Still wrapping my head around CDing

[Dahlia007]

Okay so just from my own observations would you liken crossdressing to say...being gay? Or having an extra finger? Lol sorry I don't know what else to compare it to other than it seems that most are born with the desire to CD, not a choice.

Lord I hope I havnt offended anyone....

[minalost]

Yikes! Someone is going to come on here and claim your saying all CDers are gay. I know that's not what you intended, and I hope others will see it that way too. One way of looking at it is a non-mainstream hobby. I mean, it's something that I enjoy doing; I enjoy talking to other CDers (hobbiests...) about it; I "collect" women's clothing (it could just as well be stamps or coins...); and it's something I mainly do alone. For some it's also a sexual fetish. For others it's a form of self expression. There are probably as many reasons to CD and there are CDers. I'm sure this isn't much help but it's the best I can do for now.

[Dahlia007]

Lol no I didn't mean it that way at all...my SO is a CDer and well I gotta say I sure hope he isn't gay...I'd be in quite the pickle then. I meant it as something you can't control...I'm just now learning how many different types of cders there are!

[minalost]

Most would say it's an uncontrolable urge or compultion. Others would say it's a choice. For me it's a little of both. I've felt the urge from the about age 10. I've periodically "chosen" to give in to the urge, or not to, at verious times in my life for various reasons. I've proven to myself that I can "not crossdress" for as long as seven years. Durring that time, however, not a day went by that I didn't think about it. So, for now, I've chosen to "give in" to the urge agian. And why not? It doesn't hurt anyone, and it's fun! I truly enjoy the prosses of dressing up as a woman. Makeup, bras, breast forms, skirts - the whole thing is a blast - and don't get me talking about heels! I never smile more than when I'm doing something that makes me feel/look/act more feminine. Do I want to be a woman? Nope. My wife would NOT go for that at all, and, when I'm not in fem mode, I actually enjoy a lot of things about being a man.

I hope this helps.

[Babette]

... would you liken crossdressing to say...being gay? Or having an extra finger? ....

I'm uncomfortable the term crossdressing. To me, crossdressing has too many direct and indirect references to clothing and/or the act of dressing only. How about substituting it with "lifestyle"? I would consider my lifestyle as eclectic and IMHO, it's more of a attribute or gift than an oddity like an extra finger (though it would be quite a conversation piece LOL).

Hope this helps.

Babette

[xxprincess_tiffyxx]

Hell I can't even tell you why I CD. I know I'm not gay. I do think it could be likened to being gay, meaning its something in u when you're born.
I'm not even sure if that's correct. I just know I've had the urge to CD my whole life.
I don't think its something I can help or explain. I know its wierd and I know its only weird because of society.
I honestly don't care if its weird.
Anyway before I ramble on too much. I don't know why I CD. Well even then I know I do
It because it makes me feel really good and happy and its fun and it also turns me on.
So I suppose maybe that's why I do it. Why I tried it though? That I'm not sure of.
I do think its like homosexuality in the sense that you can't help it, its just how you feel, a way of thinking.
And when accepted and embraced can be a fun way of life.
I'm still learning more about it and about myself.
Just as people have different personalities and different ways of thinking and word thoughts, I think CDing to each individual can be different.
Some feel like they were just born the wrong gender.
Some maybe just like the feel of the fabric on the skin.
Some feel like two different people, one boy and one girl.
Some just have a very feminine side.
I guess the list could go on and on

[Fab Karen]

You know GG's who like to change their hairstyle/color, love to do make-up? it's somewhat like that. Why does someone like broccoli? Because they do.

[Jane G]

Its a personality rather than a physical trait for me. There was a large chunk of my youth when I thought it was a physical problem. ie I was a girl in a boys body. But I now view myself as a man, who is furtunate to think and react, quite natrualy, as a woman when I need to.

[NathalieX66]

Here's a bucket list of things women do...often or sometimes all at once:

Grow hair long
Dye/highlight/frost
braid/bun/ponytail/hairclip, curl/iron
pierced ears & myriad choice of earrings
dresses & skirts...short, medium, long
lingerie:lace/silk,satin & sheer
reveal skin instead of hiding it
shave legs
pedicures/manicures....in as many colors as an artist palette can come up with
high heel shoes
high heel boots
myriad of shoe styles
sheer stockings, pantyhose pattern tights, opaque tights, leggings
jewelry & accessories
lipstick/eyeshadow/eyeliner, rouge, etc.
spa/salon/facials
shopping & impulse buying (..."Ooh, I want that Coach bag")

All that I mentioned above is a lot of stuff going on there, girlies.

We live in a world where women can fly helicopters & fire rifles on combat missions, drive racecars, run fortune 500 companies, own pick-up trucks, and play hockey. Yeah, I'm a guy, and I like doing guy things....I like doing girlie things too.
If you are a gg, you tell me what goes on your mind when you find the urge to purchase something at impulse , or why you like to go to the spa, or what made you choose to wear a skirt that day? Or why yoo chose that particular color of red for your toenails? IMO, there's something happening in women's minds, and I want to experience it too. :) Maybe I'm atypical of most guys. If something is pretty, I just like it. All I know is I like what I like.

[Cynthia Anne]

I really fill that its something I was born with. Before I joined this forum I blamed my sister for dressing me when I was four! The great ladies here have proved to me that was not the case!

[Debglam]

Yeah, I'm a guy, and I like doing guy things....I like doing girlie things too.

That about sums it up for me!


Maybe I'm atypical of most guys. If something is pretty, I just like it. All I know is I like what I like.

Not atypical of this guy/girl!

[RADER]

I have been CDing for more years than I can count;
Even though I only have 5 fingers on each hand. I am married, had 2 kids
from the first wife, Defiantly not Gay, Remarried to a very understanding Lady
who allows me my dressing Hobey, And I am retired to boot. So what
pidgin hole does that put me into????

Rader

[docrobbysherry]

I had NO INTEREST in dressing before age 50, Dahlia!
None what so ever!
And, I have no interest in sex or flirting with other CDs or men!
Or, going out in public dressed.

However, very little I or others say here about our CDing will be very relevent to your SO's CDing.

U need to discuss what he wants and where he wants to go with his dressing. Then, u will have to agree, or NOT agree to go along with it!
And, remember he and his dressing directions r as succeptable to change as u r!

[Leslie Langford]

I would tend to agree with Babette in terms of our crossdressing evolving into a lifestyle over time, and also I agree that we are likely all born with this "bug". I wouldn't go so far as call it an abnormality like a 6th finger; it's more like being born with blue eyes or red hair, or being-left-handed i.e. a genetic roll of the dice that we cannot control as individuals. And while the urge to crossdress is not common, it is not that rare either. To put it into perspective, statistics indicate that 1 out of 100 males are crossdressers, 1 out of 10 are gay, and 3 out of 100 people suffer from hay fever and related allergies. So, no, not quite like the odds of being born with the same condition the Elephant Man was.

But I also think that for most of us, crossdressing is an evolutionary process. The majority of us first become aware of these "strange" feelings around age 5 or so. This is well before puberty hits and our sexual urges start to get aroused, lending credence to what we all know - namely, that it is a gender orientation issue as opposed to a matter of sexual orientation. We then go through various stages of acceptance and denial as we become adults, marry, have children, and otherwise get on with our lives. Then WhammO! - as we get into our mid-40's and beyond, the "inner girl" starts to rattle her cage, demanding to be let out. Possibly, this is tied to andropause ("male menopause"), or simply the realization that we have more days behind us at this point than in front of us, and are no longer willing to suppress and/or deny this part of ourselves. I don't think that it is a coincidence either that most of the members here fall into that age bracket (50+) and often start going out in public around that time.

Like Babette, I prefer to call myself transgendered now as opposed to simply a crossdresser. For me, it is no longer just about wearing the clothes; it is now about being out-and-about, and actually being treated like a woman and experiecing what it is like to be one (from a social standpoint, obviously - not from a biological one). And that is still a far cry from having the sexual orientation of most "normal" women, which is to say - being sexually attracted to other men. Like most here, I am fully heterosexual, am strongly attracted to women on a number of levels, and do not "hate" my inherently male persona either. Again, I'm generalizing, but I do believe that what I have outlined above applies to most of us here...

[juno]

In my opinion, the desire for men to have interests in feminine things is perfectly normal. The problem is that men also have a strong instinct for themselves and other male peers to be a "manly man", which probably was important to survival in primitive times. The result is a lot of needless emotional turmoil. Women can cross-dress and nobody notices. Men do it and everybody freaks out.

So, a cross-dresser is more like being a truly normal human and not afraid to admit it. Too many people strive to be "textbook normal" and suppress their true identity.

[Eryn]

But I also think that for most of us, crossdressing is an evolutionary process. The majority of us first become aware of these "strange" feelings around age 5 or so. This is well before puberty hits and our sexual urges start to get aroused, lending credence to what we all know - namely, that it is a gender orientation issue as opposed to a matter of sexual orientation. We then go through various stages of acceptance and denial as we become adults, marry, have children, and otherwise get on with our lives. Then WhammO! - as we get into our mid-40's and beyond, the "inner girl" starts to rattle her cage, demanding to be let out. Possibly, this is tied to andropause ("male menopause"), or simply the realization that we have more days behind us at this point than in front of us, and are no longer willing to suppress and/or deny this part of ourselves. I don't think that it is a coincidence either that most of the members here fall into that age bracket (50+)

Wow, do I ever resonate with that description. Thanks Leslie!

Eryn

[Loni]

i believe you are looking for the answer of yes we are born this way, not made to be so.

it could be said down to the one that we need to do this as it is part of us.

i was raised male, doing all the male things. but as far back as i can remember (early grade school) i wanted to be the one in the dress. NO i am not "gay" i like women..only. i would say most here are about the same.
but all are different with different wants and needs.
my only regret is i did not have the courage or to be able to do anything in my teens. i am now a member of the over the hill gang.

.

[Chastitycd]

I cant attest to the idea of being "born this way" cause to me the jury is still out on that one. But Im a happily married guy with no interest in men. Every morning when I wake up if my body could work on its on without a mind to tell it what to do, my body would dress enfemme. My mind however tells it no...youre a guy dummy. And if anyone ever wants to know what its like to wake up like i do and have your body trying to do one thing and your mind trying to do another, just wake up and try putting your shoes on the wrong feet. You can put them on, but it just isnt right. Just a brief look at how i feel about it.

[JenniferR771]

Good question, Dahlia. I think Leslie is right. Somehow we are born with the urge to cd. Just as some men are born gay, some women lesbian, and some of both transexual. And perhaps a crossdresser is really a sort of half transexual, that really enjoys being a man, (and sometimes a woman). True, for me and many others there is a sexual fetish element.

There must be some advantage to the above concepts--otherwise they would disappear from the gene pool just as quick as six fingers.

[Pythos]

I have said this many times. When it comes to myself I just like the looks and the clothing. I like skirts, and the feel of leggings or hose on my legs. I despise how men are limited to pants, and only a specific times shorts when it comes to the below the waist. I like long hair, and see no reason only women should be able to benefit from makeup.

If there is an urge, it is an urge to have more latitude in self expression. I don't like the "manly" look, I like the lithe and flexible fem look. I am fond of the looks of Tolkien's elvish people. Graceful and beautiful, both men and women.

I don't know why it is men kinda got left to having only baggy clothing, always with pants, which hide our body shapes. No wonder most men just "let themselves go". One of my main motivators to stay in shape is my catsuits.

If I slip one on, and there is a bit more of a pudge, I start excercising more and eating less junk food.

I am not into men, and do not put down those men that are into men. I just like women. I just like to take on many aspects of them. My ideal appearance is a fine mix of the two.

[sissystephanie]

I am now 78 and have been crossdressing since I was somewhere between 6 and 7! But I am definitely not GAY, having been married for almost 50 years and have 2 wonderful children! I have no desire to be a woman, and never have had that desire. I just like the fit, feel, and look of feminine clothing better than men's clothes. Sure I wear men's clothing when it is appropiate to do so. But when I have the opportunity, such as while I am writing this, I am totally enfemme! But to those who know me well I am a "manly" man even though I wear skirts and dresses! Just don't make me mad or you will find out!

[abigailf]

... would you liken crossdressing to say...being gay? ...


I liken it to being normal. It's everyone else that's odd.

[BillieJoEllen]

No, I was not born this way. I was born transsexual. Did girly things as a child. Was dressed s few times by my mother and aunt but as soon as the dresses came off I no longer wanted to wear girl clothes. Dressed as a girl for halloween when I was in the fifth grade. Because I overheard comments from some girls about me wearing a dress I decided to see for myself what they were talking about. I did more experimenting after that and really could have stopped CDing at anytime. It wasn't until I hit the right combination of clothing (after hearing some other comments) that I became HOOKED.

[2SpeedTranny]

I think I would liken it to a talent for art or music. (Not that we could call crossdressing a "talent.")

Some people have an inborn talent for art or music, but just never get the instruction or impetus to make anything of it. Other people flail their whole lives, sincere in their efforts, but without a lick of talent.

So, there has to be some innate predilection, and a trigger of some sort.

[joan658]

Instead of saying "like being gay ... or having an extra finger" I think its more like being born blond or a redhead - being a cross dresser is just who we are. The characterization of "having an extra finger" suggests an abnormality - I know the public in general considers cross dressing abnormal - but, I feel perfectly normal. I just feel repressed because most the "normal" people out there cannot accept that there's another harmless option.

BTW - I read somewhere that about 90% of cross dressers are hetro, not gay.

[Kate Simmons]

Already have that which you need but you are not a "Jedi" yet. You must still face yourself and your feelings.:)

[GingerLeigh]

Gotta be careful on this one. I don't want to step on toes....

Born this way, sure. I think most of us would agree to a certain extent. Liken it to homosexuality? Sure, why not? I'm not gay and I'm out of my comfort zone of personal knowledge, but I would assume they were born gay as well. I think there's a bit of feminine brain in all of us so yeah, we're related. It's just different part of our brains that's feminine and gives feminine impulses. The amount of the feminine brain in each of us differs as well. This could explain why some of us transition, and some of us never go all out to pass as women. The fact that there are so many of us out there makes me believe its not an abnormality. Unusual yes, an abnormality would infer that it rarely occurs.


Ginger

[Sarah Doepner]

I'm still trying to wrap my head around crossdressing and I've been doing it for years. Leslie has a good take on it and I like how she put it, read her post again. I've read that gender is neutral or even female in the early stages of gestation. Then the hormones wash over the thing that will become us and differentiation begins in multiple ways. I like to believe that the wash and rinse cycle is done differently for those of us who end up as a crossdresser or transgendered or transexual or homosexual. After birth and as we grow up we have to find ways to deal with all the feelings and attractions as new cycles of hormones move thought our bodies and minds. We grow and find ways to mostly fit within a standard worldview. But there is a lens through which we view the world that changes our perception of how we want to experience gender.

So we end up confused, embarrassed, needing to express ourselves and explore our life, wanting explanations and most commonly finding judgement instead. Then we begin to pair up with someone we are attracted to, most commonly female, and try to match their expectations. For some it is a very, very strong conflict and gets worse and for others its manageable. No single answer, just a sliding scale that isn't necessarily stable. How we manifest our unique version of gender expression ranges widely and you can find it here.

The important thing to remember is none of us will do this just to make your life difficult or to hurt you. That may happen, but it's not the goal here. We are trying to come to terms with something very basic in our lives, it's not easy, it doesn't seem to go away and it may be the best response is to go with it as far and as long as it provides answers or satisfies without harming. I could be very wrong about all of this, but that's my story for now and I'm sticking with it.

Good luck to you and your crossdresser. I appreciate your effort in searching for answers that will work for you and your crossdresser.

[Dahlia007]

Thanks everyone for your responses...given me plenty to think about

[NicoleScott]

I can see how crossdressing could be likened to being gay. Society wants our sexual and gender identities and behaviors to be either male or female. Whether crossdresser or gay (or both) the lines are crossed or blended, and it makes people "uncomfortable".

[MizT]

My opinion after many years of CD'ing and numerous purges where I "swore off" of dressing. I have come to the point in my life I just accept it. As the great philospher "Popeye" once said "I yam what I yam!". Nuff said..

[Christinedreamer]

This all too common misconception of CDing being an indicator of being gay has always amused me.

By the same token, then it MUST be that all GGs who wear jeans, cowboy boots, shirts, etc MUST be lesbians. What other reason could there possibly be?

[lmildcd]

I don't know if I was born with the desire to crossdress. I do it when I fell down in the dumps. It makes me feel better. Like most I started trying on my mother's clothes when I was young. Din't really start wearing woman's clothes until I was in my 40s. Started with knee highs, panties, and pantyhose.

[Dahlia007]

I never implied all CDers are gay, I was just making the comparison of being born that way. Didn't mean to offend anybody. And even if you were, I see nothing wrong with it.

[katrinakat]

Don't think about it too much! It is what it is! Don't let it consume you, have fun with it; Life doesn't have to be so binary. Enjoy!!! xoxo katT

[ReineD]

I'd compare it to having grown up in a remote, little known culture, with it's own language, social norms, customs, it's own distinct cuisine, it's particular laws. It forms the fabric of who you are. You can move away for awhile and adapt to a different culture, but you always feel it when you are back home.

[eluuzion]

As to the "born this way" theory...
I am not totally sure if I was born or hatched. I mean if an Easter rabbit can hide a bunch of chicken eggs...who knows what is really going on for sure?...:heehee:

and what's up with all cartoon characters having only three fingers & a thumb?

Hey at one point, we all thought the world was flat too. There is still one saying... "Just remember...if the world did not suck, we'd all fall off."

I did not start CDing until I was almost 30. Does that make me odd? or just "old"?

How can we figure out who we are and how we got here if we can't even figure out "Who's in the kitchen with Diana?".

and most importantly, would it change anything to know those answers? In some degree isn't that like trying to back out of an accident after it already happened? lol... Would not change much of what we are now, even if we could change the past, which we cannot...
I have found the most constructive approach in life is to just to monitor my feelings (which are self-regulating anyway). If I am "happy" I continue on. If I am "unhappy" I adjust my sights or train them on something that will make me happy...and move in that direction. If I am "frustrated", I just stomp on my reading glasses (they only cost $1) or break my computer (I'm working on that character flaw, lol).

Life is good, if you don't try and figure yourself out...


The Dance Continues
and so the band plays on...:heehee:

Ok, my answer is...
I can say with absolute certainty..
That I am not sure.:)

Think Less, Act More...Life is Short

carry on citizens...:hugs:
:love:


When one person suffers from a delusion, it is called insanity. When many people suffer from a delusion it is called religion
-Robert M Pirsig

[CaitlynRenee]

Perhaps ALL guys are a bit female. You know, the old 'X' & 'Y' chromosome thing. My daughter always said I was half male and half female, long before she knew I was a CDer. I liken it to being more the 'dual spirit' of native American lore. Hey, after all, I AM 1/2 Cherokee and 1/4 Sioux. Hmm, I wonder about the other 1/4 European????

On a more serious note, I'm definitely a male, but I too really enjoy feminine clothing. One question though, just WHAT defines feminine clothing? WHY do men have to stay bound up in uncomfortable fabric? WHO said only women can have nice, soft, silks, satins and nylon next to the skin??

When en femme, I have probably the same feelings a woman would have about romance and loving. When en drab, I'm most assuredly male. Both traits are enherent in my nature.

Before I 'grew up' so to speak, my view point was rather restricted as to what was and what wasn't acceptable. It was only after memories from my early childhood of Grandmas first putting me in panties and slip came back to me and I started thinking about it, that things changed. Since I started acknowledging who and what I am as a person, started dressing, I have found an almost total release of prior prejudice against those who are different. I've found my life enriched by those whose creativity and gentleness I've pulled away from in the past.

I now fully acknowledge my being a 'dual spirit', a cross dresser and though totally straight en drab, I acknowledge being possibly 'bisexual in thought' when dressed. Couldn't actually BE bisexual, but the thought processes function the same.

[James Kaon]

I have not read EVERY comment so apologies if this is no longer relevant! For me, I see it as a fetish but am not closed to the idea that it could become something else - but because I am open to it, I sorta think it must just be a fetish as I am not trying to keep it back or inhibited, if that makes sense! I did try tights once when i was a kid, but soon forgot about it and around 3 or 4 months ago gave it a try cause i was single and wanted a 'kick'. Now I love it. I dont really worry whether or not i may or may not be gay. I feel like I like girls, and I also like wearing some of what they wear - so I dont really think about it in that way. What I do see is, people who have posted on this wonderful forum here seem to be at every possible phase in life. From someone like me to someone who identifies with a feminine persona that is inside them. All is good and not the same as having a physical abnormality such as that 6th finger! Its actually about society and perception - you may 'notice' someone with 6th finger, but you would not be shocked, intimidated, threatened or whatever it is people feel when they see a CDer. However, I have great faith in the human race. Despite what the papers tell you, society on a whole is getting more civilised and intelligent. Old idioms are being challenged and I am pretty sure CDing will become less of an issue one day. It is because people like the people on this forum exist in and out of the open that has already been the catalyst for a change of attitude. It just feels painfully slow. I guess because i only tell a few people I have not exactly lent some weight to this but, the fact that I am able to express it somewhere without fear of prejudice that shows how far we are going!

Wow, sorry, was gonna say something short and sweet but got philisophical there! Sorry!

Jx

[Jenn868]

For me it is a thing that over the years have come to terms with and accept it about myself, but am still very much in the closet only out to a few people.