Masculine and Feminine?

[Marie-Elise]

I don't get to dress all the time and, truth be told, I've never dressed entirely as a woman (makeup, wig, etc.). However, I think what is interesting is that, since I told my wife about my CD desires right before Thanksgiving, I find myself in an almost hyper masculine mode.

It's hard to explain but, my SO was very accepting and supportive. It was like a burden lifted from me. So I went out and bought some panties, shoes, a skirt and a couple of tops.

About a week after New Year's Day, I went out and spent a ton of money on men's clothes because I decided to change my image at work. I now dress in a classically masculine style (think Cary Grant).

Then, I went and got a classic shaving kit (old school double edged razor, traditional shaving soap and badger hair brush).

Of course, I hung out with the guys to watch the Super Bowl, drank beer and still did all the manly things I have always done.

But this morning, I went online and ordered a little black dress I always wanted, sheer thigh highs, a garter belt and stilettos.

Has this happened to anyone else out there?

[MaryFran G]

I have similar experiences. I told my wife 7 or so years into marriage. She was not real happy but accepted it but was not overly supportive. I went out got a few needed items...dressed a little...and stopped, never really talked about it. I then jumped into 2 major home improvement projects by myself..(took a year and a half) rarely dressed. I brought up the subject again began talking with my wife about it....she proceeds to buy me makeup, nails, an outfit and shoes. She said when you need to dress..let me know. I will leave and take the kids for an hour or two. I did this a few times..but have not followed through on this for quite a while..

I am not sure why...guilt, fear?? Just not sure. It could be I have no fun dressing and being all by myself. Or just overall acceptance of self (being a crossdresser)

Take care.

[Jenna Stunned]

Sure, I am definitely in some ways both genders. I know, as I have read and I also question myself, That being a crossdresser can call into question our self views of being a man. And I can asure you that being a CD doesn't mean that you have to stop being, acting, or enjoying things that are tradionaly masciline. Being a CD doen't make you any less of man, Even if your wearing a dress at the moment. Because at the end of the day you are in fact still a guy.

[MaryFran G]

Jenna,

You are right..no matter what we are still men. I think we all go through the rough waves looking for the calm sea...balance and self acceptance. It is difficult for some traditional men, the hunter, golfer, Mr I can build or fix anything to know and accept it is OK to take care of your skin, love the feeling of silk or how a skirt may brush across your legs. Most of society drives us to think it is wrong so when we experience those feelings...we jump into hyper male mode.

[KrystalA]

I too, came out to my SO fairly recently, and she is very accepting and supportive. Since I live alone, I can dress en femme anytime I want, which is most all the time. When I'm in girl clothes, I'm still a guy, but I feel extremely girly, and I love it. But when I'm in guy clothes, I'm just a guy and I feel no need to prove it to myself or anyone else.

[Gillian Gigs]

Are you having a knee jerk reaction to coming out to your SO? You never commented on how long you have been CDing also. I too watched the Super bowl, so did my daughter and one of my daughter in laws, are they guys then? I do a lot of guy things, play and watch sports, and I underdress all of the time. I think that spending money on clothes tells me that you want to look nice, a pretty dress fits that category also. So what do you think Cary Grant was wearing under those fine mens suits? Glad to see that you did not buy a straight razor, wouldn't want you cutting your thoat!

[Ericka2]

Lol @ Gillian, just love reading this, funny thing, the more I read the more I learn about me.....

Love, Ericka

[sissystephanie]

To all MTF crossdressers, including those that are truly TS but haven't had surgery!! If you have not had any SRS surgery you are still a man, whether you admit it or not! But you all do have some femininety in you. Because every person on earth is born with some of each sex! The way you are born detirmines what sex you actually are, and only surgery can change that. The clothing you wear, and using a wig and makeup, may make you look like a female, but underneath all that you are still a man!! I wear panties and a bra every day, but I am still a man!! I have no desire whatever to be a woman, I just like to dress like one!

I still watch the Super Bowl, and do a lot of other typically male things. Why, because I am a man, no matter what I am wearing!

[Karren H]

I just went to Kohl's and spent a fortune on new male work clothes.... Jackets and slacks... I like to look good no mater what I wear and after all these years... People expect me to dress this way... And just because I crosssdress doesn't mean I don't like to drink beer or watch football or play ice hockey. There's no rule that says you have to be all fem or all masculine... You are who you are and you like what you like.

[Marie-Elise]

Are you having a knee jerk reaction to coming out to your SO? You never commented on how long you have been CDing also.

Let's not take this too seriously here because I don't. I have been CDing since I was probably 5 or 6 years old...very early. I'm very confident in who I am so I doubt it is a knee jerk reaction. Anyway, I tend to respond rather than react.


I too watched the Super bowl, so did my daughter and one of my daughter in laws, are they guys then?

That's a little bit of a superficial interpretation of what I wrote, don't you think?


I do a lot of guy things, play and watch sports, and I underdress all of the time. I think that spending money on clothes tells me that you want to look nice, a pretty dress fits that category also. So what do you think Cary Grant was wearing under those fine mens suits?

