peeved

[Danni Bear]

This post may open a few eyes,lift a few eyebrows,even raise somes blood pressure. It is different in tone to any I have ever posted on here.

Crossdressers, and yes we are all crossdressers no matter the label we apply to ourselves. TS,TG,TV,CD,M2F,F2M,Intersex,Transwoman,Transman,o r any other that any prefer.

Call me crazy,or even naive, but for the life of me I can't comprehend why anybody in our community would attack any other over their posts. Not agreeing,or even seeing erronous information is no reason to berate or intimidate. Bring civility and gentleness back to our replies. Defend your beliefs with passion,but with understanding also. Temper your rhetoric,moderate your response,listen to each other and maybe learn something new. None and I really mean none of us has the answers. each answer only brings more questions.

This life we live is a quandry and mystery. Similiarities exist for all but each is unique and different. What may be right for you is wrong for the next. Use caution and respect when offering advice,knowing that you can be wrong. As impersonal as any internet forum is by nature,all the members have become an extended family.Treat them with the respect they deserve.

Can anyone not see the damage we do to each other?The turmoil and anquish that illthought words cause.The sense of shame and despair that comes when confidence is lost.This life is far hard enough to get through but without being able to openly express fears and questions without the worry and fear of embarassment makes it worse.No matter how trivial or trite the question may seem at the time,it is important to the poster and deserves an honest answer from each responder.

GG's I know I have left you out but know this much. All of you have my deepest respect and love for what you face daily.This is not a life you chose but to a great extent embrace for the ones you love. That is your greatest strength and what you bring to all of us.

now to return you to your normal programming (end of ranting)

Danni
mods if you deem necessary move or delete this thread as needed or required D.

[luludoll]

I've never noticed that but then again I'm dense like that. Everyone seems sweet & civil in their posts <3

[suzy1]

I don’t think this is a big problem here is it Danni? Just the odd unpleasant comment sometimes.
And we are all adults and should be able to put up with any “attacks” that come our way.
I am sorry for anyone that does feel any “shame and despair” but this site is helping and supporting them and it does a great job.
If a member is getting “damaged” and is in “turmoil and anguish” by some remarks made here, then they might need a bit more help than this forum can give.

Just my thoughts, SUZY

[Gerrijerry]

I really have not seen that kind of problem in this room. I have seen strong replies to posts from a few that had different feelings on a subject. However that is different then saying things to hurt others. Just another persons feelings on a subject which is good also. You need to see both sides even if you don't want to hear it. You can make better choices if you hear all sides.

[LeannL]

Danni,

I agree with you. Living with our challenges is hard enough that we don't need those that should understand making it tougher for us. Conversely, I would like to chalk up most of what is considered inappropriate to the media - a written blog - where subtleties are often lost. I therefore try (sometimes very hard) to read comments in the best light.

As an example, someone commented recently that I lacked self-esteem which I guess that I could see from a comment I made but I thought it was a stretch. I could have taken it badly but I tried to explain how I thought my comment was misread.

Some of the problem, I would suggest, is that people make comments without reading the entire post. This leads to conclusions that make no sense, contradict the facts or otherwise just muddles the discussion.

Leann

[Tanya C]

I have to say that I really don't think the conversations here lack civility, but they are frequently contentious. There'a a lot of different opinions with respect to cding and a forum like this one gives many crossdressers an opportunity to speak our minds on the subject. It's only natural for disagreements to occasionally occur.
Also, due to the fact that our communications are basically limited to words it easy for statements to be misunderstood. We don't have the benefit of vocal inflection, body language, etc. Upon occasion, a poorly phrased comment can be taken as anger or an insult.

[Shari]

I totally agree with you.
Look up the meaning of "thin skinned" in the dictionary and it will refer you to crossdressers.com
There have been so many times I wanted to comment on something but did not, so afraid that I would offend someone.
I expect there will be some who will take exception to what I've just written.

[Karren H]

God I love drama! Sometime this forum has more of it than the Real Housewives of Atlanta!! But I have yet to see an "attack"... But then again I don't read everything!

[Sophie86]

I have a decided way of expressing my opinion that sometimes doesn't come across the way I intend. If something I write sounds harsh, it probably sounded different in my head when I typed it. I'm always open to being called on that.

[Cynthia Anne]

I respect your thoughts, although I don't ever want to offend someone, sometimes things don't come out as intended! If given a little more thought I could have worded it this way instead of that way! But oops too late I already hit submit!

[Michelle James]

Danni, do you have any examples? I can be a little slow sometimes so I must have missed the posts you are referring to.

