The ups and downs of being a married crossdresser

[patti1569]

Since my wife approached me about dressing again after many years, things had been going great. Taking it slow and letting her dictate what I can and can’t do. We had gotten to the point where every Friday I would dress and we would share time together and watch tv and enjoy a little wine. Usually things would get physical which was great and it felt like all was right in the world. A huge thing was the fact that she started encouraging me to go out dressed with her which has always been a dream of mine.

Well, about a month ago she freaked out and said that she wasn’t sure about all of this anymore. She even started talking about divorce (again). After talking it out she let me know that it was really about the sex. I found that funny because many years ago she wanted a divorce because I said that dressing for me was not just about sex! She felt that meant that I wanted to transition and become a woman. She is now more comfortable with me dressing without the sexual involvement, which is fine with me. I just love to dress. For now she is fine with my dressing and even suggested that I shave my legs the other day, which I did (luv!!! ). Things are better but still a little tense and she only wants me to dress when she says so. That is a little frustrating, but I can live with if it makes her more comfortable. And so continues the saga of being a married crossdresser. I must say that for now things are great and I am enjoying progressing and exploring who Patti really is.

[Genny B]

Day by day, step by step. My wife tolerates it and sometimes sex is involved and sometimes not, usually not. She does love a back rub when I am dressed though! And I do lover her so a back rub in exchange for some dress up time is acceptable.

[gretchen2]

There's ups about being married?

[sissystephanie]

My dear late wife knew about my crossdressing when I proposed to her! I lost her 6 years ago to cancer after almost 50 years of happily married life. The only boundaries that we set was that I would never dress when the children could see me, or around our close friends. I did sometimes dress around close friends, with her assistance but they never knew that I was not really Stephanie!! They thought I was a female friend!! The only downside for me was that my dear wife always did both my makeup and my wig. I never learned how to do those things properly. That is why I now go out dressed enfemme, but looking like the man that I am!

[Jessica_Dillon]

There's ups about being married?

Only, if it is open and honest. My wife knew before we got engaged. We've been married almost eight years now, and for what it's worth, some of the best nights I've had are jsut doing pedicures and watching movies in the house! Certainly, it does mean that sometimes you have to subdue your own desires for the better of the household...and that's tough. Good luck Patti

[OccasionalSkirt]

Sounds like you have other issues to work out. I've kept the whole CD part of my life separate from my wife. She knows about it, but I don't let it affect our relationship. You probably need to focus on your marriage first and get that in order before complicating it with crossdressing.

[Stephanie47]

Sometimes with all the flip-flopping that goes on with the cross-dressing issues with wives, I wonder if there is some underlying issues concerning lesbian feelings or tendencies. To encourage and then discourage cross-dressing drives me nuts. I can easily understand setting guidelines and adhering to them. I can understand having zero tolerance. I can understand keeping it out of the bedroom. I can understand keeping it in the home or away from the public. I can't take, "Here honey I bought you this great dress to wear until I throw it in your face next week." What's a cross-dresser to do?? Sigh!

[StacyCD]

I would have never guessed I would have reached the point where I am now. When I told my wife it was strictly don't ask don't tell. She would call before she would come home so as not to 'surprise' me. Then I started wearing panties 24/7. Eventually, I started wearing women's satin pajamas. Later, I started wearing long satin nightgowns. This summer I started wearing a bra and forms to bed. Right now, we just finished supper and I was totally dressed (without makeup or a wig) and we sat down and watched some tv. Who knows, we may get to the point where we go out in public together dressed as a couple of girls! So, go at your spouses pace--you don't want to win the battle, you want to win the war. Good luck.

[suchacutie]

There are definitely "ups" about being married. In fact there isn't room here to list them all! Leading the list, however, is being able to rely upon each other completely in a loving and trusting relationship. We have each other's backs without there ever being a doubt.

For the sake of this conversation I'm assuming that we want to live in both genders and our wives do understand that:

It seems to me that this kind of trust, loyalty, and commitment is worth (and is based upon) compromise. We aren't single and can't do what we please whenever we please. If we didn't think it worth this particular compromise, marriage might not be the best route. So, for those of us who feel marriage is "just the berries!" I think it's totally reasonable for both spouses to be on board when a gender transformation is to occur. Frankly, I like my wife on my side when it comes to Tina and I want to encourage my wife's security in the matter. Assuming that we do want to live in both genders, how bad can it be when our wives one night really want us in our male modes? Really! And when you've more than met her half-way and she knows you miss your feminine self, I'm pretty sure that you will find that the woman in you will be eagerly awaited very soon by the FAB woman in your life.

Marriage is very much a two-way street, and the more connected it is, the more connection it needs. But the rewards can be huge!

