Will my grandson grow out of it?

[Cynthia Anne]

My grandson started playing with dolls at the age of two! At three he had to have a toy house for his dolls, then came more dolls, a toy kitchen set, his own purse with make up ect. Now at the age of seven all he wanted for his birthday was a dress! (He sure looks cute in it!) The family Doctor keeps saying, don,t worry, he will grow out of it! I love him very much and try not to encourage him nor discourage him!His mother, my daughter tries to do the same although she buys him everything he wants! I say all he's going to grow out of is his dress! I would love to here your thoughts on this! Please!!

[kimdl93]

Your grandson sounds rather familiar. I kinda think that he has gravitated towards that things that work for him. And maybe he won't grow out of it. Most of us haven't.

[Misty G]

Just Love your grandson the way he is and let him grow up to make up his own mind.

[nylon boy]

I was five when i started feeling the way i do now but it was something taboo and a subject i visited and forgot about for years at a time until my late teens my guess is that if he gets what he wants then this faze might pass eventually as he may get bored with it,however he seems open to his own exact needs early in his life,maybe times and views are a changing more drasticaly than we think and kids are noticing this earlier in their growing up stages and acting on them more openly??

[Rachel Morley]

Hi Cynthia,

I think it's kinda hard to say if your grandson will grow out of it or not. He might do. When I was little, I liked to play "with the girls" - jump rope, hopscotch, that sort of thing but was never particularly interested in dolls or makeup. My bother on the other hand, loved girl dolls. He had lots of them and a dolls house too. He also liked to wear my Moms and Grandmother's old jewelry ... YET ... I went on the become the "crossdresser of the family" and he "grew out of it". He's not the least bit girly in any way whatsoever and hasn't been since he was about 12.

[Gina X]

You have to face the fact that your grandson is descended from you and as such will have inherited some or all of your genes. It is very unlikely he will grow out of it and I think all you can do is to guide and protect him and try to prepare him for the challenges he is certainly going to meet. Does your daughter know about you I guess if she does it will be easier to talk to her about your grandson......................

[Angiemead12]

It may be a start, at least thats how it starts?

[Charleen]

and the problem is...........?

[LeannL]

Your grandson may or may not "grow out of it". He will be whatever he will be. There is nothing you can do to change who he is. The best thing you can do is to help him learn about and be comfortable with himself.

Leann

[BRANDYJ]

Like the song says....What ever will be, will be, the future is not mine to see. I was nothing like your grandson and I became a crossdresser at age 11. Yet I still liked all the boy things. But even at age 8, I liked girls and would even play house with them. Your grandson is to young for anyone to guess if he will continue to enjoy his fem side. Perhaps once in school and being around other boys, he will gravitate to doing guy things and grow out of his seemingly girlish interests. Once puberty starts to set in, things can change fast. However, he may still end up being a boy that likes all the boy things, including girls, but still become a crossdresser.

[nylon boy]

and the problem is...........?Ive tried my best not to rise to this comment...if there wasnt a slight problem i dont think this thread would exist,we dont all think the same charleen and some people just need a little clarity or light shining on their situations otherwise there wouldnt be no need for a forum???To some people believe it or not this is a problem

[TxKimberly]

I'm afraid that I doubt very much he will grow out of it. Like someone else posted above, my first clear memories of wanting to be or dress like a girl were also at the age of five and I was sneaking every chance I could find to wear a dress by the time I was 7. It sounds to me as if your grandson has been fairly consistent in his interests since day one - why would he suddenly pop up and say "OK, I'm done!"
Sorry Grandma, i know that's probably not what you wanted to hear, but I doubt that you came here wanting us to fib to you.

Now here's some small bit of good news for you. A LOT of us go through long periods of serious depression, and while I don't know the statistics, I also recall reading that the suicide rate of TG children is quite high. Most of this depression stems from having no support, no one to talk to, no one to confide in - in other words, being entirely alone to wrestle with your difference. It sounds like your Grandchild is probably going to be able to avoid all of that. Not only will he NOT be alone to wrestle with these demons, but your daughters support and understanding will help make sure that they don't become demons to be wrestled with in the first place. He is not being taught that this is something horrible and bad and this may well save him a great deal of pain later on.

[Karren H]

Nope... I doubt he will grow ouit of it...

