Why is being gay a prob?

[James Kaon]

I have tonight replied to a few posts, sometimes I had to make myself as I seem to be constantly worried I may come across as a 'newbie' who would not understand the true feelings of a CDer (being that I am I think a fetishist). But I guess I wanted to open a small debate...

One thing I have noticed from joining this forum is the incredible range of people... So many have revealed to their SO their preferred lifestyle and there has been both positive and very negative results. Many are keeping a secret, and need somewhere to express and ask advice. So many others have different reasons which I must admit, I did not know about as I was until a few months ago ignorant of all.

But one thing that has come up quite alot is the link to homosexuality. I think I am probably guilty of this too but currently dont worry about it. I guess I just want to ask the question, if you are not gay, and you wear girls clothes, why is it important to state your sexuality (i am not attacking anyone here, I think I have done the same thing to my friend when I told her about it)? Is it because it may limit your/our options or is it because it would be another level of prejudice we do not want to have to endure?

I think I have replied to a thread already something on these lines, but was truly curious as to why it is such an issue that needs stating? Surely, whether a fetish or a gender thing or whatever it is, this is the most safe place to NOT be pigeon holed?

I guess this has prob been asked b4, but as I have always felt ok with gays or straight, I was curious as to why I needed to say that i was not gay! For gods sake, my friend does not worry if I am straight!!!!!

All the best!
Jx

[Avana]

one word that starts with homo and ends with phobia

[DebsUK]

There was a long thread on this very subject a few weeks back, but it produced some interesting debate. I'm with you and don't quite get why a lot of CDs do make a point of stressing their heterosexuality. It's unfortunate because the gay community traditionally have a lot of empathy for the trans community IMHO, but why should we bother if we make it a point of distancing ourselves from them at every opportunity?

[James Kaon]

Yes that is good answer- but I am pretty certain that many CDers are not homophobic and would be comfortable in the company of a gay or straight person. I dont believe I am homophobic, but when I told a friend of mine that I like wearing panties and tights, I did state I was not gay! Well, actually she asked me and I replied, but u know what i mean!

I saw a post tonight that really made me wanna send a private mail to them because they seemed so down, and I wanted them to feel like they could chat if they wanted, BUT I worried they may misinterpret my words as being 'interested'. I think thats why I asked this question - i am open to being friends to people here, but worry that it may come across as flirting... I dunno... Im pretty dumb :P

[Kate Simmons]

I can come up with a lot of expressions such s : "If the shoe fits, wear it" or "If you can't stand the heat, best to get out of the kitchen." or "If you are afraid to get your feet wet, you'll never go swimming." Then there is "Sticks and stones ...etc." I once nearly had my head handed to me by suggesting we could be pansies or fruitcakes. If the shoe fits, wear it I say. Anyone who is afraid to be called or considered something by others is not ready for the outside world or won't make much progress. If we wait for the world to change for us, we are in for bitter disappointment. That's not just in connection with CDing but life itself.:)

[James Kaon]

Debs - yes!

That is so important - why should the homosexual community be so empathazing if we always distance ourselves in such a clear way. I am truly confused as to why CDing seems to be even more taboo but somehow, i think it is? I am a film fx supervisor and I have worked with many gay people (it had to be pointed out to me, my gadar is not good)... But, I have never seen a CDer... I would happily employ if they had the skills, but wow, the ripples it would send???? :O

[celtic.blue.eyes]

At least for me, and I'll bet I'm not alone on this, is that there are many guys, whether gay or hetero, that are always on the prowl for a quick hook-up. And a high percentage of these people just don't take "NO" for an answer. Instead they get more persistent and aggressive, determined to conquer their prey. It's better to make your status known right up front, "and head it off at the pass" before it even gets started. I really don't like getting hit on, neither do I like arrogant and aggressive people. I feel bad for all the GG's that have to put up with these jerks on a daily basis.

[Rianna Humble]

Yes that is good answer- but I am pretty certain that many CDers are not homophobic and would be comfortable in the company of a gay or straight person. I dont believe I am homophobic, but when I told a friend of mine that I like wearing panties and tights, I did state I was not gay! Well, actually she asked me and I replied, but u know what i mean!

There is a great deal of difference between giving an honest answer to a direct question and the practice that we sometimes see of throwing in a disclaimer about your sexuality when doing so is off-topic.


I saw a post tonight that really made me wanna send a private mail to them because they seemed so down, and I wanted them to feel like they could chat if they wanted, BUT I worried they may misinterpret my words as being 'interested'.

One of the good things about being on a support site is that we do not have to feel guilty about supportive actions. Most people won't be looking for ulterior motives if you see someone is down and send them a message of support.

[Stephanie Anne]

Because most of the people on this site are the same hetero normative people they were before putting on a dress. Transgender is not like some homophobic cure all.

We face the same problems as non transgender homosexuals do. We just often face it from our peers because sexuality is not a defining characteristic like it is in the gay and lesbian community.

You would be surprised how many people on this site are actually right wing fundamentalists that think everything you do is a sin.

[Zoe Preston]

I take it you're not married James? Believe me if you're in a relationship with a woman and tell her you are a CDer you are going to be asked if you are Gay. Many women are OKish with tolerating what they may perceive as a quirk/fetish thing but not living a lie.

Other than those threads that talk about coming out to the SO I haven't noticed a lot of threads where posters state "I'm not Gay" when it isn't relevant.

Ever think that maybe their SO's also read the board and worry about the "How are my Gay Crossdressers doing" kind of thread ? So maybe some posters feel the need to imply "It's a broad Church - but we sit across the aisle from them" :D

Zoe

[Kathi Lake]

Zoe echoes my thoughts exactly. One day, my wife may be here. She gets stressed enough about just my dressing. I don't also want her questioning my sexuality. Notice I said my sexuality. I, and she, don't care about yours. We care about mine. That may be the reason for the posts of what you feel of as 'distancing' one group from another. We get painted with a pretty broad brush from the public. Sometimes we fit their perceptions, sometimes we don't.

Kathi

[dawnmarrie1961]

JX,
WHO said being homosexual here was a problem? It's not a problem because our long time members and moderators won't put up with any kind of "bashing"! We don't tolerate that here!
Heck! I could be gay. Anyone of us could. Denying the possibility is just an example of how certain forces in our society unrealistically program our minds to disregard the law of free will. Just as it is within the realm of possibility for any individual to acquire heterosexual tendencies so to must the opposite be true. It is just simple logic.

That is part of what makes this forum unique and set apart from all others. Our ability to take in all groups without reservation. That is our strength.

