vulnerability - the key to meaning in life?

[Kaitlyn Michele]

Hopefully mods you can leave this here...Even tho it's a video, it "says" something that I found pretty profound...

http://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_on_vulnerability.html?awesm=on.ted.com _8wWb&utm_campaign=brene_brown_on_vulnerability&utm_content=ted.com-talkpage&utm_medium=on.ted.com-twitter&utm_source=twitter.com

This is just a researcher's talk that got passed around my therapy group, and I found that although it's not specifically tied to our situation, it's descriptive of what many of us go through..

simply stated, she talks about how the core meaning of life has to do with being vulnerable, and to be vulnerable, you need to be open (whole hearted as she calls it)....and you need be courageous enough to be whole hearted when the outcome is unpredictable and risky...

it's 20 mins, but its worth it...i never heard of her before today, but I was very impressed..

read the comments too...lots of worthwhile stuff..

[Zenith]

Easier said than done, especially when you have been hurt/screwed so many times in life...

[Eileen]

Kaitlyn that was great! In a word it was assume!

Eileen

[pamela_a]

I've seen this before and I thought it was a very powerful and useful presentation. However I'm also forced to agree with Julie. If being vulnerable is difficult for cic-gendered people how much more so is it for those who have survived only by not being vulnerable or open to anyone, including themselves.

[Zenith]

It's a problem Pam...never being vulnerable makes life bleak...but too much or with the wrong people and you get walked all over...I've had some low lifes take this and run more than once with me professionally...

Guess you have to very selective with who and when...

[Kaitlyn Michele]

I"m sorry you guys feel that way..but i understand
It's not a pollyanna statement about how great the world is..
as the great Dr House says...you don't get what you deserve, you get what you get.

The bottom line is we don't have the choice..
if you don't become vulnerable to your own sense of yourself..(and for us it means something even more profound than what was in that talk), then you don't ever even have the chance to be fulfilled, and happy with yourself..
the possible outcomes are don't try and fail, try and fail, and try and don't fail...

the mere trying doesnt guarantee anything...for us the risk is greater than most, but that doesnt change the fact that we must try..imho

[Zenith]

Well for sure you up your odds at success or getting what you deserve in a good way with repeated attempts...but it seems like there is another option and that's try and fail and dig a deeper hole and get hurt more...I know it's a bad way to think though true sometimes...but that's where I am right now... :(

[Stephanie Anne]

Allowing yourself to be vulnerable has different connotations for someone who is accepted for who they are and someone who is rejected for existing. A plus B does not equal C for Trans people.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

Well I take a positive message from it...i take it as a compliment..and that independent of the actual outcome...by definition to be vulnerable is to risk getting hurt..and i gave up alot...i got hurt alot..

when i watched her video, and she explained what seemed like a revelation to all these people,
i felt that in our lives as transsexuals, the act of transition is simply a necessity...we are so incredibly vulnerable, so wide open to having our lives destroyed, that many of us avoid dealing with it until we have no choice... it's not a revelation for us...it's a fact of life....the incredible courage of transsexuals is taken for granted by our haters, "being yourself" and "having courage" are qualities that are highly valued in our society, and yet we get no credit...(except from the small group of special wonderful people that support us)

but i didn't transition for society's credit, i transitioned for myself, and when i watched that video i felt pride and vindication...i have experienced the shame, the vulnerability and the courage she talked about , and i realized what this speaker viewed as some kind of mystical revelation, was nothing more than my life (and many of yours i would dare say) in a nutshell

[Kathryn Martin]

I am completely with you Kaitlyn. I think we all can testify to the difficulties we experience and the hurt and pain that we have to go through.

However, being vulnerable and courageous and foremost being able to love myself is the door that opens the possibility to connect with the world around as me. It is when I am fearful and ashamed that the world tends to pounce and hurt because I seem to not believe in myself. But that is not vulnerability and not courage.

[PortiaHoney]

Thank you Kaitlyn.

I found the message humorous and insightful. BB is so spot on. She just points out the tightrope we walk every day. And that she would be the first to disagree LOL.

I always thought it was about being open. But it really is about being vulnerable. As you say, we are incredibly vulnerable. But, in order to get anywhere that is the risk we need to take. It's either that or stay in that damn closet.

But, also, have a look at how many around here (or most places) and when they do finally "expose" themselves, how few encounter the really extreme bad responses we are all so afraid of. Granted, not every story ends in a happy ending. But many more do than what the general population would have us believe.

It does pay to be smart about it though. Preparation and planning are always a prerequisite to a successful outcome. Just because you allow yourself to be vulnerable, doesn't mean you have to be silly about it.

I am so glad that I have taken the journey I have. My only regret is that I didn't allow myself that vulnerability a lot sooner.

Huggs

Portia

[CharleneT]

I"m sorry you guys feel that way..but i understand
It's not a pollyanna statement about how great the world is..
as the great Dr House says...you don't get what you deserve, you get what you get.

The bottom line is we don't have the choice..
if you don't become vulnerable to your own sense of yourself..(and for us it means something even more profound than what was in that talk), then you don't ever even have the chance to be fulfilled, and happy with yourself..
the possible outcomes are don't try and fail, try and fail, and try and don't fail...

the mere trying doesnt guarantee anything...for us the risk is greater than most, but that doesnt change the fact that we must try..imho

:iagree:

There are many ways to live life. For me though, the two most important things to keep in mind are: it is shorter than we think, you get only as much as you give out. I know examples to the contrary can be brought up for either of those ideas, but I believe that most often these two things will be true. I have not watched the vid yet (about to do so), but from what I've read in this thread, the message must be pretty interesting !!

Of late, I have been trying to also live by one of Yoda's rules: do, or do not do, there is no try. Weird words for sure, took me a long time to get the idea of how it actually works in real life. Someday I hope to talk to Kate Bornstein** about it, she likes Zen Koans ;) Anyway, if you want to live full time successfully, these are wise words for sure.



** don't pass go, don't collect $200, go see her give a talk - about anything. Absolutely "gaaarrrunnteee" you'll leave happier.

[pamela_a]

I don't want to leave the impression I disagree with her point because I do very much understand and agree with it. I've been full time just over 18 months and it's been 1 year now that I'm legally me and female. In that time I've also become comfortable and confident with who I am and that has enabled me to start opening up to others. Those times I have made myself more vulnerable were uncomfortable and scary, but I also found them very rewarding in the end.

[Tasha T]

I've become vulnerable to the point of absurdity. As a result, I make a lot of bad choices and suffer greatly for it.