I feel a bit different about therapists myself

[suzy1]

I feel a bit different about therapists myself. Just put it down to being British.
I think the best way of working out your problems is to talk to a dear and trusted friend.
To talk to a stranger that’s doing it for a living is difficult for me to comprehend.
But if you don’t have a close friend then its different I suppose.
I will probably be lynched for this post.
But that’s how I feel.

SUZY

[StaceyJane]

But what if your dear and trusted friend didn't know what say to help you.
A therapist knows a lot more about helping people through problems than most peoples friends do. Therapy isn't like what you see on TV where you just sit on a couch and ramble on. A therapist can offer expert advise on how to deal with very complicated situations. Plus a therapist is totally non judgemental. You never know how a friend might act if you revel something personal. Also sometimes no matter how good of a friend you have they just don't want to be caught up with trying to solve all of your problems. People have problems of their own.

[ziggie]

Carl Rogers - big name in therapy here in the USA - argued that any relationship could be therapeutic if it met the criteria for therapy (empathy, genuineness, and unconditional positive regard if I remember correctly). What a trained therapist brings to a relationship is a "bag of tricks" that makes achieving these conditions easier and more likely to occur.

If you have a dear and trusted friend, great. If not, and many are not so lucky, a trained therapist might be a good alternative.

[Soriya]

Suzy,

No need for someone to 'lynch' you even though some may, everyone is entitled to their opinion. Stacey is right, especially about friends, not all of course. I like you, felt the same way about therapists a long time ago but went to see one with my wife at the time for our issues. She wanted to go and I did not but because I wasn't ready to give up on our relationship at the time, I agreed to go. Now 9 years later, I still see her when I feel like I need a little help. As Stacey mentioned, therapists are trained to be impartial. Of course, not all are. I was fortunate to have met one on my first try that is, and a good match for me. A good therapist doesn't give you the answers you are looking for, they simple help by pointing you in a direction to help you get the answers yourself.

My wife and I eventually split years later, and during the hard time recently of us trying to work through it, I spoke to nobody about what I was going through other then my therapist. I chose to because all though I have a few good friends I can tell anything too, I also know it's human nature for someone who is close to you to want to protect you and often, they will give advice based on what they would do if they where in your shoes without even realizing it. Again, not all friends will do that, but a lot would. That's why I chose not to talk much about it with anyone. It was my situation and my decisions alone. I did not want to be influenced by the thoughts of what others would do in my shoes. My wife chose to do just that, followed the advice of her best friend which ultimately killed our marriage.

For me, one who never believed in them to now experiencing seeing one, I believe it helps, as long as you find one that you click with. :)

[AnnaCalliope]

I don't know of any dear and trusted friends that can write me a letter that gets me on hormones.

I know that's not the idea of the post. I just prefer to talk to a therapist, but I've got some really major issues aside from just being transgendered.

[carhill2mn]

Oh, Suzy, no one is going to lynch you for expressing your opinion. I suspect that more than one member agrees with you/

[linnea]

No problem, Suzi. I think that a dear and trusted friend is the best choice. That's where I started; then I found (lucky but also due to some research) a wonderful therapist who has helped me immensely. And that led to my talking with other dear and trusted friends, including my best dear and trusted friend--my wife.

[Kaz]

I'd just like to point out a current thread from one of us who got advice from her therapist and most people here disagree with the advice!???

So how do you know a good one from a bad one? The advice given didn't seem to agree with the groundswell of opinion from those posting on the thread...?

So who is right here? Us or him?

[eluuzion]

hiya suzy !

Some call it the therapist
Some call it therapist

:heehee:

:love:

[jessica renee]

I happen to agree. I really don't have much use for therapists after seeing a couple different ones when I was younger.(Not for transgender reasons) I kinda wonder sometimes what would have happened if I would have brought up my crossdressing.

[Nick2Nikki]

I see a therapist because I feel that she fulfills her role. The way I see it, if I tell someone my deepest, darkest secrets, then they gain ammunition to use against me if our relationship goes sour down the road. With a therapist, I can simply stop seeing her. Her job is to be a confidant, someone I can bounce ideas off of, without worrying about opening up to someone that I'll have to see for the rest of my life.

My mother learnt this lesson hands on when she confided in her sister. She and her sister always got along well, so she told her sister some very private troubles that she was going through. Of course later, when our two families got into a fight (long story, basically their older daughter is regarded as an absolute bitch by everyone in the extended extended family), her sister threw all of those secrets right back at her, using them to belittle her. So my mom said to me, "I now know why you asked to talk to a counselor rather than just talk to me. You don't have to know a counselor for the rest of your life, but you'll always know me."

[LilSissyStevie]

I agree with you. I spent 15 years in therapy and my problems only got worse. When I walked away from all that I got better with a little help from my friends. I've been drug, alcohol and therapy free for over thirty years now. I'm still crazy as a loon but I'm enjoying every minute of it now.

[Schatten Lupus]

A therapist is there for more than just talking to. A good therapist will help you see issues you may have missed, give you advice over several issues (I plan on drilling any therapist I go to over help with transitioning at school, and any groups I can get a hold of for help; and any good gender therapist will be able to at least point me in the right direction), help to motivate you, and sometimes for when you have no one else to talk to.

[sandra-leigh]

Even "good friends" seldom have the extended time and energy needed to navigate through complex situations.

My closest friend's life is considerably more... dramatic... than mine is. I don't mean that he is flamboyant or incompetent, just that life keeps tossing "challenges" in his direction. Some of the TV soap operas have less going on than his life does.

Close friends sometimes cannot withdraw their bias enough to be useful. I've seen that in my own family, that due to the degree of empathy, one of my family members is no longer able to advise another of my family members on productive strategies -- the former won't even visit the latter because the former does not believe they would be able to refrain from violence if they should accidentally meet the focus of the difficulty.

One of my therapists has a masters in therapy; the other one has a PhD in therapy. My best friend has a community college diploma in technology.

One of my family members is a qualified therapist, and spends long hours studying different ways of interacting with people; my best friend is just trying to get through his own life.

[StaceyJane]

Think about this...

A real issue someone with gender issues might want to discuss could be.

" I want to know what it's like to be a woman and have sex with a man"

Try telling that to your dear friend.

[Jonianne]

I remember in my therapy, my therapists stated that it was their job to get clients to the the point of where they could use friends and others in a heathy theraputic way.

Also, as licenced clinicial Phd Psychologists, they were very leary about social workers acting as therapists and having seen both, myself, there is a big difference in how they approach therapy. Always get someone well trained.

[NicoleScott]

Long ago, my first wife caught me (yes, I'm one of us who thought that marriage would cure my crossdressing). She inisted that we go to therapy/counseling. It was a husband-wife team. We had separate and joint sessions. Problem was that we never had common goal. She wanted me cured and I wanted her acceptance. We didn't know it at the time but we were doomed from the start. After many sessions and a lot of money, the therapists RECOMMENDED that we split, citing differences that could not be reconciled. I was a crossdresser and she could not tolerate a crossdressing husband. The deception was not the problem, it was the crossdressing. So we split. Over the years I never thought much of the counselors, their approach (which included hypnotism), or their advice. But they were right, and they cut to the chase.
I generally agree that it's best for therapists/counselors not to give advice, but to lead you to see things clearly and make your own decisions.

[Jorja]

Now what did I do with that rope? :D

Let me ask you this Suzy, if you needed a valve replaced in your heart, would you allow a good friend do it or a person trained in this type of operation with thousands of successful operations under their belt?

Seeing as we are speaking of gender and sexuality here, would you want to talk to a person who has no idea of what they are talking about or a gender thearapist who has trained in this special field advising you?

When you are making life altering decisions it is best to go with experience

[Joanne f]

I think that there are different attitudes towards it on different sides of the pond , over here we are inclined to think that it is a sign of weakness to seek a therapist ( which we are also inclined to call them counselors over here) and you only get to that stage if you are really desperate , whereas it appears that over there it is a matter of course to seek a therapist on any matter that you are having problems with .
I have found that over here the type of people that do this counselling can do more harm than good as in my opinion they are there just to help you unload and not to tell you what you should do .
A good friend who knows you and who will not judge you can work just as well and be there for you and not the money , i personally would never go to one so i can understand the OPs point of view

[Rianna Humble]

I feel a bit different about therapists myself. Just put it down to being British.
I think the best way of working out your problems is to talk to a dear and trusted friend.
To talk to a stranger that’s doing it for a living is difficult for me to comprehend.

It seems that this is another way in which I am quite bad at being British. I didn't feel able to discuss my birth defect with any of my friends - not even the one that I asked to recommend which GP I should talk to about it. When I went to see the GP. I told her that I felt I needed to speak to a counsellor who can help me to see more clearly what all this means for me.

I don't have a lot of time for many of the trick cyclists, but I can see that there would be advantage for me in discussing my gender with an experienced professional.

If you can make sufficient progress with the help of an untrained friend and if you are not placing to great a burden onto that friend, then that is what is right for you.

Personally, I'm not too keen on lynch mobs.

