What to do when others start noticing changes?

[sara1985]

I'm just wondering how everyone handles when friends and family start noticing changes? In my case it's my nails. I've never let them grow, but I recently have and I've already got comments, so I'm getting paranoid about my legs being shaved, I wear shorts all summer. Thanks in advance for any advice.

[LynnInDenver]

Well, I handled it by being bluntly honest with my friends. "Why'd you shave off the goatee?" "Because I'm going to start crossdressing." "Oh. OK." But I also realize that my approach is not for everyone. :)

It really hasn't been a big deal, though. If anyone asks, and I really don't want to let them in on the 'joke', I'll pull out the other honesty factor, that I prefer to shave/wear my hair long/wear earrings/keep longer fingernails.

[Eryn]

OK, I'm in SoCal, where shorts are worn year-round. I was concerned about this when I sugared my arms and legs, but then I started to look at others while walking about the mall, etc. Guess what, a significant number of men don't have much in the way of leg or arm hair. I also doubt that many folks really pay that much attention to the amount of hair.

Now nails, that's another story. Where are you, slightly long and well-groomed? Nobody will notice. Acrylics polished bright red? You may have an issue with that!

People see what they expect to see unless you give them a really good reason to see otherwise!

[NathalieX66]

I can't wait for the day when I have to explain why my beard looks thinner. And I can say that I went through electrolysis & laser on my beard because I got sick of everyone making negative comments about my 5'0 clock shadow, so I did something about it.

It makes me look better as a guy
It makes me look better as a girl.

Yes, I'm doing it.

[Sophie86]

I lie. Sort of. I say things that are mostly true, but aren't the real answer.

"Yeah, my nails are getting long. I keep forgetting to cut them."

"I got tired of being so hairy. I looked like a gorilla."

:shrug: It's really not any of their business, so I just say whatever will shut them up.

[sara1985]

my nails are still really short. Honestly right now only one is coming in but my brother already noticed it. I've never had nails, i always clipped the short. The shaving doesn't worry me so much as the last couple of years my leg hair was alot finer than the past. My sister had asked me last year if i was shaving my legs, I answered her honestly at that time no. I don't know why it was coming in finer.

[Lorileah]

gee thanks for noticing that I have taken an interest in being more kept and less slovenly, now lets discuss YOUR appearance

[Jorja]

I used to just tell them the truth. I am transitioning into a woman, then walk away and let them wonder. :)

[Michelle 2]

This is a good question! Before you can be honest with others you must first be truthful and honest with yourself. You know that old expression "you can fool some of the people some of the time but you can't fool yourself." For you younger ladies its true and its been around for a long time. I have learned threw many on this forum that people do not want or like being decieved. It appears to me lately that if you confidently look people in the eye and smile and just explain to them that you are a crossdreser you will earn their respect, and you will feel so much better about who you are. It truly is a level that many here have arrived at myself included. Once you have acheived this level of acceptance and truth it becomes a total game changer!

People can tell when someone is genuine and real or not. So if you show people that you are sincere and confident they will respect you for it and accept you. Trust me when I tell you that no one is perfect, we all have our individual quirks. So when the FedEX delivery driver shows up the next time open the front door with a smile and be honest ,dont run away and hide. But make sure you are properly dressed and not in your bra and knickers.

Michelle

[juliecdfl]

I prefer to be honest with my responses but I still hide the true motivation. I live in Florida and try to constantly stay shaved from head to toe. One reason is I am an active runner and I prefer to have no body hair. Since this is a true reason most people don't question me any further. At this point in my life, I doubt they want to hear and I am not ready to tell them that hairy legs just don't go with my heels :-)

[Rachel Mari]

I've had a nabor ask me last summer if I shaved my legs and I told him the truth, that I didn't.
I did however just shave them today for the first time in over 20 years. But I didn't have much to shave. It seems like I only have leg hair on my shins, not much anywhere else.
And what is there is blond. Go figure that one out as I have dark brown hair on my head. This summer if he asks again I'll tell him the truth, yes, right here on my shins. And that I like it better.

[Sarah Jane]

I think you're using the correct term: Paranoia. It's nothing real, it's only in your mind.

I started shaving my legs and arms last winter. I spent the following summer at my parents and either they didn't notice or didn't care. Knowing my mother, she definitely noticed, so it's likely she didn't think much of it.
I'm also growing out my hair. At the moment it looks like crap and people ask me why, so I answer honestly that I want to grow long hair - try something different. So far, everyone seemed to be satisfied with that answer.
I lost about 10-15kg of weight over the past year and a half. I got only compliments. Nobody suspected why I wanted that flat belly :)
Then there are those anti aging products I'm using now. People tell me I look 5 years younger and more healthy. Some ask how I do it, but nobody ever asked why I do it.

I could go on forever, but I've already made my point: It's only in your mind.

[Persephone]

Honesty may be the best policy, but there are, as Julie pointed out, other possible honest answers.

I've had my long acrylics for so many years that those friends who I haven't chosen to tell about my crossdressing have pretty much accepted them as just one more eccentricity on my part.

Every once in a while someone sees my nails and asks if I play guitar. You have to pick your battles, so If I don't want to get into a long agenda with them I'll just say "Yes."

Then there are some who ask in a way that offends me. I look them straight in the eye and say, "Well, before I grew them I used to have a terrible time picking my nose."

Hugs,
Persephone.

[joan47]

I have had long aryllic nails for about 3 years, got my ears pierced, eyebrows waxed every two weeks, thin and arched, and I am bald... I trt to look as feminine as possible, at 64 I don't care who knows I love all things feminine.

[GingerLeigh]

I got rid of the hair on my legs because the static it generates against my slacks makes me crazy, besides they it look better without hair! My nails are longer because it makes it easier to get the boogers out of my nose! LOL!!!!

Who cares? It's none of their business. Notice my legs? Why are you looking at them?

[Cynthia Anne]

Tell them the truth! Pantyhose and hairy legs don't go together!

[Karren H]

Changes have been so gradual that no one has really said anything... Shaved my mustache.. Plucked my eye brows thin... started coloring my hair. Grew my nails out. Wearing light makeup to work... Wearing a corset 24/7... Wearing numerous rings... Wearing women's foot ware in drab... All my team mates have seen y totally shaved body in the locker riom.... And smelling really good! Lol. The only comments I really get are from my wife "you look like a girl". And from my assistant "did you use lotion again" holding his nose. Lol. I think a lot a people know they just don't care what I wear.

[GG Kathy]

Sara my SO had his legs shaved for about six months before I even noticed and he wore shorts to work everyday. Please don't worry, and if they say anything tell them either your a swimmer or its none of their business. Most people are so self absorbed that they wont even notice.

[DebsUK]

It probably depends on who's doing the asking. Some people deserve the truth, whilst for others I think having some ready made answers is a good idea. It might even be worthwhile having different replies for different groups of people. For example the "I'm taking up cycling/swimming" one would be fine for some, but if you're talking to someone who knows you need stabilisers on a bike and also that your grandmother is the Wicked Witch of the West meaning you will melt if you came in contact with a pool-full of water might need something with more imagination (how about you developed limb alopecia as a result of a severe allergic reaction to flying monkey dander after your last visit to see your Gran?)

Likewise, starting to play guitar is a reasonable ecuse for nails, but a lot of people might woonder why the nails on both hands are long. I'm having quite a time trying to convince my workmates that I'm learning to play the harp..... :lol:

[sissystephanie]

I play neither the guitar or a harp, but I do have a very simple response when someone questions my acrylic nails, or anythig else that looks feminine! My usual response is; "Because that is the way I like them!" I have never had another question like that from that person! How you wear your nails and dress is your business, and unless it interfers with your work place it is no one elses business. But you have to have that thought always in your mind!!

[Loni]

gee thanks for noticing that I have taken an interest in being more kept and less slovenly, now lets discuss YOUR appearance


Yes i like this reply best.
answers the question, and puts it right back into there lap.

i tend to not look at men, women look so much better, but who is to say how much hair you had last year? as for shaving just keep it clean looking and there should not be a problem for anyone.
as for, nails for over a year and i have had only one person saying anything, yes a tad longer for a guy, and clear coated at work. yes people see them.
plucking the brows just takes time, wish i could afford to get the beard zapped.

why should anybody say anything, you are you none of there need to know.

.

[Gerrijerry]

sara it looks to me like you want an honest answer. So I will tell you the truth. When things finally get noticed you have to make a choice. Do you want to hide or just tell them the truth and see what happens. Some of the girls hid it and make up reasons people may or may not believe it. Some of the girls just say they are crossdressing or transgender etc. It is a big step. Only you can really decide what is correct for you. I have to tell you that once I just admitted that I was transgender, people actually didn't even ask when I continued on to the next level. So I conclude others may or may not notice things things as soon as you do them, but sooner or later you will be noticed as you already have. Now just decide is it time to just say to some close family and friends what is going on. up to you. Just remember that once it is said you can't close the door again and go back in the closet. I wish you the best no matter what you decide.

[Joanne f]

I just simply say " yes it is, yes they are or yes i am with the odd " thank you " sometimes , i think i can only remember once being asked " why" i had something and that was by a woman's daughter who asked "why have you earrings in each ear so i replied because i have a hole in each are :heehee:

[MichelleP]

I'm honest and say my legs and arms are shaved because I like them that way, same for my ears being pierced. I don't usually keep my nails long though.

[Kate Simmons]

Just enjoy it methinks.:)

[sara1985]

Thanks for all the replies. I am really starting to not care what other people think. I just want to be me.

[Rachel Morley]

I lie. Sort of. I say things that are mostly true, but aren't the real answer. "Yeah, my nails are getting long. I keep forgetting to cut them." Ha ha ... that's exactly what I a say about my nails too! :)

[Diane Elizabeth]

A coworker noticed the lack of hair on my lower leg/ankle. I just said I keep them shaved for swimming/ bike riding. No one noticed that I let my nails grow out. Actually I quit biting them. Most of them get broken off during work though. As for my long hair I was just tired of being cold in the winter.

[Patricia Johnson]

"Because that is the way I like them!"

I am the same way, I like to keep it simple. I always respond with"because I like it." I don't have to justify why I do anything that I do anymore than anyone else has to and if they don't like it so what.

[Chari]

You should always be comfortable and confident in however you choose to present yourself! When asked about "why your nails are longer & polished, or why your hair is longer, or your body is shaved, just ask them "and your reason for asking is"? You can't please everyone , so you've got to please yourself.

[IamSara]

Honesty may be the best policy, but there are, as Julie pointed out, other possible honest answers.

I've had my long acrylics for so many years that those friends who I haven't chosen to tell about my crossdressing have pretty much accepted them as just one more eccentricity on my part.

Every once in a while someone sees my nails and asks if I play guitar. You have to pick your battles, so If I don't want to get into a long agenda with them I'll just say "Yes."

Then there are some who ask in a way that offends me. I look them straight in the eye and say, "Well, before I grew them I used to have a terrible time picking my nose."

Hugs,
Persephone.

I love the comment!!!! I am growing my nails and keeping clear nail polish on them. I have not had a comment good or bad about them. If people notice they are not saying.
Sarah

[Jay Cee]

Get a road bike, so you have a reason to have shaved legs. ;) Tell them that keeping your fingernails too short is unhealthy, according to some article you read on the internet.

Don't worry about other people's opinions of you. If you are doing no harm to others with your actions, then it really is none of their business what you do.

[Kasuji]

sara it looks to me like you want an honest answer. So I will tell you the truth. When things finally get noticed you have to make a choice. Do you want to hide or just tell them the truth and see what happens. Some of the girls hid it and make up reasons people may or may not believe it. Some of the girls just say they are crossdressing or transgender etc. It is a big step. Only you can really decide what is correct for you. I have to tell you that once I just admitted that I was transgender, people actually didn't even ask when I continued on to the next level. So I conclude others may or may not notice things things as soon as you do them, but sooner or later you will be noticed as you already have. Now just decide is it time to just say to some close family and friends what is going on. up to you. Just remember that once it is said you can't close the door again and go back in the closet. I wish you the best no matter what you decide.

I think that´s pretty much it. If you want you could date someone you don´t know yet (just choose one from thos dating websites) and tell them you´re a CD. Worst case would be that it was the first and last date. but if you tell your family first and they don´t like it it could screw up your whole selfe confidence.

"that´s how i like to be, but those i like don´t like me like this"
that´s the worst case, i lived through that once and it isn´t nice ^^"

[Cheryl T]

I have to agree with Karren. People just don't really care. They may ask to be curious but they don't really care.
When I had my nails long a few months ago one of the women commented on them and how nice they looked. One of the guys said "what's with the nails". I just told them "I've told them to stop growing, but they just don't listen".
I've been shaved totally for 7 years, have tweezed my eyebrows, have double piercings in each ear and let my nails grow. Say what you will, I just don't care.

[Wendy_Marie]

I agree with what Lorileigh said...Just say thanks for noticing that I taking more care with my appearence. For me the nails was an easy explanation...the hard one was trying to convince my daughter who was at the time a cosmetology student that my eyebrows had always look like this.....(-;

[suchacutie]

Change is the only constant in the universe! My nails were terrible too. Now they aren't. No one has said anything but, truly, aren't you happly that your nails are better! Shouldn't they support this, and shouldn't you put them in a position to feel a little sheepish if they don't :) ?

tina