How to be unrecognizable by friends when en femme

[linda.wai]

I always wonder whether my friends and acquaintances would recognize me when I'm fully en femme - wig, make up, dress, different manners, different voice.

Just want to share tips on how to make myself even more unrecognizable. Are there things I could do to make even my wife or mother not recognize me when I walk pass them en femme in the street ?

[Megan Thomas]

mothers always know... ;)

[Stephanie Miller]

:heehee:You might want to ask Sherry ( docrobbysherry ) for a clue.

[mslenak]

You could try wearing colored contact lenses and a wig that is a strikingly different hair color than your natural look.

[Cynthia Anne]

Change your hair color and dress like a hooker and stand on a street corner as they walk by! Just kidding! No don't try this at home!

[gretchen2]

I hear that the Groucho Marx glasses work pretty good. I haven't tried them out myself yet but I was thinking about it.

[linda.wai]

I mean seriously, what should be done?
Could someone share anecdotes or practical experience?

[gwenbeth]

wear a long trench coat, sunglasses and a hat. and hold a newspaper up to your face

[Aeva]

I imagine if you can pull off looking like a natural woman, and your friends don't know about this side of you (or if they do but have a hard time imagining it), the idea won't occur to them.

Reminds me of something a friend of mine said about getting a tattoo: "When you get your first one, even if it is in a place that is normally hidden by clothing, you will think everyone knows its there." It'll be obvious to you that you're the same person still; but to the bystander, they'll see a woman, and that's about it.

Now, if you approach your friends and talk to them, they might wonder...

[Loni]

would your friends be looking for a woman? how well do you blend in to the surroundings? as in would you be in a gown when only a simple skirt would work?

.in a place were you friends would be looking for you?

would you mount a neon sign atop of your head?

.

[Noceedee]

If you do not wear glasses a good pair of feminine rimmed glasses might help. You can find glasses without a perscription at websites such 39dollarglasses.

[PinupRanae]

Wear a cloth type headband to breakup the wig line.

[christine55]

I have been very close to people I know quite well. At the time I was far more worried about it. No one recognized me.

Hugs, Christine

[Chickhe]

Seriously? They won't know! I suspect the things that will give you away are your voice, certain mannerisms, your routine (ie: neighbors expect to see your male self coming and going or you visit the same places where there are people you know) or unique features, your car or wife if she is with you... Otherwise, with a wig, makeup and convincing appearance you will blend in as a woman and no one would put 2 and 2 together.

[dilane]

Longer hair with bangs (which cover up the forehead, one recognition tell).

A really different and femme walk. Easier said than done. Most CD's have male walks.
Your gait is why people can recognize you quite far away.

Have a different, more femme resting facial expression, move your eyes around more as you interact with the world.

Wear prominent makeup that is visible -- going "natural" means you'll still look a lot like your boyself.

[docrobbysherry]

:heehee:You might want to ask Sherry ( docrobbysherry ) for a clue.

As Stephanie wrote, I try to make sure I CAN'T RECOGNIZE ME!:heehee:
Here's how I do it!


151432

[Tanya C]

Well, I would say that a long hair wig would go a long way. (unless you already have long hair) Also, tinted glasses may help. (unless you already wear them) In addition, you should wear clothing that disguises your body shape as much as possible.
And of course, plenty of makeup.

[Persephone]

In general, if you are able to "pass" as an ordinary woman, most people are not likely to recognize you when walking by you or seeing you somewhere. Don't know if it would work with wives and mothers though.

Normally, having your spouse with you is an asset since a crossdresser walking with one or more women is more likely to be assumed to be "one of the girls." If, however, someone would recognize your spouse, that could cause them to notice you, although I actually had that happen last week and it appeared to work out just fine.

We were at a ladies' auxiliary dinner and a woman who knows me en drab came by to say "Hi" to my spouse. She chatted with my spouse while I acted nonchalant, payed no attention to them, and went on eating my dessert, now and then even talking with the woman on my other side. She ignored me as just one more woman at the table, probably not associating me with my spouse. It could have been dicey though.

Some CDs go so far as to have "his" and "hers" cars. A fun idea, but probably "overkill" for most encounters, unless one car is spectacular and draws attention. A bright pink 1965-1969 Cadillac convertible would fit that description.

As some others have already mentioned, changing glasses, or wearing gender appropriate ones if your other personna doesn't, might help. Different haircolor could help, if one of you wears a wig or toupee.

But mostly, people do not look at each other and think, "I know that woman as a guy," or "I know that guy as a woman."

Recently, for example, a member of my women's club actually did see "him" someplace, up close and personal. She told one of the other members, "I saw her wearing men's clothes!" Does that tell you something?

Hugs,
Persephone.

[Sallee]

I introduced my male self once to some one I knew only enfem and they had a hard time believing. I had seen them many times in male mode and they had known me enfem but never guess until I introduced myself Don't know if it works the other way

[2SpeedTranny]

Wear a burka.

