Childbearing

[Stephanie-L]

I was reading the forum and had a thought. I know that some women (GG) do not feel that they are complete until they have born children. I know that this is definately not true for all women, but it is for a certain percentage. I was wondering if there is any evidence of depression among MTF TS over the inability to perform this womanly function. With the advancments in medical science this may one day be possible, I am simply wondering how much of an effect there is. I don't think this affects me (maybe a very small bit), just wanted to throw it out there for discussion.......Stephanie

[Zenith]

Considering one of the first documented transexual srs recipients (Lili Elbe) died in an attempt to be a mother (from Wiki) I would say it probably does happen.

"...Elbe died in 1931, due to complications three months after her fifth and last operation. This operation was designed to "allow her to be a mother", and entailed the transplantation of a uterus.[14] Her cause of death is believed to have been transplant rejection. She is buried in Dresden, Germany...."

These sort of feelings can be very personal, I have had them and to tell you the truth they freak me out a bit...

[Teri Jean]

Stephanie, that is a good question and as Zenith put it, it is kind of personal. Being most if not all my cards are on the table so I would like to answer your thread in my own personal way.

A lot of things would have had to be different and today I would have to time warp back forty years but yes indeed. You see since my transition I have met a lot of people whom have become more than friendly aquaintences and one has stolen my heart. I met this TG last year and although she is also looking at transitioning I would want to have her child. For some women the idea of having and raising a child is foriegn to them, one daughter included but for many it is who they are and even if it is one child it does make them special.

Since this scenerio is not likely to happen for me, I am not going to dwell on it beyond this reply. You have a valid point though and if the proceedure was available for some of our more youthful ladies here I could see another section being added. "CHILD BIRTH AND PARENTING IN A TRANSSEXUAL HOUSEHOLD" Who knows maybe someday.

[Faith_G]

Yes, I have those feelings but I try not to dwell on them because I know it's impossible. It definitely makes me feel a bit inadequate as a woman even though I know that there are many women who are unable to bear children for a myriad of reasons. It still hurts though.

[Kathryn Martin]

I went through a period when my children were born where I severly envied my then wife for her capacity to bear the children. I was the one who wanted to stay at home with them and raise them, but instead I did was was expected of me and provided. Today I am happy to have three beautiful children all grown and I would not want to distract from their being who they are by having another child.

Those feelings however are natural, an expression of wanting to create that inside space and let something new grow. In our own sublime way we all need to and will do this.

[Rianna Humble]

I would put my feelings as a deep and lasting sadness rather than depression, but when I saw a GG friend a few days ago who I believe is expecting it drove home to me what I have missed by being born with the wrong body.

At my age, I'm too old to be starting a family - even if I were in a loving relationship and we could find a donor - but that does not mean I do not regret never having been able to carry another human being inside me.

[Michelle.M]

I am also too old to be starting a family. But I am a parent and will always be one, and although I will never give birth that does not mean I may never be a mother.

[Hope]

A uterus, or a child, does not a woman make.

[Rianna Humble]

I am also too old to be starting a family. But I am a parent and will always be one, and although I will never give birth that does not mean I may never be a mother.

I have the simultaneous advantage and disadvantage of not being in that position. Knowing I am not a man, I wasnot able to fulfil the role of a "husband" so never had that kind of a relationship. Although I am told by friends who are parents that I would be a very good parent myself, I will never be in a position to prove it; but then again at least my transition can't affect the children I don't have.


A uterus, or a child, does not a woman make.

You are right Hope, and these days many women find fulfilment without motherhood. Others feel a need to become a mother. Sadly for me that is a biological impossibility and I am now too old to adopt as it would not be fair on the child. Knowing all of that does not lessen my sense of sadness.

[Stephanie Anne]

A uterus, or a child, does not a woman make.

Umm yes, actually it does. The lack of said do not deny womanhood.

[Persephone]

Yes, I have those feelings but I try not to dwell on them because I know it's impossible. It definitely makes me feel a bit inadequate as a woman even though I know that there are many women who are unable to bear children for a myriad of reasons. It still hurts though.

Ditto! Faith explained it beautifully.

When my child was born, I basically quit my outside job and became the homemaker. My spouse definitely participated. She was up earlier for work, so she was the one who helped with getting ready for school, etc. but I was the one who did carpool, delivery and pickup. I was the Carpool Mom, the Soccer Mom, the Volunteer at School Mom, the one who got dinner on the table, and a thousand other tasks.

It was wonderful and fulfilling and I enjoyed every minute of it, but it still didn't quite make up for those first nine months and those first feedings.

[noeleena]

Hi.

A female is one who can have her own child not with standing any details that prevent that, = health or other reasons ,
in the main many if not most would or will have children. some dont of cause.

im not a female nor can be so not able to bear my child.
The closest i can ever get is our daughter haveing our grand child Dejarn who is now 8 years just over.

We are very close even closer than our three kids now grown up with thier own kids 8 grand kids & one more on the way .

My loss has been i could not have one child & that hurts not even carry her for 9 months & give birth.
This is a part of my make up as being a woman. how my brain is wired. even tho from birth. its been there just not in the way it has been over the last 14 years.
hence Dejarn is to me my child even tho Kaylyn gave birth.
we spent a lot of time to gether & theres a love thats very strong. its very different than i thought would be posible as to our three kids. to explain .

If any thing should happen to Dejarn that would kill me thats what it means for me. i would dearly love to have my own child . oh dear this is one detail in my life that stirs me up big time,
Im a woman who can not have her child.

Oh & what makes a woman . being one does & from birth.or the potenial to be one.

...noeleena...

[Hope]

Umm yes, actually it does. The lack of said do not deny womanhood.

Say that in the FTM section. I triple dog dare you.

[Stephanie Anne]

Say that in the FTM section. I triple dog dare you.

And what does the f in ftm mean? You make a general statement then try and back it up with another gender statement.

A uterus is only found on a female assigned at birth, aka "woman". Because you were born with a uterus does not mean that you are destined to be a woman any more than being born with testicles means you are destined to be a man.

Without a diagnosis of intersex condition or transsexuality, a uterus does in fact make one a woman.

[Aprilrain]

No, I knew at age 10 that I never wanted kids. I saw how rotten I was and didn't want to have to deal with that! But alas it wasn't ment to be and I am a parent. I love my children dearly but do hate the job, it's demanding, ceaseless, tiring often boring work. Don't get me wrong I play with my kids, we wrestle, we snuggle we tickle, we play with action hero's (boring for me) go to the art museum (boring for them) but i have to admit that I usually do not find it all that rewarding.
Some people just have the parent gene and others, me, do not. Sorry if that sounds harsh and cynical but it's the truth. I could sugar coat it but why?

[Jessinthesprings]

I have never givin it much thought, because it's impossible with today's technology... I did however, want to breast feed. It never came to pass, but I got to live motherhood through my wife.

[Tia808]

My therapist and I have spent a lot of time talking about this. While she hasn't diagnosed me with depression (to my knowledge), she knows that it's something I've latched on to, and use to beat myself up when I'm having a crisis of confidence and am feeling like an inadequate partner, etc., etc. Maybe it's particularly acute now that a lot of my cis friends are racing the clock and having kids before it's too late for them; perhaps it will be better in a few years when I would have been too old for kids even if I'd been born with ovaries?

[Angel.Marie76]

I can tell you that I have asked my GG friends many of these questions: The idea of childbirth, along with the concept of having and experiencing the naturally occurring sensations of menstration, cramps, PMS, etc. as well as 'what it must feel like' to have the male genitalia physically inside of the genetic V~,, My exes that I have asked this of have always looked at me funny, but the questions never went away. I've cried myself to sleep a handful of times knowing that there's nearly no chance I could EVER get to experience the creation of life within me. To never know what a uterus or ovary would feel like, within me, though of course I likely would never prefer to have my yearly PAP test.. (nor illnesses such as endometriosis of which my current love and at least one ex suffer from)

Any way you cut it, you could say that I will always know my body will always be a lifetime away from my soul, and there's only so much I can do to make the two connect from time to time or at all. Like my 'sense of self' lives in another dimension, and it's looking out through the glass of this human house.. knowing that, regardless of how much money or effort is put forth, home improvements are just that, improvements - not replacements. THAT depresses me. Do I think it rules my life? No. I happen to have 'helped' bare a child with a GG, and so with that I have a part of that desire served. When I am asked, now, by my other male and female friends, WHY?? in tarnation I would ever want to go through transition, I start explaining to them the first statements about my dreams and wants, of which usually by the end now, thanks to the joys of estrogen, my eyes are welling up with tears.

[CharleneT]

. . .

Any way you cut it, you could say that I will always know my body will always be a lifetime away from my soul, and there's only so much I can do to make the two connect from time to time or at all. Like my 'sense of self' lives in another dimension, and it's looking out through the glass of this human house.. knowing that, regardless of how much money or effort is put forth, home improvements are just that, improvements - not replacements. THAT depresses me. Do I think it rules my life? No. I happen to have 'helped' bare a child with a GG, and so with that I have a part of that desire served. When I am asked, now, by my other male and female friends, WHY?? in tarnation I would ever want to go through transition, I start explaining to them the first statements about my dreams and wants, of which usually by the end now, thanks to the joys of estrogen, my eyes are welling up with tears.

Beautifully said !!!

[amielts]

I know a lot of transwomen struggle over the inability to bear children, but then many accept that the world cannot be perfect.