I find myself in an interesting situation

[LeannL]

I find myself in an interesting situation right now. While it does involve my going to church, it really doesn’t depend upon my going to church since it could be happening at a restaurant, bar, the library or any other place one could frequent and run into the same people.

In order to stay employed in a field that has been shedding jobs like dandruff, I now work away from my family and have an apartment in my new location. I live across the street from a Catholic church and being Catholic, I have had a need to go to church on occasion such as Holy Days. I have often gone to church in the past as Leann and when I went on Holy Days, I have done the same. Recently, I have also felt the need to go to daily mass and, having gone before en femme, I did the same for daily mass.

Daily Mass is currently held in the chapel of the where the nuns used to live. So it is a small chapel that seats about 30 people. There are about 15 to 25 people there every time I go.

Here is the interesting aspect of this situation. I go to Mass dressed as if I were going to work – I go to 7 AM mass. I generally do my nails the night before and rotate through my various outfits. I walk past the main church and the school to get to the chapel. Since there is a small group of people, we all recognize each other. We speak to each other on the way in for example, and while I haven’t carried on a long conversation I speak with them and always speak with the Priest on the way out. The amazing thing is that everyone appears to accept me. At the sign of peace, where we all wish each other peace and shake each other’s hand, the congregants around me seek me out. The lady that handles the daily readings has been particularly nice to me and make sure she offers me peace even if we are not in close proximity to each other. Oh, I didn’t mention that, at age 57, I suspect that I am the second or third youngest person there! So it is not like I am amongst a group of twenty something lesbians(as I did over Christmas) that are comfortable with transgenderism.

So, here I am, going to a “meeting place” several times a week as Leann and am accepted as such. The problem I now have, is that I don’t feel comfortable go as my male self because, if they put two and two together and correctly come up with four, neither persona will likely be accepted.

Have you found yourself in this situation before and, if so, what was it, how did you handle it and how did it end (if it did)?

Thanks,

Leann

[Debra Russell]

Interesting Leann, do they recognize Leann as a crossdresser? if so they will probably accept your male personna, besides they sound like an open minded gorup -- do it and see!!

[LeannL]

Interesting Leann, do they recognize Leann as a crossdresser? if so they will probably accept your male personna, besides they sound like an open minded gorup -- do it and see!!

Debra,
I don't think they see me as a crossdresser. If there are any that do, it can only be one or two and they choose not to say anything to the others.
Leann

[James Kaon]

Oops, I just tried to reply but it did not work out!

Ok I thought about replying to this alot as I am an atheist who was brought up a catholic. I will try not to express my views on religion here because I would not want to offend your faith. I would defend anyones right to believe in whatever they want to. But if I understand you right, they do not know you are a CDer? But your concern is that if they realised, then they would not really welcome you as they currently do? If that is true, I have a prob with it. How can something you identify with/believe in, be so at odds with who you really are?

I once spoke to a priest when I was a teenager about a gay friend I knew who had probs with the bible. He was so cool and explained that the bible does not really represent the trends that exist today. So I guess he would have welcomed the homosexual community into his parish with no probs. If the same cannot be accepted for CDers, then I really feel that the people who are in that church are missing the point. I should stop now because I am bursting to say stuff and I dont think its appropriate here. Just know that you are welcome in my church :)

J

[Persephone]

Very cool, Leann!

And yes, I've had a very similar problem lately. I've been involved with three different congregations (not Catholic).

One is en drab and we've been members there for several years.

One is the one that we used to belong to and that I (en drab back then) was active and accepted in the ladies' auxillary. My spouse and I are currently members of the ladies' auxillary there and I've "transitioned" to en femme there. The majority of the women who know I have male upholstery have accepted me anyway, and I suspect that most of the newer members just think I'm "one of the girls."

The third is one where there was a program of interest on several events and we've attended with me en femme. There are some people there who know my spouse and my en drab self from other contacts. On some occassions they've noticed my spouse and come over to say hello, but appear to have simply thought I was some unknown woman who came to services with her.

