Self assessment and honesty

[clandestine322]

Hello everyone,

As I am sure you all must do from time to time, I made an assessment of myself. I had an analytical thought about my past identification as a crossdresser. Nowadays when given the chance I examine myself and my motives. That is probably a rare action for most. I am very logical and analytical hence the reasoning.

I would like to share my self assessment with you all and hopefully get some positive feedback. I also hope that all who read this do not get offended or become close minded but be very honest with your self and me as well. Here is what came to mind:

"When I considered myself a crossdresser, I used to think that because I enjoyed 'dressing like a woman' that I somehow automatically identified with and understood the opposite sex. It seems now, years later, after much struggle with this condition that this is not the case at all. In fact, after much self examination, as well as study of the opposite sex (women), I now understand that the only thing I shared with them is vanity, love of color and form and in that still with only a few. It was appearance mostly in what I shared with them, not thought process nor emotion, even feelings were hardly shared."

I wonder how many of you might have the same thought if you are honest. I welcome the feedback.

Aaron

[brassieres]

I am going through somewhat of a self assessment myself. I have not concluded what crossdressing means to me yet though.

[noeleena]

Hi.

This of cause will bring a few thoughts out in to the open . one is trying to fool others in to thinking your some one or acting a part & i would have to say many seem to be able to do that with ease & in a very good way to the point of others think your a woman. some thing iv never done or likely to.
So for those of you who dress in our clothes im very impressed. & in some ways i feel left out side the door. just looking in.

The difference is tho . im just a woman . yes a bit different . than most here . in a number of ways. i cant complain i dont have an axe to grind ether. & no im not jealous. or look on & say i wont what you have got.

& yes i have looked back over 63 years & am happy with what i have im not talking about ...things ...this is about my self as a person. hey not perfect , just thankfull that iv had the chance to have been on both sides of the fence with a mix of both male & ( female ) = Woman.

You said you dont think as a woman well most men cant any way. tho some try . its not some thing you can add on ,
For me it was there at birth. just did not come in to play till a lot later on i was about 15 to 20 when things started to happen my brain was wired at birth with what was needed. both male / female . & i did not think it was strange , funny that .

So the next part is i never fully related to men tho did with women i wont say fully there ether. allmost tho.
I may not have what many of you have tho i have details that yous dont . so , we are all differnt & with that we can share to gether our thoughts & how we see things. & hope fully with out being jumped on , for me this is about full acceptance. even if we are different. in what ever way,

...noeleena...

[RylieCD]

I am continually in a self assessment, I have asked myself (as much as my SO has asked) "How far am I going to go?" But evrytime I asked that I look back and think how great my life is that I would not want to change a thing, yes being a crossdresseer/transgendered throws a wrench in every now and then but it is something that is me and that I just cant make it go away. So if I am a crossdresse/TG where do I fall on the continum and where will I be in 5, 10, 20 years? I think that I have reached my limit by dressing in private in my own home, every time I think I want to go out and I try the makeup/wig thing I end up hateing my self even more.

With the self assessment I look back and see many times where it would have been optimal to move to the next step of going out but I didnt, I may have had a silly excuse for myself at that time but the fact is that for all the possible time I never took advantage of them. Yes I may want to go out at some time, I think I am good where I am and dont think things will change - End of Assessment (for now)-

[Kasuji]

it´s different for every cd i think

in my case i like cute clothes and those are in most cases girl clothes. But i also feel the same way as many girl, exspecially if it comes to love and freindship. but i don´t like makeup for example.

If you look at it from the other side, there are many boyish girls. Maybe something like "emotions like a girl" or "thoughs like a girl" doesn´t exist. girls just think different cause the had different experiences in their lifes

[Shari]

I'm going through that very phase myself right now.
Why do we constantly question ourselves when we feel so right doing what we do?

There is one thing I can answer for you. If there's anyone on this site other than a gg, who says they understand women, they're either deluded or blowing a whole bunch of smoke.
Don't even allow that to come into your thinking.
You and I and every male on the planet will never know how the female brain functions.

[KrystalA]

I moved beyond the self-assessment stage years ago. I know why I crossdress. Because I like to. I like feeling feminine, while at the same time being totally attracted to good looking women. Crossdressing is just part of my life, and has been for many many years. I accept it and I don't ever try to analyze why. Over-thinking anything only serves to confuse the issue.

[Melissa Jill]

Do fully transitioned women ever come close to understanding how GGs think? I.e. a genetic man who has fully gone through hormone therapy, counselling, etc etc. Im not sure what the proper label is for a girl like that though.

[clandestine322]

To all who responded to the post, thank you, yet I feel as though no one really got the point. Maybe I was not as concise as needed. I do like what Noel stated early in the post in saying, "one is trying to fool others in to thinking your some one or acting a part" but then the discussion took a different turn. I think that is one of the major problems with "crossdressing." Especially for men. There is such a distinction in societal rules between what women are to wear (pretty much anything) and what men should wear (basically a military uniform). If a woman wants to "dress like a man" all she has to do is put on the clothes. There are even plenty of "women's clothes" that are near carbon copies of what men wear. If she wants to have a short hair cut as most men are forced to have, she cuts it and no one bats an eye. However, the coin turned, if a man does the same, wears "feminine" clothing or grows his hair out, it is a shame and looked down upon by most. This creates quite a polarized situation, a confusing and alienating one as well. I believe this to be why there are so many more "crossdressing" or "transgendered" men than women.
A man cannot wear what is considered feminine or groom himself in a like manner so therefore to do so without consequence or ridicule is to completely "play the part" of the opposite sex thus creating a deception so that no one will no or at least it will make the "transgendered" man feel better about it anyway. Through that deception and lies it only creates more problems. What if a man could wear heels, makeup, skirts and soft undergarments if he wanted to? Would these psychological labels of crossdressing, transgenderism, etc go away? It seems it would be the case if you look at the female sex. Sure, you always have an exception to the rule but just as many women who could be considered crossdressers when held to the same standard as men but are not, so too would go the men.
I do not know if anyone else sees this the way I do but I look forward to the response.

Aaron

[Avana]

some feminists would argue that m2f crossdressing and to a greater degree m2f transsexualism represents the ultimate objectification of women by men.

[dawnmarrie1961]

Aarron, varying degrees of vanity can be found in both genders. If somebody hadn’t invented the mirror we would have to rely solely on the input of others. That would be OK if everybody was honest in their opinions, if it were a perfect world. But we both know that not everyone is honest and the world is most definitely not a perfect place.

I am a rock (a metaphor for MAN) that wishes to be a tree (a metaphor for WOMAN).
I realize that I can never truly be a tree.
What I can be is the best representation of what I believe a tree should be.
I must be content with that.

It is through those few words that I find the strength to face the world each day. I'm not out there trying to fool anyone into believing I'm something that I'm not.
( I've shared these words before here from time to time when I thought they were needed.)

[sandra-leigh]

In fact, after much self examination, as well as study of the opposite sex (women), I now understand that the only thing I shared with them is vanity, love of color and form and in that still with only a few. It was appearance mostly in what I shared with them, not thought process nor emotion, even feelings were hardly shared."

I do not know; I can't know: no-one can know what anyone else's thought process or emotions or feelings are. But based upon observation, it appears that I have more in common with average Canadian women than I have with (say) Afghanistan men.

I have spoken several times with my gender therapist about feeling that I am not "male" and yet not feeling as if I am female. She tells me that I am wrong, that I might not express the traits the same way but that they are there strongly. I see why she says that, but I still don't feel it in my heart. None the less, the part of me that is not being honest with myself is the part that is not recognizing what is already there.


If a woman wants to "dress like a man" all she has to do is put on the clothes. [...] I believe this to be why there are so many more "crossdressing" or "transgendered" men than women.


There is still a lot of disagreement about the relative proportions of MTF vs FTM. The FTM do not have an easy life: go read the FTM sections if you can deal with a lot of heartbreak and angst. You want stories about people kicked out of their house when they are 13? Read the FTM sections. Serious illness contracted through shared Testostrone needles? Read some of the books about FTM.

MTF may be more obvious than FTM, and there are at least more MTF willing to talk about the subject, and plausibly more "recreational" MTF than FTM, but the FTM are often affected hard and can often do less about it. And then the MTF come along and tell them over and over how easy the FTM have it. :sad:

[Rianna Humble]

If there's anyone on this site other than a gg, who says they understand women, they're either deluded or blowing a whole bunch of smoke.

Not sure if I'm deluded, blowing smoke, or just wide of the mark, but I have less difficulty understanding women than understanding men (as my gender has never been the same as my birth sex).


Do fully transitioned women ever come close to understanding how GGs think? I.e. a genetic man who has fully gone through hormone therapy, counselling, etc etc. Im not sure what the proper label is for a girl like that though.

I have not fully transitioned yet, but I am a transwoman. We often don't know how men think, but I'm not sure whether we fully understand how GG's think or not. I know that my thought patterns appear to be closer to my gender than to my birth sex - despite decades of learned behaviour.

Incidentally, the correct term for someone who has completed their MtF transition is "woman" - although on this site some might forgive you for using transwoman to differentiate from GG.

[Diane Delaney]

sounds very interesting

[TGMarla]

You may be on to something here. For instance, my wife, her sister, and about a half dozen of her friends, all glue themselves to "The Bachelor" every week. It's a really stupid show, shallow, fake, vapid, and repetitive. Yet they all love it! If I were actually of female mind, I suspect I'd also like this crap. But it's sooo bad, it makes my head spin. So I suspect I just enjoy the idea of being a woman, not the actuality.

[Avana]

You may be on to something here. For instance, my wife, her sister, and about a half dozen of her friends, all glue themselves to "The Bachelor" every week. It's a really stupid show, shallow, fake, vapid, and repetitive. Yet they all love it! If I were actually of female mind, I suspect I'd also like this crap. But it's sooo bad, it makes my head spin. So I suspect I just enjoy the idea of being a woman, not the actuality.

It has nothing to do with the physical brain, it is purely socialization.

Every woman I've been involved with, and also my mother hates crap like 'the bachelor'.

[Ann Smith]

Other than perhaps a tuxedo, there are no "women's clothes." All clothes are women's clothes. A GG can wear virtually any garment produced by any garment maker. There's a tiny of subset of "clothes" that males can wear respectably. Right now I'm wearing cordouroy pants, a blue button-down shirt and a v-neck navy blue sweater. Any female could wear this exact outfit and be fine / accepted. So, it's not a male world, when it comes to getting un-naked. What I'm wearing now isn't distinctly feminine, so I'm okay walking around in it, even though any GG would as well. That's kind of amazing or funky or a head-scratcher.

As for t-girls being able to think like GG's and thus relate to them in a knowing, sensitive way... there's less of that going on than the CD handbook would have us think. When we were still married, my galactically un-accepting wife (who is a great person) shouted at me once, "You think you're feminine, but all you've really connected to is the dumbest part of it--the clothes. You're as out of touch with the female heart and mind as any guy."

That has stuck with me permanently... and among all the things that make me an extremely occasional (twice a year, if I come down to it) "active" CD, that's a major one. But apart from hardly ever CD'ing, I'm transgendered and I know I'm transgendered, even if on the minimal end of the spectrum. As time goes by I'm more and more pleased / happy about being transgendered. Makes it much easier to identify with any minority or marginalized member of society, which is something I care a lot about.

[Vale]

Aaron, I would agree with you that I can't claim to understand womanhood. To be honest I don't understand manhood either. On the other hand, dressing in feminine clothes has allowed me to better appreciate some of the grace and elegance that I see otherwise only from afar -- and that seems worthwhile to me.

[2SpeedTranny]

A man cannot wear what is considered feminine or groom himself in a like manner so therefore to do so without consequence or ridicule is to completely "play the part" of the opposite sex thus creating a deception so that no one will no or at least it will make the "transgendered" man feel better about it anyway. Through that deception and lies it only creates more problems. What if a man could wear heels, makeup, skirts and soft undergarments if he wanted to?


I'm not sure what the problem here is. I can, and do, exactly that. You just have to be a bit of a pioneer, and be willing to put up with a certain amount of funny looks.

If you fear ridicule; if you fear funny looks; if you fear anyone at all looking at you askance, then don't leave your house. Seriously. Because no matter what you wear, no matter how you look -- somewhere, someone is going to look at you and wonder what kind of person you are. And unless you are completely oblivious to everything that goes on around you when you're around other people, you've done the same. Think about it.