I have no idea about CG's taste in undergarments. My point was that being able to express my feminine side with someone after all these years helped me to take more pride in my masculine side. In other words, I think I am now understanding the masculine part of me and the feminine part of me together. Clearly defining both feels right to me.


Glad to see that you did not buy a straight razor, wouldn't want you cutting your thoat!

You might want to look into some decaf.

[Sarah Doepner]

When I accepted my self as a CD there was no reason to abandon all the typically male things I'd enjoyed for years. With the relief of that I became more comfortable knowing that I could do and enjoy looking at life from a much richer gender pallet. I don't know that I did more to present a manly side, but I was no longer conflicted and it was easier to live in my skin, regardless of what I wore over that skin. It's possible to celebrate the best of both worlds and no reason not to be happy with who you are and strive for your best look all the time.

[Marie-Elise]

I was no longer conflicted and it was easier to live in my skin, regardless of what I wore over that skin. It's possible to celebrate the best of both worlds and no reason not to be happy with who you are and strive for your best look all the time.

Well stated. I may quote you some time.

[suchacutie]

Welcome to my world! When you exist comfortably in both genders it is a wonderful roller coaster ride! I love being happy in both genders! I do think that Tina has helped my masculine side be better at what he does, letting Tina take care of the feminine approach to life!

tina

[gracee]

Of course, I hung out with the guys to watch the Super Bowl, drank beer and still did all the manly things I have always done.

But this morning, I went online and ordered a little black dress I always wanted, sheer thigh highs, a garter belt and stilettos.

And wouldn't it feel GREAT to hang out with the guys in your cute new outfit? And have them treat you like the friend you are?


Has this happened to anyone else out there?

Not by a long shot!

[Kate Simmons]

One nice thing about being a CDer is feeling liberated. We can enjoy the best of both "worlds" without any guilt one way or the other.:battingeyelashes::)

[ikthys]

Hmm, I certainly have had the experience of feeling very "plugged in" to my "manness" after having dressed. I don't know if I'd call it a knee jerk reaction (though I don't deny that there could be a "pendulum" type explanation to my behavior, trying subconsciously to keep balance or something). It's more like, somehow, through dressing, I got out all kinds of stuff that made me feel like a bad person or failure as a "man" (meaning one who faces the challenges and succeeds at overcoming them). In fact, being a crossdresser itself made me feel like a failure as a "man". So after I got done with the act, if I was unaccepting of it at the time, I'd at least feel relieved (if you know what I mean...) of the desire for a while and thus more naturally good about my "manness" (although this included a rejection of my crossdressing self). If I was accepting of it at the time, I'd also feel better about my "manness" because, well, I no longer felt like it was something to feel bad about. I don't dress now, but since this is what I really want and since it includes the acceptance by myself and my wife of the issue in general, I have also found that I find it quite comfortable to embrace and associate with a more robust and active "manness" that has naturally arisen like never before when I struggled with acceptance issues. Hope any of this makes sense...

[CaitlynRenee]

I find I am MUCH more comfortable in my own skin now. I still enjoy my private time alone when I can explore Caitlyn and her feelings. Just wish I'd come to know her better when I was in my 20s. So much time and pleasure I've lost.

[ReineD]

My point was that being able to express my feminine side with someone after all these years helped me to take more pride in my masculine side. In other words, I think I am now understanding the masculine part of me and the feminine part of me together. Clearly defining both feels right to me.

Wow, I loved reading this. Kudos to you for appreciating both and having found a balance. All too often here I read posts from self-professed CDers who seem to feel so very unhappy in their male selves and my heart goes out to them because no one should have to live this way. I don't know why this is. Perhaps they don't have the freedom to express their femininity at will. Or perhaps they feel they must be either/or masculine/feminine, rather than alternating happily between both. Or perhaps they are TS.

Honestly I don't blame the many members here who don't like to define themselves. It can get complicated. My SO also appreciates both sides of herself and she identifies as dualgender.

[2SpeedTranny]

All too often here I read posts from self-professed CDers who seem to feel so very unhappy in their male selves and my heart goes out to them because no one should have to live this way. I don't know why this is. Perhaps they don't have the freedom to express their femininity at will.


I think you've hit the nail right on the head here. Surely a lot of it is simply being stifled, and not feeling free to express oneself. I've read enough on this forum to pick up on a general trend -- and that is, that those who feel comfortable expressing femininity whenever they please are the most comfortable also being masculine. I don't know if I could say this is specific to crossdressing, or related to a general comfort in one's skin regardless of configuration, but it typically holds true. But it's almost cliche here that the "ew my male side is icky" sentiment seems to come from the closeted trannies whose wives/girlfriends either don't know or don't accept.


Like Jenna Stun said, we don't have to be one or the other. I wouldn't want it that way, anyway. My mood changes; my clothes change; my look changes. I'm a very lucky man. My girlfriend bought me some of the sexiest lingerie I've ever seen this past Christmas... and she also likes to watch me, dirty and smelly, toolbelt on, building stuff. We go dress shopping together, and we work on cars and garden together. We have our roles, but we play around. I think it's the value we each place on the other's happiness that makes it work.