[katrinakat]

I luv that song!!!! LADY GAGA!!!!!!
JX,
WHO said being homosexual here was a problem? It's not a problem because our long time members and moderators won't put up with any kind of "bashing"! We don't tolerate that here!
Heck! I could be gay. Anyone of us could. Denying the possibility is just an example of how certain forces in our society unrealistically program our minds to disregard the law of free will. Just as it is within the realm of possibility for any individual to acquire heterosexual tendencies so to must the opposite be true. It is just simple logic.

That is part of what makes this forum unique and set apart from all others. Our ability to take in all groups without reservation. That is our strength.

[James Kaon]

JX,
WHO said being homosexual here was a problem? It's not a problem because our long time members and moderators won't put up with any kind of "bashing"! We don't tolerate that here!
Heck! I could be gay. Anyone of us could. Denying the possibility is just an example of how certain forces in our society unrealistically program our minds to disregard the law of free will. Just as it is within the realm of possibility for any individual to acquire heterosexual tendencies so to must the opposite be true. It is just simple logic.

That is part of what makes this forum unique and set apart from all others. Our ability to take in all groups without reservation. That is our strength.

Yes absolutely - I get that from this site - and I do NOT think there is prejudice here, cause if there was, i would not be here! I was just curious as to the differences I think, maybe borne out my own inability to understand myself! Actually thats poor answer. At first, when I started wearing stuff that i 'should not' I wondered the question myself, 'Am i gay?'. Whatever answer i came up with, I think i felt an odd compulson to express that at first. "I wear tights, BUT" etc. And now I realize, so what? I wear tights... I like it - sue me! Being gay or not does not enter the question... But it did - I think im trying t ask why we feel the need to go through some kind of enlightenment when actually, the answer is pretty ok either or!!!

[Barbara Dugan]

I am gay but I understand that when an hetero crossdresser make the I am Not Gay disclaimer, the reasons are very personal and none of the reasons are wrong.. My personal opinion is that ''how are my gay crossdressers doing '' kind of threads are a valid source of information to anybody

[Sophie86]

It's not just the other people in our life who would question our sexuality if they knew about our dressing. I doubt I'm unique when I say that deciding for myself whether it meant I was gay or not wasn't a slam dunk. It took some thinking. Because of that, I assumed that anyone who knew I dressed would also assume that I'm gay. When I first started participating in these online discussions, I was always very quick to point out that I was heterosexual. Eventually, though, I realized that other crossdressers weren't making that assumption, and it makes it sound like I think there's something wrong with being gay. (I've also realized that while I'm not gay, I'm not exactly straight either. It's complicated.)

As for being hit on, I just tell people I'm monosexual. I only desire sex with my wife.

[Katesback]

I have been to Southern Comfort two times. My favorite things about going there is one to sit in the lobby and watch people show up for a four day convention with TONS of stuff. I have actually seen trailers being unloaded.

The other thing I find facinating is observing how people act. I can say that some CDs who are probably what they would consider straight, will take being a girl to a whole new level. There are tranny chasers at the conference and its interesting how these straight CDs will leave to have sex with the tranny chasers. Or they will just have sex with each other. Even more interesting is that some will have all intentions of having sex and then when they actually get to the point of about doing it they change thier minds.

Guess I just love watching human nature at it's extremes.

By the way my opinion on CDs feeling the need to say they are straight is to some degree a way to help quelch the fears thier wives have. Of course at the conferences its often a different story.

[Chickhe]

If you are gay, more power to you, but I'm not. Many people who are ignorant of CDing make the incorrect assumption so its worth repeating that it is not the case. I want to be recognized for being a main stream, average guy with one unusual activity. The two things have no connection to each other, so why do a lot of people put them in the same context?

[Fab Karen]

It doesn't need stating, just some people have issues they should discuss with a therapist.

[LeannL]

Here is my quick spin on the topic. I list the fact that I am a heterosexual CD on my profile. The reason I do this is that I don't want to receive any "solicitations" via the messaging function from anyone. There are few GGs here that are looking for male CDs so the odds of receiving one from a GG is relatively low. However, I have received a couple of "requests" from males on this site. Sometimes the messages are cryptic and sometimes not. I just don't want to receive them. The complication with this approach is that I am willing to meet and share a non-sexual outing with another CD to simply discuss life and enjoy time out as girls with someone who understands. So, the bottom line for me is that I am trying to let those interested in a homosexual relationship with someone here (and I have nothing against this at all), that they should spend their time looking at someone else.

Leann

[Marissa]

I am gay but I understand that when an hetero crossdresser make the I am Not Gay disclaimer, the reasons are very personal and none of the reasons are wrong.. My personal opinion is that ''how are my gay crossdressers doing '' kind of threads are a valid source of information to anybody bolded statement from original post to put emphasis on my response-M.

Well said Barbara :)

Gotta love a discussion about "labeling" Many hours have been spent trying to slice and dice this issue so it fits into a pretty little box, when in the end, it really comes down to the bolded statement above.

Only a very small percentage is based on Homophobia.. or being right-winged :) It can be simply a way to distinguished yourself from what the thread may be about or how the response is taking.

Example:
The thread ''how are my gay crossdressers doing?'', if I posted on the thread, would it be assumed I'm gay?

Yes (no issues with any one gay, straight, bi or whatever :battingeyelashes:)

So I might start with "I'm a bi-crossdresser and want to say...". I might do this to ensure that my response is known to be coming from one who is bi, not gay, so it is not taken out of context, misconstrude or be seen as one who is a resident expert in the lifestyle. THAT IS ALL IT MEANS to me :D

And it can be a means to suppress those unwanted advances as described by Leann..again..the reason is personal and not wrong.

James: if you feel that you could provide some type of support to another, please dont let anything stop you, especially this. And if you feel the 'advances' being presented, then just kindly let them know.

[DebsUK]

Before I go further, can I just state that I'm not a fan of Piers Morgan and I'm not from Mongolia. Don't get me wrong, some of my best friends think Morgan is wonderful, and I personally know many people who want to move to Ullan Bator and have a thing for yaks, but I'm not one of them, thank God.

See, stating you aren't something is just as much assigning yourself a label as proclaiming that you are out and proud, so anyone using that excuse to state their love of women is on shaky ground. In the context of a relevant thread or a question it may be pertient to state your sexual orientation, but more often it's not. I can see putting something in a profile on FB perhaps some of the more dating-orientated chat sites would help deflect unwanted attention and is more a statement of intent (or a ststement of non-intent), but in the friendly and supportive environment of this forum it might smack of "Well, yes I do wear a frock, but at least I'm not queer"

[Alberta_Pat]

Well all, here is my spin on this...

The first question one receives in public when crossdressed or even acknowledging crossdressing oneself is:

ARE YOU GAY?

When someone answers that question here up front, they are being open and honest in the spirit of this board. In some cases, the statement can help another understand the point of view of the poster.