Right now I'm wearing cordouroy pants, a blue button-down shirt and a v-neck navy blue sweater. Any female could wear this exact outfit and be fine / accepted.

Oh really? Ask a bull dyke. There's definitely a line women can cross into that territory.



As for t-girls being able to think like GG's and thus relate to them in a knowing, sensitive way... there's less of that going on than the CD handbook would have us think.

Me wearing a dress and heels no more makes me a woman -- no more makes me think how they think, feel what they feel -- than any of my lady friends putting on work boots and hard hats would make them construction workers. There's a lifetime of training and experience behind my trade -- behind my work garb -- just like there's a lifetime of owning ovaries behind every woman. I think it's foolish to imagine otherwise.

That's not to say that there aren't effeminate males and masculine females... but that's a different thing. A matter of degrees, if you will.

[Chickhe]

You know...there are only two cases where I feel what you say.. 1. When I see girls laughing and giggling and being silly, I just can't ever get in that mindset. 2. When my wife is just in a bitching mood, I can't imagine why she can't just suck it up like I do and get on with the task at hand. Otherwise, I can join right in.

[Vickie_CDTV]

When I was young, I thought in addition to the clothes etc. being a TV gave me special insight and understanding of GGs other men don't have. After a few years of being involved with a woman, I came to the conclusion I (personally) really don't. I like to wear dresses and nylons etc., but at the end of the day I still have a male brain, and think like a man and look at the world as a man . She really opened my eyes to the fact women really do think differently on a deep level (not just the dumb shallow "women ask for directions and men don't" type things) that I really don't fully understand, not unlike cisgender men.

[minalost]

You may be on to something here. For instance, my wife, her sister, and about a half dozen of her friends, all glue themselves to "The Bachelor" every week. It's a really stupid show, shallow, fake, vapid, and repetitive. Yet they all love it! If I were actually of female mind, I suspect I'd also like this crap. But it's sooo bad, it makes my head spin. So I suspect I just enjoy the idea of being a woman, not the actuality.

My wife can't stand that show. Does that mean she doesn't think like a woman too? I don't mean to attack you TGMarla, I'm just using this to point out that we may be over simplifiing or over generalizing here. Not ALL woman think the same way just as not ALL men think the same way. There are some thing that ARE the same but I think they are driven by culture as much as any male vs female hardwiring. Do I think I understand or "think like a woman?" Not really. I know that I TRY to "put myself in her heels" which may be more than most (non-CDing) men do.

[DonniDarkness]

I think your misinterpreting this whole idea a little.


A man cannot wear what is considered feminine or groom himself in a like manner so therefore to do so without consequence or ridicule is to completely "play the part" of the opposite sex thus creating a deception so that no one will no or at least it will make the "transgendered" man feel better about it anyway. Through that deception and lies it only creates more problems.

See this whole arguement is based on your point of view.
I have had long hair for 18 years, plucked eyebrows, worn clothing that is not typical of my peers, i am very thin, i have long fingernails.....and this is just me everyday as a guy. Have i had funny looks or ridicule for it....absofrigginlutley. Do i let it bother my self esteem...no.

Seriously, when i take my hair out of a pony-tail i get called "Ma-am" or "Miss" by mistake when someone is behind me trying to get my attention.

I have been married to a very beautiful woman for a very long time, When knuckledraggers see us together, i have heard some of the most hateful derogatory comments known in the English language. Based on the fact that they didnt think i was man enough.

Did this all force me to "Conform" to masculinity....or pick a side of the fence?....No way, no how, never will.

Some of us choose to set our own paths in life and some of us choose what we let bother us.
Which actually comes down to your personal perspective on how You wish to be seen by others. Crossdressing and Crossdressers come in all types. Some who are Drag enthusiasts ,The whole point is about visual deception...it is an illusion...a form of art and entertainment. It is not meant to decieve others as some kind of social criminal activity, it is meant to deceive their perspective on gender association.

If the rest of the world has a problem with who you are and what you look like, its really and truly not your problem.

Your Everyday Freak,
-Donni-