[PretzelGirl]

I think the best way of working out your problems is to talk to a dear and trusted friend.

I think everyone is right. First let's look at Suzy's post and she isn't just talking about any one situation and is making a general comment. So for some of life's ills, a best friend is exactly what you need because you need understanding from someone you know. For some of life's other ills, you need someone that doesn't know you. You need someone with a completely clean perspective. You may even need someone more educated than you friend no matter how educated they are. That is when you need a therapist.

Now each one of us is different. Different in how we interact with people. Different in how we value friendships. Different in how much we trust our friends with certain information. So this "line" if when a friend is no longer right and a therapist is right is different for everyone. A therapist can be a very important person to our life going in the right direction but let's no devalue those friendships that are there day after day.

[BillieJoEllen]

Spent thousands on therapy at my SO's insistance. She wanted me 'cured'. What a waste of time and money. I'm very down on therapists.

[Eva Marie]

There appears here some worthwhile advice and observations. I was once a practitioner of clinical psychology. I departed that endeavor after arriving at the opinion that clinical psychology is a pseudo-science. It never cured anyone of anything. I'd estimate that, like government service, about fifteen percent of those practicing are doing any good and are carrying the whole profession. But some are in positions to do damage and how do we separate the sheep from the wolves?

[VtVicky]

When you hire, (and I do mean "hire"), a therapist, among other things, you are buying confidentiality and expertise. And, perhaps most importantly, the opportunity to discuss something that you may legitimately fear will scare the crap out of your friends or relatives. Really, do you have some fantasy that your friends can listen to your deepest fears and not react based on their own skills and experiences? Do you really know every thought, experience, or fantasy that your friend would be useing to assess your situation. Really?

Are you willing to risk your relationship by telling your friend something that may key into their own experiences and drive them away from you? Do you know enough about your friend to be sure they didn't have a traumatic experience of their own that will color their reaction to you? And then, who does your friend turn to to discus his or her reaction? You? Really?

And, if you see a bad reaction from your confidant, can you simply walk away with no residual effects to them? There are some bells that simply cannot be un-rung.

Someone smarter than I once said: "I don't pay hookers for sex. I pay them to leave afterwards." With therapists it is similar. You get expertise, discretion, and when it's over, it's over. Try that with your SO, best friend, or relative.

[dawnmarrie1961]

Suzy,
I've yet to see anyone around here being "lynched" for voicing an opinion. I think we've all evolved beyond that. Besides. "Where would we find a rope?"

[Sapphire]

My first instinct is to agree with Suzy – if you have a friend who is understanding and wise in the ways of the world and you can be open with him or her then it seems a much preferable approach. But reading these posts and reflecting on personal experience I can see how such friends are not always easy to come by and for some, and at certain times in life, therapy may be something that has to be considered. That said, I am deeply sceptical of what it is likely to have to offer. There is also the very real risk of being “shoehorned” into the therapist’s approach to dealing with transgender issues or being subject to advice that is questionable and maybe entirely inappropriate. And it does not come free either!

In the final analysis we have to make our own decisions.

Thanks Suzy for raising this thought provoking issue – I am sure you will appreciate the broad range of helpful and informative responses it has evinced – an outcome that I think establishes this very forum as a source of the type of advice and feedback that is so important to all of us in this community.

[Mary Morgan]

I have been in therapy twice. One experience was great, one was a waste of time ad money. The difference was the experience of the therapist, their ability to see the big picture and to help me to sit it.

[suzy1]

I was a little worried about upsetting some members here but I need not have.
This is a forum in which we can share thoughts and opinions. Just as Sapphire pointed out.
Thank you all for your input. I have read them and respect all your views.

SUZY

[t-girlxsophie]

If you dont like what the therapist has to say,you could always go to HIS therapist,and the other thing is,have you ever seen a Poor therpist:devil: Flippancy side.we all are different what works for one,may be a complete waste for others

[BillieJoEllen]

My experience with therapists is that - yes they take your money, they listen (objective? How do we really know?), they keep your thoughts confidentially and, at least at first, are detached from you. Con-cerning confidentiality, we pay them enough, why wouldn't they keep everything quiet. They're subject to discipline just as are lawyers and doctors.

[kimdl93]

No lynching. Just a different experience. I was brought up in a Scandinavian household where feelings and emotions were held inside. One certainly didn't confide personal secrets with a friend...no matter how dear, old and trusted. The first time I could fully open up about myself was with my therapist. Fortunately, she was a good one - professionally competent, open minded and reassuring.

I agree with those who would suggest that even a caring, trustworthy friend will most likely lack the skills needed to help guide a troubled soul through the process of self discovery and self acceptance.