Smile. :)

[JamieTG]

I agree with Alberta. I think most people naturally assume that we are gay. They don't know a lot about Xdressing and maybe the only exposure they have had is television reports showing the flamboyant queens from the gay pride parades.

[Sarah Doepner]

We have been conditioned to respond to the first questions we are asked when someone new interacts with us. It may be as much a knee-jerk response as anything we get from someone unfamiliar with crossdressing. Are you gay? Do you want to change your sex? What did I do wrong to force you into this? (probably not stated, but thought) So when we get in a discussion of any sort with a new person, we tend to take the shortcut to the real discussion by getting those standard questions out of the way in the first sentence. "Hi, Yes, I'm a crossdresser, I'm not gay, don't want to change my sex and it's nothing anyone else has done to make me do this, I'm here of my own choice. Now do you think I should go with the red or pink nail polish?"

It may not be right, but it seems to work sometimes.

[Breannah]

Because im sure there are many like me, who are completely straight men when not in dress and are constantly questioning themselves as to why they cross dress but are straight. Call me homophobic but iv been brought up like this and i don't in the least get along with gays and get annoyed if i see them kissing. All my male mates are English footy loving beer drinking LADS and i myself am one all via the cross dressing... (yer im weird...) I like to remind myself that i am completely straight, even when cross dressing i feel no attraction to men and i would never ever get with a man. Any small feelings i get towards men when playing games as a female is soley me trying to convince people im a girl (i know its completely wrong but meh i play for a laugh with some female friends). Maybe that does make me a bit bisexual but i know for certain in real life im completely straight. So sorry if people don't like that but its reassuring to let people know that im straight so just block it out if you don't care :) life story over :P

[NicoleScott]

There was a long thread on this very subject a few weeks back, but it produced some interesting debate. I'm with you and don't quite get why a lot of CDs do make a point of stressing their heterosexuality.

Yes, many responded that they don't see why straight cd's make a point of stating their heterosexuality. Some even take offense to it. For those who object to cd's stressing their heterosexuality, do you also object to gays who overtly display their homosexuality? If not, why not? What's the difference?

[Aprilrain]

one word that starts with homo and ends with phobia

You think that's bad try transphobia! Being gay is such a nonevent these days, most people yawn when they find out someone is gay.

[Lorileah]

Conditioned responses. Things that someone assumes to be true about a group because they have been told it is so, over and over and over.

In actuality, they gay label comes mostly from what people see in the media. RuPaul's drag race. Movies like Too Wong Foo. Every group has them. Hypersexuality, militant, miserly, slow, intelligent, tall, angry, dirty. Choose anyone and see what pops into your mind. Now when you talk to a person in that group you may immediately have that idea pop into your mind also. And that person may have been accused of said stereotype so many times they feel they need to dispel it even before it comes up (even if the person they meet isn't thinking that). There have been several threads with what to expect to hear when you come out and as noted the gay question is almost always first. Women ask it out of fear, guys ask either because they are afraid or they see a new conquest (because they don't think it is gay to have sexual relations with a man who is wearing a dress...it is just a normal thing after all, they aren't really attracted to men but men who look female...why they can believe it isn't a man.)

I don't like the disclaimer stated well in advance of the question being asked. It does smack of homophobia. But I understand that most here are already scared and confused and have their defenses up all the time.

Let me try one here. Evil- car salesperson. See preconceived notions

[GingerLeigh]

Why is being gay a problem.... Uh, because I'm married and I'm not gay? If somehow my wife ever read the stuff I put out here, I don't want her to think I was trolling for a dude, or that the idea of being with a man ever even occurred to me. It would be untrue, and my marriage would certainly go to the crapper.

So many people out there think crossdressers are gay simply because we emulate females. Just type in crossdresser into Google and see how much porn you get. It's no wonder we're perceived as gay. It is in fact one of the first questions any SO will ask their partner that has just come out of the crossdressing closet. I don't care if anyone else thinks I'm gay. My co-workers already do and I've been living under the blanket of suspicion for a long time. But my SO thinking I'm gay would be a problem for me, hence why I spell out that I'm not.

ginger

[Rianna Humble]

Well all, here is my spin on this...

The first question one receives in public when crossdressed or even acknowledging crossdressing oneself is:

ARE YOU GAY?

When someone answers that question here up front, they are being open and honest in the spirit of this board. In some cases, the statement can help another understand the point of view of the poster.

Smile. :)

There is a major difference between what happens in "public" with people who are ignorant of gender and what happens here with people who are at worst less ignorant.

If the statement is pertinent as Debs quite rightly said then it will add to the discussion. In too many examples that I have seen the disclaimer only served to detract from the discussion.

In the following imagininary exchange, which reply do you feel would be most useful to anyone interested in the question posed?

Q "Do you think red or pink nail polish would go best with this dress?"

A1 "I am not gay"
A2 "I'm bisexual"
A3 "Actually I would wear a mushroom or beige nail polish with that colour of dress"


I agree with Alberta. I think most people naturally assume that we are gay. They don't know a lot about Xdressing and maybe the only exposure they have had is television reports showing the flamboyant queens from the gay pride parades.

You are right if you are talking about the general population, but what about the context of these forums? Actually, even in the general population I have only ever been asked that question once. In consequence I do not tend to go up to people and start a conversation with "I'm not gay, I'm not bi, I've never been married but I have had girlfriends, I'm not American, I'm not Chinese ..."


For those who object to cd's stressing their heterosexuality, do you also object to gays who overtly display their homosexuality? If not, why not? What's the difference?

As one of those who objects to inappropriate parading of sexual orientation in these forums, I would object just as much to someone who answers a question that has nothing to do with sexuality with "I'm a lesbian" as I do to someone who replies "I'm not gay". Difference is, I have no recollection of ever seeing the former.

Interesting side question, why is it that people who think everyone wants to know their sexual orientation always seem to say what they are not rather than what they are.

AFAIRI have only ever overtly mentioned my orientation twice on these forums (apart from examples as above), the first was in a research thread where one of the questions was along the lines of "what is your sexual orientation" and the second was in relating a conversation when I first came out to my team leader - the only time that I have been asked the question directly by a member of the general population.

[NicoleScott]

Interesting side question, why is it that people who think everyone wants to know their sexual orientation always seem to say what they are not rather than what they are.

It's not that I think others want to know my sexual orientation, but that I want others to know it. If it's important to me to say "I'm not gay", I'll say it. And if I said instead "I'm straight", it would be taken the same way.

If we are engaging in a discussion about football and I say "I like baseball", my off-subject comment would at most get a "huh?" but most likely it would be ignored. If someone says "I'm not gay" but is not relevant to the conversation, why can't it be ignored?

