investment, emotionally and financially. But, to be confined because somebody does not accept who you are destined to become and remain, I say it is time to move on. On the S/O's side, it is also unfair to her to remain in a relationship that is not meeting her expectations. I can understand her viewpoint, but, I would not lose my identity to satisfy her. After forty years of marriage with the accumulation of assets, pensions, etc, kids out of the house, I am where you are now. I have the ability to 'walk in my heels,' if my wife were to actively deny my internal self. Don't endure years of a bad relationship just to make her happy. She will never be happy as long as you cross-dress, even if it is once a year at Halloween.

[Cassandra Lynn]

I try to stay out of all these discussions that revolve around coming out, being out and any that involve making relationship decisions with SOs whether they are tolerating or not. The point being it is not for us to get involved in other's personal lives.
That said, since there is not a marriage and children in the mix, your number one priority would IMO be your own happiness and future peace and sanity.

Best of luck to you.
Cassie

[Presh GG]

Hello,
Just want to ask, what has kept you in this relationship for 11 years ?
What are you getting out of it?
And what is she getting out of it ?

Presh gg

[jennifer24]

Hello,
Just want to ask, what has kept you in this relationship for 11 years ?
What are you getting out of it?
And what is she getting out of it ?

Presh gg

Well, at 1st it was love that kept us togather but, now its pain & stress for both of us.
I just want both of us to move on with our lives & be happy, yes I do still have feelings for her & want her to be happy

[Roberta Marie]

Jennifer,

Why doesn't approve? What does she object to? What are her feelings on the subject?

My suggestion is that you discuss it with her. But, instead of telling her why it's important to you, listen to how she feels about it.

[Nigella]

As with most of these type of threads, we can offer any advice you want, 100 replies and 100 differing types of advice, do this, do that, do the other. What is all boils down to is a simple choice, you have to make it, stay or go, but whatever you decide, do it for the both of you, not just you or her.

[RachelOKC]

I think you already know the answer and you're looking for validation of your feelings.

If you have not obtained at least an understanding after 11 years then approval is not likely in the cards. You're obviously not happy with the status quo and you know now that repression just does not work. Your SO really ought know by now that she's not going to change or repress you, but it does not seem that is the case. I suppose I might make the obligatory suggestion that you try couples therapy with a TG-knowedgable therapist, but I am skeptical based on the little I know.

It seems you were honest with her from the first moment and you also tried to make your relationship work despite this big issue. Kudos for both. You have given this relationship a lot longer than I would have - about 11 years longer. If I were in your shoes, I would try to find the strength to move on and find a partner who knows *and* accepts you for who you are.

[jennifer24]

I think you already know the answer and you're looking for validation of your feelings.

If you have not obtained at least an understanding after 11 years then approval is not likely in the cards. You're obviously not happy with the status quo and you know now that repression just does not work. Your SO really ought know by now that she's not going to change or repress you, but it does not seem that is the case. I suppose I might make the obligatory suggestion that you try couples therapy with a TG-knowedgable therapist, but I am skeptical based on the little I know.

It seems you were honest with her from the first moment and you also tried to make your relationship work despite this big issue. Kudos for both. You have given this relationship a lot longer than I would have - about 11 years longer. If I were in your shoes, I would try to find the strength to move on and find a partner who knows *and* accepts you for who you are.

Thank you rachel, yes I do know the answer but guess I`m looking for other views.
I have discussed it with her and she says she not a lesbian, nor does she wanna be 1.
I`m not trying to make her something shes not.