Here's an interesting question

[Aprilrain]

So, how do YOU know wether or not you've been "read"?
Other than obvious stares coupled with giggling or jeers or worse, there's really know way to know.
This question is in response to another thread where the OP asks about voice and facial hair after transition. Many of the responses included something like 'perfect your voice before or get read'. If people treat you with, presumably, the same respect they'd show any stranger how would you know and or what difference does it make if they DO read you?
I've notice a subtle difference between now and a few months ago but what is that difference? Am I more confident? Am I just not hypersensitive anymore? Do I look better, sound better? Do I just not care? Maybe I only go places where people have good manners. Am I "passing" or am I just accepted for whatever it is people think I am? I'll never know. All I know is when I go to a restaurant or shopping (even the hardware store) or talk on the phone people are polite and use feminine pronouns. and titles. I haven't had the "tranny" alarm go off yet.
WOOP WOOP WARNING TRANNY ALERT stay calm, do not panic, if you encounter a tranny do not make eye contact, pretend as if everything is normal, avoid pronouns, hide your children and proceed with caution to the nearest exit!!!!!

[Leanne2]

Hi April,
I believe that I can usually tell when I have been read. There is a TV show about a man that can tell from body language whether someone is lying or telling the truth. Because of years of experience I believe that I can recognize when women realize that I wasn't born female. Often there is a millisecond of shock followed by looking away and nervous dialog. Usually I'll smile at the person and say something like," Be kind, I'm still learning to do this." Often the person will say," no, no, you did a great job and look really pretty." That's nice buy small consolation for being read. I don't get read by men as often. Maybe it's because they aren't as observant or maybe it's because I try to avoid men when I'm dressed. Leanne

[Stephanie Anne]

More importantly, why do you still care? you eventually have to give up anything but he fear of physical harm. Until you do, you are never really going to successfully transition.

Yeah, I know there is always a feeling of hurt from being ridiculed but you had to know that going into transition you would be running the risk of exposing yourself to people who did not accept you. Once you just don't care, you gain the self confidence you lacked growing up.

On a long enough time line, you are going to get someone do or say something that challenges you so get used to that now.

[Chari]

As long as you are comfortable and confident as to who you are and how you are presenting - you should not be concerned as to being "read"! Some that see us are curious as to why we are a bit "different", but are accepting & willing to learn & listen about our choices in life. Sadly, many others are not so receiptive, and would prefer to humiliate those that do not conform to their views.

[Stephenie S]

More importantly, why do you still care? you eventually have to give up anything but he fear of physical harm. Until you do, you are never really going to successfully transition.

Yeah, I know there is always a feeling of hurt from being ridiculed but you had to know that going into transition you would be running the risk of exposing yourself to people who did not accept you. Once you just don't care, you gain the self confidence you lacked growing up.

On a long enough time line, you are going to get someone do or say something that challenges you so get used to that now.

Yes. This is the truth. Stephanie Anne is right.

You can't really tell. Anytime. You have no way of knowing EVER. But is this something you should be worried about? No. Not at all.

Why? Because, duh, you are a woman. Remember? Women, no matter how masculine they might look (and believe me, there are some pretty masculine looking women out there) do not worry about being "read".

Read Stephanie's post again. Do you get it? Women don't worry about being read. Period. Worry about your boyfriend. Does he really love you? Are you dressed appropriately? Does this dress make you look fat? Can you afford to eat that last doughnut? What did she mean when she said that? Can I skip going to the gym this week? There's lots to worry about. But if you are a woman, your gender identity should not be one of your worries.

That's the simple answer. You will NEVER be able to tell what another person REALLY thinks about you. That's life.

Stephie

[Traci Elizabeth]

When you have men staring at your cleavage, men in your church hugging you all the time as a greeting or departing jester, and trying to make a pass at you or have them make their desire in you obvious, then you can stop worrying! That is my situation and I have transitioned full-time now for 2 years. I am a very confident woman and enjoy the attention I get. I also have many female friends from church none of which know.

Life is Good!

[kym]

for me, its the stares, the double takes and every once in a while the whispers and snickers behind my back are what tips me off that I have been read. Most often its the double takes and sincere smiles, the smiles that say to me" I know you are a man in a dress but I/we don't mind and we admire the fact that you are brave enough to be yourself in public" But more important than that, at least to me, is the fact that I get to be me and if someone doesn't like it thats their problem not mine. I know a lot of law enforcement in my area and every single one of them has told me that no I am not breaking any law that they were aware of and if I was to have any serious trouble while out and about, contact law enforcement and they will handle it no matter what. In my area of the country(the southeast) that can be a good thing.

[AllieSF]

Being a CD not a TS, I can only speak clearly from my own point of view. I don't care if I am read and that has proved to me that it works all the time for me. I am confident and interact, or maybe better said, over-interact with whomever I come into contact with. I do try to maintain my feminine attributes and control my voice. Though the latter not very successfully. There is no way that I can pass up close during a conversation. Since I don't care and they know that from the way I present myself visually and verbally, I am always treated respectfully and as a friendly stranger. Now, I would guess that if I was TS, I may be more concerned about passing completely as a woman (or maybe not). But I still think that a heavy dose of confidence and self-assurance with a bit of a tough skin thrown in is needed in order to not be bothered when read.

[Aprilrain]

I just assume everyone knows and frankly don't give a damn. I have all the confidence in the world when out en femme it's when I have to be in male mode that I get grumpy. Anyway I posted the question not because I'm concerned about being read but because it seems to be some thing that many people are concerned about to the point of paralysis.

Anyway stares and double takes are not a reliable indication that you have been read. I tend to stare a little and do double takes of tall women. Usually the double take is to check the height of their heels. I'm 6 foot so Im always on the look out for other girls close to my height.

As far as a TS being more concerned about passing than a CD, In my experience I have met post op TSs that make no attempt to change their voices and look like guys in dresses and CDs that pass perfectly so its all just a matter of personal comfort and desire to cultivate a female persona.

[Melody Moore]

More importantly, why do you still care? you eventually have to give up anything but he fear of physical harm. Until you do, you are never really going to successfully transition.

Yeah, I know there is always a feeling of hurt from being ridiculed but you had to know that going into transition you would be running the risk of exposing yourself to people who did not accept you. Once you just don't care, you gain the self confidence you lacked growing up.

On a long enough time line, you are going to get someone do or say something that challenges you so get used to that now.
I also agree 100% with Stephanie. Once you stop caring about what other people think then you gain so much confidence
& become so much more stronger. I haven't had any issues and I contribute this to the fact I don't care about what other
people think. I know who I am now and that I am being true to myself. I live my life for me, NOT for other people and if
anyone has an issue with that then 'F**k them' - it really is that simple - Life really is far too short for bullsh*t.

I also get through life by realising that no matter how bad you think your problems are,
there are lots of people out there in the real world have far greater problems to deal with.

Mega-cyclone thunders in (http://www.couriermail.com.au/news/monster-cyclone-threatens-regions/story-e6freomx-1225997708762)

Right at the moment I got more to worry about with one of the worst cyclone's in our state's history, super Cyclone Yasi (http://www.news.com.au/breaking-news/floodrelief/north-queensland-braces-for-cyclone-anthony-as-cyclone-yasi-brews-behind-it/story-fn7ik2te-1225997552623)
which is bearing right down on the city where I live (http://www.bom.gov.au/products/IDQ65002.shtml). This cyclone IS going to be a killer (http://www.news.com.au/breaking-news/yasi-a-potentially-deadly-event/story-e6frfku0-1225997911840). So if some of you boys & girls think
you have got problems, then just know tomorrow night I will be going through a real living hell. So wish me luck everyone.

[April]

As long as you are comfortable and confident as to who you are and how you are presenting - you should not be concerned as to being "read"!
Yes, that's very well said Chari.