There is perhaps another element. I wonder sometimes if my penchant for girliness is some kind of compensation for hypermasculinity. Like others here, I hunt, fish, wrench on cars, fly airplanes, build houses, work with power tools, fix anything broken... my "man card" has just about every endorsement you can have. Maybe it's a balance thing.

[Misti]

This may not help, but I'm very happy in both, so far, but then again, I'm still very new to all this. Only time will tell? :battingeyelashes: Hugs, Misti

[Chickhe]

I can relate. I like what I like and I don't exclude one or the other because of one or another... One thing I do feel and its hard to put my finger on it, its like CDing is important to me as long as I keep it private... once I involve the SO it becomes more serious, for lack of a better word and then the thoughts about not wanting it to be a big deal enter my mind and the desire goes down. It may be I'm trying to balance my priorities between my female escapism and my usual male role. Don't know if this even makes sense, but sometimes when I go shopping for female stuff, I don't buy something like a new jacket because my male self doesn't have it...a long overdue worn out one.

[Shari]

Yangstyle, I've been going through exactly what you are for over two years now.
Most recently, I just exited my hyper male role and slid back into Shari again. This has been a constant ebb and flow for me since coming out and being accepted by my SO.

I believe it's self imposed guilt. Somewhere inside us we still think it's still wrong and we subconsciously punish that girl by banishing her. We try to convince ourselves with these overly masculine activities that we're not really her.
She always comes back and she will for you too.

Another take is that now that we've arrived and everything is okay with the wife, that "the thrill of the hunt" and the wanting and ache is now gone. It's left a void that we need to fill.

It was much easier to do when nobody else knew about it, wasn't it?

Mr. Spock from Star Trek said it best.
"Sometimes the having is not nearly as attractive as the wanting. It is not logical, but often true."

[UNDERDRESSER]

One thing I've often thought, but never really said, is that while most people put someone on a "scale" of masculinity / femininity, my feeling is we all have varying amounts of those traits in ourselves. For myself, there is a very strong masculine side, but it doesn't express in what mainstream society defines as masculine, ( watching sport, etc ) There is also an almost as strong femme side, which sometimes pops out in things like wanting to cook, read somewhat emotional books, some movies defined as "chick flics" I like the sleek feel and look of female wear, smooth panties and the like, I wear speedos to the pool, ( I tried wearing those baggy things because of the looks you get in N.A. but how can you wear those? they feel disgusting in the water! ) I'm attracted to strong females, ( Kate Beckett in Castle, Yumm! ) I like to wear sexy clothes as a man, it's one of the reasons I cycle, there aren't many better reasons to wear spandex in public as a guy!

I'm trying to imagine myself in your situation, having an SO who knew, and was supportive. Maybe it would lead me to being more assertively masculine, I can kinda feel the emotional logic to it. Sort of, without coming out, you almost have to hint at it?

If I do find a GG that can cope with this, I'm gonna have to go to a transformation service and see if there really is a girl inside, doesn't seem to be at the moment, maybe shes really good at hiding from me?

[Veronica Lacey]

This is a great post, yangstyle.

Similar thing here except...I would just think about taking on a more masculine look but, ultimately, would still spend my coin on new female attire. Yet, wearing my fineries does offer pause to contemplate if I am fulfilling my male role to my wife. I can be who I want to be but I also want to fulfill her needs, too, to have a man about the house.

Trying to find balance between these two sides is tough sometimes but I think you are succeeding. Nice!

[Julie Denier]

I recently bought three new men's suits; wore one of them at a recent business conference and looked great. I really do enjoy being a guy, but there's something about slipping into women's clothing now and then that keeps me coming back for more ...

[t-girlxsophie]

I wouldnt when in drab,try and go for a more masculine look as that would mean I would have to spend my hard earned cash on guy stuff,and less on my pretty things and that aint a thought i want to entertain lol Even when I'm doing man stuff e.g. watching my soccer team on telly,having a beer etc I tend do stay en femme rather than rush to get changed,but theres enough things I like about being a guy that I would miss,I am sure I have the balance right

[Frédérique]

Then, I went and got a classic shaving kit (old school double edged razor, traditional shaving soap and badger hair brush). Of course, I hung out with the guys to watch the Super Bowl, drank beer and still did all the manly things I have always done. But this morning, I went online and ordered a little black dress I always wanted, sheer thigh highs, a garter belt and stilettos. Has this happened to anyone else out there?

Yes, it’s called “crossdressing.” It doesn’t necessarily mean anything, but you will attempt to attach meaning to it time and time again. BTW, using a shaving brush and traditional shaving soap has become an act of effeminacy, in fact shaving is, in itself, increasingly SUSPECT in this polarized world…


Perhaps they don't have the freedom to express their femininity at will. Or perhaps they feel they must be either/or masculine/feminine, rather than alternating happily between both.

Incorporating is better than alternating, IMHO…:straightface:

[ReineD]

I agree. "Incorporating" would have been a better word.