What do I do about my job?

[morgan pure]

I'm stumped. I'm really in a quandry. I have been working in the the same place for 30 years (30!), with children. I am loved my my children and their parents as "Mr. R---," but for all these years I have been "Miss R----." My administrators hate me because they see "Mr. R----" as a threat, when in reality "Miss R----" just wants to do her job, to love children and impart knowledge. Now, if I come out it will explode my world. BUT-sometimes I think my world should be exploded. I have enough in the IRA that I can quit. I'm also seriously underpaid. Help.

You people encouraged me to do this. My tits are making me transition.

[Melody Moore]

Any issues with your employer discriminating against you - sue them!

New Jersey Statutes - Title 2C The New Jersey Code of Criminal Justice - 2C:16-1 Bias intimidation. (http://law.onecle.com/new-jersey/2c-the-new-jersey-code-of-criminal-justice/16-1.html)

2C:16-1. Bias intimidation.

a. Bias Intimidation. A person is guilty of the crime of bias intimidation if he commits, attempts to commit, conspires with another to commit, or threatens the immediate commission of an offense specified in chapters 11 through 18 of Title 2C of the New Jersey Statutes; N.J.S.2C:33-4; N.J.S.2C:39-3; N.J.S.2C:39-4 or N.J.S.2C:39-5,

(1) with a purpose to intimidate an individual or group of individuals because of race, color, religion, gender, disability, sexual orientation, gender identity or expression, national origin, or ethnicity; or

(2) knowing that the conduct constituting the offense would cause an individual or group of individuals to be intimidated because of race, color, religion, gender, disability, sexual orientation, gender identity or expression, national origin, or ethnicity; or

(3) under circumstances that caused any victim of the underlying offense to be intimidated and the victim, considering the manner in which the offense was committed, reasonably believed either that (a) the offense was committed with a purpose to intimidate the victim or any person or entity in whose welfare the victim is interested because of race, color, religion, gender, disability, sexual orientation, gender identity or expression, national origin, or ethnicity, or (b) the victim or the victim's property was selected to be the target of the offense because of the victim's race, color, religion, gender, disability, sexual orientation, gender identity or expression, national origin, or ethnicity.

b. Permissive inference concerning selection of targeted person or property. Proof that the target of the underlying offense was selected by the defendant, or by another acting in concert with the defendant, because of race, color, religion, gender, disability, sexual orientation, gender identity or expression, national origin, or ethnicity shall give rise to a permissive inference by the trier of fact that the defendant acted with a purpose to intimidate an individual or group of individuals because of race, color, religion, gender, disability, sexual orientation, gender identity or expression, national origin, or ethnicity.

c. Grading. Bias intimidation is a crime of the fourth degree if the underlying offense referred to in subsection a. is a disorderly persons offense or petty disorderly persons offense. Otherwise, bias intimidation is a crime one degree higher than the most serious underlying crime referred to in subsection a., except that where the underlying crime is a crime of the first degree, bias intimidation is a first-degree crime and the defendant upon conviction thereof may, notwithstanding the provisions of paragraph (1) of subsection a. of N.J.S.2C:43-6, be sentenced to an ordinary term of imprisonment between 15 years and 30 years, with a presumptive term of 20 years.

d. Gender exemption in sexual offense prosecutions. It shall not be a violation of subsection a. if the underlying criminal offense is a violation of chapter 14 of Title 2C of the New Jersey Statutes and the circumstance specified in paragraph (1), (2) or (3) of subsection a. of this section is based solely upon the gender of the victim.

e. Merger. Notwithstanding the provisions of N.J.S.2C:1-8 or any other provision of law, a conviction for bias intimidation shall not merge with a conviction of any of the underlying offenses referred to in subsection a. of this section, nor shall any conviction for such underlying offense merge with a conviction for bias intimidation. The court shall impose separate sentences upon a conviction for bias intimidation and a conviction of any underlying offense.

f. Additional Penalties. In addition to any fine imposed pursuant to N.J.S.2C:43-3 or any term of imprisonment imposed pursuant to N.J.S.2C:43-6, a court may order a person convicted of bias intimidation to one or more of the following:

(1) complete a class or program on sensitivity to diverse communities, or other similar training in the area of civil rights;

(2) complete a counseling program intended to reduce the tendency toward violent and antisocial behavior; and

(3) make payments or other compensation to a community-based program or local agency that provides services to victims of bias intimidation.

g. As used in this section "gender identity or expression" means having or being perceived as having a gender related identity or expression whether or not stereotypically associated with a person's assigned sex at birth.

h. It shall not be a defense to a prosecution for a crime under this section that the defendant was mistaken as to the race, color, religion, gender, disability, sexual orientation, gender identity or expression, national origin, or ethnicity of the victim.

L.2001, c.443, s.1; amended 2007, c.303, s.1.

Also see the New Jersey Statutes - Title 10 Civil Rights (http://law.onecle.com/new-jersey/10-civil-rights/index.html)

* 10:2-1. Antidiscrimination provisions. (http://law.onecle.com/new-jersey/10-civil-rights/2-1.html)

* 10:5-4. Obtaining employment, accommodations and privileges without discrimination; civil right. (http://law.onecle.com/new-jersey/10-civil-rights/5-4.html)

[Veronica_Jean]

Morgan,

It sounds like you have both a legal position and tenure. I know many have had bad experiences with their job and transition. I have had a very positive experience with mine.
I would take it slow and start talking to HR, or whatever department handles such things. I would not use the law as a threat, but it is a good idea as part of the overall discussions to talk about the legal side of things both for them and you and against them and you.

There is no evidence in the least the a transitioning person is a threat to children.

Good luck!!

Veronica

[Melody Moore]

I would take it slow and start talking to HR, or whatever department handles such things. I would not use the law as a threat, but it is a good idea as part of the overall discussions to talk about the legal side of things both for them and you and against them and you.
And naturally if a situation involving discrimination is occurring already I would recommend a polite
discussion with your employer or manager first to advise them if your legal rights & their legal rights,
because once they are aware then this is usually enough to settle down most discrimination issues. ;)

[christinac]

I'm not quite sure how to put it other than to say GO FOR IT! If the lid blows off pressure cooker you're not going to stop it anyway and going to end up getting burned if you try. Let that lid fly and the steam settle because what was cooking inside that cooker could be very much salvageable.

[jennifer easton]

I'm confused Mr R, Miss R, your loved my children, they see me as this, but your really this, my tits are making me transition! I'm lost, but as long as you know what your talking about, thats all that matters

[Melody Moore]

Now, if I come out it will explode my world. BUT-sometimes I think my world should be exploded.
Funny you say that because one of the first things I ever told my psychologist about was the need to throw a bomb
into my life and see what I was left with afterwards for family & friends. She laughed at my statement and agreed that
the best way to sort out who your real friends were was to transition & no truer words have ever been spoken.

Many people think we are being selfish, and yes we are, but we have to live our lives for ourselves or ultimately we
are not content & happy. I think I am a much better person now than before I transitioned because now I have no
reason to feel unhappy, I found real freedom through which now my life feels like bliss with so much more inner peace.


You people encouraged me to do this. My tits are making me transition.

Your tits are making you transition but then you say that we encouraged you to do this? No-one encouraged you
to do anything, everything you have done was by your own choice was it not? Maybe others helped you to know
yourself better and accept who you truly are, but I have not seen one single person being urged to transition here.

So tell us how come your tits are making you transition? :heehee:

[christinac]

So tell us how come your tits are making you transition? :heehee:

I hope because they are growing too large to cover up.

[Katie Moore]

Take the money and run. If you come out there you really will freak out the admins and the parents. The kids will be cool but they won't be cruel or nasty if you know what I mean. Take your stash and maybe open your biz doing what you do now ( i mean 30 years of experience) only do it on YOUR TERMS! Just sayin.....

[Sophie_C]

Don't worry, it sounds like they'll fire you if you don't quit, soon enough. That's how things are for most people who transition and don't hold so many cards they can (effectively) blackmail them to keep themselves employed as the good workers they've always been. Most people are 'weirded out' by anyone transitioning and want that 'weirdness' removed from their work environment, so they find another reason to, and do, fairly soon.

[christinac]

I some what agree with Katie, but in this economy I'd be very careful about just grabbing the money and run. Take a little of your savings a open a little part time business and get it established and that way if the bloop does hit the fan you have a little something to fall back on without completely relying on your savings. I own my own business and it really started out as nothing more that a part time hobbie to keep busy and earn an extra buck, but now it is my only source of income.

[LaurenS.]

Morgan, They cannot leagally terminate employment. It would be a wonderful thing to see you transition. What a great education that in itself would be. However, I can only imagine the turmoil it would cause. Parents, administration...it would be difficult to say the least. You would need legal guidance for sure and with your Republican run state it could be even worse. It would certainly be a challenge for you and you need to decide if you
have the fortitude to endure.
All the best.
Lauren

[Kelly DeWinter]

I'm stumped. I'm really in a quandry. I have been working in the the same place for 30 years (30!), with children. I am loved my my children and their parents as "Mr. R---," but for all these years I have been "Miss R----." My administrators hate me because they see "Mr. R----" as a threat, when in reality "Miss R----" just wants to do her job, to love children and impart knowledge. Now, if I come out it will explode my world. BUT-sometimes I think my world should be exploded. I have enough in the IRA that I can quit. I'm also seriously underpaid. Help.

You people encouraged me to do this. My tits are making me transition.

I'm assuming you are a school teacher, so it seems that unless there is cause for termination, you seem to have the right to transition without repercussions. I would read some of the posts from others here who have transitioned in their jobs and take guidance from them. If you are ready for retirement, then take time to enjoy yourself and your new life.

You can allways go to the Board of Education to inquire, as to your options.

I would not take advice to sue anyone unless there is cause and good legal council is the best way to go for advice.

[morgan pure]

Melody Melody you made me laugh out loud. Let's be a little less perceptive, please. YES-this site and all the chicks here made me feel normal about my "malady." I have to reaqd the rest! I love this site.

Oh I read the rest. Thank you girls!!! Thank you. See what I mean? You encourage me. And thank you for that. I almost quit today, but my children saw how depressed I was and were on their best behavior. One of them put on an aria from Carmen and sang along. Her voice was so clear and pure that I almost cried. Probably the Es.

[Melody Moore]

Melody Melody you made me laugh out loud.

Good, I am glad to see you feeling a little more positive and in control of the situation now. :heehee:

[Joann Smith]

I am in exactally the same boat ...wife kids and a whole lot of years on my job...and my tits done got too big to hide any more. I am stummped too....But I do know that I am not gonna quit...hell with that ...Being cute cost too much ...as of right now my plan is keep right on transistioning and wait untill the men start complaining about me using thier rest room...then go to HR and say ...."I tell yall what i am gonna make every bodys life easier i will just start working here as a female" and let them guys have they pissey old bathroom.. LOL

Joann


























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