Almost made it

[Rachel Mari]

I've been seeing a therapist for about three months now and she was telling about a support group that meets once a month on Tuesdays.

So... last night I drove over to the place they meet 20 minutes early, but actually I was there 10 minutes late. I walked into the building and looked at the history display for maybe 10 minutes. And then I left.

I couldn't bring myself to enter that room with people I've never met, who all were sitting down and there seemed to very little conversation going on.
It doesn't make any difference what they were there for, I just dislike, greatly, entering any room anywhere and have people's attention focus on me.
I was dressed in drab so that wasn't an issue.

I will make it to the meeting next month and I'll be early so I can meet with the person running it before hand. Probably won't say much, but I'll listen to whatever anyone else has to say.

I'm sure some of you have gone to some kind a support group in the past. What was it like the first time you went and what did you talk about?

[Sophie86]

Had my first one last week. It went fine. I was dressed, and I was a bit nervous when I first got there. The meeting place was in the same building with a construction company. Even though it was well after hours, there was a car in the parking lot and I couldn't tell if it was someone there for the group or a construction worker. I drove past, turned around and came back. No one there but us girls, so I parked and went in. I was among the first people there. I knew a couple of girls online who were supposed to show, but they got there well after the meeting started. I was on my own. Everyone was really nice. Fortunately, I didn't have to talk about myself much at the beginning. They went around the circle, getting people to talk, and I had about eight ahead of me. When it got to me, I just gave them the Reader's Digest version. After the meeting, they all went out to socialize. I had been out late the night before, though, so I went home. You should definitely go again next time.

[Marissa]

Rachel, if you are uncomfortable with those you don't know, would it be even more comfortable if it was full of those you know? Okay..maybe.. i take it this was for dressing as you didn't state..now were all other there for the same or other reasons?

Maybe you were peeking in on a group that had many new folks..so they were just as scared as you.. so what? maybe you needed to be the one to start the ball rolling.. been there..done that.. k?

In either means.. if you need the support..in person..then next time walk in..head high..and then talk when and if its your turn.. some will see your strength..and maybe they will open up more. k?

Hugs,
Marissa

[RachelOKC]

Rachel, one of the hardest things you can do is to step outside your comfort zone. Just remember that everyone there is or at least was as scared as you. There are people who have put off going to groups for YEARS just because they are too scared to even try. Some even drive miles all the way to the group a number of times only to never get out of their car. Sound familiar?

Do you really want to wait years only to find out it wasn't a big deal after all? Don't make excuses next time, just do it.

Support groups are generally administered using the guidelines linked below. They essentially help to ensure that the conversation is kept civil and flowing.

http://www.darvsmith.com/dox/supportgroupguidelines.html

What do you talk about? Anything you want to, so long as it's generally relevant to your life as a TG person. You don't have to say much and you don't have to give your life story. You will find however that the more you participate, the more you will take away from it.

[Christy_M]

I have never been to a support group per se. I have tried to find community support in TG friendly places. I have sat out front numerous times before driving off scared. When I finally went to my first planned "group" meeting I was so scared an nervous. Everyone there worked hard to make me feel welcome. That first time certainly opened doors for me to where now I feel like I belong with these great friends of mine.

[Sarah Doepner]

Rachel, the first time I made it to the company of other crossdressers it wasn't a support group meeting but an activity where everyone was dressed in boy mode. We chatted and it felt so good being in the company of "my people" that when I was finally able to join a group dressed, it felt very natural. Our group meets on a monthly basis and it seems that most of the time we get one or two new people to join us. From the perspective of someone in the room, it always delights me when I see a new face and want to make sure they are comfortable, knowing that we understand and respect them. When you do finally make it in, you will be the center of attention for a while, but before long you will be among friends and another member of that community in the room, ready to offer support to the next new face who comes in. Come on in, the water is fine.

[t-girlxsophie]

10 years this month I went to my first Support Group meeting and like you Rachel,I was a nervous wreck entering a room in which were going to be the first ppl I had ever shown myself to.I was greeted warmly by the people who ran the meetings,and had a drink in the bar downstairs and I was made to feel welcome and at ease.Remember everyone at these meetings are going thru or have been at the stage you are.I Hope you have the courage to go in and find out for yourself next time

[carhill2mn]

You did not mention what issues you are working on with your therapist. Are they CD issues? Are you struggling with accepting yourself as you are? What sort of a "support group" did she suggest that you attend?
It does take some courage to walk into a situation that is new. It also takes courage to deal with what ever issues you may have. There comes a time when a person must step out of their comfort zone in order to progress.
Good luck!

[Rachel Mari]

Yes, I'm seeing the therapist about CD issues. I pretty much gave up dressing for 15 years, but the thoughts never left and I denied and suppressed it all down. I just wanted to be, and have, a normal life and marriage.

I had told my wife within the first six months after we started dating that I liked to dress in women's clothes and she was very accepting for about a year. Then it became something I just didn't do and we didn't talk about it.

Well... now I can't suppress it anymore. The urge, feels like a need at times, is stronger now and I don't want push it away any longer. So I'm working on trying to accept this in myself and learn to cope with how it'll effect my marriage and life.

I will go to the next meeting. I've found that if I don't feel ready to do something, I don't get as much out and it doesn't usually turn out very well. I just needed to get an idea, a picture, of what, where and when.

Thanks for all your great comments. I like this place.