The real key for me is that I'm finally attending services in what I see as a gender that God had intended and I find that it has deeply spiritual meaning to me to stand before God and say "I recognize your will and I thank you for having made me the special person that I am."

Personally, if they are accepting you en femme, I would not challenge them with an en drab personna. Even if they know you are crossdressed, switching back and forth is a constant challenge to their acceptance.

I wish you all the best in your continuing spiritual journey.

Hugs,
Persephone.

[carhill2mn]

I do not see any reason in your post as to why you would not continue to attend as you have been. Obviously, they like you as you are.

[Loni]

sounds like all is good, or do you want to go as a male also?
no need to lie to anyone just go as you see fit. no mater what religion one has, there god will accept you as you are.
if not then it is not a true religion just a money making scam.

no i am not a bible thump-er, but i do believe Truth does not care about the draping's.

[Roberta Marie]

I have been attending a UCC church en femme on occaision for a bit over a year. They've been very accepting. This past summer, the sound company that I work for provided sound for the stage at the a local Pride event. The contact person for this event was the Arts Director for the UCC church. I was afraid that my 2 worlds were going to come crashing together, but after sending an email to the Arts Director telling him that the guy at the sound board may look very familiar, everything went well. Then, a couple of months ago, I needed to deliver a video projector and screen to the same church for a production that they were doing. Their sound guy was the director of the production, and he only knew me en femme. I had been there for almost an hour, setting up the screen and projector when he thanked me for taking the extra time to help set things up. I said that it was the least that I could do after the welcome that I had gotten when I attended services there. He looked at me for a moment, then smiled and said, "Bobbi! I was wondering where I had seen you before." I have been there a time or two, since, as Rob for work.

The folks at that church are the only people, other than my family and a very few close friends, that know me both as Rob and Bobbi. And they have been very good about it.

[Chickhe]

I haven't experienced it, but I have thought about it. I think it would be a challenge just because people remember you in a certain way...if you usually show up in casual clothing and suddenly you always show up in a suit, people will treat you differently. I think it is similar, if you look different people will not recognise you, but if you look similar or make a slow transition then they would probably treat you the same. I think it is s perception that you are playing a different role that people are not sure how to react.

[Tammynnj]

On another site a very attractive TG was a golf enthusiast and a member of a very nice golf club. One of the men there was interested in her and she saw some potential in him. She was concerned that if they dated and he couldn't accept her and reacted negatively, she might become persona non gratis at the club. My advice to her was no man is worth risking a good place to play golf....

After 12 years of Catholic education I envy you your gift of faith. Weigh your options, is being able to present yourself in male persona worth the risk of loosing access to a venue that provides you spiritual comfort? Sort of a twist on the Old Testament and Jesuit proverb -paraphrased - what does it profit a man to gain the world and loose his soul.

[LeannL]

Everyone,
Thanks for the comments. From my perspective, my only delemma is what to do if I have the need/desire to go in male mode. I don't anticipate needing to do so but one never knows.

Peresphone and Roberta, it sounds like you have had similar situations and they have worked out well. Congratulations.

Leann

[Leanne2]

Hi Other Leann,
I am sort of in the same situation. I have more than a few people that only know me as Leanne. In other words they think I am female and I don't correct them. But I have to remember to keep my two worlds separate. With my big hair I look pretty much the same en drab as en fem; just with less makeup and unisex clothing. A few months ago my wife and I were at a dance recital at the civic center. In the lobby I saw one of my girlfriends walking toward us. Now when I say girlfriend, I simply mean a friend that is a girl. Anyway, she would probably have recognized me. I quickly excused myself and went to the bathroom (men's). She definitely wouldn't see me in there. Now the men in there look at me and wonder so I have to walk and talk like a he-man; LOL. If I were attending church en fem I would continue to do so. But that is just me. Have a great day! Leanne

[Roberta Marie]

Tammy makes a good point. If you feel the need to go in male mode, perhaps you could go to a different parish.

