Being Prepared

[Roberta Marie]

After reading a few threads lately, about people getting caught, a thought occured to me. Having had a 26 year career in the fire service, we were trained to always have a back up plan, to always have a plan of action for when the crap hit the fan. This is also something that, while I was responsible for a while for educating the public about fire safety, we taught people to have an escape plan for if their smoke detector went off or if their clothes caught fire (We all remember stop, drop, and roll, right?)

So my quesiton, for those that are still in the closet, what is your plan of action if you are ever caught, be it by a friend, your spouse, a neighbor, a child? How many have thought in advance how you would handle such a situation?

Would you try to lie your way out of it? Do you have a stack of reference material ready with some educational responses? Would you just say, "It's none
of your busyness"?

I think that no matter how careful we are, getting caught is inevitable. So, how do you plan on handling it?

[5150 Girl]

THis is who I am, and I don't care who knows it. Therfore, I don't feel have really need a back up plan. Whoever sees me, sees me.
I'm reminded of the old saying, "Those who matter don't mind, and those that mind, don't matter". Ok, granted this is more of a rule to me than a law, and for those few exceptions when I fell I need somekind of excuse/story, I would just say "It's just nice to step outside of the peverbial "box" once in a while.

[GingerLeigh]

Stop, drop and roll.... Aaagh! Fire I'm on fire aaaggh! Someone save my Gucci purse!

Once caught, there really is no contingency plan that'll put that cat back in the bag. Fess up and face the music.

Ginger

[James Kaon]

Aye, I agree with GingerLeigh. I have let a few trusted people know and although I did feel a bit nervous of the cat getting out of the bag, I guess I sort of feel that if it happened, I would deal with it then. I have no idea on how it would affect my career - but my parents who I love very much would probably find it very confusing and at odds with their faith. However, I truly believe that they would still love me so for me to prepare a plan B or disguise or whatever has not really worked in my head.

What will be will be. Having said that I still feel nervous of posting a pic here (of all places where its OK!!!) so although I have less to lose than I am sure many here would, it is something I think, wow, now what do I do??

I will figure it out if the time comes...

J

[Cynthia Anne]

SORRY" If you don't like the way I,m living, you just leave this long haired country girl a lone!"

[celeste26]

The best strategy is to fess up BEFORE getting serious then there is no confusion and no secrets to reveal later. Everything else is plan B.

[Janet Bern]

Fess up an minimize the damage as much as possible. The can deal with it if you only do it occasionally.

[GingerLeigh]

The best strategy is to fess up BEFORE getting serious then there is no confusion and no secrets to reveal later. Everything else is plan B.

Ppppppllllbh! Spoil sport! Plan B is much more exciting......terrifying.....

[Roberta Marie]

THis is who I am, and I don't care who knows it. Therfore, I don't feel have really need a back up plan. Whoever sees me, sees me.
I'm reminded of the old saying, "Those who matter don't mind, and those that mind, don't matter". Ok, granted this is more of a rule to me than a law, and for those few exceptions when I fell I need somekind of excuse/story, I would just say "It's just nice to step outside of the peverbial "box" once in a while.

That's great. But, I addressed my question to those that are still in the closet. But, thanks for your insight.

[ninapuella]

Theres no need for preparation as long you do things with a good heart. I mean what can really happen? Maybe i am naive i dont know. :doh:

[Roberta Marie]

The best strategy is to fess up BEFORE getting serious then there is no confusion and no secrets to reveal later. Everything else is plan B.

I agree. The best way to deal with a fire is to not have a fire to begin with. But that being said, for those that may not want everyone in the world to know, do you have a plan to control or minimize the damage should you be outed, say to an employer, a parent, or someone that you would rather not know, but now they do?

[Wendy_Marie]

Yes I have...and my plan is to just come clean and be up front.

[eluuzion]

hiya RM,

I have three rules that I follow. They keep me "safe" and I intend to try and stay that way.

#1
Always have a Plan A, a plan B and a contingency plan for both. Chances are good that someday I will need them all.

#2
Always make sure that the person my friends know as "me" is the person I would want them to "profile", should my friends ever become my enemies.

#3
Never share the exact details of rule #1 and #2 with anyone, as it defeats the whole purpose of making the plans in the first place.

oh, and just for the record...none of my plans employ the "drop and roll" technique (although I think it is good technique for people on fire). Mine are more of the "rock-n-roll" nature...:)

best answer I can provide for now...
:love:

[katrinakat]

I used to be cautious and prepared, I always had a set of male attire on stand by; Now, I'm prepared with eyeliner and lip gloss.

[christinac]

I'm not married and I don't have any real super true friends in Jacksonville to really worry about. The only reason I stay the the closet and shadows is because I'm self employed and the majority of my clientele are not and very openly not tolerant of the gay, bi, or transgendered, so quite often I nearly bite the end of my tongue off to keep from sticking a foot in the mouth, but to answer the question at hand, if word of who I really am ever got out it would probably destroy my business and force me to move from Jacksonville which is something I'm considuring doing anyway, so I'm not to worried about having a back up plan.

