Support groups question

[girlalex]

You all probably have been hearing this many times before. But I have to tell you this. I am so sick and tired of my gender confusion related thoughts popping out in the background of my day to day thoughts that I need help. I need to find a TG support group. I've been thinking about it for a long time but because i have a busy work schedule i wasn't able to find spare time to find such support. has anybody seen the movie fight club?? Remember when he goes to a cancer support group and cries with everyone. please tell me TG support groups are not anything like that. I don't want to stand up in front of everyone else and tell them how I realized that i was transgendered. at least not on the first meeting. can anybody tell me what its like. I would love to meet each and every single person in my group and as I imagine its pretty social but i still hold my slef back.

[Deborah_UK]

Can't speak for the USA, but the ones I've been to here in the UK have all been more social events rather than than how I've seen AA groups portrayed on telly or film.

If you need to talk things through you can usually find a kindred spirit to chat to.

I've been F/T for over a year now, but still go along, I don't need that support anymore, but have made good friends there, and also want to give something back.

[Rianna Humble]

My experience is limited to a group in the South East of the UK. I was personally welcomed by the group's animator then introduced to a couple of members and we chatted about things of common interest. The group I attend also offers reduced price counselling which I have not yet used.

I have some friends in the US who attend groups called "sisters of xxx" from what they have said it seems more like a social occasion with the opportunity to talk confidentially if you like.

As far as I know, in neither case is one expected to stand up and give a speech or anything that scary and neither are you put on a "12 step" programme

[Vickie_CDTV]

I'll spare everyone my long history, but needless to say I have had my fair share of experience with support groups. I have never, ever been to one that was run like an AA meeting or such. Groups vary, but most are social in nature and very pleasant, and you only need to share what you are comfortable with. I'd go and check the group out.

[Frances]

I was in a therapy group run by the gender-clinic of a hospital and we sat in a circle. The therapist would make us talk and it was not always easy or confortable. However, the support group that I went to for years in parallel to the therapy was the opposite. The most that was expected was that you introduce yourself. People talked if they needed to talk. There was a some crying sometimes, but nothing was ever pulled out of anyone. Just being around other people like us can be helpful enough.

[Sally24]

If you go to actual "counseling" they sometimes have group meetings where you can share your common problems with other. Usually it is one on one.

Most support groups are either a little social or a lot social. Most of the ones in New England are there to offer you a place to go. Other help you go into the real world as your TG self. If you list your state or region we could offer you suggestions.

[Shelly Preston]

I attend a TG group locally here in the UK

The meeting is more of a place to chat with others and have a laugh. Yes sometimes the discussion can take a more serious perspective.

You can learn a lot as you get to know people in the group

Some can tell you all the things you need to know about acessing more information like best surgeon or whatever

I suggest you go along and see if your happy or contact them and ask

I am sure they will be only to happy to answer questions

[Katesback]

I like the idea of a professional counselor. I found that for the most part support groups are attended by train wrecks and I have a difficult time seeing what is actually being supported with a group of train wrecks except disfunction.

Stick with a professional counselor!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Stephanie Anne]

It depends on where you live and how many people regularly attend. I go to a group that never tries to force anyone to say anything they do not want to. I went to another group for a while and it was small and I had to leave because everyone in it was depressed and could never get past their depression and issue of being trans. I then started to go to my new group and it was a world of difference.

I think you are thinking of an AA meeting with is completely different from a transgender support group.

If you tell us the city, we may be able to help you find a group.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

support groups can help...it's a you get what you put in type of thing, and you have to accept there may be some really difficult people in the more open ended forums..

there are also tg social events ...there are pro therapists etc..

it will help you enormously (even if you do it once) to sit down and talk with a group of people that share your thoughts, or a version of your thoughts..

google transgender support and your city or the closest one...and check out th hits one by one...its really that simple...its not easy to take the step, but it really is simple and it will help you

[Melody Moore]

I found that for the most part support groups are attended by train wrecks and I have a difficult time seeing what is actually being supported with a group of train wrecks except disfunction.

I think it's funny that you use the term 'train wrecks', because when I went to my first TG social group get-together just before I started hormone therapy about 7 months ago, I was told by some of the 'train wrecks' in my local group that I was going to experience emotional problems being on hormone therapy. Well here I am 6 months later since I started on hormones & I am still waiting for that 'emotional train wreck' to happen in my life. Now I am feeling disappointed and left out. Am I missing out on something here? LOL

Just joking, anyway it's obvious that I am a lot more positive, confident & happier than most of the TS girls in my local group and I wonder why I should even bother to go to these meetings anymore. Late last year I was calling for our local group to get together more for social outings, but not one person responded. Anyway I missed out on the first meeting for this year last weekend but am thinking now that might be a good thing, because I don't like it when others try to pull you down to their level because they are so miserable within themselves. So yeah, just stick with your counsellor because I don't think social groups are for everyone.

