caught part 2

[bicurguy321]

Thank you for all the responses to my original thread, positive and negative. I believe that what I did was completely wrong and that it was not worth anywhere near the level of mistrust that my roommate, his fiancée, and potentially my girlfriend will have in me. I made a terrible mistake and you all were right that I am plenty old enough to understand that I should never have taken that step to intrude on their privacy. My roommate has been around and we have had amicable conversations without the topic coming up. However, his fiancée has not been over since last weekend.

The situation has been eating me up inside and my original post was here because I used google to see if anyone else has gone through this and it lead me here. I posted because I thought that someone might have gone through a similar situation and had advice. Thank you to those posters who did offer advice and for those of you who think that I am a horrible person for doing what I did, I understand why you feel that way. I attempted to reply to the first thread a couple of times using the quick reply link, but my posts did not show up for whatever reason and the thread is now locked.

[Babette]

If I had a dollar for every time I made a mistake I'd be rich. Fortunately, I try extremely hard to never repeat the same mistake. Bicurguy, you know the situational relationship with these people better than any of us. Let you conscience be your guide. Perhaps a little cooling off time between all parties is in order. Only pursue resolving the issues if they are open to it.

Babette

[Loni]

time to fes up and pay the penalty.
there will be problems yes you invaded there property how would have liked it if somebody did something like that to you?
could have been a new and or special nightie. not now.

but to get ready at having no room mate. possible, as how can he trust you again. it will be very hard to rebuild that.
as for your girl friend. time will tell how she acts will let you know if she does or does not know.

hope things go good at least.

[Fab Karen]

Odds are high she sees you as a pervert doing sex-play in her things and doesn't wanna be there if she can avoid it.

[Amy Lynn3]

I hope things work out, but if they don't you may consider looking for another place to live. I first would try and talk to your room mate. Tell him you were wrong, it was not right and please forgive you. Ask him to tell his girlfriend too and offer to have her cloths cleaned and pay for it. May not work, but at least they know you have some heart felt regret for doing what you did.

[christinac]

If I had a dollar for every time I made a mistake I'd be rich. Fortunately, I try extremely hard to never repeat the same mistake. Bicurguy, you know the situational relationship with these people better than any of us. Let you conscience be your guide. Perhaps a little cooling off time between all parties is in order. Only pursue resolving the issues if they are open to it.

Babette

I agree one hundred percent with Babette. We all make mistake and at times do some dumb stuff that we later regret, but learn from it and move on trying not to repeat the same mistake again. I believe Babette is right on target and let this situation have time to cool off for a while. Sometimes the best way to put out a fire is to let it burn itself out otherwise you end up doing more damage than the fire.

[Roberta Marie]

I think that all of us have, to some degree, been a victim of the pink fog. He had a lack of judgement. I think a lesson has been learned, and his story posted here has probably (I hope) been a lesson to others here. I think what is needed now is a bit of grace, and some advice on how to repair the relationships that have potentially been damaged.

[BRANDYJ]

OK, so you took your lumps from some of us, including me. I hope you now see how very distasteful this was and are ready t face the lumps of your roommate and his fiancée. If I was your roommate and even a good friend, I'd have problems in trusting you and forgiving you. Bu that's because of the way I feel about the privacy of my SO and her very private things like her lingerie. I don't even wear hers and would never and I do mean NEVER wear her things. So the idea of another man touching her lingerie to me is as bad as another guy touching her. So you can see why I came down on you so hard.
BTW, as someone suggested in your first thread....Get rid of that name! Ask for a name change. Sexual sounding names do no go over well here at this site. You will be taken more seriously with a better sounding name then what we see in all to many sex sites. Some look at it as offensive.

[rocketscientist]

Well, what you did was wrong. There is no denying that. As for damage control, I think you should come clean to your roommates' fiancee. You know better than any of us here what kind of person she is. Maybe she is OK with it,if she is an open, accepting individual tolerant of "alternative" lifestyles. Maybe she is sharpening her pitchfork as you read this, ready to spill the beans to everyone about what you did. One thing you need to do is talk to someone, whether it be your gf, roommate or his fiancee. If I was in your position I would at least put it out there before you are confronted and it gets worse. She knows, and she IS thinking about it. The longer you wait, the worse it will be. I'll give you some very good advice that I learned a long time ago. "Without any information, people will always think the worst". Myself or anybody here that doesn't know the people involved cannot tell you what they are thinking. You need to tell them the truth so THAT is what they are thinking. If you are going to talk to your roommates fiancee first, maybe you can hand her a healthy VS gift card to break the ice. Then APOLOGIZE profusely and try to get her to understand why you did it. If your lucky and she hasn't told anyone else, she might be understanding and go easy on you. If she did tell "everyone" then your cover is blown and then you have a LOT of problems to deal with. I do not envy your position at all. Good Luck, your gonna need it and then some.:straightface:

[Susan Hewitt]

girls come on. there's a reason the other thread got closed. be supportive. most of us have made this particular mistake but were too lucky to get caught

[BRANDYJ]

Well, what you did was wrong. There is no denying that. As for damage control, I think you should come clean to your roommates' fiancee. You know better than any of us here what kind of person she is. Maybe she is OK with it,if she is an open, accepting individual tolerant of "alternative" lifestyles. Maybe she is sharpening her pitchfork as you read this, ready to spill the beans to everyone about what you did. One thing you need to do is talk to someone, whether it be your gf, roommate or his fiancee. If I was in your position I would at least put it out there before you are confronted and it gets worse. She knows, and she IS thinking about it. The longer you wait, the worse it will be. I'll give you some very good advice that I learned a long time ago. "Without any information, people will always think the worst". Myself or anybody here that doesn't know the people involved cannot tell you what they are thinking. You need to tell them the truth so THAT is what they are thinking. If you are going to talk to your roommates fiancee first, maybe you can hand her a healthy VS gift card to break the ice. Then APOLOGIZE profusely and try to get her to understand why you did it. If your lucky and she hasn't told anyone else, she might be understanding and go easy on you. If she did tell "everyone" then your cover is blown and then you have a LOT of problems to deal with. I do not envy your position at all. Good Luck, your gonna need it and then some.:straightface:

Rocketscientist, this is the best advice for him that I've seen yet. Maybe...just maybe, she has not even told her fiancée yet. If he approaches her and comes clean as to why he did it, maybe she will keep it that way IF he is sincere in telling her how very wrong he was. The gift card is also a good idea. Since his roommate has not confronted him yet, it's a good chance she has not told him...yet. So yes, I'd head that off by going to the offended one first and fast.

[bridgetta]

yeah.. = everyone freaked out so hard on you. if you lived in a world that was ok with it.. these types of things wouldnt happen.. or at least would happen less frequently.... etc etc

[Presh GG]

So just EXACTLY how long did she see you and was anything said [ at the time ?] How much did she see?

If I were her [ I am a GG ] I would tell my sister first , then I MIGHT tell my boyfriend depending on how close a friend you have been to me in the past, and I wouldn't want him to kill you !

Yes, say you're sorry with a gift card

Presh GG

[Persephone]

I agree with Rocketscientist. You need to clear this up a.s.a.p., first and foremost with her. You have to make the first move and get in touch with her. And yes, definitely, a very hefty Victoria's Secret gift card might help, but mostly it has to be you being up front and honest with her.

[Chickhe]

You are not a terrible person. What you did was terrible. There is a difference. We all make mistakes and probably what you are getting is feedback from the people who have done some similar things and have regretted it. Next time close their door so you are not tempted and go shopping :-)

[charlene#2]

this is not a lot different than something i went thru earlier in life,most people can be forgiving,what i was told to do is go to this person and apoligise hontestly,be sincere then the ball is in their court.if they dont want to accept your apology then the hell with them.you cant go thru life beating yourself up forever.but for gods sake get your own clothes

[Jill Devine]

You are not a terrible person. What you did was terrible. There is a difference. We all make mistakes and probably what you are getting is feedback from the people who have done some similar things and have regretted it. Next time close their door so you are not tempted and go shopping :-)
Beautifully worded message. I do think too many of the responses remain too harsh - there was a thread for that. Let's move on.

Basic advice remains to go to her and apologize. Great idea for a gift card to replace the lingerie.

[christinac]

I do think too many of the responses remain too harsh - there was a thread for that. Let's move on.

I have to second that because some responses have been boarderline down right cruel. But a gift card is a great idea and yes of course you do need to apologize whether they will accept it or not, but I still believe you should give some time, but not too much, for things to cool off a bit a week maybe two should be plenty enough time.

[Sarasometimes]

You mentioned that you have dressed at other times, whose clothes did you wear? Do you have any of your own? Have you done this with your "long term girlfriend's" clothes? Still suspicious, please make my a believer. Oh, if you can read this post the post quick reply button is working again.

[BRANDYJ]

I was just thinking... If the poster came here for advice, and we took the time to respond and offer advise or even the scolding he earned, you'd think he would be back to respond to some of the posts. I have a problem with posts by anyone that seem to disappear after they post it. Even if to say thank you for the advice or to explain further the depth of friendship between him and his roommate and the offended woman. It leaves little else to say and open for us to speculate about the intent or truthfulness of a post to begin with.
If I start a thread, I do come back often to thank everyone for their comments, advice or opinions...even if against my own thoughts.
So if this is how the OP handles his own posts, do you think he can handle facing the music with the woman he offended...or his roommate...or his own girlfriend?

[Christy_M]

I was just thinking... If the poster came here for advice, and we took the time to respond and offer advise or even the scolding he earned, you'd think he would be back to respond to some of the posts. I have a problem with posts by anyone that seem to disappear after they post it. Even if to say thank you for the advice or to explain further the depth of friendship between him and his roommate and the offended woman. It leaves little else to say and open for us to speculate about the intent or truthfulness of a post to begin with.
If I start a thread, I do come back often to thank everyone for their comments, advice or opinions...even if against my own thoughts.
So if this is how the OP handles his own posts, do you think he can handle facing the music with the woman he offended...or his roommate...or his own girlfriend?

I gathered from her earlier post that she just found this site and hasn't been "monitoring" it for answers. If she has a regular life that doesn't involve this side of her, her ability to find time to be here may be limited. I understand where you are coming from but making assumptions about motives without understanding the background is exactly what the world does to all of us. We shouldn't perpetuate that with newcomers IMHO.

[docrobbysherry]

Sometimes we make the wrong ones, sometimes rite. Usually, they're somewhere in between!:straightface:

U made one WRONG one in wearing the neglige. You've had PLENTY of time to make a RITE one to remedy the situation. Yet, you've done NOTHING!:eek:

If u want to feel better, MAKE things better! Stop complaining and DO SOMETHING!:Angry3:

[Kelly DeWinter]

Thank you for all the responses to my original thread, positive and negative. I believe that what I did was completely wrong and that it was not worth anywhere near the level of mistrust that my roommate, his fiancée, and potentially my girlfriend will have in me. I made a terrible mistake and you all were right that I am plenty old enough to understand that I should never have taken that step to intrude on their privacy. My roommate has been around and we have had amicable conversations without the topic coming up. However, his fiancée has not been over since last weekend.

The situation has been eating me up inside and my original post was here because I used google to see if anyone else has gone through this and it lead me here. I posted because I thought that someone might have gone through a similar situation and had advice. Thank you to those posters who did offer advice and for those of you who think that I am a horrible person for doing what I did, I understand why you feel that way. I attempted to reply to the first thread a couple of times using the quick reply link, but my posts did not show up for whatever reason and the thread is now locked.


you are experiencing 'guilt' that comes from knowing that you have done something wrong. the best way to handle guilt is:
. to acknowledge to yourself that what you have done is wrong.
. appologize to those you have offended.
. make amends if possible for what you have done.
. change your behavior so you do not repeat the situation.

if you feel any possible mistrust is unwaranted, then go to all three togeather or seprately and speak to them. the worst part is you took a womans underwear and that in itself almost anyone would find offensive. it's a very private pice of clothing. Also going by your screen name bi-cur(ious)-guy, i assume you have more to talk about with your girlfriend then just crossdressing. I don't think anyone thinks you are horrible, just mis-guided in your actions. honesty with people is allways the best policy and usually makes things turn out ok in the end.


Kelly

[Kelly DeWinter]

I was just thinking... If the poster came here for advice, and we took the time to respond and offer advise or even the scolding he earned, you'd think he would be back to respond to some of the posts. I have a problem with posts by anyone that seem to disappear after they post it. Even if to say thank you for the advice or to explain further the depth of friendship between him and his roommate and the offended woman. It leaves little else to say and open for us to speculate about the intent or truthfulness of a post to begin with.
If I start a thread, I do come back often to thank everyone for their comments, advice or opinions...even if against my own thoughts.
So if this is how the OP handles his own posts, do you think he can handle facing the music with the woman he offended...or his roommate...or his own girlfriend?

you have to give people a chance to reply, a day or two is sometimes not enough time, starting a new thread says the OP is starting to open up.

[christinac]

you have to give people a chance to reply, a day or two is sometimes not enough time, starting a new thread says the OP is starting to open up.

I agree Kelly. Something tells me that there is more to this story and all the cage rattling whether right or wrong or indifferent is causing this person to clam up and hide it from the group.

[deebra]

Read my original thread, I think it's right-on. Could it be the reason she freaked was you might have looked better than her in her clothes(just a little joke). Young people are so liberal and open minded today, maybe it was no big deal to her and she's handling it just fine. She might find it intriging and arouse her interest. About wearing her clothes, a washing machine will remove any germs if thats the big issue, many people buy thrift shop clothes that were previously worn by strangers. This is not Murder I, you are young and curious, it was a spur of the moment desire and I can see the lure of wearing and the scent of putting on the clothes a beautiful woman has just gotten out of. This is not far out kinky, especially for someone that is interested in crossdressing. So to my fellow members, I'm sorry you are so critical, he who is without sin let him cast_ _ _ _ etc.

[Kelly DeWinter]

Read my original thread, I think it's right-on. Could it be the reason she freaked was you might have looked better than her in her clothes(just a little joke). Young people are so liberal and open minded today, maybe it was no big deal to her and she's handling it just fine. She might find it intriging and arouse her interest. About wearing her clothes, a washing machine will remove any germs if thats the big issue, many people buy thrift shop clothes that were previously worn by strangers. This is not Murder I, you are young and curious, it was a spur of the moment desire and I can see the lure of wearing and the scent of putting on the clothes a beautiful woman has just gotten out of. This is not far out kinky, especially for someone that is interested in crossdressing. So to my fellow members, I'm sorry you are so critical, he who is without sin let him cast_ _ _ _ etc.

deebra;

your post is wrong on so many levels, the OP want's to restore possible broken relationships, to read into it that the girl in qustion might be 'interested' is just wrong. What the OP did was also not right, wether any other member here has done the same thing in the past or not does not make what the OP did right. We learn from our mistakes and those of others so that we do not make the same mistakes.

[Josie M]

Best of luck getting through this....and, when the time comes, you'll find our group can be very supportive as well :)