View Full Version : Alternatives...

09-19-2005, 07:14 PM
Hello all,

Let me introduce myself first. I am a 23 year old male, high school teacher (physics and chemistry), B.S. of chemistry and physics, long time CD. I am 6'6", 210 (i.e. big boned, not fat), competative cyclist, etc. I will not tell you the whole history of my life I will keep it short.

I was born with Kallmann's syndrome and micropenis, the cause is genetic on Kallmann's, and a lack of testosterone on the microphallis (medical tem). It has also been studied that the micropenis has links directly to female brained individuals in males due to the brains development in the same phase. I believe I have developed at least a partial female brain.

Since I was little I have wanted to be a girl. I remember hearing about SRS when I was about 7 years old. Before that I would wear my sisters dresses when my parents were home. I can distincly remember wishing that someone would just cut my penis off and I could then be a girl, just as one example.

Because my body can not produce testosterone I never developed fully as a man, my voice changed when I was about 17 years old, I grow very little (as in a few hair) facial hair, I do not like girls and have no libido. When I was little I played more with girls, played with cars but more of the whole, made up stories about people in the cars, etc. I never did well in junior high expecially, I wore my clothing like a girl, etc.

I have come to grips that I am a TS. Unfortunitly there is no way that I feel I could transistion sucessfully as a woman, although that is what I want to be. I have been fully crossdressing for years and with a size 14 mens foot and being 6'6" it is a little hard to pass, although I try.

That said when I look in the mirror I see a woman looking back at me, not a guy. I do not feel like a guy, I will never be able to have kids and I will have to take testosterone for the rest of my life to even look like a guy (almost like I am a F2M). My penis is only 3 inches errect and flacid it looks like a little cap between my legs (sorry if that is too graffic).

I love to dress, I wish I could do it full time. I am a competative cyclist, and a well respected teacher and musician. The question is what options do I have as a TS. I know I could never go all the way (ever try and find "real" size 13.5 inch mens size (16 womens) shoes), and dresses... oh my gosh!

I would love to have a vigina, I will never marry, although I can survive (sort of) as a guy on the outside. I would not consider myself gay although I have more feelings for guys than women, bi or asexual would be a better discriptor...


BTW here is my "femme" picture... a little photochopped, but you get the idea...



09-19-2005, 07:28 PM
I don't have any solutions for you; I don't have any good ones for myself either. But I'd like to welcome you to the group anyway. Sometimes it helps a little knowing there are others you can talk to with more or less the same problem.

And congratulations for being a high school science teacher. You are doing a good thing there. One thing I have noticed about TS people that seems kind of funny and distinctly unstereotypically female is that many seem to work in technical (math, science, and computer) fields. I wonder why that is?

09-19-2005, 07:37 PM
I always used to think that there could be NO WAY I was a woman because I like science and math so much. I do not know why so many TS people are in the sciences, doctors, etc. I feel called to be a teacher, people have seen that in my for years...

On the otherside of me I am a very emotional and descriptive writer. It really gets me in trouble writing scientific papers though... it always seems that I end up going way over the article limits... :(

I have no idea about my life right now, I love teaching and I am afraid that I will loose it all if I attempt to transistion... I don't really know... but living inside of me is someone I am not on the outside...

09-19-2005, 08:23 PM
I've got a BS in electrical engineering and an MBA with an Operations Research concentration. Every time I take one of those online transsexual tests I get all the math questions right and score lower on the scale than I thought I should have. LOL On the other hand, where I work I have known a few women with PhDs in the sciences who make me feel stupid. So I think the stereotypes are nothing more than that, stereotypes.

I have no idea about my life right now, I love teaching and I am afraid that I will loose it all if I attempt to transistion... I don't really know... but living inside of me is someone I am not on the outside...

I understand perfectly what you are feeling. I am 45 years old and have felt the same since I was about ten. Since then, in high school, college, and after I have punched every manly man macho ticket there is to punch. Still, even with all the credentials, what I know inside is the same I knew 35 years ago. So, you cope one day at a time and wait to see what the next day will bring.

I hope you stick around here for a while. I am sure there will be others that may offer more constructive advice on options.

09-19-2005, 09:13 PM
You are young and good looking,be yourself and dont live in fear of what others think.Take care of you and learn to love yourself and show the world what a fine person you are TS or whatever.Sounds like you would do very well as the feminine person you feel like,maybe your allready half way there,and could look at it as a blessing I hope.

09-19-2005, 09:29 PM
Hey, I'm in Computer Science ;)

I think you have to be realistic. At 6'6, with the body structure you have, you could never pass for a "normal" woman.

But just hang on. In a few years, advanced processes using embryonic cells will start to be developed. And then you can finally be that 5'7 blonde you always wanted to be ;)

See my other threads:

I would actually like to form a coallition to encourage the development of such technologies.

09-19-2005, 09:45 PM
Hey Mandy,

Ya know, above all else you have to remember that you're number one. You have to think of yourself and your happiness, and what means more to you in your life.

I sounds like you have a good career, and would'nt want to jeopardize it, Very understandable.

I understand that people that are born with Kallmanns Syndrome also suffer from Anosmia, is this your case too? I do think that would be terrible also.

At 23 you're young, take time to think things out. Nobody is rushing you to make any decisions on what or where you need to be in life.

Don't be afraid or ashamed to investigate professional counsel.

09-19-2005, 10:08 PM
Yes, I have anosmia, i.e. the inability to smell... it is the primary sign of Kallmann's syndrome, along with the lack of secondary sexual characteristics, including heigth (I outgrew my dad by 3 inches, etc. Also maybe not quite relavent here but when I was born I would have been considered intersexed, although I technically did not have a vigina at birth. Through the channels I have learned that the doctors wanted to make me a girl (that would have solved lots of things), but my parents refused, and I stayed a "boy".

I am not sure what is ahead of me in life, I certainly do have lots of options, and I am not counting out any of them right now. Personally taking testosterone I feel like I am trying to define my sex as male (as I never went through puberty), and the feels of anger, etc are what I do not like... I am too sensible inside for that whole thing entirely.

I am looking at my options, but the interesting thing is if I took estrogen now it would be like going through puberty as a girl and not a boy... alot of TS people probably wish they had that option.

09-19-2005, 10:58 PM
Welcome aboard Mandy.

If it were me, I'd sure not take testosterone. I do not understand why you would either. If, at some point, the pressure becomes too much and you decide to transistion, the T you've taken will not help.

Note that there are quite a few women bigger than you. Sure they have a hard time finding clothes, but they ain't running around naked and barefoot, are they.

09-20-2005, 02:00 AM
Thanks again,

I am going to start seeing a gender counciler in a few weeks. I am not really sure on what I am going to specifically do at this point, you are all right, I have a lot of time to make up my mind.

In the field that I am in I would give up alot in order to transistion, more than most people would. In my career field like many other professonals drive on references on teaching experience. With stories in the news about teachers and transistions it scares me a bit to even think about this whole thought.

I have to take some sort or hormones right now, not specifically for the whole "making me a guy" thing, but more specifically for the reasons of ostioprosis amoung other side effects of my medical conditions. Once I fully get out on my own (I have to live with my parents this year still, financial) I should be able to explore "Mandy" more and really go from there.

Deep inside I will always be "Mandy" and TS, it is just a matter of giving up everything else at the same time. There will always be crossdressing, etc, and the fact that I have lived 23 years and not thought about suicide, etc makes me think I can survive more.

Personally other issues I have to contend with include losing my amuature cycling rank (catagory 3 going to 1/2/pro next year), possibly my friends (which are very important to me, my parents are moving away next year), no family support, etc are big problems for me also. Of course there is always women's racing, etc...

Now only if you could do SRS and still live in the role of a male or even better make yourself more androgious through mild FFS... the options are endless. Of course only time will tell what will happen... crossdressing is a security blanket that will make it all a small bit easier... (I hope).

BTW I found this little article about a 6'4" guy starting to think about SRS / GRS... very interesting

Thanks as always...SRS for tall people (http://www.thestar.com/NASApp/cs/ContentServer?pagename=thestar/Layout/Article_Type1&c=Article&cid=1119736210469&call)

Thanks as always for the support...

Finally I do have one questions...
Does HRT (estrogen specifically) cause the foot to shrink a bit? I heard that the ligaments or something shrink or something. That would be wonderful, specifically to fit me in size 15 women shoes... they are readably avalable...

09-20-2005, 09:03 AM

Welcome from an equally tall, heavier,and older sister. There are enough tall genetic women out there that trans girls like you and me can pass and be accepted if you have the courage to go out there and try. Passing is mostly about your own attitude and having or developing the confidence to just go out and be yourself - without showing that you may be scared or nervous inside. I've done a number of posts on this and won't repeat the advice in them here - search under my screen name Stlalice and you will find them easily enough.

I was very glad to see from your posts that you will be starting to see a therapist that specializes in gender issues - from what I can see in your posts you have a lot of questions/issues/problems to work out - and that is the whole purpose behind the counseling phase of transition. Take it slow and hang in there kid - to be able to be at peace with and accept yourself is at times a long and very rough road - but well worth the cost. Feel free to PM me if you want or need to talk. :D

09-20-2005, 03:32 PM
Finally I do have one questions...
Does HRT (estrogen specifically) cause the foot to shrink a bit? I heard that the ligaments or something shrink or something. That would be wonderful, specifically to fit me in size 15 women shoes... they are readably avalable...

Unfortunately not. There are no surgical options that I know of either, although i am quite sure it could possibly be achieved by a skilled surgeon, because the foot is made of a multitude of small bones (some of which could be removed).