Why can't I tell people?

[Gemma Rhodes]

Hi Girls,

I really want to tell people about my dressing but when it comes to the crunch I just can't do it. I have accepted this side of me now and Im proud to be "me" so why should I be so ashamed to admit that I spend most of my evenings and weekends fully dressed.

I really want to tell people that I am going to Angelics next month and I want people to be happy for me. As I said, I have accepted this part of me so why is it so difficult to be able to share this with my family and friends.

Gemma xx

[Imogen_Mann]

Is it shame ? or is it fear ? I feel fear, thats why I keep quiet. Fear of exposure, fear I'll have contact with my kid withdrawn, fear I'll loose my job. I dont feel shame, just a bit scared.

XX

Jayme.

[Lisa Golightly]

You say that you are accepting and proud, but I would say that you are not completely comfortable with yourself quite yet. There is no magic moment... I think you reach this threshold of normality. Can't really explain it... It comes with telling people I guess, and finding that your personal fears 'Don't amount to a hill of beans'... Telling my mum was the hardest one, but to be honest she's one in a million, and I should have told her years ago.

When I told her I said simply... 'The person you love is Lisa. That's who I am.'

What I will say though is that it becomes easier to tell each subsequent person. Feeling good about yourself with other trannies doesn't register when it comes to telling outsiders... they are the unknown. I don't really care anymore as the people I love accept me... the rest of the planet can swivel for all I care :)

Just be brave.

[Amber]

ive Just recently come out to a friend who's been around for about 10 years. Every time i tried to tell him my heart skipped a beat (i wrote a post about it a couple of weeks ago). The conversation went dead for a couple of moments then i just blurted it out.(OK not so subtle but hay) He asked me some funny and quit odd question's then changed the subject. I quickly got the conversation back on track so we could properly wrap it up, then it was all cool. I saw him on friday and he was fine.

Though there a many in my life who wont be so accepting, so i guess its gonna be a long ride. There will always be someone to tell.

[DonnaT]

Well Gemma, I imagine it's the fear of the unkown. Not really knowing how the person you tell is going to react.

A friend, for example. Will he/she want to learn more or reject you?

Your mind set needs to such that you hope they can accept you as Gemma, and maybe even be happy for you, but also be prepared for rejection. When you're ready for rejection, you'll be ready to tell others.

Sort of the "I don't care what they think, I am who I am and not ashamed of it" type attitude.

And that begs the question, why do you feel you need to tell anyone?

[Dixie Darling]

Donna makes a good point here:


"I imagine it's the fear of the unkown. Not really knowing how the person you tell is going to react"

I'll elaborate a little further here by saying that this fear of the unknown applies equally to society in general. It's long been known that the things people fear are those that they don't understand. With that said it's obvious that the public at large is woefully ignorant of what a crossdresser actually is and as such they have a 'fear' of us. This is something that society themselves SHOULD be ashamed of since there are adequate resources available to them to educate themselves about crossdressing. My biggest pet peeve regarding this is that we're all viewed (i.e. "lumped together") with everyone else on the transgendered spectrum.

Dixie -- http://www.geocities.com/senorita_cd

[mand]

Hello Gemma :) Telling people is an increadbly difficult thing to do, especaily the ones who are closest to you.
How do they react? All differently, some will slowy accept it, others have no real problem with it and some will totally turn their backs on you.
It took me over 6 years from telling the first person (Jane) and the last person to find out.
However now I have developed an attitude of take me or leave me, it's you're problem if you don't accept me.

There are no magic answers to telling others, you know them so just use you're own judgement and timing ................and if you do, Good luck ;)


love mand xxx :)

[Wendy me]

i told a good freind this year abought me , at the time i felt that it had to be done ... and it has never came up again ... fear ,or not shure what to say .. and how and when to say it is huge in telling any one ...every one has their own comfey zone...

[Priscilla1018]

Hi Gemma,

So far the only one I have told is my wife,that was scary to think about,but no big thing really.The only others who know are my sisters here,although I am getting a lot of looks and even friendly smiles at the club where I workout.Who knows what the rest of the journey has in store for us?

[GypsyKaren]

I don't care how comfortable you are with yourself, it's hard to come out. You hope for the best, but you really don't know what their reaction will be. I know how you feel, I'm just coming out now to friends and family, after hiding my entire life.

I will say that I am amazed at how they took it. Everyone is quite cool with it and don't care or see it as something wrong. Some don't understand, but I don't expect them to because I still don't quite understand it all myself. I lived in fear of being found out, but I now see I was wrong. I think the key is to tell people that already love you, them knowing the truth won't change that.

Anyway, give it a try, and I wish you the best of luck.

GypsyKaren

[Jonien]

This is a problem I have all my friends know and I don't care who els knows but I have One of my brothers that I care about we have been very close but I do not know If he would except it the one person that I want to tell but can't

[Konyatogo]

Its scary, I'm afraid I'll lose my son, my daughter and my six grandchildren, others knowing, no problem, so, I am stuck in a limbo and it hurts inside. My wife, I know would said OK, but she has passed over now.

Astrid.x.

[Lindahexi]

Gemma it's a mixture of shame and fear; shame because society will not accept CDers, but gay or lesbian is fine, and fear because once you tell somebody you can never be sure how they will react, especially in the future. ie; will they ever think of you in the same way again? I have only told one person ever, my niece, and she was cool about it, but how I got the nerve to tell her I'll never know. Your desire to 'come out' to people is so natural though, I feel the same way, I want to just be free to tell all, but I guess I never will unless society changes their attitude to us.

Good luck,

hugs,

Linda.

[Rachel_740]

Hi Girls,

I really want to tell people about my dressing but when it comes to the crunch I just can't do it. I have accepted this side of me now and Im proud to be "me" so why should I be so ashamed to admit that I spend most of my evenings and weekends fully dressed.

I really want to tell people that I am going to Angelics next month and I want people to be happy for me. As I said, I have accepted this part of me so why is it so difficult to be able to share this with my family and friends.

Gemma xx

I would guess that you can't tell people for your own survival - if you came out ad people didn't accept you - need I say more?

Anne

[PinkDressLover]

I find telling people I care about a lot harder than my friends, and telling females a lot easier than telling males, they just seem to take it better. I've had mixed reactions with the guys I've told(only two), one was very put off by it and didn't even want to be friends, the other was intrigued. while it seems as if every woman i've told has been accepting atleast to some degree, many very supportive not just accepting. Several have offered to help, including buying things for me so I don't have to worry about the strange looks. I started telling people maybe...a year and a half ago. It was wonderful to finally get it off my chest and let my best female friend in. Some of the people i've told about it were actually happy and helped me surf the internet in search of clothes, One friend even offered to let me come live with her for a bit so I could be free to dress as I please.

I can't say all peoples reactions will be the same, but all mine have been pretty well, my ex-girlfriend was probably the least accepting but she is slowly growing accustomed to it..not sure if she wants to get back together yet or not, but she's getting used to it. I think what worried her the most is the fact that I own more Pink than her.