Family Meeting

[AKAMichelle]

Sunday night we were all eating dinner when my wife brought up about a cd'er friend of ours going to a club in town. My middle son knew the club and said that the person couldn't get in there being that old. My wife immediately said that the person was crossdressed and looked a lot younger when dressed.

I had been wanting to have a talk with my kids for sometime and I saw my opening. Now all 3 boys already knew that I was a cd'er, but they didn't know much about it. So I went into how it started and how I dealt with it over the years. Then I explained that I ran a meetup group here in Denver. Then we got into the topic of what happens if they run into me out in public. I don't hide in the closet anymore and it is possible that they see me out dressed. So it was necessary to show my boys a picture of me dressed. My middle son was indifferent. His GF who already knew about me was there for the talk and shocked by the difference. My oldest son said he would have never recognized me. My youngest didn't want to see the picture yet.

So far there have no reprecussions or them acting differently. So everything went very smoothly and it was a huge load off my shoulders. Now I only have one more conversation to have with them about how they felt if their friends learned about me. I don't want to embarrass them, but their friends could run into me just as easily as them.

This will allow me to be more out in the future around them. I have no idea how far this will take me, but I wanted to share this story with you.

[Gennifer]

Wow! Michelle this sounds like a big step, and a great one, too. You don't say how old your sons are but I know that these kinds of revelations can be challenging for teenagers. It sounds as though you have a great relationship with all of them and I think it is important for them to know you who are. Thank you for sharing your story.

[Kathi Lake]

Michelle,

Wow! Along with dinner, that was quite a lot to digest! I'm sorry your younger son wasn't totally on board. Give him time. It's doubtless hard for others to wrap their heads around. Heck, it's hard enough for us sometimes! :)

Please keep us updated on how this changes the dynamics of it all, if at all.

Kathi

[Jessica_Dillon]

That is an impressive meal choice, Michelle. I'm really interested to keep hearing how this one shakes out. Especially as...much to my shegrin, my children continue to grow up too, so I'm probably not as far behind as I think I am. Good luck, and good job!

[Danielle Gee]

Wow Michelle:
That was a bold (and may I add brave) move on your part. I hope it'll all work out for the best for you.

Danielle

[ReineD]

Thanks for sharing this, Michelle! :) If you don't mind my asking, how old are your sons?

Please do keep this thread updated. I'd love to know how they feel about their friends knowing, and if any would like to see you dressed and if they do, their reactions. Also if you think any of your sons would like to have a relationship with Michelle.

I have 3 sons as well (although my SO is not their father), and I'm very much interested in this. :hugs:

Congratulations!

[Gerrijerry]

A wise person said, pick the corret time to talk about things. I think you did well. Now time will tell how it was received. No matter what happens you did the correct thing for your family.

[Julia Welch]

Michelle, I truely hope things go well for you, but did you ever think that the "weight off your shoulders" is now being carried by your kids?

[Rogina B]

Michelle, I truely hope things go well for you, but did you ever think that the "weight off your shoulders" is now being carried by your kids?

In this day and age,I don't think it should be viewed as a "weight".And,it wasn't treated as a "family secret" as one son's GF was there for the show and tell. I think it will all work out fine.I think my 9 yr old daughter has grasped the concept just fine over the last 4 years,but it may be easier with girls as you "then share a common interest" !

[AKAMichelle]

Michelle, I truely hope things go well for you, but did you ever think that the "weight off your shoulders" is now being carried by your kids?

They already knew before I told this part. Once we tell someone about us in some ways we transfer the secret to others, but it still better than living your life as a lie. All of this is a process until you can fully live your life as yourself with no hiding. Then nobody has to worry about the secrets. When you tell your wife it becomes a burden for her. So the same arguement can be used not to tell others but what kind of life are you living. Hiding everything about yourself from those you love is a poor quality of life.

When I think about the issue I think of a husband / father who was a crossdresser all of their life and they hide it from everyone. Then they die without warning leaving their stash of clothes for their love ones to find. When the loved ones find the items what are they going to think. One of the things is that the good husband / father was a liar and a deceiver. The doubts begin to rise that they never knew their husband or father. If he lied about this - what else did he lie about. You destroy the image that your family remember you by because you aren't there to reassure them. There is no advocating for your position. In the time of their lose they don't need to have the memories destroyed. That is all they have about you left and because you hide it from them you ended up taking their memories and throwing them into the trash. I choose 3 years ago to not let that be me and I have had no regrets for telling my family.

As for the ages of my kids. 25 / 22 / 16 The 16 year old will take time and I will give him the time. The only remaining issue is their friends finding out about me. But my being so out, it makes it easier on them to tell the friends since their is little damage to be done to me.

I am in uncharted waters but I will continue to share my life with my kids. I am going to teach my kids to be honest to themselves and others even if it causes some pain. I was born this way. I have hid it from those I love long enough.

[kimdl93]

Sounds like you handled the situation really well.

[Melissa Jill]

The 16 year old will come around. I remember being 16 not all that long ago, I was pretty close minded and set in my ways, but once you mature a bit you see the world in a different way.