:)

tina

[kathie225]

Patti, I hope things continue to be smooth for you. After 40 years of marriage, and notwithstanding the boundaries my wife and I have established, there are times things get a bit hairy and Kathie's presence in the house becomes endangered. Keep the faith and good luck

[ReineD]

Well, about a month ago she freaked out and said that she wasn’t sure about all of this anymore. She even started talking about divorce (again). After talking it out she let me know that it was really about the sex. I found that funny because many years ago she wanted a divorce because I said that dressing for me was not just about sex! She felt that meant that I wanted to transition and become a woman. She is now more comfortable with me dressing without the sexual involvement, which is fine with me.

Patti, I think it's great that you talk to your wife openly about this and you respect her boundaries. But if your wife is talking about divorce again, why do you say that she is comfortable with you dressing? I'm just confused. Sorry if I missed something in your post.

As mentioned, it's great that the two of you talk about the rules, but do you ever fully get into what your motives are for dressing and does she understand it? And is she able to communicate to you precisely why she is hot and cold about this? Or is she afraid that if she weren't there, you'd want to dress full time? Does she believe you when you say you don't want to transition, and if not, why?

If you haven't been pushing the boundaries, I just don't understand why she would all of a sudden start talking about a divorce shortly after she was wanting the both of you to go out dressed together. What happened?

At any rate, I have felt a lot of inner turmoil in the past (that I mostly kept to myself although I don't recommend this) because the things that I perceived about my SO's personality and the CDing were not at all what was really going on in his/her mind. So I built up stories for myself. This was during a time when communication was difficult for both of us and we were like two gears that didn't quite mesh together in terms of our understanding of what was going on. Had meaningful communication been easier for us, I would have spared myself a lot of angst and our relationship would not have been so rocky at one point.

All I'm saying is that maybe you should talk to your wife more in depth about her feelings, or whatever issues she perceives are there, so that you can be clearer about why she keeps changing her mind. And then maybe you can find a compromise you'll both feel comfortable with?

:hugs:

[Elle1946]

Sort of sounds like a roller-coaster ride to me, hopefully you can enjoy the ups and tollerate the downs. Good luck.

[linda allen]

I think if you think about how hard it would be for you if your wife decided to cut her hair and dress and act like a man, you will realize how hard it must be for her to accept you dressing and acting like a woman.

Any acceptance at all has got to be a blessing.

[docrobbysherry]

--------------------- Taking it slow and letting her dictate what I can and can’t do.
-------------------------Things are better but still a little tense and she only wants me to dress when she says so. That is a little frustrating, but I can live with if it makes her more comfortable. And so continues the saga of being a married crossdresser. I must say that for now things are great and I am enjoying progressing and exploring who Patti really is.

Personally, I think if u continue on the road you're on NOW, u 2 won't last 2 years!:thumbsdn:

A SUCCESSFUL marriage is a partnership! NOT a dictatorship!:Angry3:
U BOTH need to have clear rules and parameters that WORK for both of u! It sounds like u have NO IDEA what either of u want! Unless U start finding QUICK, it will probably be a divorce!:sad:

U need to read Reine's post. Understand it. Then, get some some HONEST face to face time with your SO! Or, you're both DONE!:straightface:

Just MY 2 cents! But, I've BEEN THERE! :brolleyes:

[Fran Moore]

Reine, Thank you for your honesty, it's that kind of revelation that most of us with SO's need (and want) to hear when discussing relationships and acceptance. I'm sorry for your times of turmoil, and hope that things are better for you now. I can't think of another poster's opinion that I respect more than yours.

Suzanne


Patti, I think it's great that you talk to your wife openly about this and you respect her boundaries. But if your wife is talking about divorce again, why do you say that she is comfortable with you dressing? I'm just confused. Sorry if I missed something in your post.

As mentioned, it's great that the two of you talk about the rules, but do you ever fully get into what your motives are for dressing and does she understand it? And is she able to communicate to you precisely why she is hot and cold about this? Or is she afraid that if she weren't there, you'd want to dress full time? Does she believe you when you say you don't want to transition, and if not, why?

If you haven't been pushing the boundaries, I just don't understand why she would all of a sudden start talking about a divorce shortly after she was wanting the both of you to go out dressed together. What happened?

At any rate, I have felt a lot of inner turmoil in the past (that I mostly kept to myself although I don't recommend this) because the things that I perceived about my SO's personality and the CDing were not at all what was really going on in his/her mind. So I built up stories for myself. This was during a time when communication was difficult for both of us and we were like two gears that didn't quite mesh together in terms of our understanding of what was going on. Had meaningful communication been easier for us, I would have spared myself a lot of angst and our relationship would not have been so rocky at one point.

All I'm saying is that maybe you should talk to your wife more in depth about her feelings, or whatever issues she perceives are there, so that you can be clearer about why she keeps changing her mind. And then maybe you can find a compromise you'll both feel comfortable with?

:hugs: