apoligizing for how our SO's feel

[Jamie Parks]

OK, I know I am going to really upset allot of people with this but I am not trying to offend anyone just throw my point of view out there, I am not saying I am right or wrong just my opinion. There are allot of variables in the equations between us and our SOers, like did we disclose our dressing early in the relationships, or wait till much later or maybe still hiding it...are you a CD, or a tg...the frequency with which we dress, all the time or rarely...the extent to which we dress, under dress or all the way or maybe somewhere in the middle. Then there is society, also the way we are stereotyped...sexual deviants, perverts, freaks, weirdos now if someone approached us on the streets while we were dressed and started throwing those stereotypes at us we would assume that they are uneducated about our true situation and know that they are somewhat prejudiced toward us...that is there right and probably nothing will ever change there way of thinking of us(I am not saying everyone is like that but most are, even if they only think it in there head and not speak it aloud). On that same line of thinking I am sure most of us know someone who is from a older generation where racism was accepted(well at least tolerated) and there is nothing in this world that is going to change there minds about it, no amount of education or pressure from society is going to make them realize there way of thinking is wrong(I speak from experience my father was like that, I tryed to reason with him but he wasn't going to budge from his way of thinking)now it is these peoples right to think how they want but IT DOESN'T MAKE THEM RIGHT. At one time society taught us that to be a person of color meant they were beneath a person of the Caucasian descent, it was accepted and taught that was just the way it was...once again society said it was alright to be a raciest but THAT DID NOT MAKE IT RIGHT!!!! not then and most defentaly not now. Now closer to my point, society now says that being a CD or a TG is somehow wrong, a few enlightened people know better but the world view as a whole is very negative about us, that is most likely where our SO got there point of view from and for some no amount of education or pleading from us is going to change there minds and it is there right to have that point of view but THAT DOESN'T MAKE IT RIGHT!!! We no longer apologize for how racists feel why do we keep apologizing for how some of our SO's feel I see absolutely no difference between the two, both are based on zero facts and alot of stereotypes, and both ways of thinking should be left in the past. Now I realize that cross dressing can still be a deal breaker for some SO(for many reasons) and that is there right but I believe that for most of them it all comes down to a preset prejudice and why are we apologizing for someones prejudice. Now for my disclamer...I know not everyone is prejudice toward us and I am not speaking of anyone in particular, I also realize that some (in my case) GG's will never accept our way of life even if it doesn't affect there way of life, my point is we should stop making excuses for them and call it as we see it. Once again I am not trying to offend anyone CD, TG, GG whatever just saying what I think(I am also not saying I am right or wrong, just my opinion). Before some of you chain me to the whipping post to give me my lashings ask for clarification I am not a scholar or a writer, I know what I mean in my head but that doesn't always translate 100% to my writings.

let me also add this I am using stereotypes for this post, i realize not all CD,TG's feel like me, I know not all of society feels like we are deviants, and I know not all GG's have a prejudice towards us, as a matter of fact I am fortunate to be one of the lucky ones who has a SO who accepts me for who I am. I also know that even if a GG accepts us it could still be a deal breaker some peoples life long desire is to grow old with a person from the opposite sex that they are madly in love with. I am not condemning anyone just pointing out that we don't need to protect those who see us as "criminals and deviants" just because society told them we are

[LitaKelley]

I disagree with your opinion that a person's prejudices will never change.

One of my closest friends has always exhibited homophobic and/or transphobic views, etc.. I feared loss of friendship when coming out as I didn't just tell him, not until after he read a blog post I tweeted on my male name twitter back in Aug, forgetting that he was a follower, so, I had to talk to him about me being me.. Excluding my wife, he was the first person I come out to, and the LAST PERSON ON EARTH that I thought would be fully accepting and supportive, and he is to this day a true and accepting friend whom supports me in every way being who I am and consequently has changed his opinions and attitudes towards not only transgender, but homosexual even though the latter is not applicable to my situation, I did share with him experiences I've had at LGBT clubs, drag queen shows, etc and some of the people I've befriended from the LGBT community, so, he's become more sensitive towards others and their feelings. ANYONE can change

[AnnaCalliope]

Anyone can change, and for an opposing view to Kelley's experience, not always for the better.

One of my ex-boyfriends, who I almost thought was THE ONE, did a complete 180 over the last couple years. We dated back in 2002 (when I still lived in NJ), he was 100% men only, no interest whatsoever in girls. He was completely okay with my CDing and we often talked about getting a place together. Then we lost our jobs about the same time and we were forced to part ways, him to Pennsylvania and me to Georgia. We stayed in touch via email for about a year, and then he suddenly dropped off the face of the planet. A few months ago, I found him on Facebook. He's engaged to a woman, has 2 kids with her, has completely renounced his homosexuality and actively mentions in a blog post that he believes TG folk are messed up in the head, especially transsexuals who want to "multilate their bodies for some disturbed thought that God made a mistake. God doesn't make mistakes."

Needless to say, I did not send him a friend request.

[msniki48]

Jamie, as hard as it is to wrap my head around....in the total scheme of things. it is only recently that we are seeing the CD,TG TS community really make a presence. yes it has been going on for thousands of yrs, but, up until 10 yrs ago, and I have dressed on and off since childhood. I had no idea What TG was until a therapist told me. Alot of predgudice has been somewhat brought to light in the past 60 years, and although it is not erased, [ and won't be until this generation completely dies off] many of us are learning to accept. Crossdressing is prety new. protective laws are just coming into place...so there is going to be a learning curve. 50 years from now, a person being predgudice towards a CD will be treated with the same disdain as a person today holding predgudice toward race religion or ethnicity. It is a process and i think we are moving forward. [ not as fast as i'd like, but forward]

yeah, somehow i think i am going to continue to apologize for our SO's, because sometimes it is like hitting them over the head with a 2x4. When my wife passed away. i decided that if i was ever to meet someone, i would tell them from the start. I did, and i'm happily married to a fully supportive wife. Many times, we only find out late in the relationship or are too afraid to tell when we start our relationship for fear of rejection. So there is a sence of betrayal that has to be overcome.

Thank you for making me think here at 4AM.... i couldn't sleep....but now i think i will be able to go back to sleep

thank you Jamie

hugs

msniki48

[joannemarie barker]

I'm glad you never got too deep with that one Anna,sounds like a total fraud!! there are plenty of good guys out there :) I think peoples prejudice is just ignorance and can be changed :)