the story continues

[Jessica86]

Well I came in from work last night. Had a hard day. My wife was looking through an avon book. We talked for a bit, and then I went to shower and change. When I got out of the shower, a pink dress was on the bed next to my regular pjs. Both were folded neatly. I felt like I was set up, so I just changed into my regular clothes. I came out and saw my wife watching tv. She said she really wanted to talk. I knew this couldn't be good. She reassured me she was alright with what I was doing, and admitted she wanted to see me dress up. The talk went on, and she told me she wanted to be honest. She then said she didn't want me to wear makeup when dressing. She said she would like to recognize me just a little when I do dress so she doesn't feel like I am a stranger.

She let me know that one day she might do my makeup for me and let me wear it around her. It doesn't really bother me, but it does. I am just glad that's the only thing she has a problem with. She went through her closet and asked "would you wear this? This? How about this?". Its good to have someone who understands why I do what I do. I chose not to have too much fun last night. Now, tonight is sunday. I am off tomorrow. She picked out this white satin nightie and some really cute white panties and stockings that she said I am going to sleep in when I get home! She told me she wants to see me in some different lingerie. So, it didn't turn out to be exactly what I wanted. I want her to see me as Jessica, who is like a whole different person than I usually am. Still nervous about tonight and what she will think.

[erica12b]

be open ,truthful, and understanding, go slow , my two cents ,, it what i will do if i ever get the chance

[Chickhe]

For me, dressing up is a personal and private thing. If I were in the same situation, I would accept the help, but also say thanks but no thanks to some items... I would tone down anything that might be too sexy in her eyes. The advice I would give you, is not to accept any limits from her just because she is not comfortable with it...tell her, you understand, but you need to explore all aspects, but you will not force it on her by doing it in front of her... you could expalin it is a lot like acting and you need to look the part. Anyhow, I think it is good to have her involved...my male ego gets messed up when my wife says I would look pretty in something.

[Eryn]

Well I came in from work last night....When I got out of the shower, a pink dress was on the bed...She said she really wanted to talk. I knew this couldn't be good....admitted she wanted to see me dress up....She then said she didn't want me to wear makeup when dressing. She said she would like to recognize me...

IMO, you have a great wife who is trying very hard to accommodate you while dealing with the huge amount of uncertainty inherent in her situation.

Go slowly. In her eagerness to please you she may be asking you to dress at a level beyond what she herself is actually prepared to see. If she suggests an item, such as that pink dress, it is probably safe to put on as she is prepared to see it, but don't overload her with a full presentation at this point.

Give her time and talk about it. Most importantly, listen carefully to what she is saying and make sure that she knows you are hearing her. Understand that she has only you to talk to about this topic and is probably feeling very isolated. Remember how it felt to be in the closet? You may feel that you've come out but she might well feel that she's been pulled in.

That's my two cents. You're a lucky girl to have a wife like yours. Make sure that she knows you appreciate it.

Eryn

[Roberta Marie]

Eryn speaks wisely. Take small steps, and with every step, listen to how she feels. Let her comfort level determine how fast you move. You've had years to get your head around this, to get comfortable enough with yourself that you can talk to your wife about it. Give your wife some time to get her head around it and to get comfortable with it.

[Toronto Kristen]

Most importantly, listen carefully to what she is saying and make sure that she knows you are hearing her. Understand that she has only you to talk to about this topic and is probably feeling very isolated.
Equally importantly, you have to listen to what she is not saying. As Erin rightly points out, your wife is feeling isolated and she is seeking answers.

[DonnaT]

Hopefully las night was great for y'all.


I want her to see me as Jessica, who is like a whole different person than I usually am.

That could be a problem. She may not want to know a whole different person.

When I dress, I am no different. Even still, my wife prefers I don't wear the wig and makeup. Which is fine by me, as I'm more into the clothes than being feminine or female. Which, by the sound of it, is quite a bit different from what your needs are.

So, give it time. Eventually she'll want to see Jessica, but let her warm up to the idea, which is better that a glass of cold water thrown in the face.

[BRANDYJ]

I believe your wife was really very honest and very open with you. She is giving you the chance to explore your feminine side with boundaries she is comfortable with. Honor them and don't push it. Also I sense you think she is testing you. I think you are wrong. She is accepting you however with her limits... Like the makeup thing. Be thankful for her and GO SLOW. Let her lead. My guess is in time she will be more comfortable and will expand her boundaries. You need to stop questioning whether or not she is setting you up and take her words as a sincere beginning of acceptance and understanding. You need to show her how much you appreciate her and love her. She is very special and needs to be reminded of that from you.
Let me say it again...GO SLOW and don't get so caught up in the pink fog that you push for to much to soon. Patience is your friend.

[JulieC]

I think your wife is doing absolutely fantastic. Be ecstatic for what you have.

I see a general pattern among all CDers, regardless of acceptance level of their spouses; we always want more acceptance than we currently have.

[suchacutie]

It sounds like your wife is really trying, but it doesn't sound like she has, or understands, all the facets of your feminine self. If you see your femme self as a separate person (as I do) it might be a good idea to try to explain that in some soft way to your wife. Maybe she doesn't want to see it that way, and then you have a point for understanding.

Best,
tina

[carhill2mn]

My advice is to follow her lead. You are being given a rare opportunity! "Go with the flow" and do not push too hard.

[Gocaps14]

What a great wife!!! You are lucky!! Enjoy what you have, while you have it!!!

[RADER]

My advice is to follow her lead. You are being given a rare opportunity! "Go with the flow" and do not push too hard.

I second the motion;
Go Slow and with the flow. It will I am sure will pay big dividends for you. Rader

[Noel_GG]

I want her to see me as Jessica, who is like a whole different person than I usually am.

As a GG SO, I would have trouble with this. On top on trying to wrap my head around the fact that my sweetie likes to dress, I'm not sure if I could positively handle the fact that the persona changes. Your wife sounds like she is trying to accept and support - please don't push her because you're not getting exactly what you want. I'm sure she's scared, uncertain and feeling a thousand different emotions that she can't quite understand or communicate with you.

I don't recall how long your wife has had to process this information, but as so many other people have said - go slow. Let her become comfortable with your crossdressing and things will progress how they are meant. I think the best thing you can do is support her in her discovery and let her learn about you, as Jessica, at her own pace.

[TxKimberly]

I hope you have a clue just how lucky you are?! Your wife has offered an olive branch - a major step toward trying to meet you at least half way. Take it, give your thanks to God, and move slowly. I know it's not quite what you wanted but it is a huge step toward that goal as long as you don't frighten her away. So try and move at her pace, and it's only a question of time until she will want to see the entire Jessica. :)

[Stephanie Miller]

As has been said before.... listen to what she is FEELING. That is almost more important that what she is saying. She talks with her brain, she feels with her heart.
She said, as you put it "she would like to recognize me just a little when I do dress so she doesn't feel like I am a stranger." I could be wrong, but I'm hearing "I am affraid I'm going to loose you". You have had time to understand the interaction between Eryn and your male persona - and you STILL don't get it all. Give her a break and a lot of time to also try and wrap her head around this new information about you. I agree that you may have to be the one to put the skids on some of her "acceptance" just to give her the time she doesn't quite know she needs yet.
And above all.... continue the comunication. Good luck to you both.