Dear World,

[Gocaps14]

Dear World, I am a transvestite. I like wearing womens clothes. I enjoy the way they feel and I love the way I feel whjen I am dressed. I am beginning to accept whom I am but I am far from understanding myself. I do not share this side of me with anyone, my wife knows but is not accepting. I am looking forward to learning more about myself and hpoefully grow as a person. A person who likes wearing bras and panties.

[KrystalA]

I think there needs to be a more definitive line between 'transvestite' and 'crossdresser'. I was always given to understand that a transvestite dressed in women's clothes for the sexual thrill, i.e. self-gratification, whereas the crossdresser dressed in women's clothes simply for the way it made him feel. Therefore, I would be a crossdresser and not a transvestite.
Are my definitions correct?

[Roberta Marie]

The first step to gaining acceptance and understanding is to understand and accept yourself. It sounds like you are at that point in your journey where you are able to open up to yourself and begin that quest to know yourself. Enjoy the journey, and keep an open mind.

[BRANDYJ]

I think there needs to be a more definitive line between 'transvestite' and 'crossdresser'. I was always given to understand that a transvestite dressed in women's clothes for the sexual thrill, i.e. self-gratification, whereas the crossdresser dressed in women's clothes simply for the way it made him feel. Therefore, I would be a crossdresser and not a transvestite.
Are my definitions correct?

I think your definitions are incorrect. The term transvestite is the term given to anyone who dresses in clothes of the opposite sex. Generally, it referred to men by the medical or psychological professions to describe us. The term crossdresser means the same thing but is more widely used today then the term transvestite. Especially since the lack of accepting and old myths and lack of education on the subject gave the term transvestite a bad connotation.

[Roberta Marie]

I think there needs to be a more definitive line between 'transvestite' and 'crossdresser'. I was always given to understand that a transvestite dressed in women's clothes for the sexual thrill, i.e. self-gratification, whereas the crossdresser dressed in women's clothes simply for the way it made him feel. Therefore, I would be a crossdresser and not a transvestite.
Are my definitions correct?

It depends, mostly on what part of the world we live in, what connotations we bring to the words, and the context in which we use the words. In a clinical setting, the words transvestite and crossdresser are pretty much interchangeable. In Great Britain, you will frequently hear transvestite used rather than crossdresser. If you do a google search, the word transvestite will result in a lot of porn sites, and the word crossdresser is more likely than transvestite to result in support sites. Historically, the word transvestite was used only to mean someone who dressed in the clothes of the opposite sex, much the way that we use crossdresser, and the word crossdresser did not exist. It was not until the porn industry took the word transvestite and gave it a negative connotation to so many of us that the word crossdresser came about.

There are times that we need to be more concerned with the words that we choose, and others times when we need to have an open mind and let someone express the way that they feel with less concern about syntax. I think that Gocaps14s post is one of the latter.

[Karren H]

The "World" acknowledges you and condemns you to a life of personal pain and confusion!! Lol.

[Jilmac]

I think there needs to be a more definitive line between 'transvestite' and 'crossdresser'. I was always given to understand that a transvestite dressed in women's clothes for the sexual thrill, i.e. self-gratification, whereas the crossdresser dressed in women's clothes simply for the way it made him feel. Therefore, I would be a crossdresser and not a transvestite.
Are my definitions correct?


I believe the term "transvestite" was coined by the medical profession many years ago to describe anyone (male or female) who preferred the clothing and look of the opposite gender, and used as a clinical referance moreso than a description. However it has become a more derogatory term and has dropped out of favor. Transgender is more of an umbrella term which describes crossdressers as well as those in transition and who have already transitioned to the opposite gender. I prefer to refer to myself as transgender even though I have no intention of completely altering my born gender.

Now, to answer Gocaps14, first I'd like to say welcome to this forum and I hope you will be able to glean some useful information from it. Your concerns about self acceptance are valid and your SO's non acceptance is also a normal reaction to a not so normal situation (for her). Your desire to crossdress is a part of your being, just like hair or eye color or being right or left handed. It's not something which can be "cured" nor will it ever subside. As a lifelong crossdresser (50+ years) I questioned my own masculinity, felt pangs of guilt and shame, and hated the fact that I had an abnormal compulsion, or so I thought. Both of my spouses knew of my dressing, both disapproved, and so I kept it hidden from them which added to my guilt and shame.

When I was finally able to accept myself as the person I really am, I realized that my desire to dress en femme is just a minute part of the whole me. As I come out to more people I find that their opinion of me hasn't changed. So please for your own sake, don't be too hard on yourself. Your SO may never accept that part of you but emphisis on everything she loves about you outweigh that one minor part of youe being.

[DonniDarkness]

Gocaps,

Listen to your heart, it will guide you further than anything.
Accept yourself....others will accept You for You, because you are confident in who you are...
Trust me, there are many of us out here in the world with you, so if you need support your in the right place.
There are many posts and topics to read and review here, they can help to make one see that others go thru the very same things you do.


