jacques
02-12-2011, 03:31 PM
Hello All,
I am in a good place now.
I have an unseen disability and don't really fit in to society's norms. I was bullied when I was at school. For the last ten years I have been bullied at work. There are at least six other victims of this bully that I know about. Last year I decided it has to stop so I put in a formal complaint. I have waited a year for the investigation to begin. The investigator asked me "how does it make you feel?" and I broke down. I had never even asked myself that question before. I finally admitted to a stranger and myself that "I am a victim of bullying".
That started to make me think about my feelings and being honest.
My cross-dressing has been getting more intense over the last three years. My wife has always knew about it. Her attitude is "it's only clothes". Yet I was not at ease with it myself. We had an unwritten and unspoken "don't ask, don't tell" policy I suppose.
When I return home from a shopping spree and she asks what I had bought I will avoid the question or reply "nothing much" or tell her about the one non-feminine item that I had bought. I hate lying to anyone; although I was not lying I was just not telling the whole truth.
Mentally I have always beat myself up about the dressing: "Why did it start?"... "Why doesn't my wife object?" ... "Why doesn't she ask me about it?"
I have been though a very dark period for the last few months: mostly fear of the bully's reaction when he finds out about my formal complaint at work. But the investigator's question about my feelings opened up other boxes in my mind that I have kept tightly closed for years. It was time to be honest with my wife too!
So I told her how it all started when I was about 8 secretly putting on my sister's green tights to look like Robin Hood. How I tried on my sister's underwear secretly when I was thirteen. How in the last 3 years I have progressed from hosiery to cross-dressing? That I like shopping. That I dress up when she is away. That I now like make up and perfume and jewellery. That I like to under-dress in public (I know that sounds like a contradiction in terms but you know what I mean!). How breast forms would make the clothes hang better. I also told her how much this website has helped me.
I told her that I dress for different reasons at different times. For warmth, to relax, to feel vulnerable, for erotic reasons or just to be daring. I told her that I do not have a female alter-ego and don't want to look like a woman.
It just came pouring out of me over the last few days. The answers to all the questions that I always wanted my wife to ask me. And she listened.
She said a few things. "If you enjoy it then just do it, why make it complicated by analysing it? ... No boobs, that would be too weird. But I expect that you have got some and when I am away you can wear them". We also agreed that shopping together would never work and that we could not take role-playing my fantasies seriously.
My dressing has gone into overdrive these last two weeks. Perhaps because I still don't believe how lucky I am. I cannot shock her. Though she did giggle when my skirt fell down last night!
I am now so happy. I now accept reality. "I am a cross-dresser!" And for my wife I am still her man.
I am overemotional at present, but just had to tell someone else. And say a big "thank you" to all the contributors to Crossdressers-dot-com.
Big Hugs,
Luv,
Jacques
I am in a good place now.
I have an unseen disability and don't really fit in to society's norms. I was bullied when I was at school. For the last ten years I have been bullied at work. There are at least six other victims of this bully that I know about. Last year I decided it has to stop so I put in a formal complaint. I have waited a year for the investigation to begin. The investigator asked me "how does it make you feel?" and I broke down. I had never even asked myself that question before. I finally admitted to a stranger and myself that "I am a victim of bullying".
That started to make me think about my feelings and being honest.
My cross-dressing has been getting more intense over the last three years. My wife has always knew about it. Her attitude is "it's only clothes". Yet I was not at ease with it myself. We had an unwritten and unspoken "don't ask, don't tell" policy I suppose.
When I return home from a shopping spree and she asks what I had bought I will avoid the question or reply "nothing much" or tell her about the one non-feminine item that I had bought. I hate lying to anyone; although I was not lying I was just not telling the whole truth.
Mentally I have always beat myself up about the dressing: "Why did it start?"... "Why doesn't my wife object?" ... "Why doesn't she ask me about it?"
I have been though a very dark period for the last few months: mostly fear of the bully's reaction when he finds out about my formal complaint at work. But the investigator's question about my feelings opened up other boxes in my mind that I have kept tightly closed for years. It was time to be honest with my wife too!
So I told her how it all started when I was about 8 secretly putting on my sister's green tights to look like Robin Hood. How I tried on my sister's underwear secretly when I was thirteen. How in the last 3 years I have progressed from hosiery to cross-dressing? That I like shopping. That I dress up when she is away. That I now like make up and perfume and jewellery. That I like to under-dress in public (I know that sounds like a contradiction in terms but you know what I mean!). How breast forms would make the clothes hang better. I also told her how much this website has helped me.
I told her that I dress for different reasons at different times. For warmth, to relax, to feel vulnerable, for erotic reasons or just to be daring. I told her that I do not have a female alter-ego and don't want to look like a woman.
It just came pouring out of me over the last few days. The answers to all the questions that I always wanted my wife to ask me. And she listened.
She said a few things. "If you enjoy it then just do it, why make it complicated by analysing it? ... No boobs, that would be too weird. But I expect that you have got some and when I am away you can wear them". We also agreed that shopping together would never work and that we could not take role-playing my fantasies seriously.
My dressing has gone into overdrive these last two weeks. Perhaps because I still don't believe how lucky I am. I cannot shock her. Though she did giggle when my skirt fell down last night!
I am now so happy. I now accept reality. "I am a cross-dresser!" And for my wife I am still her man.
I am overemotional at present, but just had to tell someone else. And say a big "thank you" to all the contributors to Crossdressers-dot-com.
Big Hugs,
Luv,
Jacques