You can skip the makeup, but burkas are all girl so you won't lose any crossdressing cred. Plus, even the TSA can't recognize you that way. ;)

[sherri]

Ime, it's a gamble -- in my case, I'd say 50-50. I've had people tell me they would never recognize me, have even experienced that very thing, but then again I've had a couple of people ID me almost instantly, which definitely burst my bubble of anonymity. You roll the dice and take your chances. If you need to avoid being outed, the safest bet is to avoid situations where you might encounter someone who knows you.

[linda allen]

Then there's the obvious - go to a town or city fifty miles from home.

[BRANDYJ]

I introduced my male self once to some one I knew only enfem and they had a hard time believing. I had seen them many times in male mode and they had known me enfem but never guess until I introduced myself Don't know if it works the other way

I also went to a function in drab mode that I had always gone to while en-fem and not one person knew who I was until I told them. So my guess is that anyone that knows me in male mode won't recognize me in fem mode.

[Alice Torn]

Change your skin tone or color? Just kidding, but, it would help anonymity. I wear lady sunglasses, make up, but, my height 6'6" , and voice make it tough to anyone who knows me. I would have to dress like a lady quite well, hiding male features. My face, forehead and chin are giveaways too. Wig with bangs helps, as one said.

[Tina B.]

Seriously, the one thing you might want to practice at is contouring, using lights and darks, along the top, or sides of the nose, to heighten cheek bones and things, a little dark contouring under the cheek bones will raise them up and make you look different, of course this are small changes that alter perception, but would never help under any real scrutiny. Get a wig that is way different from your natural color. Wear colors you would never wear in drab. Move fast and don't look them in the eye, I think that should do it!
Tina B.

[linda.wai]

Seriously, the one thing you might want to practice at is contouring, using lights and darks, along the top, or sides of the nose, to heighten cheek bones and things, a little dark contouring under the cheek bones will raise them up and make you look different, of course this are small changes that alter perception, but would never help under any real scrutiny. Get a wig that is way different from your natural color. Wear colors you would never wear in drab. Move fast and don't look them in the eye, I think that should do it!
Tina B.

I think you sum it all up well. Thanks to other girls for their tips and sharing too.

[Nikki A.]

A funny story that relates to this. I was at a Super Bowl Party at the same friends house, who had a Halloween party. There were people there who met me as Mimi (Drew Carey show) and when I walked in they never put the two of us as 1 until I went over and said hello. This one girl even had given me a close inspection, commenting how well I did my foundation and make-up so she did get a goodlook. Now this was in a closed situation with the same basic crowd. Out in public, in a crowd it would be difficult to get picked out.

[Gina X]

I think the biggest problem is height, there are very few GG's over about 5'8" and if you are taller than this and wear heels you will stick out like a sore thumb no matter how good your makeup and dress sense are although perception comes into it if you are among a crowd of CD's you will appear to the casual onlooker as just a group of women it is only when they get close that they will see you are all taller than average. HTH

[Stacye Rose]

Change your body language and mannerism's

[Chloe Renee]

1. Climb out the window so you don't pass them in the hall.
2. Drive to a different state.
3. become a reclusive hermit.

Aside from that there is little that can be done that hasn't been mentioned already. One thing that really helps is having a positive attitude and confidence. If you are confident you wont give off "tells " that something is the wrong or attract attention to yourself.

[Wendy_Marie]

I have outed myself to friends in the past...all were Female. The only time I was ever outed by someone unwillingly...it was a male...One of the biker types who was actually a friend of a friend. I had a pic of me in my French Maid Uniform posted on a forum dealing with Fetishes. I truly believed that I was unrecognizable...but this moron figured it out. He actually showed a couple of other female friends my photo and tried to ostricize me within our group. It ended up back firing on him with two of the three females sharing stories about their own skeletons. The other female, well she was just closed minded and I haven't talked with her in over 5 years now.

[Jorja]

I think the biggest problem is height, there are very few GG's over about 5'8" and if you are taller than this and wear heels you will stick out like a sore thumb no matter how good your makeup and dress sense are although perception comes into it if you are among a crowd of CD's you will appear to the casual onlooker as just a group of women it is only when they get close that they will see you are all taller than average. HTH

This may be true in the UK. Here in the U.S. it is common to see girls 6'0" + at least where I live. I just saw two today 6'3" and 6'6". in 4"heels.

[LitaKelley]

My own personal experience is that most didn't recognize me, but a few did... Overall, I'd estimate that at least 90% didn't recognize me en femme.

One day back in December while shopping, I literally bumped into my neighbor whom lives across the street and was not only startled when I realized it was my neighbor whom I just walked into, but was now terrified because his wife was with him.. but neither of them recognized me.. even when I said sorry.. "phew"

[eluuzion]

Are there things I could do to make even my wife or mother not recognize me when I walk pass them en femme in the street ?

Passing them at nightime would help, lol. Actually, having the sun behind you (sun shining on the front of their bodies) helps.

If you want to perfect your "invisibility" to recognition by those who know you, start reading about kinesics/proxemics, etc. (body language). Non-verbal cues (gestures, microexpressions, unconscious muscle movements, etc) are the greatest factor in communication, not verbal exchange (one of the primary reasons internet discourse is so often misinterpreted, because it lacks the face-to-face component).

The more intimate the relationship, the more "recognizable" you become. Parents, SOs, siblings and friends unconsciously process kinesic cues that identify you. (for example...that "6th sense" people feel with a partner). Your base cues are extremely difficult to mask or control, because most are autonomic related (for lack of better description).

There are "clusters" (groups of cues) that we all exhibit for particular emotional feelings and there are "clusters" specific to an individual. Those specific cues are readily indentified by your family and friends before you say the first word. You have a specific gait, as well as posture and movement style (gestures, etc.) that uniquely identifies you. Parents "know" their own kids, partners "know" their SO, etc.

Going to a high school reunion is a good learning experience for studying kinesic impact. You recognize those people in your past by recalling the body cues you remember as unique to that person (to a great degree). It is not from their appearance (as it seems to you). That 300 lb adult that weighed 160 last time you saw them in high school days is still familiar, because of the body cues...movement, gestures, etc...do not change...

Yes, you can alter or mask them, but it takes a lot of practice (like actors). Too complex to explain in a post.

A few items...

A hat or hoody is the easiest method of creating the biggest change in peoples' ability to identify you. Sunglasses are another. Putting a pebble in one shoe is the easiest way to alter your gait and change your "MO" on a surveillance cam. Keeping the available light source behind you helps (shadow effect). Standing to the side vs "straight" on with the other person helps. A novice can improve their chances of masking cues by simple concentrating on "mimicking" the body language of the person they are talking to. (voice pitch, speed, etc). A person's laugh is very identifiable. Same with the "hard" emotional cues...expressions when angry, excited, frustrated, etc. People recognize people they "know" from a distance, before they hear a word spoken from that person. Particularly if you approach from the front (walk directly toward them).

Casual interaction with unfamiliar people is not easy, but much less difficult than "fooling" a familiar person. Refraining from arm gestures helps, but is difficult to master.

"Reading people" is an "art" that takes years to perfect. Some are born with natural abilities beyond those of the average person. Anybody can become good at it with lots of practice. Even then, it is tough to fool a parent or loved one. But it is possible...:thumbsup:

:love:

[LeannL]

There are lots of factors. If you are lucky like I am - 5 ft 7 in, 158 pounds, not hairy, small hands, then it is much easier. If you are like some that have already responded - coming in at 6 ft 6 in, 250 pounds and can palm a 24 inch beach ball, then it is much more difficult. Having been a member of a Tri-Ess chapter for several years, I was amazed at the number of times someone who would normally come dress arrived DRAB and I had to work hard to match them to their femme self. Most of the time people are not expecting to have to translate a female presentation back to a male person. So it works most of the time.

As an exercise, you could go to the male vs female photo thread and see if you would easily make the translation.

Leann

[Emily Ann Brown]

Add 150 pounds with pads, wear thick glasses, get a grey wig, don't speak, a red nose and an clown shoes....hahahaha.


Em

[Megan70]

In the decades i have been going out dressed in public i can't tell you the dozens of times i have walked past, stood next to co-workers and friends who did not recognize me, because they weren't out to. just be natural , yourself( femme) and don't flaunt and show off in front of them or it will give you away. Once several years ago I was dressed to the nines as an elegant woman at our symphony concert hall , and i spotted a female usherette whom i worked with on Saturdays during the summer. I wanted to try my luck, and approached her to ask a question, which she answered. She never had a clue, and two days later were saw each other at our workplace and things were as normal as could be. You've got to be passable first of all, before you try this.

[cassandra.932]

Many very good ideas here. My view is that no matter what we do still quite difficult to hide our body shape to "pass" as an ordinary woman. You can try to hide under darkness at night. I may help to some extent I think.

[MarinaKirax]

I think apart from the elements of disguise, the thing that will have your friends and relatives recognize you is that you look at them. When we meet people we know, we fix them with a gaze that is more than just sweeping across anonymous crowds. It's something we can't help, and is hard to disguise. I'd say if you are presenting as someone they don't recognize, act like someone they don't recognize and don't even registr they are there. Dont even look their way. I'd say that will work. MK

[Charise52]

There is an art to invisibility... and this will prove interesting... I studied Psychology and the human detection problem and the human perception problem... practice this with normal clothes until you get the hang of it... just walk through the store or down the street and in your mind imagine you are walking someplace else... your friends can walk right by you and never see you (your body language becomes out of tune)... once you get that down, then you can give yourself your best look, and your best clothes... and no one will recognize you... I used that when I wore skirts in public... it was amazing...