[LeannL]

Oh, I forgot to mention that I have also done this to myself in one other case. As I mentioned in a post last fall (A wonderful trip to the eye Doctor and shopping with a new friend (http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?140026-A-wonderful-trip-to-the-eye-Doctor-and-shopping-with-a-new-friend&highlight=)), I went to the eye doctor as Leann. I have had to go back twice now and since she knows me only as Leann, I go as Leann and not my male persona. She and the staff is very supportive even though they know me as a guy because that is what my insurance is listed as.

Once again I force myself to live in two worlds.

Leann

[sissystephanie]

Leann, you are a brave person! But, in my humble opinion you lack self-esteem. You say you live in two worlds, but really you don't! You either live as Leann, or as your male self! But you are not 2 persons, you are one person with 2 identities!!

Over 6 years ago, when my fully supportive wife was still alive, I was doing the same things you are doing. If I went out as Stephanie I was fully Stephanie, otherwise I was fully male. My dear wife always did my makeup and fixed my wig so that I could pass! That changed when she passed away! I am not at all good enough with makeup or my wig to be really passable! So what was I to do? My solution was to become ME! I am like you in that I have 2 identities, as do most CD's. But I now exploit mine! I go out almost everyday dressed fully enfemme, but wearing no wig or makeup. That's right, I am a guy dressed totally enfemme! Yes, I am a crossdresser, just look at me!! But you know what? The only comments I get are compliments on my outfits, no negative comments at all!!

The people at your Church probably like you for who you are, not how you dress! A good Catholic does not judge others! I would not be at all concerned about being seen dressed either way if I were you! BTW, I am also a Catholic. Nobody in my Church has ever seen Stephanie in the 20+ years that I have attended the particular Church, and that probably will not change since I will be moving soon!! My dear late wife did not want me to go to Church as Stephanie!! At least not to our own Church!!

[Annie D]

Although going to mass enfemme is not one of the things I do, it is not out of the realm of possibility, I am in a similar situation in several public places and the inconvenience of this situation is that I hesitate to frequent these places in drab. I feel as though once I have made myself known as Annie that I don't want to recognized as anyone else. I now go to my local bank, Walmart, grocery store, nail salon, hair dresser, tanning salon and local Ross and Marshalls and of course Payless. It is most exciting and unusally comforting to be recognized and appreciated as a valued female customer in public places. That is the enticing part of the thought of transitioning (not the plumbing) and being Annie 24/7. I think you have reached that point in your thought process as well and you may be faced with a decision about how you want to proceed with your life. Have you shared this dilemma with your family?

[LeannL]

Leann, you are a brave person! But, in my humble opinion you lack self-esteem. You say you live in two worlds, but really you don't! You either live as Leann, or as your male self! But you are not 2 persons, you are one person with 2 identities!!

Stephanie,
I probably misspoke. I really do feel I am one person that has one gender (somewhere in the middle of the spectrum) and that presents to the world in two different ways. What I am commenting (and asking others about their experiences) is that I will always be my male self because I still have a male life that I enjoy living but that I building a portion of my life that is strictly female such as going to church and the eye doctor.

While all Christians should be accepting of all people even though they may not agree with their choices, we all know there are many that do not. I don't really believe that I will have a problem with any of my Catholic brothers or sisters, it only takes one. Also, as I have mentioned many times in the Religion forum, I do not want to become a distraction and if I become one, I will leave since I should not disrupt what they came to do.

Annie,
My wife knows that I am a CD but doesn't want to participate. Since I work away from home much of the week, it does give me the opportunity to let my female side express itself a little bit more than I would otherwise.

All,
Thanks for the comments and thoughts.

Leann

[Laura Evans]

I have been attending my church (UM) en femme or drab for years. If members have figured me out nothing has ever been said and I have felt accepted in either mode by everyone.