I applaud you for your honesty, there is no "weight" as such in this day and age for the younger generation. If anything this will make them better people, like that thread on here about someones daughter sticking up for crossdressers in a restaurant, beautiful stuff.

[Chastitycd]

I have to say reading this made my morning! So happy for you and your family.

[AKAMichelle]

I know this may be too much to ask for, but I would love one day to go shopping with one of my daughter in laws and have a girl day out with them. I have no idea how well or if this will ever happen, but the future looks very bright.

If it does happen then it all started because of telling them about me.

[ReineD]

I know this may be too much to ask for, but I would love one day to go shopping with one of my daughter in laws and have a girl day out with them. I have no idea how well or if this will ever happen, but the future looks very bright.

I can see this happening. Generally, women are more supportive of the CDing than men. I also think it is easier for DILs than daughters, although I know there are daughters who support as well. But I'd like to ask ... would you also like to do something with your sons dressed (if they are up to it) and if so, what? Go shopping or go to a game, maybe go out and have a beer? Or maybe a more gender neutral activity such as having dinner in a restaurant?

[Jenny Doolittle]

Michelle,

Truly a brave girl and looking out for your family. If a person as you do, look at being a CD simply as being different and not having negative connotations attached it was the correct thing to do.

My admiration goes out to you Michelle.

Jenny

[MarcyRex]

WHAT?!!! Unbelievable! You had a family dinner with your adult kids?
All kidding aside, you laid down a strong support to have such close knit family. The infrastructure of tolerance was put into place a long time ago. It gives me hope to do the same with my daughters when I feel it is the correct time.

[Marissa]

Michelle, thanks for sharing such a great and touching story. Even though the kids knew..its when they have a visual is when it really hits. Thanks to my ex who decided to tell my two daughters (she is was not their mother) while we were married and I was working away..she tried to use it as a means to hurt me as were working towards divorcing. Anyway, it didn't work..a child's love is strong.

With that said, I had my talk with them last year so they heard the real story from me. My oldest was 24, youngest 19. Oldest took it well, sees my pics and when I'm dressed, has gone out with me..she is very open about things..she is bi also. My youngest is okay with it all..but not ready to see as a daily or 'normal' thing..she sees mostly by accident..doesn't really want to see pics..but will ask multiple questions about makeup or dressing tips :)

Reason, I mentioned all this is we have something in common that older children are somewhat receptive to it..but the youngest will hold off seeing. Now there is a difference between 16 and 19..but still..I wonder if its due to the youngest will always want Dad to be Dad.. and does not want to lose that vision..what do you think????

Again..thanks for sharing..

Hugs,
Marissa

[AKAMichelle]

I can see this happening. Generally, women are more supportive of the CDing than men. I also think it is easier for DILs than daughters, although I know there are daughters who support as well. But I'd like to ask ... would you also like to do something with your sons dressed (if they are up to it) and if so, what? Go shopping or go to a game, maybe go out and have a beer? Or maybe a more gender neutral activity such as having dinner in a restaurant?

I would love to, but first I must do some of those things myself. That's why Saturday I am going to a ballet dressed to the nines and dinner afterwards. It is going to be a double date of sorts with some friends of mine. I will be there as Michelle and the other couple are not cd'ers. On March 11th I plan on going to a hockey game as Michelle. In April its Rockies Baseball game. I have 20 free tickets coming and it will be TG night for us the meetup group that I run. I have no idea how many will go, but I will be there. In the fall it will Broncos football. I have to finish getting over my fears before I can comfortably go off with my sons. All of this may take some time, but I'm not going anywhere in the meantime except on a lot of adventures.

[Diane Elizabeth]

I envy the openness you have with your family. Great job Michelle. Sounds like wonderful kids.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Michelle, Sounds like a meal they will not soon forget.
That was an awesome thing to do.

Orchid

[PretzelGirl]

It is always hard to say because all people act differently, but maybe the youngest seeing his brothers not having a problem with it may work in your favor in the long run. But two out of three accepting and the third just not wanting to look is not a bad outcome. Sixteen is somewhat of an awkward stage (what if my high school friends found out?), so it may take a few years too. But definitely a good night for you Michelle.

[rocketscientist]

Kudos Michelle!:yrtw: Congrats on taking that step that so many of us would like to take but are afraid for so many reasons. I think everything will work out just fine. Hugs, Tonya:battingeyelashes:

[zoe m]

You did the right thing. Thanks for sharing this. These kinds of stories are very useful for the rest of us to know about.

[AKAMichelle]

Thanks for all your kind comments. I hope that someone can benefit from my earlier mistakes.

[Jill Devine]

Michelle, I truely hope things go well for you, but did you ever think that the "weight off your shoulders" is now being carried by your kids?
Does that then mean that anyone with kids should live a closeted life... for life?
To me, it sounds like the OP has handled the matter very progressively over many years. And done so in a responsible way. There are millions of kids in this world living in abusive homes or living in extreme poverty or living as orphans who would trade paces in a heartbeat.