Perplexed

[Heather Daniels]

While at the mall today, my wife said something that really perplexed me. We were in Famous Footwear and I was looking for something in particular. After I figured out that they didnt have said item, I went over to the womens side of the store where she was.
I told her that they didnt have what I was looking for, and she then grabbed a similar style of shoe, but it was a womens shoe. I reminded her that what she was holding was a woman's shoe, and that we were in the womens section of the store. She then put the shoe down and asked me if there was anything I needed there.
I looked at her face after I said "what would I need", and she just had a matter of fact look on it. Like she was actually asking me if I needed anything in the womens section. I dont know how to take this. Maybe she knows more than she lets on about me. It really kinda threw me for a loop. We have had some bedroom fun with me in lingerie before, but the subject of me completely dressing has never been approached. I really thought about coming clean to her on the ride home, but I'm still not sure I'm ready for that.
Thinking back on it now....when she asked me if there was anything I needed, maybe I should have said yes......those black 5" pumps are just tooooo cute.

[Melissa Jill]

What were the shoes? Maybe it was something that would go with the lingerie for the bedroom?

[Heather Daniels]

LOL...not a chance...I was looking for moccasin's. Now those 5" pumps would have certainly been appropriate for bedroom fun. :o

[Kaz]

Sounds like a green light to me! Follow it up... but bear in mind it coud be a trap? In the past I have ignored these things... but then I am not in total acceptance happy land!

[Chickhe]

On a trip back from a vacation down south we stopped in NY to look at shoes in a discount factory outlet and I found some nice male runnning shoes... and my wife tried to tell me they were women's... for some reason she had the idea in her head that I wanted to buy womens shoes (which I did), but really they were not. I did browse all the female shoes though.

[erica12b]

if you had come clean, what do you think would have happened, and if youcome clean now what do you think will happen , if she has a clue and gave you the op to spill , now its going to be harder my two cents sorry

[BRANDYJ]

Sounds like you missed a golden opportunity to finally come clean. My guess is she is open to accepting it since you have had some bedroom experiences. I would also venture a guess that she either already knows or has strong suspicions about your desire to wear feminine clothes.

[Karren H]

"Yeah, a new corset for Lolitas!! And a sex change!"....

I've had those same discussions with my wife who knows... And I think its more like I take what she said the way I want it to be when I'm sure in her mind that's not what she really ment...

[Chari]

Being in that "rock & hard place" situation, IMO you should have a quiet talk with your wife, hopefully without interruption, explaining a small part of how you would enjoy taking the "bedroom fun" to the next level. She may surprise you & want to do more too, but does not know if or how you will react. Please go slowly & do not put demands on her for only your needs. Getting her to accept more of your feminine needs is the goal.

[Stephanie Anne]

I think it funny how people in committed relationships don't realize their SO know. Why not just start discussing this? It is far better to have an open discussion than trust breaking intervention.

[Lexi X]

Yeah she knows. This is how I was able to tell my wife but I was able to tell her in the bed room, not a shoe store. Wait till you're in the bed room again and then have a talk. I'm going to guess she's cool with it for the most part but proceed with caution when you do finally tell her because going overboard could freak her out.

[Zoe Preston]

Probably knows but then again but maybe doesn't. Still middle of a shoe store is not the best place for 'the conversation' if you fess-up and it all goes badly.

Just picture your wife shreiking " You're a what? A freakin' *%**%%!!!
or maybe it would have gone perfectly :daydreaming:

I'd say take your wife back to the store when it's quiet and try again:D

Zoe

[Alice B]

Bottom line. She knows and most likely accepts. Time for the talk.

[jackie_p]

I agree, I think she knows or at least suspects. I wouldn't assume that she most likely accepts.
I would have a talk with her to find out what she suspects and then come clean, but go slow
and easy. As for why you didn't say anything in the store, as someone mentioned earlier, you
obviously want to have a talk like this at home in private! Good luck.

[Heather Daniels]

Dressing has been something that I have struggled with internally, ever since the first time I put pantyhose on. I'm honestly not sure that I'm ready to divulge my inner most feelings,.....even to my wife. If she does suspect, and theres a good chance she does, I still feel like I'd rather keep it to myself. I honestly feel that it really wouldnt be that big of a deal to her. I think this because of things she's said in the past, and because I know her. I've been open and honest with her about everything else in my, and our lives together. Call me a bad person, but this part of me....I'm just not ready to share with her. Maybe one day I will be. Maybe I'll take this to my grave. Maybe she'll discover me on her own. I dont know how it will all play out, but I do know I'm just not ready to have "the talk" just yet. Part of me does want to do it, but then the other part always chimes in and tells me I'm crazy. I guess it all goes back to me not totally accepting this part of me yet. Yes....after almost 40 yrs of dressing, perhaps I'm still in denial.
I didnt ask to be like this. I dont have a clue as to why I'm like this. Even though I completely enjoy my femme time, I would still, give it all up if it were possible. I guess I just havent come to terms with it all yet. Will I ever....???????????

[suchacutie]

Heather, it's a difficult situation for both of you. You are clearly in more than two minds about your feminine self, and clearly your wife has at least some inkling about your femme self. Both of you are walking on eggshells, are you not?

My only suggestion would be that the next time she tries to enter your femme world, you might turn it around to gather some information by asking, "what do you mean, love?" or, "what are you asking me?" and see if she will start to open up, allowing you some surity to begin to open up as well. It seems quite clear that she is trying but is very uncertain.

May I leave you with the thought that if you feel your wife and you have a strong relationship, she may be, well, honored to be a part of this very difficult part of you life.

my best,
tina

[kitchenette]

Heather, as an SO, I just wanted to say, you should definitely have the talk. Whether or not she "knows." Tell her about yourself. It could be hard it could be easy, who knows but as your life partner, I think she deserves the whole truth.

[DonnaT]

Don't live with regrets.

When she gives you an opening like that, take it. Maybe she meant something different, but don't go on regretting never finding out. You can always make it a joke if she gets aggravated or turns serious.

At least you'll know where she is, if you can't come right out and discuss it.

[Amanda22]

I think it funny how people in committed relationships don't realize their SO know. Why not just start discussing this? It is far better to have an open discussion than trust breaking intervention.

Isn't that the truth!! IMO, the OP needs to have a calm discussion about crossdressing. I know that is way easier said than done. When I had that discussion with my wife, I hyperventilated and almost passed out. Everything went perfectly in my case, although I understand that isn't often the outcome. But nothing good can come from continued hiding.

[Amanda22]

Maybe she'll discover me on her own.

I hope she doesn't discover this about you in that manner. If you just told her you aren't sure about your own feelings about all of this, and that you're confused and even scared, she'll probably respect that. You don't need to come out with a big statement as though you've figured everything out. Just let her know you're struggling. Tell her how you felt in the shoe store. Tell her how you wanted to react and why you chose to react the way you did. Just be honest. You aren't doing anything wrong, but be careful keeping a secret. I totally agree with Kitchenette -- she deserves to know what's going on with you. She may even help you figure out what's going on with you.