[Maria in heels]

Simply put, he is your grandson, and nothing more or less. Love him and support him, pease don't make him feel out of place, and he will be who he is, not what someone else wants him to be...

[Stephanie Miller]

May I suggest you save your clothes for him. He'll thank you for it when he's grown up and they come back in style :heehee:

[Charleen]

I said what I said because even though you have a concern, it shouldn't be a problem. There has been quite alot of publicity about kids like your Grandson lately on the news including a woman who wrote a book about her son. I believe it's called "My son wears a dress".
Most of us here started the same way at the same age. It took me ages to come to terms with who I am because when I was younger we didn't have the resources that we have today.

[ChanDelle]

I doubt the "grow out of it" part. I thought I had "grown out of it" for a few years in high school, but back it came after I got married. Then I knew it was probably here to stay. I was going to ask what are you going to say if he wants his ears pierced, but I was in Walmart the other day and a family of 3 boys from about 6 to 9 all had both ears pierced. I doubt they're all CDs in training, so it's going to be pretty mainstream in a few years if not already. Just support him when he needs it and perhaps when the time is right, let him know he's not alone, if you can. I wonder what it would have been like for me if I had found out much earlier in life that there was more than one of me in this world.

ChanDelle

[MsJanessa]

All I can say is that I didn't grow out of it

[seanmuscle]

He is probably a CD. Got the genes from you. At least he can have a friend in you to confide in if he feels guilty or alone.

[sissystephanie]

I started wearing panties somewhere between the age of 6 or 7. Now I am in my late 70's and still dress enfemme almost every day. I didn't grow out of it and I doubt that he will. Accept him the way he is!!

[Cynthia Anne]

I say thank you all of your comments thus far! My only concern is the doctor has my daughter convince that he will grow out of it and I fill this may not happen!

[kimdl93]

None of us know for certain. Our experiences would suggest that by seven each of us was already firmly established on a path. And more likely, the deciding factor was genetic or intra-utero hormonal environment.

The bigger issue, one I think you're alluding to, it that perhaps your daughter is hoping its a phase and may have trouble accepting if he doesn't "grow out of it". As someone wrote early on, all he really needs is unconditional love, regardless of how he develops. Give him that and his life will be fine.

[Kate Lynn]

I'm 61 years old,and I never grew out of it.

[Ahnya]

Once puberty hits, everything might change - or it might not. It's best to be loving and supporting, because it is so very easy to scar children with intolerance. If she is worried how other people will think of him, then just advise the child that it should only be done at home.

[suit]

better start loading that child with tools needed to deal with the world and expectation the world has for what ever gender chosen. and the consequences of lost time,the huge expenses and disappointments with straddling a fence too long.
the limitation of ones brain , it really can really one deal for one point/front well . wearing too many hats leads to mediocrity and with the competition of life, probable failure.
a day at a nude beach might sound like a bad idea ..but it might just clarify stuff !
one form of a boot to the head may be better than another. sooner than later ?
sorry to be so crude and blunt

[busker]

Cynthia,
you didn't mention whether he had sisters or brothers, what are the influences on him at the moment, does he watch particular programs on tv, (that's television, not transvestite), family environment. There was a great British series years ago called SEVEN, the premise of which was "give me a child of 7, and I'll show you the adult", and it was extremely accurate over the course of 5 or so seven-year periods.
Does anyone talk to him about why he's interested in dolls and dresses? We all go through phases in life, and he could grow out of it. I started in my teens, had a very long "dry spell" and started up again in my 60's.
As the others have said, support and a loving environment will do more than a whole passle of doctors generic phrases.

[suchacutie]

Might I focus on the phrase, '..grow out of it...' That phrase assumes something needs to change, or that there is hope that something will change. As we reach puberty things do change radically, and the hormonal shift might just do that very thing. There are pictures of me in high school that my daughter says would have made me a "pretty boy" in today's culture. In the first two years of college my "90-pound weakling" physique shifted and I gained 40 pounds in my shoulders and arms (and now have that darned inverted triangle body shape!). The "pretty boy" look was suddenly gone and much changed.

