would you dump her

[julie w]

While out for dinner last night with my SO (who knows but won't see me dressed ) anyway she
was in one of her moods , I couldn't help but think if I meet someone that
was very supportive and would go on holidays and concerts with me as Julie would
I move on ? would you ?
Please if you answer this assume you can move on with no problems like going broke

[ThiHi]

Married? Just Dating? Living Together?

[kaitlin]

What I would do, may not work for you or others....Is this a wife or girlfriend? The wife comes with legal BS to deal with...but if your SO is always in a mood and won't support your lifestyle, then you have to be unhappy. Move on!!! I know that it's alot easier to say than do but life is way too short to not be happy!

[MJ]

the truth is if you were truthful and honest from the start you would not be in this mess right now would you

[Ericka2]

Of course I would move on! Sounds like you are not even married, easy one, so many fish in the sea...

Love, Ericka.

[Cynthia Anne]

If your not married, I think you already know the answer or you wouldn't ask if you should move on! Nor would you ask the question if you were in love with her!

[insearchofme]

I'm agree with Cynthia!

[Sara Jessica]

If you're simply dating, then you need to figure out what you are truly looking for in your soulmate. If the dressing thing is going to eat at your relationship, then perhaps finding someone who is accepting to the degree you are looking for would be best.

I've had it both ways. My wife is tolerating but non-participating but before I met her, I dated a girl for several years who got quite a kick out of the whole thing. If my priority was finding someone who was into the TG thing, then perhaps I would have married her. But in finding my soulmate, I put participation pretty far down on the priority list.

[Christy_M]

IMO relationships take work. There will never be an easy one. Having had two ex wives and one current wife I can tell you that when you get away from one sort of problems, there is another full set ready to take its place. If you love your SO, you owe at least 50% of making it work. If she loves you, she owes you at least as much. When you both put in more than your share, the relationship will thrive. If there comes a time when neither one is interested in giving their share (it must be both giving up) then it is more than likely over. The reason for giving more than 50% is so that when the other one struggles to keep up their half the other can keep the relationship afloat until they get back on even ground. If you invenst as much time into it that you would your favorite sport, or your job, or any one of your hobbies and it still doesn't work, you won't have any problem stepping away just as you would any of the other things I mentioned. Of course, this is just my opinion based on things I have experienced. This may not be the way you feel and you should figure out what will really make a strong relationship for yourself. If you already know what it takes and have already invested in your current relationship and find yourself asking this question then as has already been said, you have your answer.

Whichever you choose, stay or go, there is a lot of support here. Good luck, I wish you the best.

Christy

[BRANDYJ]

Not enough information, as others have pointed out. On the surface, it sounds pretty cold that you would consider moving on. But the question of whether or not you love her or if she loves you could change anyone's opinion. What is " one of those moods" Is it perhaps she is tired of your constant pink fog moments? Is it that you want what you want and what she wants is secondary? So she won't see you dressed yet I take it she knows. So tell us what her boundaries are. Tell us what you do for her. Tel;l us how long you've been together and how serious your relationship is or was.
For me to refer to anyone as my SO, I have to be in love with her or I would not be calling her my Significant Other. If you can even think about moving on, then tell us what's so significant about her?

As for going out in public with you to concerts or on holidays with you dressed fem... That could be asking to much.
If she feels you do not pass and that she would be embarrassed or embarrassed for you, then I don't blame her.
You might not care what others think, but you can't make her feel that way too. It's not even fair to her to expect her to go out with you if she is not comfortable in doing that. If that's the case, then you are being pushy, selfish and unfair to her.
If you can move on that easily then you don't love her and she is anything but your SO. She sounds insignificant to you in my opinion. So if being insignificant to each other is mutual, then move on and do yourselves both a favor.

Now if I read your post wrong with such little information, then I'm sorry to sound so harsh. But I pick up vibes that the pink fog is so thick around you that you forgot what's important to her and you put yourself first.
Ask yourself...what makes you significant to her. What is her real concerns, wants, desires etc. And is it you that puts her in "one of those moods"

[Stephanie47]

I went back and located a thread in which you stated you had been married for twenty years, have grown children, and have been a relationship with your s/o for ten. You state you both have apartments in the same building and live separately. Based on that information I'd say you need to 'move on.!' I do not believe she would tolerate your cross-dressing, if you lived together. I do not believe you should force your cross-dressing upon her. If she does not want to see you dressed, then you need to leave it at that. If she wants a 'move in' relationship without the cross-dressing, how are you going to achieve satisfaction? You've made the disclosure before getting involved deeper, so where is this all headed? Ten years with in a 'Mexican Standoff?" If cross-dressing at the level you want is not negotiable, and, she is not negotiable???? Both of you need to move on! Ten years is too long for anybody to be on the fence.

[DebsUK]

IT all depends on how you feel about her. Not very loving from what you state. I can appeciate it is difficult if she is so against dressing, so may be time to move on, but if you have your own independent dressing life, like going fishing or to football games, why should she be part of it? My wife is becoming increasingly accepting since I re-came out, but I'd never expect her to go out with me when fully dressed to some sort of social event (she has done in times gone by a couple of times, but it's a lot to ask and a lot more to demand) If you do want to keep the relationship working (and the title of the thread might suggest you're looking for validation by the forum - effectively a bunch of total strangers - for a way out) anyway, perhaps you need to sit down and establish some boundaries

[LitaKelley]

I would.. my wife is accepting and supportive, and I still want to move on... If it wasn't for my daughters, I would of left her already, however, being who I am, the way I am now, hell.. no way I could leave her, lol.. because then I'd have nobody and it's very hard to find a woman to be in a relationship with if I'm presenting as female

[Marie-Elise]

Too much drama. You are not married. Move on.

[MsJanessa]

assuming you have no legal or financial obligations to her, why wouldn't you move on---doesn't sound like you have much reason to stay in the relationship

[Ash Leland]

This was something that I thought long and hard about during my last relationship. At the time, leaving her because I wanted to crossdress with impunity seemed like a frivolous way to end a serious relationship, but in the back of my mind I knew crossdressing corresponded to a need that I couldn't ignore completely.

To be fair- she never openly told me to stop, but it was clear that she was not comfortable with the idea, and could only bear to talk about it in small intervals. The relationship eventually ended for other reasons, but if there ever came a time- say, if she ever walked in on me -and decisively said "stop it now, forever" I think I would have left her, because that would have made it clear that we were sexually incompatable (we did indeed turn out to be sexually incompatable, but we came to grips with it slowly, grudgingly, after a lot of lying to ourselves).

[Pythos]

MJ, um, I think he stated that the SO knows, so your point is just an unnecessary jab.

That being said.

Moods eh. Or as you say, "one of her moods". That sounds ominous at best. It sounds like she has such episodes often, and that you have realized that is part of the package. Well if those moods are not in connection to your cding, then if you can deal with them, and still love her, then you should stay in there....if she makes you happy. But if she makes you miserable, bail the hell out. Just get out of there. Life is too short to deal with such non sense.

[docrobbysherry]

But, because of my age, I may have the benefit of more experience with women.:o

YOU, should probably move on, tho!
If neither of u can find a BETTER PARTNER, you'll be back together eventually!:brolleyes:

[Karren H]

My problem is that I am so damn faithful.... I never get the chance to meet someone who could be accepting and supportive... And I'm not about to change that after 35 years... Sometime you have to live with the cards that your dealt...

[Sophie86]

If my wife told me that she absolutely could not live with me so long as I continued to crossdress, I would definitely move on... from crossdressing. I'm not going to throw away 23 years of a great marriage for this.

[juliecdfl]

My wife is sometimes very supportive of me dressing and sometimes completely against it. Everything depends on her mood. Despite the good, the bad, and everything else in between, if your SO is "the one", your "soulmate" etc. then you have to make her #1 and dressing #2. If I have learned anything from my own posts on this site it is to be up front, completely honest, and committed to your SO. From there, let the relationship take its natural course.

Plus, my other question to you is if you are in a relationship with this woman than why would you be in the position/situation to possibly meet someone else? Sounds like you may have one foot already out the door and looking.

[Gocaps14]

If I met the right lady, I would move on.

[PretzelGirl]

If my wife told me that she absolutely could not live with me so long as I continued to crossdress, I would definitely move on... from crossdressing. I'm not going to throw away 23 years of a great marriage for this.

:yt:

If that was the only issue, then my love for my wife is my greatest driver. And I don't see that even remotely happening as things stand as she is very accepting.

[necta]

Life is about compromises. We can compromise on some things but not on others. It always depends on what compromises we need to make, sometimes its related to dressing and sometimes not.....only you know what you would give up in exchange to go out as Julie.

[linda allen]

From the title of your thread "would you dump her", I don't sense a lot of love and commitment here. If you are not moving towards a long term relationship or marriage, it would be best for both of you to end it and go your seperate ways.

[eluuzion]

I do not make decisions based on "ifs".

The type of thinking you are engaging in is a sign it is time to share your thoughts with the SO. Procrastination and "fantasy thinking" of a "better life being around the corner" will only place more distance between you and your SO. That seldom leads to a positive outcome for either partner.

just a thought...


:love:

[Billie Jean]

My ex tolerated it and let me dress. She even talked about me going out with her dressed,. My last SO told me that if she caught me wearing a dress then we were through, I walked away from that relationship and haven't really had any regrets. She took pictures out of my recycle bin and put them back into my pictures file so I know she and her 16 year old daughter knew. Her daughter however wanted to paint my toenails and asked me if she could several times. You are the one who has to live with yor decision and it sounds to me like you are ready to move on. Billie Jean

[DonnaT]

We reached a similar point on our 30th anniversary. But I told her I could never stop and wasn't going to go anywhere. I then told her if she wanted to leave, that was her choice, but I would still love her.

Still together 35+yrs, she's more accepting, and she's even been out with me dressed.

[2SpeedTranny]

The "one of her moods" thing is some cause for concern, unless you're talking strictly about physical discomfort associated with her monthly cycle.

If she's just crazy, or on medication (aka psychotropic drugs) for something... run like hell.

[Chickhe]

The grass is always greener over there... Only you know what you need to do.

[JustAlex]

There's an issue here that I think it's important. Marriage goes beyond legal issues when you have a family. It's about two people with a life project and it involves others that are your responsibility. If that were the case, I would not. Assuming that the life project goes on, I mean that both are focused and working together toward that project.
If my wife asked me to stop crossdressing today, I would. I can't imagine that, even in the worst case scenario I'm sure that there'll be some room to negotiate. But I'd never put my crossdressing in front of my family responsibility.

Without that in the way, I guess I'd "dump" her. I don't like the expression, I guess I'd break up and move on with my life in the direction I want to take it.

[JulieK1980]

There is not nearly enough information posted there for me to answer intelligently one way or the other.

In my own life however, I held to the standard of finding someone 100% accepting, and that did pay off for me in the end very well. I could not have asked for a better and more supportive spouse. So if you are having doubts, and you are not married, I'd say you have a bit of soul searching to do.

[aggi123]

The grass isn't always greener on the other side!