CD.com friends....
This is a new person here and has poured their heart out here.....lets not confuse them with our arguements on labels or definitions. Coming out is difficult enough without us throwing our baggage on them when they walk thru the door.

-Donni-

[Valerie1973]

This is who we are.....This is what we do.... Its in our blood.... There well never be a satisfying answer nor will the mystery be solved. Be strong my friend. Hugs- Valerie

[Tina B.]

Welcome to the conversations, Yes you where right to use the word transvestite, but many don't like that word, although it is correct, it's been beaten up pretty bad in America, that's why so many prefer cross dresser. Sorry to here your SO is not so accepting, but then you will find a lot of gals that you have that in common with. No matter what the subject you will always get pleanty of different opinions, that we can pretty much guarantee!
Tina B.

[Suzette Muguet de Mai]

Wait till you discover High heels and make-up, then the world becomes the judge and the pockets need to deepen.

[Gocaps14]

I chose the word transvestite carefully. At this point, I am trying to define what I am doing in womens clothes. When I dress, usually just undergarments, I am sexually charged, happy, feeling feminine, comfortable, feel like I am being my self, any or all of these, in varying degrees. I get a real thrill being underdressed in public. I wrote that post to express my feelings. I felt safe expressing my thoughts to like minded people because when I have expressed those same feelings to my wife, I felt rejected. I did indeed pour my heart out, and probably will again. My goal is to become a balanced man, who really, really enjoys wearing womens clothes, does it whenever possible, and look forward to doing it more.
I do believe I will go with the crossdresser from now on, though.
Thank you so much for all your kind words. I really was able to identify myself in some of the responses.

[Rianna Humble]

Dear World, I am a transvestite. I like wearing womens clothes. I enjoy the way they feel and I love the way I feel whjen I am dressed. I am beginning to accept whom I am but I am far from understanding myself. I do not share this side of me with anyone, my wife knows but is not accepting. I am looking forward to learning more about myself and hpoefully grow as a person. A person who likes wearing bras and panties.

Hi Gocaps, :welcom: to the forums! Please don't be put off by the discussions about whether a cross-dresser is a transvestite or the other way around, we do generally try to be helpful but sometimes we can get a little side-tracked.

I'm sorry that your wife does not accept this side of you, perhaps if you give her enough time and space and also show her that she has not lost her man, she may come around one day.

We are quite a friendly crowd, so come on in and enjoy yourself :hugs:

[AllieSF]

You will learn what you have will not go away, only develop and maybe morph into something more over time. My only recommendation is to embrace it and with more patience work it into your life with your SO, as daunting as that may seem. You are far in front of most TG's (generic all encompassing meaning) because your SO already knows. Good luck and welcome to this wonderful and scary world of ours.

[Cynthia Anne]

I also think you chose the word correctly, although the word transvestite leaves me with a bad taste in my mouth due to my history of it.I think cross dresser sounds better to describe many of us! I hope you like it here! The world is full of people, this place is full of friends! Many HUGS from Cynthia Anne:!

[sissystephanie]

As I have said in many posts, there is a very definite definition of a Transvestite! As opposed to that of a Crossdresser. A Transvestite, in this case MTF, dresses that way purely for sexual purposes. It is usually younger men, who dress that way in order to have sex with other men!! A Crossdresser, which is what I am, dresses usually because they like feminine clothing. Sometimes they may do it for sex, but almost always with a woman. I have no desire to be a woman, or even to be treated like one. I am a man, but I do love to wear feminine clothing! BTW, these definitions come from medical people!!

In case anyone is interested, I have been a CD longer than many of you have been alive! I am currently pushing age 79, and have been dressing since age 6 or 7. My memory is not what it used to be, along with other parts of my body!! In my crossdressing time, I have done a very large amount of studying about Crossdressers! Of course, that also included studying about Transvestites!! Gocaps, I think you are a Crossdresser only!!

[Rianna Humble]

As I have said in many posts, there is a very definite definition of a Transvestite! As opposed to that of a Crossdresser.

You are right about that, but wrong about your definition. The OED is the most complete reference on both the English and American languages. It does indeed have a very clear definition which can be found at http://oxforddictionaries.com/view/entry/m_en_gb0878530#m_en_gb0878530 and reads:

transvestite Pronunciation:/tranzˈvɛstʌɪt, trɑːnz-, -ns-/ noun

a person, typically a man, who derives pleasure from dressing in clothes appropriate to the opposite sex.

The OED also defines the verb To Cross-dress as

To wear clothing typical of the opposite sex.

The noun is given with no further explanation.

[Breanne]

......The noun is given with no further explanation.

No further explanation because no further explanation is necessary. The two mean the same thing. Transvestite is a good English word derived from the Latin: Trans=cross, and vestite=one who vests, dresses, clothes, etc.