What does the wife FeAr, who once accepted the husband's cross-dressing?

[Stephanie47]

Pythos' posting and the responses got my head swimming. Maybe, it is due to the lateness of the day!

There is a lot of discussion in the responses concerning the male perspective on not coming clean to your wife or girlfriend early in the relationship and prior to marriage.

I have some questions. The cross-dresser in the relationship need not respond.

If the cross-dresser made a full disclosure prior to marriage and there was acceptance or tacit approval, what lead to later rejection of his dressing en femme?

If you are accepting of his dressing en femme, why do you limit his presentation en femme to the home? Or when you are not present?

Just what does the wife FeAr?

[Babeba]

You may want to go ask this in the Loved Ones forum, or on Crossdresser's Wives as I'm not sure there's many people on CD.com who feel they're your target audience as generally we're either we're accepting, or trying to get support to understand it here - and I'm a little insulted at the implications you're making by the way you've worded your 'questions' and the limitation of possible responses.

Second, there is a great thread about changing levels of acceptance called Now I Like It, Now I Don't (http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?12890-Now-I-Like-It-Now-I-Don-t) which answers this quite well without putting it all down to 'FeAr.'

[Sandra]

I'll give it a bash :)

I was told about Nigella's cding 6 months after we got married, we'd been together about 18 month. Being in the Army Nigella didn't dress that often maybe once or twice a week, I put no limits on her dressing. Fast forward to when she came out of the Army.....she started dressing more, buying clothes that she never wore and was forever going on about cding. My fear was she was going to quick, she'd gone from hardly dressing to nearly dressing every night, it was like it was taking over our life. It came to a head one night when I exploded, I couldn't cope with it all and said so.

We sat and talked and limits were set in that I set limits as to when she dressed. For us this worked and because it was done gradually Nigella got to the stage where she was dressing everyday and you know what I was enjoying it as well. :D

Is the fear there now...nope and it hasn't been for a long while...and to top it all we've been together 24 years this August.

[SweetPea_GG]

Seems like a intresting thread to answer but I found out by myself after 15yrs of marriage so *shrugs* the questions really dont apply to me since you are talking about SO's who found out before hand and setting limits.

Although I will say that I assume limits are set even though they found out before marriage so that the SO (Non-CDer) would feel a bit more comfortable and not so much like they are drowning in the "pink fog".. I am sure those who found out before marriage and accepted it still like a bit of what they feel is "normal" even though they do accept it.. they like their man to be a "man" (in terms of dressing etc)

[Allsteamedup]

You need to take a closer look at circumstances, to make sense of your questions.
We have one lady, 38yrs married who found out by chance two years ago. It has taken our support group TWO YEARS to get her to the stage where her husband can wear shoes a skirt and blouse for a meal. Anything else, and he has an upstairs parlour. Why? She is terrified of watching him chamge. Forms, a wig and makeup, she knows would scare her to death.
When there are children in the home it is more practicable for the cder to go out to a local group. Most I know have done this. Then there is the situation where the mother takes the children out for some hours. This gets more difficult as they get older. Teenagers have their own friends.
There is a balancce to be achieved between how much time you spend as a male companion and how much time your SO gets with 'her'. In my (unfortunate) case, my time with my husband is reduced because he won't reduce his other interests, so if I am with 'her' I am not with him. In other words, she costs me time with my husband.

Some of us older ladies now have to contend with SOs retiring who would like to be dressed more, much more. We are not afraid of this, but you can see where the disagreements are going to come.

Finally, going out. Most wives only worry about the safety issue and where the cder thinks appropriate to go. If you want to spend a lot of time a a local gay bar, expect some questions.

There is no doubt that for most of us there is a third person in this relationship. (It would appear that the numbers of cders out there who can operate their female side as an extension of their male selves almost seamlessly is a small number. It is easier to communicate with 'her' if this is the case). This other person often does things that we are uncomfortable with. That is a different issue than being afraid.