[Loni]

i know sometimes i can be hard and coarse.but this is just how i feel, and it is was and never ment to attack anyone, just a very emotional way and i guess i some times have trouble getting the words right, but i can say a little spice is good.
never have seen any posting here that was way over the top but then the mods do keep it squeaky clean here.

.

[BillieJoEllen]

Yes for the most part this is a very decent website. I've been to a few where you could hear the loud meowing before you evev got inside the site!

[carhill2mn]

I belong to a few other CD sites and IMHO this site has the most courteous members. Disageeing or offering a different opinion is not, in itself, an attack on anyone. On some sites people have been booted as their postings were so derogatory.

[Cassandra Lynn]

I'll take a page out of Loni's book and confess to some poor behavior at times. I hope that i've never been seen as berating or intimidating or that some of my replies are taken as personal attacks. That said, i sometimes can't help pointing out when others are IMO breaking what i think is common etiquette.
And since someone above mentioned examples: the past couple of weeks has seen alot of the dreaded "labeling" discussions, and there are a few gals here who can't help put ask or tell others which labels they should use. And at least one member gets very blatant about it, which i take offense to.

Common etiquette IMO is imputting your thoughts and opinions as suggestions and using "IMO" or something like "my thought is", "this is the way i look at it" etc.
In not doing so, and replying with blatant statements and backing it up with multiple exclamation points is just rude...........IMO.

My apologies to any who have felt that i was out of line, i need to be remindful that i'm not a mod and mind my own beeswax. I strive for serenity, but that doesn't mean i have totally found it.

Cassie

[Suzette Muguet de Mai]

Danni Bear, I think one of the hardest things about the written word is to convey emotion. Depending on the mood when we read a few words, the interpretaton can be taken many ways. Remember many of us write with emotion and with that emotion is a veil that may diffuse the emotions that we are having when the finger is at the keyboard. We all have walked many different paths yet we converge at one main thing and that is simply we dress in materials that are sociably accepted by the wearer even if it is in materials of the opposite sex. The extent to which we all dress differs and so too the labels within CD/MTF.
Please take into consideration that we all may have social problems and with that we approach topics on a different wavelength that is dependable on our state of mind at the time we post. Some of us may cry for help in the way we answer a topic, please consider the circumstances in which that topic/reply was posted. As for me I may never ever divulge who I am, what my predicament is, what my personal life consists of but I may propose aspects of my life that may (I hope help to answer a topic) that I feel is worth a few minutes of my life to answer.
Sometimes acceptance of many negative replies may help one to develop a defence mechanism that helps to shape ones personna. One can overprotect and one can under protect, finding that sense of balance becomes an issue that can become a major problem especially when it comes to parenting.
I most certainly must admit sometimes a topic or reply grates me more than trying to grate an amount of cheese for a good omelette. All who come to this website seek answers, it does not matter who we are or how we act it only matters how we reply. A Question can be posed in many ways, it is up to the teacher to distinguish what answer the question deserves, That differentiates a teacher from a good teacher and that boils simply down to similar experiences. Anyone who can understand so many peoples problems and suggest with understanding answers is truly remarkable. Please bare with us all.

[BLUE ORCHID]

I respect your thoughts, although I don't ever want to offend someone, sometimes things don't come out as intended! If given a little more thought I could have worded it this way instead of that way! But oops too late I already hit submit!

Cynthia, If you ever hit submit too soon go to the edit click on and change your reply.

Orchid

[gretchen2]

If life was just rainbows and lollipops we would be bored out of our minds.

[dawnmarrie1961]

Danni,
Those were words well spoken. Our community is made up of so many different groups that it is often difficult, near impossible, to know exactly whom we are communicating with. I don't think anyone really intends to offend another person with their remarks. More often then not it is a matter of misspelling or taking posts out of context.
Bottom line: We are all Human beings. Let us treat eachother as such.

[Marissa]

I don’t think this is a big problem here is it Danni? Just the odd unpleasant comment sometimes.
And we are all adults and should be able to put up with any “attacks” that come our way.
I am sorry for anyone that does feel any “shame and despair” but this site is helping and supporting them and it does a great job.
If a member is getting “damaged” and is in “turmoil and anguish” by some remarks made here, then they might need a bit more help than this forum can give.

Just my thoughts, SUZY

Suzy, does it have to be a big problem for it to be addressed? Even the smallest issue can manifest itself and then become the 'accepted' norm.
Yes, we are adults and yes, some of us can put up with some of the 'attacks' but why don't we try to minimize or stop them from occuring..that is what this is about. And no, I'm not 'thin skinned' as I see stated at times as a response for one who either disagrees or may be emotional about what is said.
I have spent many a times of feeling "turmoil and anguish"...but no, I don't need more help :) (okay..maybe...), what I need is a thread like this. To remind many that we are different, that some are seeking acceptance from others...and at times, ourselves. So when particular statements/comments are made without thought of others, then yes it can emotionally effect another.

Okay Suzy, I'll quietly back off into my own corner :D Next victim???

For those who need examples.. Ms Serene is giving a good one of what has been occuring recently. Its okay to have your own opinions and to share them..yes "IMHO" works great. But at times it comes across as "Its my way or the highway".

Then add the generalization to the mix.. Just because I'm from Texas, does not mean I am wearing a holster with a colt 45 in it, I live in a trailor park and in an hour, gonna jump in my Ford (with the rebel flag license plate) to meet with the boys at the redneck bar.

I know that is overly dramatized, k? :heehee: since I don't live in a trailor and not going to the bar.. :D

Seriously.. sometimes generalization is not acceptable..nor is pushing your insistent beliefs on others without accepting the differences of thoughts or.. hmmm.. lifestlyes of others.

When certain threads take a very serious approach, I read all that has been stated, specifically the OP. And then I walkaway...to ponder a response, if I can even offer one. I may return later to see what direction the topic has gone or to see if an appropriate response has been given.

It may be 5 hours or a day (or two) before I respond. I do this so that my thoughts are clear and to the best of my beliefs or knowledge. I, at times, do search for answers.

Some may think 'wow, someone needs a life'..yes, I do :heehee: Okay, this is my practice to try my best to convey my thoughts, whether I agree or disagree with the topic or others who have posted. And would hope that others who read it, do see that I did think about this before responding..didn't hit the wrong key or shoot from the hip (guns again..lol).

And yes, I do season some of my responses with humor to show that life is crazy at times, that even the serious of topics do have a funny side too.

Okay, I have officially become a member of the RANT club :battingeyelashes: Thank you for taking the time to read this...I said read, not scan so don't try that with me... :eek:

Group Hugs,
Marissa

p.s. I'm not a Doctor or a Scientist..just a country boy who graduated from the thurd grade ;)

[Ms Mira]

The biggest problem with people is that if that they think if something applies to them, it must apply to everybody. Anytime there's a new scene (any kind of scene), you can bet that shortly after, some person will be like "I have more credibility than you, and I say you have to be like x, y, and z to fit it". Then, when people are unfulfilled, they try to make themselves feel better about their lives by putting people who are different down.

There is no more oppressive force than society.

[victoriamwilliams1]

The biggest problem with people is that if that they think if something applies to them, it must apply to everybody. Anytime there's a new scene (any kind of scene), you can bet that shortly after, some person will be like "I have more credibility than you, and I say you have to be like x, y, and z to fit it". Then, when people are unfulfilled, they try to make themselves feel better about their lives by putting people who are different down.

There is no more oppressive force than society.


I have to agree with you, I know I am a month late on this reply but it is so true! People feel if you do not look the way they perceived or not at the same point in transition that you are beneath them! I for one see everyone the same in this journey.

[UNDERDRESSER]

I can't disagree with anything you've said Danni, but I also have to agree that generally, the standard of the member's behaviors on this forum is very high, certainly in comparison to others I frequent.

That said, not everyone has English as their native language, and even those who do sometimes could use some training in composition. I would suggest the following, when writing a comment, stop and re-read what you have put down, before posting. When reading a comment, if it offends you, before responding, re-read that one to see if there is an alternate way to take it, they might not have meant it the way you first thought

[VanessaVW]

I have found 99.99% of the discussion here quite helpful and civil. I keep coming back because it's so nice to be (in cyber space) with so many open-minded people. I'm not into labels and I think some folks are. If they are, that's great, but do we really ALL fit a particular label? Is it wrong if some of us just exist rather than receive a label?

[Babeba]

Danni,

Thank you so much, your post put a smile on my face - especially the bit at the end for those of us GGs who are on here, and ESPECIALLY the throwaway bit, 'our community.' We are ALL a community together, every single one of us on here. It's important to remember that. It's important to remember, in the eyes of the outside world not priviledged with knowing this community, the divisions we name for ourselves are not obvious. Grandma Jane Average probably cannot look at a CD and not know they are not TS, or how much they are TG (if any). Her son may look at a man-in-a-skirt and see overtones of confusion in gender, not of being free in fashion. The GG walking down the street with her SO en femme is just as aware of the curious glances of others, and just as nervous about their implications.

If this community can't stand strong together, how can it face the outside world coherently?

[VanessaVW]

If this community can't stand strong together, how can it face the outside world coherently?

Well put, Babeba. I'm glad that the vast majority of us on here get along well. If there has been snarking, I haven't witnessed much.