How to be more comfortable with your female side?

[Jazzlynn]

So I closet crossdress and I just can't seem to progress to even experiment I always seem to try and purge or reject and then regret.It's kind of like a battle with in myself but I know I want to try and go fully enfem and go the whole 110% but I just keep rejecting it.Has anyone ran into this?What advise can you offer?

[Michelle 51]

All I can say is it takes awhile to accept who you are.We all go through it to some degree or another.Then once you accept it the process starts all over again with loved ones and friends.

[Melissa Jill]

I can tell by your join date you're going through what I went through at one point.
Im not sure what happened to make me accept myself, I just did. Just try to avoid purging.

[danielle.cd]

well like most of us here the purging is the worst, eventually you get tired of wasting money and will learn to keep a bin or safe spot for the stuff untill the next time u decide to dress. the hardest part is accepting that this is who you are,
sit down evaluate the sittuation, ie... how far do i want to go with this, am i just into clothes? do i want to look like a women or just dress like one?
take the next step or not? do i want to where makeup? buy a wig? grow my hair? can i be happy with myself dressed or is it just a sexual thing? and stop feeling guilty, your not cheating on yourself,

the other thing you can do is embrace it, when i found this site i was soooooo scared to even type cause i was afraid someone would know who i was, well if there on here then whats that tell ya . then i read some others who felt like i did and now walla i had the courage to show who i am and the different styles of dress . even now after accepting who i am and not a monster i get the urge to throw it all away, but that subsides in an hour or soo and i get confert from others here
the other thing to remeber is to stop thinking about it and dooo it . if u let your head take over most of the time u achieve nothing and will be scared to do anything beyond thinking about it, i had to get so fed up with myself that i finally said i dont care what the others think im going shopping dressed for once and im gana try stuff on too and when i did it no one was even watching me or anything, i was all hyped up for nuthing , and now i know that even if someone did say something, whats it matter i am who i am , it took me a long time and alot of frustration to figure that out hope fully u can learn from others on here too

[Kate Simmons]

While most will not admit it, very deep feelings drive CDing. Unless one makes the effort to accept those feelings and accept oneself overall, there will always be a conflict to contend with.:)

[deebra]

Yes,there's this feeling of guilt when you dress, you feel it's purverted and you should throw everything away, straighten up, get your priorities in the right place and never do it again. And then the urge returns, and to feed and satisfy that need you go out and buy more. Even though it feels exciting and sexually wonderful when wearing soft, sexy panties, the projection of a lacie bra and as you add more clothing the need is rewarded as you transform to a sexy, feminine woman. While dressed as good and dangerous as it feels, you still may have the feeling that this isn't right, I need to get this stuff off. These feelings are natural in the beginning and you gradually accept this has surfaced as a part of you and theirs absolutely nothing wrong or illegal with you satisfing and enjoying this new found need/pleasure in your life. After acceptance you start to enjoy and look forward to moving on to the nextstep. Instead of feeling nervious when you shop you gain confidence and if a female store clerk gives you a suspicious look, you have learned to hold your ground and you have the right to buy and wear what you damn well please and she's the problem for getting into your personal business. We CDers are so blessed moreso than the rest because we get to enjoy this need, we can be two people, a masculine male and a sexy, soft female. Why let women enjoy all the sexy, pretty, colorful fem clothing just for themselves, they have no problem or acceptance wearing men's. So my advise is to keep dressing, enjoy and throw off the guilt and accept, the journey as far as you want to take it will be so rewarding. Been there, done it, love it, no regrets, will never go back.

[kimdl93]

My advice would be to spend some time with a counselor. She can help you learn to understand yourself and accept yourself.

In my case, it helped just to be able to reveal and discuss my darkest secret with an objective, but sympathetic third party. When I did, I was surprised to find out that she wasn't appalled, that I didn't need to be "cured", and that there was absolutely nothing wrong with being a cross dresser. It took me a while to believe her, but finally I realized that I was making myself sick with self loathing and fear of discovery.

[TGMarla]

I learned over time that purging only does one thing: cost money. It's best to just put things away so you have them when you decide you want them again. The guilt feelings you wrestle with are a result of your internal programming. You have not come yet to the conclusion that everyone else is wrong about this, and that you're not doing anything wrong. It's a matter of personal growth, self-love, inner respect and peace of mind, and self-acceptance. Do not use the ill-conceived ideas of others to judge yourself. If you have a good heart and mean well, then you should listen to what your own inner self is telling you. The only reason any of us hide this part of ourselves is to avoid dealing with the baggage others heap on us for our behavior, whether right or wrong. But this isn't murder or mayhem; it's just an enjoyment of some of the softer things in life, and that's not hurting anyone. So don't be so tough on yourself. Ease your worried mind.

[Marcia63]

I guess we've all been there, and in the end purging never solves anything.

For me it somehow devalued the experience, now I reached a point where I'm not too worried about what other people may make of it.

I'm lucky that my parents didn't seem to mind, I did have problems with an ex-wife, (but that's another story).

I'm working from home today, wearing a skirt, blouse, stockings heels and make up, and I feel really good, my wife's around and has made me several cups of coffee.

I would say stop purging, if you enjoy it, go for it and what the hell!

[Holly]

...It's a matter of personal growth, self-love, inner respect and peace of mind, and self-acceptance. Do not use the ill-conceived ideas of others to judge yourself. If you have a good heart and mean well, then you should listen to what your own inner self is telling you....This member wins the, "Best Advice of the Day" Award.

[suzy1]

The interesting thing for me is what feeds the guilt.
This question has been covered very well in many posts. And there have been several reasons given. Religious beliefs, and Ones upbringing being two of them.
But there is no logical reason for guilt that I can see.
I have never felt any guilt and I think that’s one reason I enjoy my life so much.
If you could only dump the guilt Jazzlynn.

All the best, SUZY

[Sarah Jane]

Accepting my crossdressing only took me a few months. The problem I now have is that I don't see the benefit of being a guy anymore - and most likely never did.

[Karren H]

Its not really about accepting your feminine side... Hell I don't even think I have a feminine side. Its more about wearing what you want, where you want and not giving a damn about what anyone else thinks.. Imho.

[S. Lisa Smith]

Holly and Marla have it right. What we do is different, but not evil. We are not hurting anyone. Having lived in Hawaii, I know that it is a macho place and that may have a large bearing on what you feel. We are (at least I am) dual gendered, I love both sides of me. One side doesn't diminish the other. I hope you can learn to love both sides of your personality! (PS I miss surfing Chun's and Laniakea on the North Shore and Diamond Head on the south.)

[Fab Karen]

First step: change your language. "I always" is a program your brain takes to heart.

[Chrissy8888]

I am just going to share my story. For a very long time dressing was an OK thing for me. That was when I did not have any clothing but wore my moms. Once I moved out and started to purchase my own I started feeling very ashamed of what I was doing. I even purged once. Like almost everybody here has said all it did was cost money. I realized before I could carry on I had to do some self evaluation. What I ultimately realized is that this was not going to go away. I also knew that I was not alone, although I did not know any other cross-dressers. So I went forward and purchased more clothing. I set some boundaries so that I could enjoy it and not worry about it. Some of those boundaries where just setting some time to dress every week. Over time I learned that I was as normal as everybody else after all none of us are normal to anybody else. Now I enjoy dressing and treat it as a part of who I am any my everyday life. All of this takes time. However this website is a great place to talk with others and get good advice. So please ask questions and share your experiences. Remember we can’t go through life hating who we are.

[Ash Leland]

This is so, so common for me. I've only become serious about dressing a few months ago and now that I'm doing things like spending half of the day dressed and wearing panties and stuff under my guy clothes I'm becoming aware of just how unconventional it is, and this conjures up so many little enemies in your head. I start thinking of all the people I grew up with who never knew about this side, and how the disbelief they might express if they knew could somehow invalidate me. People do disbelieve in anything that is too far outside of their boxes, and this can't be helped.

You know what you know. They don't know what it's like to be you, any more than you know what it's like to be them. As for people in crowds...knowing what I'm doing is beyond their pale- beyond the pale of most of the people I know -does make me feel like I'm taking a risk. But no one taught me to dress up. The desire comes from me, and most of those people probably never thought twice about their own daily habits or anything even remotely related to gender conventions.

What it comes down to for me is that I know what I know, and I'm sure you know what you know. I hope that helps, and I think Suzy is absolutely right. There is no rational basis on which to feel guilty about this. It makes you feel good and it hurts no one.

Take care

[ninapuella]

I have had three big purges when I threw away everything. Now I am on my fourth try of building up a real nice closet. So much waste of money. The startup is the most expensive part, i hate it. Actually my first purge came after 5 whole years, then the two second purges came quickly after because of some crisis in my life. I connected the crisis with my crossdressing and just couldnt allow me to continue. But certainly i did and here i am.

The biggest advice i can give is to let the crossdressing be a part of your identity, your person and to accept it. I think this forum is excellent for letting you feel like a normal person as a crossdresser. That is very important.