My opinion is that it's most important that your grandson makes it to puberty with no social stigmas attached to his preferences. If he is supported and not made to feel less than he is, he will grow well...though not necessarily to anyone else's specifications :)

my best,

tina

[Cynthia Anne]

Cynthia,
you didn't mention whether he had sisters or brothers, what are the influences on him at the moment, does he watch particular programs on tv, (that's television, not transvestite), family environment.
Does anyone talk to him about why he's interested in dolls and dresses? We all go through phases in life, and he could grow out of it. I started in my teens, had a very long "dry spell" and started up again in my 60's.
As the others have said, support and a loving environment will do more than a whole passle of doctors generic phrases. He has a brother one year older that is the oposite of him very macho. He watches very little TV and would rather clean house and cook! I might add that parrents are devoriced and ahcoholic dad treets him bad when he has to visit him.

[Lorileah]

he is a free spirit, a special person who does not see the need to be confined to societal requirements. He will grow up and as stated many times above he may or may not change his likes. I don't see the problem but that is me (and most here).

My brother had dolls and a kitchen set and he is not a crossdresser. Nope he is one of the most macho gay guys I know

[rhonda]

Cynthia things are gonna work out , the two brothers might flip roles , they might both be macho men or they both might become crossdressers and or stay the same as now I know you will support and love them which ever happens

[Vickie_CDTV]

There has been quite alot of publicity about kids like your Grandson lately on the news including a woman who wrote a book about her son. I believe it's called "My son wears a dress".

It is called "My Princess Boy". It is a fascinating story, he wears dresses and likes pink and other 'girly' things, and he does so openly everywhere; they did take him to professionals and said he did not have GID and he, in his own words, indentifies as a boy. At the same time I worry about children like this. The feedback from some adults has just been brutal, mostly the "you are raising him to be gay!" thing. Ironically, if you look at it statistically, most TVs are heterosexual, and odds are he would be as well... but the less obvious issue is, if he is heterosexual, he may have a very very hard time finding a female parter and end up being very lonely in that regard. (This is something I wish I knew when I was younger, perhaps I would have made different choices.)

http://www.myprincessboy.com if anyone wants to read more.

[Angiemead12]

Kids at that age are usually very honest, have a heart to heart talk with him and ask him. Let us know what happens after please.

[Felicia]

I will add to the "I didn't grow out of it". My parents thought I would grow out of it and at time in my youth I did put it out of my life. It came back later in life and has been a part of my life ever since

[TxKimberly]

I say thank you all of your comments thus far! My only concern is the doctor has my daughter convince that he will grow out of it and I fill this may not happen!

Cynthia, your average Doctor has probably never even met a transgendered person let alone have any real and practical knowledge about us. It sounds like he is a nice guy and just trying to ease everyones mind, but the reality is that YOU may well know more about the topic than he does if you have been doing any research online.


He has a brother one year older that is the oposite of him very macho. He watches very little TV and would rather clean house and cook! I might add that parrents are devoriced and ahcoholic dad treets him bad when he has to visit him.


Pssstt . . . you just described my young life to a T . . .

[Rhonda Jean]

We're all familiar with the lack of acceptance, but the reports over the last couple of years of boys being allowed to transition in elementary school bother me, too. Sounds wonderful on the surface, but, what the hell? They're just kids! I think that some parents can be too quick to show how enlightened they are. I think there's lots of room for acceptance and support without going as far as full transition and planning hormones and srs at age 8. Just my opinion.

I completely support allowing a boy great latitude in feminine expression, but the whole early transition thing in it's own way solidifies that there are only two choices, boy or girl. I guess that beats no choice at all. I see nothing wrong with letting a boy grow his hair down to his ass, wearing nail polish, getting his ears pierced, etc., but to say to a child that to do these things as a child sets one on a life long course, that it is a concrete decision, seems a little ill advised. An overreaction. We're all examples that there's a spectrum of gender expression, not just the two points at either end.

Will he grow out of it? Who knows. Ideally, I'd hope that he'll be allowed grow into it, out of it, and back into it if he chooses. It doesn't have to be permanent either way.

[TGMarla]

He'll grow. Whether he continues to gravitate towards traditionally feminine things or not, only time will tell. We all make our own path. My own proclivities began at an early age, but really came out after I'd turned 12 years old. These behaviors have not diminshed much for me over the years, but everyone is different. There's a good possibility he may never grow out of it, and in fact these trends may continue and get even stronger. It doesn't necessarily mean he's destined for a life of crossdressing or even (gasp!) homosexuality. But he will find his own way through life, and he'll do it better with love, support, and the comfort of knowing he doesn't need to hide a part of himself away from his loved ones for fear of ridicule and rejection. So be sure to hold him close no matter where he goes.

[GingerLeigh]

I dunno, as a crossdresser I never liked to play with dolls/kitchen stuff. I used to melt my little green army men in my sister's "Easy Bake" oven, and eat all the powder before she could cook it. Oh, and I'd break her Barbie dolls. I loved breaking things, playing war, my bicycle, playing with my dad's tools, and oh my beloved lego.

Stockings initially were the only feminine things I liked as a kid. I would start with the leg rubbing and I was hooked. I never grew out of it. Well, I don't rub legs anymore. It only got more involved as I got older with dresses, shoes, and now makeup.

Will he grow out of it? Time will tell. Don't make him feel bad about it, let him know it's OK. He may never change. But, try not to encourage it either. You don't want him blaming you (or you yourself) for his potential troubles down the road. Let his life unfold naturally as he matures, don't push him or pull him in any direction.


Ginger

[Jennifer Marie P.]

No he wont grow out of it I didnt.

[Annie D]

After reading all of our replies and understanding what we have all contributed; that he won't grow out of it, I think that you should go back to your doctor and simply ask, "what if he doesn't grow out of it?" We all know the answer but then you might follow up with inquiries from the doctor about where he can go for support, not repression. Being in the Ozarks or what I perceive as "the bible belt", don't get me wrong, but I doubt if the doctor you are taking your grandson to is very familiar with transgenders. If a professional is not around or if you can't afford one, I would read everything available on the subject. All the comments from all the girls are great but I doubt if any of us knew what was going on when it was happening to us; most of us were too ashamed or guilty to express our thoughts at the time. Give your grandson all the support so that he doesn't feel ashamed or guilty and try to shield him from all the harmful comments he is bound to endure in middle school and high school. You may even need to make a decision to change where you live to enable him to express who he is and not be harmed. Good luck!

[happy2cd]

I think the Doctor needs to back off the comment of certainty that the boy will grow out of it. Your grandson might grow out of it but probably won't. The worst thing that can happen is to berrate him for his choice and for what makes him happy. His parents should not be given false promises of a certain future especially when you have access to a whole panel of folks who tell you that they are still waiting to grow out of it as their hair turns grey and falls out, etc.

Help the parents and hug the kid.

[loserjaxxy]

Be glad he isn't into gangster rap and guns.

[kristinacd55]

Hate to say it, but I'll bet he'll be a crossdresser and from personal experience it's not such a bad thing! :)

[Stephanie Anne]

No they wont. If you feel it is a phase and push for them to be seen how you think of as normal, you can expect years of mental anguish.

Support them and let them know you love them unconditionally. If they grow out of it they do. If they don't, be there for them when they will obviously go through tough times.

[Ingrid1999]

At this age it may be a game, he may grow out of it or he may grow into it.
The most important thing is that you and his mother love your grandchild for who he is. As he grows older and if he senses disapproval he may change himself for your sake. Repressing himself to be a good son.

The best way to insure he grows into a happy stable and capable adult is to assure him that you love and support him whether or not he identifies as a boy or a girl.

[BillieJoEllen]

Cynthia, some of what you described was exactly what my early age was like. The direction I got from parents, etc was that "boys don't do that sort of thing". I was able to detach myself from girly pursuits until I was a bit older. If anyone, my mother and aunt kept me attached or connected to Girly activities without my father's knowledge. I still recall in many instances that my mother would exclaim "boys don't do that...", but then privately.....

[Melinda Lou]

My initial thinking is that he probably won't ever completely grow out of it, based on my own experience--but then to me, at that age dresses and panties were forbidden fruit (as I lived in a house with no sisters) which increased my fascination with them. Even the few chances I had to be dressed up as a girl by my female playmates, I didn't take, as that "boys don't do that" voice in the back of my head made me hesitate (my advice to youngsters in that situation would be, don't hesitate, let her do it! :P ). So, perhaps being allowed to wear a dress and even have a dress of his own will lead him to get past this "phase" and go on to something else. Or, it could just let him develop his future CD fashion sense...hard to really know.

