Where's the flowers?

[GingerLeigh]

OK, so they've been talking about me at work behind my back, and have been for a long time. Old news. I recently came back to work from a two week hiatus after having a vasectomy (among other things). Seeing a crew I haven't worked with for awhile, they asked why it took so long. One dimwit chimed in..."Did you finally get that mangina you wanted?" Well, I was absolutely gobsmacked. What do I do? They were all laughing...I quickly recovered and retorted "No, why? Are you looking for a date for Valentines day? If you are then where's my flowers you cheap bas$%^d?" Everyone nearly fell off their chairs and all the dolt could quip was a feeble "F@#k off".

I have to be careful. My wit might land a fist in my face. This is going to be tough, I'll have to carefully think of my responses. If I keep laughing it off and joking when they boldly say such harassing things, am I inviting more abuse? Should I have gone to HR or threatened this moron with it?

What does everyone think?

[insearchofme]

Great come back to an as&*^%. You should go to HR and get all such incidents documented. Always protect yourself and your job!

[wearingtanpantyhose]

That was the perfect retort. Sometimes, we need to "strap on a pair" even though we're wearing pretty panties!

If he doesn't shut up, then perhaps HR is the next step. My guess is he won't make any more public comments.

[Leslie Langford]

Well, Ginger, I think that this is starting to sound suspiciously like gender/sexual orientation type of workplace harassment, which - as I am sure you know - is illegal in our province as per the Ontario Human Rights Code. Under "Part I - Freedom From Discrimination", the legislation states:

" Employment

5. (1) Every person has a right to equal treatment with respect to employment without discrimination because of race, ancestry, place of origin, colour, ethnic origin, citizenship, creed, sex, sexual orientation, age, record of offences, marital status, family status or disability. R.S.O. 1990, c. H.19, s. 5 (1); 1999, c. 6, s. 28 (5); 2001, c. 32, s. 27 (1); 2005, c. 5, s. 32 (5)."

Females or immigrants from Muslim countries who feel that they are being discriminated against for wearing headscarves or similar religious gear seem to have no problem in invoking this code when they feel that they are being hard done by, and they don't hesitate to take action against their employers for such perceived workplace discrimination or harassment. Why should we as transgendered folk be any different? Besides, we have just seen Federal legislation along the same lines passed in the House of Commons and now awaiting Senate approval, which is specifically aimed at forbidding discrimination against transgendered people.

You have rights - invoke them if you feel that the situation becomes intolerable, and put these types of jerks in their place once and for all.

[MarcyRex]

Sweet and timely response. And I agree with Leslie that an approach to HR for a longer term solution and documentation of problem would be best.

[Debra Russell]

Well I for one think the direct approach is the best. If more of this type of issue was attacked as you did, the person that had taken the brunt of the assault would be a little higher on the pecking order and wouldn't have the stigma of ratting or running to mama--but if it persisted then mama should be told and punishment dealt out appropriately. My wife has dealt with sexual abuse aimed at her in the work place face to face immeadiatly and stopped it in its tracks, it was done discretely but forcefully and very effectively. Debra

P.S. Good come back by the way!!

[Dahlia007]

Excellent response! When ppl make snide remarks to me I always think of what I'd like to have said after the fact...how frustrating.

[xxprincess_tiffyxx]

Good for you that's hilarious, I think that was clever and well played.

[Kate Simmons]

I think it's an unhealthy work environment my friend. Perhaps you may be good to weigh your options. It may be time to move on.:straightface:

[NicoleScott]

Good comeback. We usually think of the perfect thing to say way too late. I think you nailed it.

[Fab Karen]

Nope, you did right. I suspect all the people laughing at your reply were grateful, they didn't know what to do.
Now if such comments keep coming, yes talk to HR & be prepared with workplace discrimination policy info.

[Tina Marie]

Yes you could go to HR. This might create some heartburn in the office. Or.....you could get some pamphlets on local harassment laws and policies and leave them somewhere he might find them. This would be the soft approach. Then if he or anyone around were to embarrass you again, get a lawyer. Modifying one’s behavior is sometimes a service we provide just by being us. Good luck sister.

[docrobbysherry]

I think it's an unhealthy work environment my friend. Perhaps you may be good to weigh your options. It may be time to move on.:straightface:

Don't go to HR just yet, Ginger. Unless you're ready to come out of the closet! THEN, go there FIRST!

And, u MITE CONSIDER what Denise suggested. That's why I prefer to work for myself! And, that had NOTHING to do with CDing!

[Chickhe]

I would document it, but not send it to HR yet (perhaps send it to yourself via email so that there is a company record with a date) or send it to HR and tell them not to act on it, it is just a record incase it is needed later (you are just being proactive). The thing with harrassment is, the first time is really your chance to tell the person to stop (you did that by your retort) (if its a really really disturbing incident then go to HR directly). But, if the same person does it again, then you make a formal complaint and reference the first case. Don't worry about physical violence... any move in that direction from a coworker on or off the job usually will get an immediate dismissal.

Also, sometimes it could intended as a harmless joke, so that may temper your reaction.

[kimdl93]

great response. It seems that you're fairly "out". Right? So if someone like that jerk presumes so much, then you have every right to rip them back!

[JustineFallow]

Here's another one: "Even if I did get a 'mangina', I'd still have more balls than you'll ever have, mate."

[2SpeedTranny]

Good comeback. You gotta dish it right back.

As for the "report it" sentiment... come on. Someone cracks a joke, and you'd try to get them fired? Talk about mangina. Taking that approach, rather than engaging in the banter, is a surefire way to find yourself very quickly disliked by EVERYONE. Including the HR minion you whine to, because, to the mind of an HR minion, YOU have now just made yourself a pain in their ass. You're now the whiny ***** on the crew.

I'm not sure why there are adults taking this approach; most people I know figured this out by second grade.

Added: Often, people will crack jokes about you being different because they are uncomfortable or nervous, and unsure how to take you. Laughing and returning the friendly fire sets them at ease.

[t-girlxsophie]

I think it was an awesome and cutting response I personally dont think being passive in such situations helps.a smart reply hopefuly gives the morons something to think about next time their tiny brains come up with a dig at you.

It sounds like you work with a right bunch of halfwits.I know its a tough time on the employment front these days,but I think you would be best trying to get away from such hate and bile from colleagues