[docrobbysherry]

The interesting thing for me is what feeds the guilt.
This question has been covered very well in many posts. And there have been several reasons given. Religious beliefs, and Ones upbringing being two of them.
But there is no logical reason for guilt that I can see.
I have never felt any guilt and I think that’s one reason I enjoy my life so much.
If you could only dump the guilt Jazzlynn.

All the best, SUZY

How 'bout this, Suzy? " Men don't wear women's clothes!"
This is unspoken rule is something I've received from EVERY SOURCE POSSIBLE, since I was old enuff to wear clothes!

And I'm sure, is the reason I'M still working thru MY guilt!

[sterling12]

You don't have your age posted on your profile, but I'll assume you are an adult. Possibly a very young adult, but still an adult. Here's a simple truth that you need to understand. For about 99% of us, the feelings just grow stronger as we get older. Often, they "peak" in middle-age. So, the odds are very good that your situation will not disappear, and probably the feelings of femininity will become stronger, as you age.

At least you are currently considering your situation, and that's a good thing! "A Life unexamined" just about dooms a person to A Life of frustrations and anxiety. Work on that "Acceptance Thing." Seems we spend time harping about it with just about every newbie on this site. As time goes by, and you learn to accept yourself as "whom you are," it WILL get better! Purging is pointless. It's NOT going to make you stop. "Moving Forward," will come when your ready. And for your sake, I hope that's sooner than later. A good first step might be joining a TG Social/Support Group....if your ready? Good Luck, hang in there, move forward!

Peace and Love, Joanie

[Chris_Miss]

I'm in a somewhat similar Jazzlyn. I've never fully crossdressed. I made an attempt a about 3 years ago but gave up when I tried to apply the make up, lol. I had to toss the outfits and wig that I bought because I fell on hard times and have had to do the roommate thing for awhile and didn't want to get caught. I finally gave into temptation and bought some stuff yesturday. Trying to mentally prepare myself to just pretend to be a woman and not make it a solely sexual thing. I'm sure i'll fail.

[Suzette Muguet de Mai]

Accepting some things that others you may respect and are loyal to can be extremely tortuous. Until you accept your crossdressing, you may find guilt is a constant companion. Believe us, it is very hard particularly if your family and society do not accept crossdressing. I still closet dress, I may never come out of the closet yet I am slowly accepting my crossdressing and so very thankful to this site for help. Spend some time here when you can and slowly your questions will be answered.

[suzy1]

You make an interesting point Sherry when you use the expression “unspoken rule”
I however would replace it with “other people’s opinions” and I have never let that affect the way I live my life. So no guilt.
I do understand though.

[gaylegirlify]

It is a hard thing to deal with at times especially if you grew up in a world of men are men and heaven help anyone who was not manly. I am 57 and have crossdressed all my life, not actually going out but hiding away for fear of being caught as i believed this was totally wrong. In that time i have purged many times, i now have a wonderful wife who does allow me to wear and has often bought me lingerie, and was very understanding when i told her i like to dress more like a woman, makeup, bras etc. I still am a closet dresser as she won't allow more than this her fear others finding out and understandably so.My point is i am so much more relaxed with my dressing and am wanting it more now that i am older.
Be relaxed and love yourself for who you are, we are special and lucky to have these two sides and fantastic support from many girls, SO's and GG's on this site, there is an army of us girls.

Love to you all

[Cheryl T]

Been there dne that and wish I had all the clothes back that I gave/threw away over the years.
Now that I have accepted myself my clothes are where they belong (in the closet) and I am where I belong (out in the world).
No more agonizing over why I feel this way, is it wrong, is it strange, will someone find out.
No more buying and returning something before the 30 days are up.

It took years, but now that that portion of my life is over I feel so free to be the real me.

[Jazzlynn]

I want to thank everyone for there answers and support there is nothing wrong with crossdressing it's just the way of how other people perceive us.I am 23 years old and believe you should try almost everything because you only live once.The way I was brought up was to be a manly man with my dad and my mom on th other hand is a little more open to things like I had a chipped nail and didn't know how to file it and she started to talk to me about how nice guys nails looked manicured and polished.I would told her once I like to wear womens under wear and she was cool about it but I don't know if she remembers as she was going threw a stressful stuff at the time.I have had A lot of panties corset and pantyhose in my drawers I'm pretty sure she seen them but didn't say anything.Now I'd mention how I feel and tell her what I'm doing but shes been under soo much stress that I feel it would break her heart to know that I like to crossdress even though I'm straight.

I have been taking little steps like always wearing panties and using sweet scented body wash it feels so empowering and nice :) I am also learnign about make up and skin care.Sorry for the long post.