[DonnaT]

Hi Cynthia,

I think it's kinda hard to say if your grandson will grow out of it or not. He might do. When I was little, I liked to play "with the girls" - jump rope, hopscotch, that sort of thing but was never particularly interested in dolls or makeup. My bother on the other hand, loved girl dolls. He had lots of them and a dolls house too. He also liked to wear my Moms and Grandmother's old jewelry ... YET ... I went on the become the "crossdresser of the family" and he "grew out of it". He's not the least bit girly in any way whatsoever and hasn't been since he was about 12.

As indicated by Rachel, he may grow out of it, or may not. Some do, some turn out to be gay and don't dress up, some go on as CDers, and some are TS.

All you can do is be there for him, or her, if that should be the case.


I might add that parrents are devoriced and ahcoholic dad treets him bad when he has to visit him.
Watch your grandson carefully. His dad could be a big problem. Video your grandson, and watch for changes. Video those as well. These could come in handy if it becomes necessary to protect him from his dad.

[bridgetta]

when people say things. like. " he will grow out of it.." what they mean. is.. everyone else will eventually get used to it.... the kid is fine.. everyone else is uptight...

[Yvonne York]

Neither did I!

[Kitty Sue]

Hi. My experience is similar to another I read here. Both my cousin and I dressed in women's clothes growing up. My cousin grew out of it and I did not.

I have no idea whether your grandson will or not. If he does fine. If he does not that is fine too. Either way(and especially if he becomes increasintly feminine he will need the love and support of his family.)

Thanks for the topic, Kitty Sue.

[Cynthia Anne]

My goodness! So many great comments and advice! I knew the first of January when I joined that I was going to love it here! Now I can easy say I love you ladies too! I thank you all thus far from the bottom of my heart!

[sterling12]

Your Family's "Choices," in this situation:

1. Beat it out of Him! Join The Ranks of people who believe they can be The Instruments of God's Will, and change his "sinful" behavior! But....that probably won't work.

2. Seek out "The Proper" Psychiatric Help, preferably A Shrink who can make him quit with Drugs like Ritalin, or Behavior Modification Therapy. But....that probably won't work.

3. Accept his behavior for what it is, and hope that it's a "phase" that he will grow out of. But....that probably won't work. After five years, it's probably about 50/50, and neither you, members of your family, the aforementioned shrink, nor even this child knows how The Story will end.

So, logic says: "be supportive, but probably refrain from active encouragement!" In a few years, The Child's Self-Directed Destiny will probably start to develop. His Transgendered Feelings have begun at an early age, and so far it's been pushing further and further toward A Femme Outcome. Simple Advise? I would encourage all in The Family who will listen, to start learning how to accept this, and they in turn will learn how to help your Grandchild to learn to accept him/herself.

Peace and Love, Joanie

[Cynthia Anne]

Thank you Joanie! I know your right! I started at that age and without support it took many years for me to except myself! Thanks!

[Cheryl T]

Only time will tell.
I fear the worst thing that could happen is to push him in the opposite direction just to impose some societal "norms" on him.
Let nature take it's course and love him with all your heart.

[Jorja]

I don't know what I could possibly add to what has already been said. Just love him for who he is and all will work out just as planned.

[Abbyru1]

This little "guy" knows what he wants, he's comfortable, and apparently hasn't had to face the " mean guys" outside so just let him be. He'll decide were his future will be.At any rate, at this stage in his life, he'll be fine.

[t-girlxsophie]

I cant add anything new but the one certainty is that he has a fantastic grandparent,who will be there for him,whatever may be

[Pythos]

Here is an idea that may help. Don't ask the question at the start of this thread. It implies there is a problem with what your grandson is doing.

THERE IS NOT.

But if you imply that there is, if you go beyond just general caution about what reactions he may get, then you are making what he is doing appear wrong.

Will he grow out of it? He may. On the other hand, if he is made to think that what he is doing is wrong, then he may just submerge like how you, myself, and most other members have here, and absolutely no progress will be made.

Just love your grandson, and let him do what he will as long as nobody gets hurt, or things get destroyed. That's it. That's all.

You can ask him why he prefers these things though, asking questions nicely never hurts.

[Jilmac]

Cynthia, I think you nailed it when you said all he'll grow out of is the dress. You seem to be a very observant person in knowing that your grandson may never outgrow his desire for feminine things. As a lifelong crossdresser I can say for myself that it is part of my being and I haven't outgrown it since the first time I wore panties and a dress at age seven, and I'm 65 now. For your grandson's sake you and your daughter can encourage him to be himself no matter what he chooses to wear or the toys he plays with. Unconditional love is best for all concerned.

[Cynthia Anne]

I cant add anything new but the one certainty is that he has a fantastic grandparent,who will be there for him,whatever may be

THANK YOU SOPHIE for the nice complement! I would never do or say anything, nor, I believe, would his mother to change him from being himself! He is loved I just wish his dad would leave him alone! He is happy 'tel his dad has visitations! And I still don't apreaceate the doctor insisting he will grow out of it! No one knows!

[Billie Jean]

All I can say is that I didn't grow out of itI didn't either. Cynthia Anne do you think you will either? We are who we are, and thats good for me. I had a neighbor whose son wore all her shoes around the neighborhood :eek:. That ws 25 years ago and I wouldn't be surprised if he wasn't a member here :battingeyelashes:. Billie Jean

[Kaz]

There are some very interesting insights here, and so our collective learning grows. Pythos has, as usual, got to some really core issues...

Kids are kids... they are exploring the world they inhabit and they are taking in data and processing it... but not against the frameworks and models we have developed. Wearing a dress may be perfectly natural within the context in which he is growing up... I don't know the context so I can't comment on that.

When do we become CD? No-one knows. There is considerable evidence in developmental psychology that early years are exploratory and we make choices in our teens. Just look at modern marketing techinques to see how they have exploited this!

Will he grow out of it... i.e. is it a phase? Maybe, maybe not..

Is there something wrong with him? That is a different question, but it is predicated on the first.

He is who he will become... love him for it. He is unique. Let him grow and develop, and above all, let him find his own path... it will almost certainly not be the path you would have chosen... but it will be his... and this will be his story

[eluuzion]

First, push this button...
http://www.dramabutton.com

Will he grow out of it?

No, it will actually "grow out of him" if he is a true CD or TS...

Does he present any symptoms or signs of coccygeal pain? (coccyx is the very base of the spinal column~~center of buttocks). This pain originates from the growth spurt of the coccyx, just prior to pushing through the final dermal layers to emerge outside the body, where it is labeled as the tail. This is one of the primary indicators that confirms you are dealing with a Gender Identity Disorder. The CD or TS classification can only be determined after the tail is has grown to full length (approx 6-8months). CDs have a tail length between 5" to 6.5" and TS have a total length between 6.6" to 9", (measured from the point where the base exits the outermost dermal layer of the body.) There are a few exceptions that surpass the 9" length. But these are typically only found within the confines of the pornographic adult entertainment industry.:D
************************************************** **********************************************

Ok, on a serious note...

Kids are explorers with endless curiosities that persist in spite of the diligent efforts of parents and society to discourage it, lol. By the time we reach age 5-6 years old, we have firmly established the foundation of our personality which is generally fixed for life. Gender identity and awareness starts emerging around age 2-3.

Obviously, there is a lot going on during those first five-six years of life. Of course our duty as a parent, is to lose our logical perspective in life when it comes to our toddlers, lol. We tend to become “amateur childhood development experts” analyzing our child’s every move, as they crawl the imaginary tightrope that separates “normal” from “abnormal” behavior. We can become obsessed with trying to interpret the behavior of our child, instead of just enjoying them.

If a two-year-old boy goes through a stage of experimentation with girls toys or dresses, we freak out. We forget that this is normal exploration to see what it is like. A two-year-old understands the primitive differences between a boy and a girl. But they do not establish a firm grasp of gender stability until about age three. A two-year-old still thinks a boy or a girl could possibly change into the opposite sex later in life. A three-year-old understands that a boy or girl remains the same sex forever.

I am not discounting the credibility of engaging common sense interpretation when observing their behavior. I am suggesting that as a caretaker, it is worth the effort to maintain a healthy perspective, by understanding how much we influence what a child will become as an adult by what we consciously or unconsciously choose to reinforce or discourage.

There is a lot of good educational material regarding childhood development and gender issues on the net. I think this is one of the best resources for translating complex concepts into layman's terms.
http://www.education.com/reference/article/gender-identity/
http://www.education.com/reference/article/trends-gender-development/

:hugs:
:love: