What am I feeling

[Rachel Mari]

I just got home from a school auction event and I had a lot of fun.

So many of the women dressed so nice and elegant (sp).
Now I'm home alone. All the kids are gone for the evening and the wife is out of town for six weeks. I changed into my favorite skirt and blouse and how do I wish this was oh so more often.

I feeling depressed because I wish my wife was with me and accepted what I am.

I wish there was someone I could share this time with and feel pretty with them.

How often do you feel unfulfilled because you're dressing for no one but yourself and do you ever think that it is so selfish, or unreal?

Sorry. I just venting and feeling down. I'll come out of it but it sucks.

[Christy_M]

I thought Portland had a pretty good size TG community - from what I've heard. If you are up for driving north a couple hours, there is a group of us near Seattle that get out almost every Friday or Saturday night. PM me if interested.

[erica12b]

It is just the way it is, born alone, dress alone, ill probably die alone, im getting use to it, (not) but I under stand your feelings it gets better

[Rachel Mari]

Thanks for the offer. I have to do it here first. I feel like I'm so freaking deep in the closet the the door is only a pin prick. The last six months has proven to me that it's not going to last and that something going to change. The urge to share, to come out and share, is getting stronger and stronger.
It seems like so much of my thoughts are now geared towards the effects of what if I did come out and how would it change things.
It would be nice to meet you and the group you're with, but not yet.

Again, thank you

[Christy_M]

Thanks for the offer. I have to do it here first. I feel like I'm so freaking deep in the closet the the door is only a pin prick. The last six months has proven to me that it's not going to last and that something going to change. The urge to share, to come out and share, is getting stronger and stronger.
It seems like so much of my thoughts are now geared towards the effects of what if I did come out and how would it change things.
It would be nice to meet you and the group you're with, but not yet.

Again, thank you

We'll be here when you are ready. Getting out was one of the hardest things I have ever done. I know what you are going through.

[Gocaps14]

Don't get down on yourself for being in the closet. I believe I am having the same kind of feelings, but one thing this forum has made me realize; I have choices and priorities. For the moment, I am choosing to put my family ahead of my dreesing. Would I prefer it to be different; sure...sometimes. For whatever reason, my life didn't quite work out that way and I made a decision of what is important to me, sounds like you did too. Don't feel like your hiding, feel like you are conducting yourself in the best possible manner. Well, that's what works for me and my situation, and I have begun to enjoy "me time" a bit more!

[RADER]

I can sort of relate: My closet does not even have a door on it, so I am stuck
in here forever. I am built like a Paul Bunion, 6'3" and about 300 lbs. I could never
pass with size 14 WW man shoes, and a size 54" chest, even finding Bra's is a challenge.
I do under dress often, and go out with my Lane Bryant Jeans (Sorry Karren) on.
But a wig and make up just does not work for me. It made me look like a Bozo in a way.
So I am happy in here, My wife put a light in the closet, so it is not so dark in here.
She likes some of the dresses I have, and does not mind me walking around dresses all day.
It is just when I have to go out side for any reason, then it is back to semi drab mode.
Rader

[Jennifer Sophia]

I know how you feel, I have hidden what I am all my life. I thought I was alone, until I found this site and realized there are more of us than you would think. In the short time I have been coming here I have made many strides, many I would never have thought of doing before. I have worn womens pants out shopping and a few other places with no problems. I am also think of telling my Dad, but I am not sure I am quite ready for that yet. I guess what I am trying to say is that everyone handles this at there own speed. It took me about 20 years to finally accept what I am, and I feel better now than I have in along time.

[MichelleP]

Rachel,

You're not alone. There are a lot of other sisters on this board that have gone through the same feelings. Follow what that little voice inside is telling you - you'll be okay.

Michelle

[Joanne f]

It is not unusual to have these feelings and it is not just about acceptance but also validation of who and what you are some need this as much as they need the dressing .