Problem...Trouble

[MrKunk]

Okay everyone,

I am living with a man, who is my church leader. He believes me being transgender is a life decision and not a condition that I (we) have. He also has threatened to have me removed out of my living conditions with him if I get cought wearing anything. At this point I am hiding all my tights in a trunk and when I get new bikini bottoms they will also have to be hidden. furthermore I currently do not have a dresser. I was illegally evicted out of my last residence (another story altogether) and I am having to start over on everything. Including my girl clothes, I lost 60% of them in the move. Please help me with any additional suggestions you might have

Also I can only wear my girl stuff either when in public under my mens clothes, or when he is working his business he runs. Otherwise I have no other chances to wear it.

[Karren H]

Sounds like some kind of weird communeor cult!! Run!! Try to escape!!

[MrKunk]

well my living arrangements are decent, it is just that his religious beliefs make him believe that this is something we aren't born with and that it is an abomination to god. I almost got caught earlier because he came back for a lunch break and I was wearing my white tights luckly I threw on a pair of sweat pants and my socks over the feet of the tights.

[Daintre]

Why have you decided to live with this man, is it financial, or to get back on your feet? Is this a short term arrangement or a long term one, It is hard to offer any advice until we know about your situation.

[AllieSF]

Since you are in a tough situation financially and this man has been kind enough to let you stay there, I can only recommend that you faithfully abide by his rules, work hard, get your life in order as soon as possible so that you can move out to someplace more accommodating to who you are. This is definitely not a time to push the envelope and see how much you can get away with. Respect his wishes, go low profile now. Just remember, without his kindness, where would you be? Never in life mistreat those who treat you well and show you special kindness in a time of need. Never. I do wish you the best of luck and inner strength to make it through this difficult time in your life.

[MrKunk]

to Jennie

it is currently in the mindset that it could be long term by how he is thinking, however I want to open up a savings account and save while here so I can get out.

Allie- I know, I am burying it as deep as possible, I do not wear anything directly in front of him or when he is around, when I go out in the tights for an example, I will change
back into my socks in a public restroom stall before meeting him. I also do not shave in the shower with him around. It is all in total secret that I do it now.

[AllieSF]

Good for you Jennie. Keep up the good work.

[MrKunk]

Jennie is the person who responded before you Allie. I was responding to two people.

[DebsUK]

I'm not clear what you mean when you say you're living with this man

[BRANDYJ]

I'm not clear what you mean when you say you're living with this man

Reading this thread, I am wondering the same thing Debs. Sounds like a boyfriend, not just a roommate.

[crystalann]

I think you need to ask this church leader, at what time did he make his life decision what ever that may be? I don't remember making mine!:confused:

[BRANDYJ]

I think you need to ask this church leader, at what time did he make his life decision what ever that may be? I don't remember making mine!:confused:

Very well said Crystal Ann.
Dear Goddess and God save me from these religious church leaders that are nothing like Jesus was. Another reminder of why I don't do church.

[MrKunk]

hey everyone,

obviously I need to clear up a few things. I am his room mate, not his boyfriend, I may be transgender and cross dress but I am still into women.
Second of all he has been involved in his beliefs since the 80's , so I don't see anything changing. Third of all I am trying to be extremely discreet
about everything I do.

[BRANDYJ]

I'm glad you cleared that up for us. so if it's just a roommate arrangement, and your need to dress is that strong, then you need to be looking for a more compatible roommate. I had to move a few months ago. I knew I would never want a male roommate. I have to put up with enough males at work, on the golf course and fishing trips. At home, I am a believer that it takes a woman to make a house a home. So fortunately for me, my SO that lives in another state...for now, fully supported me, trusts me, and understands me enough to agree with my finding a female roommate or another crossdresser (the only type of male I'd consider) I was fortunate enough to find a very compatible GG roommate. No, she does not know about my crossdressing and I don't think we will ever be close enough as friends for me to disclose this part of me. So for now, I do not dress at home other then when I am off work and she is working. Fortunately for me, the only GG I want to dress around and be with is my SO. So even my need or urge to dress is minimal.
But I can tell you this, IF she knew and asked me to move out because of it, I'd be more then happy to move if her beliefs were as foolish and narrow minded as the OP's church leader/roommate.

[TxKimberly]

Since you are in a tough situation financially and this man has been kind enough to let you stay there, I can only recommend that you faithfully abide by his rules, work hard, get your life in order as soon as possible so that you can move out to someplace more accommodating to who you are. This is definitely not a time to push the envelope and see how much you can get away with. Respect his wishes, go low profile now. Just remember, without his kindness, where would you be? Never in life mistreat those who treat you well and show you special kindness in a time of need. Never. I do wish you the best of luck and inner strength to make it through this difficult time in your life.

I couldn't agree more. As tough as it is, when you live in someone elses home as a guest, you follow their rules.

[juno]

He believes me being transgender is a life decision and not a condition that I (we) have.

It is a life choice. You could choose death instead. Eating is a life choice.

Seriously though, even if it is completely a concious choice, what does that matter? Compared to cross dressing, there are far more males that are mean or violent, it is stupid to think crossdressing is bad. It is probably one of the nicest hobbies a man can have. It just doesn't make sense to many people. IMHO, there is no use arguing whether or not it is a choice, because it is a good choice, whether or not you were born with it.

[docrobbysherry]

Save your money. When you've had enuff and you're ready, find a room to rent from someone NOT so uptite!

Meanwhile, grin and bear it! We've ALL had to do that at one point or another in our lives!

[Bootsiegalore]

Move out!

[GaleWarning]

Move out!

Now!

[Pythos]

Yea, I have to say, MOVE OUT. As well. That is a screwed up living condition for anyone.

It also sounds like your roomate should read a bit more of what CHRIST preached.

[April]

The nice thing about us people is that we have a choice. Your choice should be to move out and while it might not be an easy solution (I don't know your whole situation), it's surely the best solution based on what you've said.

[Xenia]

You've gotten some good advice here. I'll echo what everyone else is saying: As long as this guy is kind enough to let you live under his roof, yeah, you need to respect his wishes, misguided though they be. And make arrangements to get yourself into a less toxic environment PDQ.

I'll also add that if this is the level of tolerance you're getting from the leader of your church, it's probably time to find a new church. I'm not a religious person myself, but I'm pretty sure you can find a church that's not led by a pigheaded bigot.

[eluuzion]

“Take me to your Leader” :devil:

It is difficult to make sense out of this “relationship”. There are two people with hidden personal agendas living together in a house full of smoke and mirrors.

The term “room mate” suggests both parties share the same residence and participate equally in the financial and maintenance responsibilities. If one party assumes more or all of these responsibilities compared to the other, they earn the right to designate the “rules” of the household. This “authority” applies to issues like cleaning up his dishes in the sink. It never extends to telling a person how to “think”... or “control” another person’s behavior.

Prejudices are what fools use for reason and try to sell to others as religion.

I have little tolerance for people that assume their devotion to distorted religious interpretations makes them the ultimate judge of what is “right or wrong” for me, or anyone else.

I also believe that lies, deception, and manipulation require two parties to be successful. One party to set the behavior in motion and the other party to accept it. We cannot stop people devoid of a moral compass from attempting to make us the target of their dysfunctional behavior. We can however, prevent them from being successful; by refusing to accept their “offer” to become their “victim”.

A lie cannot become successful until we choose to believe it (accept it) as the “truth”.:thumbsup:

In my opinion, you have elected to confirm his self-proclaimed position as “Leader”, by adapting your behavior to his “demands”. Your current circumstances are always a matter of personal choice.

“You do not lead by hitting people over the head - that's assault, not leadership.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower

Just my thoughts...
:love:

[TGMarla]

Why not move? I would.

[Emily Ann Brown]

Let's give the guy credit..he took somebody in who he KNOWS don't life by his rules. How much of us would????

Crazy living conditions???? Give me a break! Some of you live with women who would kick you out if she found out...and you hide like a bank robber.

Save money like it's going out of exist. Then get a place where you can live how you want. Until they happens....play by the rules while in his home.

Em

[Jill Devine]

If you are renting a room, just find another room and board place. Jeepers, the guy needs to understand the difference between room mates vs parent and child.
Don't waste your time or energy. Just move.

[Joann Smith]

Find you a nice cardboard Box to live in ...knock that fool on his butt ....then move out...Bump that !

I can almost see staying with a woman and having to hide out....espically if she cute and still giving you sex.

Joann

[NicoleScott]

Even if you can't move out immediately, you can be working towards a different living situation. When you do, make sure you have your own private place, and no explanation is required. In the meantime, you have to live by house rules.

[Shelly Preston]

I dont know what part of the world you are in but you need to explore all your options

I am sure you were grateful for the accomodation when it was offered

If you are living there then I would say you have to follow his rules but surely what you do in the privacy of you bedroom should be ok (provided its legal which CDing is)

Having said that finding somewhere more suitable seems a better option long term

[Debb]

MrKunk, if you get the chance to reason with your room mate, see if you two can figure out just who would "choose" to be like this, when so much of society rejects us. Maybe that will give him a little perspective ... it may be juvenile to ask such a simplistic question but sometimes simple = good.

[Maria in heels]

I agree with many..save up your money and move out on your own...there it too much stress there....also, you need to take care of yourself. I understand that your living arrangement is not ideal for you, but you do have to abide by his rules if it is his place

[Alice B]

The bottom line is that you are the master of your own fate. You need to select a direction you wish to steer your ship and then make what plans you need to set sail.

[MsGreen]

Since you are in a tough situation financially and this man has been kind enough to let you stay there, I can only recommend that you faithfully abide by his rules, work hard, get your life in order as soon as possible so that you can move out to someplace more accommodating to who you are. This is definitely not a time to push the envelope and see how much you can get away with. Respect his wishes, go low profile now. Just remember, without his kindness, where would you be? Never in life mistreat those who treat you well and show you special kindness in a time of need. Never. I do wish you the best of luck and inner strength to make it through this difficult time in your life.

Wise words. You have a chance to make a way for yourself, I hope!

If you are looking for a church that is more accepting, I'm sure this forum has suggestions.

[MsJanessa]

You said you are not his lover---are you paying rent?---if so leave this control freak and pay rent to somebody who doesnt' mind if you dress---I'm really not sure why you are putting up with his nonsense==It's not like youre married to him, or he has some hold over you that is keeping you there. So why not leave?

[MrKunk]

Okay everyone,

here is the reality of the situation the compacity of our area has been over ran, we currently do not have a lot of places to rent. Plus I am a college student on
a fixed income. I need to save and look for a place. However it can take months to locate a place. Even when I do it might not be a walk in the park to get into a new place.

[Loni]

save as much money as you can then MOVE out into your own place.
this place you are at now. i take it you are second there as his name is on the title/lease? if so you must live by his rules. ONLY while living under his roof, move out asap.
take a bag lunch to work with pb&jelly, NO shopping trips. no pizza nights, no toys, no spending at all, etc.
it will be boring, but you can save some money it will take a bit of time. then get out.