Declaring oneself as straight or not gay is not homophobia.

[Olivia2]

A couple of decades ago before TG's were more out in the open and discussed in psychological literature, etc., it was my experience that many in the gay community believed that anyone who had a propensity for feminine things, or clothes, etc. was most likely gay. That, and the constant desire to reassure wives/girlfriends/prospective girlfriends that we TG's are sexually attracted to them are probably the two biggest reasons that cause many to state the "I'm not gay" line.

I've reached a point in my life, and have worked among the gay community for so long, that I just don't care what people think. Unless, I am interested in a GG, and then that is a different story.

I also think many of us, like in post 26, go through a process of discovery to figure out exactly where CDing fits into our lives and at that place, feel the need to put it out there about our sexual orientation.

[Alberta_Pat]

Rianna, I accept your statements at face value.

When a person states their preferences here, they feel it is important. It is to them!

The reader may not care though, and may, ignore the statement as non-sequiter. We all wish to feel important, and we wish not to be misunderstood. By making the point, the poster is presenting their background in a quick, easily understood manner.

Here, we are judged by our words. Our facial expressions and our mannerisms cannot be seen, nor do we have anymore to go on than the image of our avatar.

Your examples, taken as they are, are not needed by me with the exception of the direct response to the question. But, the responder may feel the information is germane. It may be that the responder is presenting a response that is outside what one may expect.

To this point, being 56 years old now, some comments from persons much younger may not be appropriate to me, but they do have merit. This bit of information may help me to decide if the post is for me, or if it is a "skip".

Love you anyways. ;)

[Avana]

You think that's bad try transphobia! Being gay is such a nonevent these days, most people yawn when they find out someone is gay.

well i experience a little bit of that every day since i have been 24/7, and since I've identified as trans-femme, I think ultimately both comes from the same root fear of undermining masculine privilege and values.

i still feel like the majority of people have a 'as long as you keep it in the bedroom' attitude towards homosexuality, which is still a latent form of homophobia. just the fact that people have to insist to someone that they aren't gay or that it's often the first question or concern out of someone you come out to shows that there is a broad, latent homophobia embedded in society. A lot of crossdressers I've talked with, when I tell them about my experiences with men (I am pansexual), will very quickly jump assure me of something like "Oh for me it's just dressing, no gay stuff, OK?", and I've heard many stories of "Don't worry [insert relative here], I'm not a fag, I just like wearing women's clothes".

It could also be some form of sexism (man and woman are immutable things, women ought to like men, men ought to like women, so if you dress like a woman you must want men like a woman ought to)

[carhill2mn]

I think the primary reason is to reassure SOs/wives.

[Kathryn Philips]

All I know is that if my wife was not so incredibly homophobic, she might actually accept the fact that I am a CD. In her mind all CD/TV/TG are gay, period. She fears that the logical progression of dessing at home, then dressing in public is having sex with a man. Go figure that one.

[CaitlynRenee]

I feel compelled to reply to this. You see, I'm NOT gay though I have all of the feminine thoughts and feelings when I'm en femme. Go figure. I don't care if someone is or is not gay. I really don't care. I respect them as a human being in any case. Unless of course, the individual is a total horses ass.

As for being gay?? I've served in two wars and know for a fact some of our warriors were gay. I didn't really care one way or the other. Their blood was just as red as anyone elses and they died just as dead. I never saw any of my warriors quit or give up just because they were gay. I never saw morale suffer because they were gay. I never heard snide remarks because someone was gay and I never knew a gay person to push their personal agenda (if they had one) on anybody else.

I HAVE heard some gay people jokingly say that bisexuals were just hiding their 'true' feelings. I've known gays to be insular, but then why wouldn't they be, given the history in the world of intolerance from various societies??

I welcome one and all, regardless of persuasion. To do less would be to deny myself of knowing some truly phenomenal people.

'Nuff said

[DebsUK]

It's not that I think others want to know my sexual orientation, but that I want others to know it. If it's important to me to say "I'm not gay", I'll say it. And if I said instead "I'm straight", it would be taken the same way.

If we are engaging in a discussion about football and I say "I like baseball", my off-subject comment would at most get a "huh?" but most likely it would be ignored. If someone says "I'm not gay" but is not relevant to the conversation, why can't it be ignored?

Declaring oneself as straight or not gay is not homophobia.

But if the discussion is about football and someone chips in with "I like baseball" you aren't making a statement loaded with the inference that you're not "one of them"

Speaking as a crossdreser that doesn't like Piers Morgan or is Mongolian, and taking responses in this thread, the subject isn't "Who's gay here?", but "Why is being gay a problem?", yet how many have started off by saying "I'm not gay, but....." or words to that effect? Doesn't the fact that contributors making that assertion are implying that there is in fact something wrong with being gay?

[James Kaon]

A lot of crossdressers I've talked with, when I tell them about my experiences with men (I am pansexual), will very quickly jump assure me of something like "Oh for me it's just dressing, no gay stuff, OK?", and I've heard many stories of "Don't worry [insert relative here], I'm not a fag, I just like wearing women's clothes".

Avana, great points. Although I have not knowingly met another crossdresser, I guess I would have also said that I am straight if I was in a situation where we both knew we crossdressed. But I dont think that is because I am worried about their sexuality, I think more because I have had preconceptions about crossdressers that just no longer stand up to any reason or logic. So yea, something in society is still very inhibiting or untolerant and some of that possibly remains with us for a bit. Forums like this help tho - truthfully, seeing the answers has made me feel a little naive about posting it! But hey, im ok with that for the mo :D

Good thing about this forum though is despite my very naive questions that I have asked so far, no one has slapped me for it!

[Deanna B]

Hi I see what people are saying here. I have got a reading age of 13. My father has called me thick and dense all my life - I went to work and got more of the same so no friends. So I don't care who you are as long as you are friendly and chatty. Back to the thread - people are people , they don't want to be judged or looked down on. I noticed on this thread that some people are hitting on others and upsetting them. I just want to chat to people on their private messages. I hope I am not being judged too. This is my new home. I am sorry, this may not make sense but in my head it does. My writing sucks too!

[Rianna Humble]

being 56 years old now, some comments from persons much younger may not be appropriate to me, but they do have merit. This bit of information may help me to decide if the post is for me, or if it is a "skip".

Maybe I should start prefacing my remarks with "I'm not 56" so you can see that at 55 I'm one of those younger ones :devil:

[DonniDarkness]

This is a golden statement, nicole


Declaring oneself as straight or not gay is not homophobia.

Many here get wrapped up in these discussions for varying reasons but this topic seems to get addressed many times over...for many different reasons.

At the end of the day its all about trying to understand and communicate with one another. If we are afraid to say what is on our minds because we might offend our peers, how in the hell are we going to understand each other at all....
No matter what ridicule we have suffered in our lives from Circus freak to Soccer mom, we all have issues to discuss as well as have sore spots for certain topics....this topic seems to be a well rounded one here.

It doesnt matter who you are or what you like no-one should ever judge you for it, but it happens still everyday. We as a whole, driven by human social idiosyncrasies, usually build up walls against such ridicule and over time they develop into an automatic defense mechanism. For the sole purpose of being able to explain ourselves in a way we are understood by our peers.

-Donni-

[Sherry-Stephanie]

For me it's simply this...I am what I am and so be it...

One can accept it or not their choice...not mine....

I was bi a long time before I became a CDer....actually my CDing is probably a maifestation of my bi-sexuality as I tend to be the "femme" as far as that goes....

That being said we are who we are...nothing more nothing less....

My dressing or my sexuality is mine...it's part of me and it's probably as much of me as it is the fact that I live in Tenn. and was born and raised in Mass...some peple don't like notherns or yankees....

I was a LEO for all my adult life...lots of people don't like them....

Eventually I reached this point....

I am who I am and what I am I am...if you don't like it that's fine move on and ahve a good day...otherwise bite my white Irish ass...

as my Avitar says ..."a bitch with an attitude"....

Seriously...why should I really care what other people think or judge me...if I do it with one, then I'll have to do it with 2 or 3 or 4 people....or 10 or 20....pretty soon I'm all screwed up because I've got to find acceptence from everyone who I come into contact...

Bottom line here is simply this...accept me for who and what I am. if not then more than likely you won't have me in your life anyway...so who cares...I surely don't....those who do accept me I know are friends and those are the ones who are important to me...and sure I might have jsut a few, but better to have a few than to hide the truth from me ....

JMHO...YMMV!!!

have a great weeeknd girls....

[NicoleScott]

Maybe I should start prefacing my remarks with "I'm not 56" so you can see that at 55 I'm one of those younger ones :devil:

Yes, you should if you think it's important. Do you get it now?

[Alberta_Pat]

Maybe I should start prefacing my remarks with "I'm not 56" so you can see that at 55 I'm one of those younger ones :devil:

Yup Rianna; You are way too young for me. :tongueout:stirthepot::gh:

[Marissa]

But if the discussion is about football and someone chips in with "I like baseball" you aren't making a statement loaded with the inference that you're not "one of them"

Unless the original question was "what sport do you like?", then the "I like baseball" with nothing else fits...but in most cases, the response would be something of "I like baseball and don't follow football so....etc etc" We have taken the three words "I'm not gay" for discussion and not even make reference to what the remaining stated. "I'm not gay, so it would be difficult for me to understand...etc etc".

Speaking as a crossdreser that doesn't like Piers Morgan or is Mongolian, and taking responses in this thread, the subject isn't "Who's gay here?", but "Why is being gay a problem?", yet how many have started off by saying "I'm not gay, but....." or words to that effect? Doesn't the fact that contributors making that assertion are implying that there is in fact something wrong with being gay?

Maybe starting this thread with that title was not the best to use if you are going to make reference to a "I'm not gay" statement. Others here have said it, specifically NicoleScott's last line. And many (can't say all..) do not see anything wrong with being gay...or straight or bi.

[Fab Karen]

do you also object to gays who overtly display their homosexuality? If not, why not? What's the difference?
analogy: If someone always was announcing to people "I love broccoli" when it wasn't relevant, people would find it needless & absurd. & yes, if gay people did that about their sexuality, it would also be unnecessary. Gay people being open about their sexuality isn't the same as inserting such an announcement where it isn't necessary.
btw, plenty of hetero people "overtly display their sexuality" but many people don't comment on it.

[Suzette Muguet de Mai]

Very interesting topic James. Personally I am here for support in my CDing MtF first, then the next step, my sexuality. Crikey, one thing at a time :). Maybe stating sexuality is to avoid fear of being subjected to more criticism if homosexual, I don't really know. Bi-sexual, Homosexual, Heterosexual or A-sexual are more terms, labels to complicate the question why do I crossdress? Maybe I am questioning my true self if I state "crossdresser, heterosexual" maybe I am wanting to avoid those people who like to "hit" on a CD, maybe I am putting up a fence to protect myself from others who knows, currently I am happy learning to accept my CDing even at my old age I am still learning.

[CaitlynRenee]

Reference my post above, #38. I mention my personal feelings of NOT being 'gay', not as a matter of denial. In the next sentence, I also say that I have all the feminine thoughts and feelings when en femme. So who knows, I just might have some gay feelings deep inside, but at this time in my life, I doubt it. I just wish that the concept of being or not being G/L/B/TS/CD weren't such a contentious issue. Unfortunately, I don't see anything changing in the world anytime soon.

What I DO know is that I've been blessed with a wonderful wife, and daughter who both know I have some feminine feelings, that I CD and that I am a much more tractible human being when en femme. They love me for being me, no matter what I wear or WHERE I wear what I wear (wrap your brain around that!).

As for the age thing, 55? 56? the fact that I'm 62 doesn't seem to matter. My daughter says her Mom LOOKS half her age and her Dad ACTS half his age. SOOoooooooo, that makes me 31, married to a gorgeous, open minded 30 year old. WOW!

[Sophie86]

If you're gay, but you don't act feminine, people like you better.

If you're a crossdresser, but you like girls, people like you better.

If you're a gay CD/TS/DQ, but you're really hawt, people like you better.

Obviously, the worst thing you can possibly be is an ugly, gay crossdresser.

So whew! Thank goodness I'm not gay!

:tongueout

[Jill Devine]

one word that starts with homo and ends with phobia
Not everyone.

Some people simply don't like being labeled as anything which they are not. So if you happen to be straight (and especially if you are also married), then the "you must be gay" title doesn't fit too well.

[Pythos]

Actually, the reason it is a problem is becasue I personally would like to do away witht the automatic link of Gay and cross dressin. I like women, but it makes it a bit more difficult to find a woman that is interested in you when there is such an automatic reaction. I wish the question "are you gay?" would not be part of the line of questioning that we get for what we do.

I have stated before, I have no problems with gay people. Frankly I have found the ones I know to be quite "normal", and to an extent boring. I have met only one that fit the stereotype, and really was unpleasant to be around.

I just don't swing that way. Yes I like to display my legs, and have long hair, but that is not to attract men. I would like to find an open minded female that rejects the typical male image.

I am finding that this is becoming more and more difficult the older I get.

My GG has turned out to be only a friend. Which just sucks. I wanted a girl friend. But I have a sneaking suspicion that "our chemistry" didn't match because of my personal style.

[joannemarie barker]

people can say what they want.if they're not gay they are allowed to say it :)
the fact that I like both makes it easier,I don't have to say anything :D

[Rianna Humble]

people can say what they want.if they're not gay they are allowed to say it :)

I'm not Scottish


if you happen to be straight (and especially if you are also married), then the "you must be gay" title doesn't fit too well.

Funnily enough, I haven't seen too much evidence of that assumption by the members of these forums.

Oh and by the way to help people understand where I'm coming from, I'm not left-handed

[Avana]

Not everyone.

Some people simply don't like being labeled as anything which they are not. So if you happen to be straight (and especially if you are also married), then the "you must be gay" title doesn't fit too well.


that's fine, but the question was 'why is being gay a problem'. It wouldn't be a problem if there was no homophobia present.

Unless you're trying to get with a girl and want to communicate that you're into girls only, why should sexuality even be an issue?

If someone asks you if you are a model, would you have a problem being labeled that? But if someone asks if you are gay, so many people are immediately like "Hell no!"

[DebsUK]

Not everyone.

Some people simply don't like being labeled as anything which they are not. So if you happen to be straight (and especially if you are also married), then the "you must be gay" title doesn't fit too well.

But, speaking as a crossdresser who doesn't like prunes, why do people assume they are being labelled as anything? I mean, as I said before (and by the way, I don't drink tea) you are labelling yourself as soon as you declare that you are not gay. Personally I'm not wanting to be labelled whether what I'm being labelled with is true or not, unless it's that I'm a Sunderland supporter, god forbid

As I said in the last version of this thread, there are more people missing the point than you'd find at a broken pencil support conference

[gracee]

Maybe try to confuse them...

"Are you gay?"

"No, I like guys."

[joannemarie barker]

lol this thread could go on forever.funnily enough,just like a lot of gay threads here :)

[DaniPat]

Wow, quite a lot of anger flowing in this thread, or should I say testosterone? Labels are labels, a way to distinguish between them and us. Personally I don't give a flyin **** who or what anyone is, as long as they are not trying to do harm mentally or physically to me, family, friends, handicapped, downtrodden, ....oh sh*t, more labels, damn. If the world would just lighten up, take people as they present themselves, wait presentation may be the wrong term, no, I use the term present as in - manner speaks louder than words.
If a man asks me out on a date, shouldn't I take that as a compliment, just as if a female asks me out. If you can be graceful and polite in your refusal to the person asking, while taking it as a compliment, then you have not placed labels on the person asking. If I stated to a man asking me out - I'm not gay so bugger off mate, two possible outcomes here = 1) the man feels rejected in a manner which is very negative and may harm his ego/id. 2) the man may decide to kick my a**.
I'm not into either possibility, I hate to hurt someone, and I don't like to be hurt.
I have my opinion which may or may not coincide with others about labels being used to define them or us.....Pink Floyd comes to mind....Moon...Dark side...Us and Them...... It has always been about labels and will continue to be about labels until it is just about people.

Personally I would love to meet other Cross Dressers or Trans Genders, to shop, chat, do girl stuff with, in drab or fab, TTFN.

Danielle Patricia

[sometimes_miss]

But one thing that has come up quite alot is the link to homosexuality. I think I am probably guilty of this too but currently dont worry about it. I guess I just want to ask the question, if you are not gay, and you wear girls clothes, why is it important to state your sexuality (i am not attacking anyone here, I think I have done the same thing to my friend when I told her about it)? <snip>
Easy one. 1. There are many women (and men) who just assume that any guy with feminine mannerisms either is gay, or is bi, and is someone who wants to have sex with a man. Since the '80's, there are a lot of women who are very reluctant to get involved with any guy who has been sexually active with another guy due to fear of HIV, so this assumption will eliminate you from ever being considered for a relationship with those women. 2. The vast majority of women are also sexually turned on by masculinity; and turned off by femininity. Yes, there are some that like feminine men; but do you really want to automatically eliminate >99% of all women from ever considering dating you? 3. As a straight male, I don't like being hit on by gay men, simply because a lot of men don't like to take no for an answer, and I don't like arguing about why I'm not interested in someone, or being told so many times that I should try gay sex because I just might like it. Men who dress as women, simply because we're doing our damnest to appear pretty and feel female-sexy, pretty much automatically attract this kind of attention, because it's a natural assumption, if you dress and act in a way that is traditionally meant to attract men, then it follows that you are trying to attract men. And people get annoyed when you do anything that doesn't 'follow the rules'.
The homophobia issue is moot; I have several gay friends now, and get along with them quite well. I just don't want to have sex with them, and don't want them to mistakenly ever think that we could be in a romantic relationship. And yes, I like being the more passive person during sex; but that does not necessarily mean that I want a penis anywhere near or in me, which is what most people automatically think.

[Veronica Lacey]

Hi James...

Maybe declaring that you are not gay is simply important to you and you need to continue to get it off your chest until it loses its relevance.

Maybe it is something as simple as dealing with all the stereotyping that occurs in the minds of those unfamiliar with these lifestyles. It may fuel your need to not only declare "I wear dresses" but to say "I am a hetero male who wears dresses" as if it will make a difference to the unititiated.

Maybe your are still trying to cement your personal feelings on it all and saying it out loud helps little by little. If you still think there is a misconstrued link between dressing and homosexuality then it likely will continue to pop up.

When said matter-of-factly it does not seem like a bad thing.

[Rianna Humble]

It may fuel your need to not only declare "I wear dresses" but to say "I am a hetero male who wears dresses" as if it will make a difference to the unititiated.

If only a few more people would put it positively rather than this constant negative "I'm not xxx!" why ram down our throuats what you are not instead of telling us what you are?

BTW, so that people understand where I'm coming from, I'm not a Con-Dem!

[Mahoro]

Getting back to the OP;


I guess I just want to ask the question, if you are not gay, and you wear girls clothes, why is it important to state your sexuality

It is not necessary to do so. This site is a place we can all share our common interest in crossdressing, without having to muck every topic up with sexual preferences. There are certainly specific threads that deal with sexuality, such discussions fit in those threads, and are an important way for us to discuss these matters. But if you want to keep your sexual tendencies to yourself then just don't reply to those threads.

Out in the 'real world' I would say the same, discussing your CD/TG/TS status does not have to include a discourse on what you enjoy in bed, however the question unfortunately seems to come up from most people who are 'uninitiated' to our community.


I was curious as to why I needed to say that i was not gay!

You don't have to. Although it may be impossible to hide the fact that you are a crossdresser from the general public, if a casual acquaintance or someone you just met asks you about your sexuality, simply tell them it's none of their business, and explain they are being extremely intrusive (or downright rude) for asking such personal questions. The only person you should ever have to explain such a thing to is your SO.

Just imagine the reaction you would get from the CIS population if you asked every guy you met who happened to be wearing a pastel shirt if he was a gay, or if you inquired of any woman you met that had on flannel if they were a lesbian. Do you think that would be considered acceptable social behavior? Hell no, and it's equally inappropriate for someone (other than an SO) to ask any crossdresser if they are gay. I'm just saying....

[Sophie86]

Maybe try to confuse them...

"Are you gay?"

"No, I like guys."

Alternatively, you could say, "Yes. I'm a lesbian."

[Misti]

Sarah
Caveat. No offense intended, this is offered in the sense of love, appreciation and good humor :battingeyelashes: :
I love your response so much that I thought I would make a calling card to help you smooth over any future introductions, that is, if you care to? Since they are pretty much your very own words (see #25 above) , please feel free to use them as you may since they are not copyrighted, yet.
I would, however, like your permission to borrow them, so that I will be well prepared and be able to hand my SO a similar card in response to her inevitable question, "~", when she finds out about my proclivities? And, she will, you can count on it.
Thanks a bunch. Enjoy. Love,
Misti

[Teri Jean]

I know I have answered this at least a couple dozen times since I came out and yes there is a preception that if you like dressing or in my case want to transition as female you must be attracted to men. In the case if you are a F to M you must be attracted to women. The quick answer is yes and no. For me I realized both, bisexual (?), or as I put it happy. For me if I find that special person that turns my head in a positive way, the package is not going to be a issue.

[Tess]

When I see the "I'm not gay" statement here I think of the quote from Hamlet: The lady doth protest too much, methinks

[BiancaEstrella]

Why is being gay a prob?

This is the question posted in the thread title. Being gay, on its own, isn't a problem. If you're NOT gay, being told you are is a problem. In case "why" isn't clear, who wants to be thought of as something they aren't? I've accepted being called a crossdresser because I'm wearing clothing and shoes marketed to women. I won't accept being called gay for that same reason, and I won't accept it unless I've demonstrated intimate/sexual feelings and preference toward males -- since last time I checked, that's what makes someone gay. There's no leading causality there, and I don't like the idea of there being one created.

To draw a parallel, I'm a black (for all intents and purposes) male, and on a typical male-mode day, my style of dress is considerably "urban" (t-shirt, jeans, sneakers, fitted hat on backwards; I know, I know, but please spare me for the sake of example) but I don't want to be auto-labeled a crook BECAUSE of that. Label me a crook because I stole a purse or punched somebody out, fine. But don't hand me my lifestyle.


if you are not gay, and you wear girls clothes, why is it important to state your sexuality (i am not attacking anyone here, I think I have done the same thing to my friend when I told her about it)?

I think it's a natural reaction to everything we've gone through -- it's certainly one of the first questions I'm asked. I'm neat, clean, and reasonably articulate/eloquent, and I've been told by women for much of my adult life that THAT was reason enough to think I'm gay. Throw in crossdressing -- and the unfortunate assumptions made thereof -- and it doesn't make things easier. Fair or not, that's what I have to deal with, and as such I've had to form a defense mechanism (in my case, simply stating my sexuality is usually enough) to keep from, again, being labeled as something I'm not. I don't enjoy that.


Is it because it may limit your/our options or is it because it would be another level of prejudice we do not want to have to endure?

I don't think it has to be an either-or here. My dating options are limited because the average woman hasn't encountered many crossdressers, and therefore they revert to the worst-case assumptions about us, and therefore me. I could use myself as an educational tool, but then the reaction is "great, that's fine to know and all, but no thanks."

It's a level of prejudice for the same reason. An experienced salesperson at, say, Payless or Dress Barn may be accustomed to the occasional crossdresser, but a new employee may not know how to react and it'll show in their demeanor, be it detachment, giggling/carrying on, or sheer rudeness ("you know that dresses aren't made for your body type..."). Said new salesperson may be bright and bubbly with female customers but then be cold and indifferent to you, which is put-offish enough to where I personally would look to take my money elsewhere (and I'm sure others would agree).


I was curious as to why I needed to say that i was not gay! For gods sake, my friend does not worry if I am straight!

Good for you, all of us aren't so fortunate. We would hope to have friends of that same accord, but that just isn't the reality across the board.

[ReineD]

It wasn't until just a few years ago that I became aware of the separation between gender and sexuality. Most people outside the LGBTQ community do think the two are related.

We need to incorporate gender education in high school health & sexuality classes.

[AlannahNorth]

I think the problem is that in our society, being gay is a problem for many people. Homophobia. If it were not a problem there, it would likely be less of a topic here.

Generally I'm quite open minded about a lot of things (no kidding eh?), but when I discuss them with anyone (especially if someone I don't know is involved) I tend to cover my bases - I don't want to be misunderstood. I've had some instances in my life where I was (for one reason or another) not welcome or shut out, and a few times just simply betrayed. As a result, I am careful as to how I come across.

Many of you have said it: because we dress as the opposite gender, the most common question is going to be 'Are you gay?' The typical result of general misconceptions held by the public.

Another point also raised is that our sexual orientation matters a great deal to us as individuals, and that we wish to be clear on the question. I agree.

Our society affects us. My take on this is that until our society changes, the topic of being straight, gay, or bisexual is always going to be in this forum.

[Frédérique]

Why is being gay a prob?

I wrote this a while ago, so bear with me…


But one thing that has come up quite alot is the link to homosexuality. I think I am probably guilty of this too but currently dont worry about it. I guess I just want to ask the question, if you are not gay, and you wear girls clothes, why is it important to state your sexuality (i am not attacking anyone here, I think I have done the same thing to my friend when I told her about it)? Is it because it may limit your/our options or is it because it would be another level of prejudice we do not want to have to endure?
I think I have replied to a thread already something on these lines, but was truly curious as to why it is such an issue that needs stating? Surely, whether a fetish or a gender thing or whatever it is, this is the most safe place to NOT be pigeon holed?
I guess this has prob been asked b4, but as I have always felt ok with gays or straight, I was curious as to why I needed to say that i was not gay! For gods sake, my friend does not worry if I am straight!!!!!

Being gay is NOT a problem, but MtF crossdressers are considered to be purveyors of alternative sexuality and perversion, thus aligning them with homosexuals, according to the agreed-upon parameters of accepted normality. Homosexuals are tolerated by society, to a certain extent, but they are not accorded equal rights under the law – the ongoing debate about gay marriage is the best example of what I’m talking about…

You, as an MtF crossdresser, may be assumed to be gay – it’s the easiest explanation for people who do not care to see, hear, feel, or tolerate differences. Distinctions rule the day, and weakness is targeted without question – it’s not fair, but this is what you’re up against. You’ll spend a lot of time arguing that you’re NOT gay, simply because people equate overt effeminacy with homosexuality. Your MtF crossdressing is an expression of effeminacy, like it or not, so this is the cross you’ll have to bear along your continuing journey into the unknown…

I also object to this mandatory “declaration” of one’s sexuality – not only is it unnecessary and intrusive, but it implies that there’s something wrong with being different in terms of accepted sexuality, as outlined by society. I mean, who says? Who cares? On one hand you’re supposed to conform, and on the other hand you’re encouraged to “be all you can be,” as long as your idea of “being” is pre-approved, that is. The only important thing to do is live your life like a human being, and you get to decide what that amounts to…


I just don't swing that way.

I may very well swing that way, but I swing back. I get dizzy easily, however… ;)

[gungho]

We need to incorporate gender education in high school health & sexuality classes.

I'd settle for some proper Sex Ed classes as a start.


To be on topic, there is nothing wrong with being gay or being straight. I don't necessarily see anything wrong with trying to explain where you are comming from on a topic but I can see why it is annoying to other posters.

[NicoleScott]

You, as an MtF crossdresser, may be assumed to be gay – it’s the easiest explanation for people who do not care to see, hear, feel, or tolerate differences. Distinctions rule the day, and weakness is targeted without question – it’s not fair, but this is what you’re up against. You’ll spend a lot of time arguing that you’re NOT gay, simply because people equate overt effeminacy with homosexuality. Your MtF crossdressing is an expression of effeminacy, like it or not, so this is the cross you’ll have to bear along your continuing journey into the unknown…

Frederique, help me out here. Are you saying that because people assume crossdressers are gay, and that I am a crossdresser, I must accept that I may be considered gay? And that's the way it is, that's the cross I have to bear? Of all people, folks on this forum should better understand the differences between sex and gender and the different ways they are expressed. Why would we passively allow others to continue to believe what we know to be true: there isn't a connection between crossdressing and homosexuality? A person can be one, the other, both, or neither. Why can't we say what we are?
Saying that I am not gay (or, as some prefer, I am straight) is not a mandatory declaration but an optional one. It is necessary, for those who think it is, and is not intrusive. Sure, it may be irrelevant to the topic at hand, but it can easily be blown off and ignored. No need to take offense.
Rianna, making a simple statement that I am not gay is certainly not ramming my sexuality down your throat. Stop the hyperbole, please.
Wanting people (who may assume I am gay because I crossdress) to understand that I am straight is not homophobia. Just trying to keep the issues (cd & gay) separate, as they are.

[Pythos]

NicoleScott, I concur with what you say. This is a "cross to bear" that should have been jettisoned long ago. What is needed is not only the Crossdressers themselves correcting people, but also GGs that know them.

As I have said, I am already putting up blockers for potential dates or partners simply because of my style, so, I don't want to lose one due to her thinking improperly that I am dressed to attract men. I dress for me, but would love a female to approach me and hit on me.

Sophie, I partially agree. However, do you know what concept scares the bejeezes out of me. Racists and biggots home schooling. Actually to tell you the truth, some of the more ignorant or uneducated kids I have met....homeschooled.

I do think todays schools are sending kids out entirely unprepared for the world. There needs to be much more coverage on labor laws and what a job can expect of you and make you do, I am amazed that that is not done and how few people actually know the amount of hours one can work a day without overtime. Many kids have no idea how to do taxes. It is really disconcerting.

[DebsUK]

Nicole, you have summed up pretty much everything I've said is a problem with this kind of thinking in saying that being thought of gay is a "cross to bear". Why is it a problem under most circumstances? Pythos I can see how you can feel that way if you are looking for a female partner, but if I understand you, that's more about frustration at something being made more difficult rather than the fact of people thinking you are gay. Also it might be good for your female SO to be reassured that you aren,'t going to don a frock and run off with the milkman, but taking close relationships out of the equation it shouldn't matter what people assume one way or the other.

[Sophie86]

Sophie, I partially agree. However, do you know what concept scares the bejeezes out of me. Racists and biggots home schooling. Actually to tell you the truth, some of the more ignorant or uneducated kids I have met....homeschooled.

I homeschool, which brings me into contact with a lot of other homeschoolers and their children, and my experience has been the opposite.

What are you going to do though? Let the state decide who is smart enough and moral enough to educate their own children? I don't think the state is smart enough or moral enough to make that decision.

[Jessica86]

I don't think a person's sexual preference has anything to do with a crossdressing attitude. One reason why I have stated I am a straight guy is because it helps others understand they are not alone. I think we can all agree that when our society sees a crossdresser they know is a man, they instantly think "There's a gay guy." I don't stress my sexual preference, but I will state it. When I first started CDing on my own, I was scared I was going to become gay because thats how society sees crossdressers. My parents found out, and told me I would "Grow up to be a faggot." At the time I was (and still am) involved in a great relationship with a beautiful woman I planned to marry. I didn't want to marry her and destroy a relationship. Then, I found other guys like me, with my same sexual preference, who are crossdressers. It made me feel more comfortable, and was actually a big part in helping me come clean with my wife. I married, knowing this would not turn into something that would ruin her life. I might be a rare circumstance, but I am glad I browsed this forum and saw so many people who stated their heterosexuality. I'm sure the same can be said about the people who claim homosexuality. To me, it doesn't matter, but to say it, and have one person join because they are now comfortable with their crossdressing, that is what it is all about.

[ReineD]

To Nicole, Sophie, Jamie, Clayfish, & Stevie, :)

We were getting away from the OP on enough of a tangent that I moved several of our posts here and created our own thread entitled, "Teaching Gender Ed in public schools (http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?149624-Teaching-Gender-Ed-in-public-schools)". I didn't move the posts from people who mentioned it just in passing while responding to the OP ... just the posts that discuss gender ed and public schools specifically.

Hope this is OK with everyone. :hugs:

So for anyone else who wants to comment on gender ed/public schools, please follow the link in paragraph one above.

[Rianna Humble]

I'm not from Mississippi


Saying that I am not gay (or, as some prefer, I am straight) is not a mandatory declaration but an optional one. It is necessary, for those who think it is, and is not intrusive. Sure, it may be irrelevant to the topic at hand, but it can easily be blown off and ignored. No need to take offense.
Rianna, making a simple statement that I am not gay is certainly not ramming my sexuality down your throat. Stop the hyperbole, please.
Wanting people (who may assume I am gay because I crossdress) to understand that I am straight is not homophobia. Just trying to keep the issues (cd & gay) separate, as they are.

OK, I accept that for you, stating that you are not gay in a forum where this assumption would not be made in the first place is a good way of educating the people who did not assume that there was a link in the first place.

BTW, did I mention that I am not from Mississippi?