[Gerrijerry]

couseling and gender groups are not the same thing. There are many groups in the USA. It really depends on what type of group you think you fit into. If you feel CD is your type of group then try TRI ESS. If you feel that you are more transexual then check with the rainbow group or LGBT groups. The groups are what others have said. Simply a place to go talk if you wish don't if you do not want to. But they do all offer support from others. Counseling is different. He or she is there to help you deal with just your problems and help yopu learn how to deal with life as you are. A counselor will not try to change you but will help you understand your self. With a counselor you have to tell it all but it never leaves the room it is still very private. Decide what you really are looking for. Friendship or self understanding or maybe both and do what you feel is really needed.

[girlalex]

I live in LA which I believe gives me a good chance of finding a support group but in the same time there are probably so many of them that it would be hard to
pin point which one fits me best.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

then go to one, then another..etc.etc...i ended up with my 3rd therapist, i went to a local tg support meeting, realized i didnt like it, then to the next ...

just do it.

if you don't, it's only impacting you.

[BreenaDion]

I am in a Peer Support group. long story but its near Provencetown Ma. I tell them every thing just to vent but not in all in one meeting. 2 Days ago I whent an told them on my 3rd vist that I am a abuse survivor,I have a traumatized brain. I suffer from PTSD an awakening 2 yrs ago. I also need more counciling for different issues. I tell them about what the brain is given me and taking away. I dont have to tell them about any thing I dont want to but I am different than most TS I was abused an lived 50 yrs as a male 100%. A Transgendered one.
The first group in up state Ma NETA is highly structured but you have 3 minutes to speak an you must be respectful. Unlike this one I go to isnt, they are my sisters so if it hurtful or harmful I let it and it doesnt appear next meeting. I also bring my wife to this second group in a church becuase she needs help also. There is 2 couples that come there and sit with my wife to help her along. They said this is the biggest group around , had 50 people through the years use what they need an move on. Most meetings its about 8 sisters, and 1 Transman.
I find that I need a combination of both, but thats asking to much. Generally you tell them some what of your self but after that beginning just touch base on whats happening in ur life right now through the past month. Dont need to give unwanted info you dont want to share. Feal confortable but also by releasing what troubles you it will start to set you free.
Be safe and Live Well
Breena.

[Jorja]

Support groups are what you make them. If you have a bunch of "trainwrecks" sitting around pissing and moaning then this is the type of group it is. If you have a bunch of positive minded people sitting around then you will find it a very positive experience. It's like trying on dresses, you need to go to several different groups to find the one that fits. If by chance you can't find a group you like, start one that will cover what you want and need out of it. Chances are there are several others that will attend because it is what they are really looking for too.

[Teri Jean]

girlalex,
There are a lot of different support groups and they operate differently so finding one that fits you can be dauntig. Here in the Twin Cities of Minnesota there are clubs as well as support groups but the one that has helped me the most to date is our book club. Yep, we are a non-membership group of transgendered individuals who come together at the U of M each month to read and discuss the books and issues around being transgendered. During the summer when everyone is here or there we just meet and discuss topics of the moment. We have had as many as 20 or as few as two come together and the discussions are so lay back and friendly it doesn't feel like support but friendships are just that.

Maybe you are looking for the wrong type of support group and if there isn't one and you have a core group of aquaintences that want to just get together for some idle chat and support, start a book club as we have. Bring so potluck munchies and keep it light. You don't need a therapist for this kind of support and you will be suprised how much fun it can be. Good luck and great question.

[kristinacd55]

Hi Alex,
I went to my first support group meeting last Wednesday. It was in the philly area and it was my first time out...ever. Don't know what part of the us you are in but it was just great to finally meet other girls. If you're close by or just want more info give me a pm. I made my connection through meetup.com

[Jessinthesprings]

The only one I ever went to in Colorado Springs was pretty chill. I was for the most part a social event and if you so desired you could tell your life story or simply state a name, smile and move on.

[christinek]

Support Groups can be a good thing. In my area it is a great place to meet others like you and network for local friends and friends to draw strength from. It is easier to go out in a group dressed than on your own alone. The group in my area is nothing like what is depicted in Fight Club, no one cries in Bobs boobs.

[Hope]

The quality of support groups vary a LOT. If your first one is crummy - keep trying until you find one that works for you.

I have been to some that were abysmal, and some that were pretty useful...

The last one I was at was attended by a CD who didn't run the meeting but should have; a girl in 6 inch platform heels and a long shirt doing double duty as a dress (it was snowing outside) who made it clear that none of us were passable or pretty enough to talk with her; and a 15 year post-op girl who monopolized the meeting by telling us all about how horrible life post-op is, how we will never be accepted or find work, and how it was the best thing she has ever done; among others. The leader singled me out on 3 separate occasions as the "new girl." Obviously I am never going back to that group.

In my experience, the best "support" groups are social groups.

[Cheyenne Skye]

I just went to a local support group for the second time this past weekend. There were some people there who never said anything more than their name in the beginning and others who offered lots of advice. I even questioned some of the post op girls about when they felt it was time to "move on" and they said they just wanted to give something back for all the help they received. Both times, after the meeting, several of us went to a local bar/restaurant for a bite and some more casual socializing. I will definitely be going back.