[alyssaenglefield]

I'm a sucker for planning ahead. The likeliness of me being discovered anyway is slim - but then they said that on 21 February about Christchurch having a magnitude 6.0 or above within the next four weeks, and the next day... 6.3 quake, major damage and 113 dead (so far).

Um... just go with the flow?

[Exie]

Yikes. I was just caught tonight and I'm not even fully into this yet. I guess my future backup plan would be to just tell them its a hobby of mine, and ask them to not tell anyone.

[Tanya C]

Well, my wife already knows and supports my cding as do other people. But if anyone else should "catch" me while dressed I wouldn't do or say anything unless they made it an issue.
Bear in mind that crossdressing is my right and I feel I don't owe an expalnation to anyone who should find out. However, if they wish to talk about it (respectfully) then I would certainly be willing.
But I wouldn't regard chance encounters with people I know while I'm dressed as emergency situations.

[Marissa]

Bobbie, assuming you are still in the closet..I have to ask..what is your back up plan? your means to escape????

I am out of the closet, but still not out to the extended family..

[donnalee]

I have three rules that I follow. They keep me "safe" and I intend to try and stay that way.

#1
Always have a Plan A, a plan B and a contingency plan for both. Chances are good that someday I will need them all.

#2
Always make sure that the person my friends know as "me" is the person I would want them to "profile", should my friends ever become my enemies.

#3
Never share the exact details of rule #1 and #2 with anyone, as it defeats the whole purpose of making the plans in the first place.

This is excellent advice; If you don't want something known, tell no one. I've always been a firm believer in having at least 2 backup plans. This increases your chance of success geometrically.
If caught, I think the best course is to proceed as if nothing unusual has happened. If they're uncomfortable, they're most likely to leave quietly. The chance of hostility is small; any questions should either be ignored or answered calmly.

[Roberta Marie]

Bobbie, assuming you are still in the closet..I have to ask..what is your back up plan? your means to escape????

I am out of the closet, but still not out to the extended family..

Fair question, Marissa. I'm in and out of the closet. My wife and immediate family know, as do a few close friends. Oh, and most of a congregation of a church that's about 30 minutes from my home where I have attended en femme and then the company that I work for started doing some work on their building. I am not out at work, or to anyone in my home church, except for my Pastor, who is one of those few, close friends.

My plan, which worked for the congregation that I mentioned, was simply to say that I'm not out to everybody, especially those that I work with, and to ask for discretion. There are other members of this congregation that are TG and several GLBT persons, so there was minimal explanation needed.

For those that I might just happen to run into, I would try to give as brief but honest explanation of what it is to be TG (to me), and ask for some discretion. Other than a few narrowminded relatives, I think that would suffice for most of our friends and aquaintences.

[Amy Lynn3]

My plan B....LIE! Not really, but nobody will be told about Amy, unless they have a need to know. I have not found anyone yet who needs to know.
I have been discovered by several friends, on different occassions and I let them determine the next step to take. Some years ago I was underdressed, while in a group of male friends. Two of them felt the bra I had on under my shirt. I just looked them in the eye, with a question on my face, that said...what are you going to say or do with this information? I said nothing and neither did they. I'm sure they talked among themselves, but not a word to me or was I outed to anyone else. At that time I had a very high profile job, but retired 5 years ago. If I am ever out dressed and I'm found out, I will do the same and let them do what they desire, with the information.

In my opinion....I don't think anyone is out there ready to do us harm if they find out we dress. Most of us have kept the secret from our family/employer already, so don't think that will be a major problem. Then, on the other hand if an SO gets mad, then that is a different story. You better have a plan B through Z.

[SuzanneBender]

I would yell, "Look bright shinny thing" and point. When they turn to look I would run away.

I came out to my wife a year ago. Prior to that I thought about this a lot. It didn't materialize so I can't give you the exact plan, but it would have consisted of begging forgiveness for not telling her and then moving forward. Hmmm that sounds like what happend after I came out to her. She is still by my side and as long as I have her support I think we could face almost anyone finding out.

My plan for everyone else that currently doesn't know is much like you describe Roberta. I would be proud of who I am (It took years to get here but I am). I would explain it as much as I could and ask for their discretion . If that doesn't work I would fall back to the bright shinny thing ploy.

[Crissy Kay]

My plan is to lie, like I"m just trying this on for halloween!!!

[Nikki A.]

At one time it would have been lie. Now if I'm caught by someone who didn't know before I'd just say "do the shoes go with the outfit?". Yes this is a part of who I am.

[TGMarla]

I think every one of us has considered this question: If I get caught, what will I do? Coincidently, I was actually thinking about this very thing today for a minute or two.

I've not been walked in on since I was in my teens. I got caught by my dad once, and caught underdressed by him once. And my mother caught me, but I'd undressed by then. And my wife found out for the first time when her teen-aged son came home on me once while I was dressed, and caught a glimpse of me through a slit window next to the locked door. Naturally, he told. And that was real uncomfortable. He also told his cousin, who blathered it to the whole family. He's not the most credible witness, but I can assume that my entire close family on my wife's side has heard I crossdress. And a friend of his, who is a very cool young man, I think, did walk in on me while I was wearing a nightgown. He never told, to my knowledge. And my own siblings don't know.

Anyway, it's a secret that has not been particularly well kept.

But no one has ever just walked in on me in full bloom, all head to toe Marla'd up. I'm not exactly sure what I'd do, but I like to think I'd handle it in a good way, and say something like, "Now you see what you've heard is really true. You know me and we're (friends or family). I hope you'll be decent about this, and afford me my dignity as I would you yours."

If it were my wife walking in, I'd tell her that I always knew this day would come. I'd offer to go upstairs and change, and ask her to talk to me, and I'd promise to answer truthfully any question she asked of me. The tough answer would be to the inevitable question, "Do you want to be a woman?" The answer is yes, but I'll not allow that to ever happen (that ship has sailed), and the best thing I have in my life is the privilege of being her husband.

Speaking of walking in on people, I once lived in Dallas for a year. This was about 25 years ago. I was with some people and we went over to their apartment to have a few beers or something, and when we walked in, we could se W***** ducking into the bathroom. He was wearing some strappy lacy lingerie. One of the girls in our group went into his room (open door), and saw that he had quite a collection of fine unmentionables on his bed.

We left immediately, and later that week W***** came over to my apartment. We talked for a bit, and he seemed a little ashamed. He kept on saying, shaking his head a little, "It's just a fetish, that's all." I was, of course, very understanding of it all. After all, I was also a crossdresser. But I was way deep in the closet, and no one knew I did this awful thing. It was pre-internet days, so we all felt like we were the only filthy perverts who felt like we did, and that there were no others. Yet here I was sitting at my kitchen table with a good guy who was like-minded, and I gave him reassurance and support, but I didn't fess up to him about myself.

I regret that. I had a chance to show what I was made of (at that time), and I feel now like I failed the test. I hope I'm a better, stronger person now, even though I'm still a great big chicken about all of this. I rarely go out, and I still dread the thought of being outed, even though in all reality, I'm already outed to quite a few people.

W*****, if you're on these boards, and you know this is you I'm talking about, PM me, and let's talk, bro....err.....sis.

[Jenny Gurl]

If you're gonna walk on thin ice, you might as well dance! I don't have one. I guess I would try to downplay it as what it really is. I didn't shoot anyone, I didn't commit a crime that is punishable in this country. I guess I would just admit it and move on. I would rather not have to deal with it, since I don't know how others would deal with it. I just try to be careful.

[Kate17]

You could always use the "I am practicing to be an undercover cop busting illicit sororities".

In real life, I think you have to consider who you may get caught by - Family, neighbors, friends, etc. If it were possible to get busted by the family, I would fess up and blame it on my sister - it was her dress that started me on this. ( joking again). I would tell them the truth. But my neighbors - that is a different story all together. My best approach would be to tell them what I am because I am sure most have no idea what a cross dresser is. Now my friends - well if they were really friends that mattered to me, they would say hey, you look cute. If they did not matter, it would get ugly and i would probably save a lot on xmas cards the next year. My point is good friends to me love you, not your current fashion. That is my plan B. Plan A is to tell them I am the sister of the guy who lives here.

[Jorja]

After reading a few threads lately, about people getting caught, a thought occured to me. Having had a 26 year career in the fire service, we were trained to always have a back up plan, to always have a plan of action for when the crap hit the fan. This is also something that, while I was responsible for a while for educating the public about fire safety, we taught people to have an escape plan for if their smoke detector went off or if their clothes caught fire (We all remember stop, drop, and roll, right?)


So my quesiton, for those that are still in the closet, what is your plan of action if you are ever caught, be it by a friend, your spouse, a neighbor, a child? How many have thought in advance how you would handle such a situation?

Would you try to lie your way out of it? Do you have a stack of reference material ready with some educational responses? Would you just say, "It's none
of your busyness"?

I think that no matter how careful we are, getting caught is inevitable. So, how do you plan on handling it?

eeeeks, a crossdresser!!! stop, drop, and roll!!!!!!!!:)

I used to have a backup plan and a backup plan for my backup plan and a backup plan for my backup backup plan. Then I got to the point I had too many plans and said the he** with it. Catch me if you can.

[Vickie_CDTV]

It really depends on whether or not the person who found out can use it against me and hurt me or not.

If they can hurt me, I'd use "plausible deniability" if I could given the circumstances.

[k lynn]

I had been caught in the past now I say this is me if you dont like me so be it

[Raychel]

I have been caught in the past, I just kinda blundered my way thru it and that was pretty much the end of it. Now as I have grown and times have changed. If I were to get caught again, It would be pretty simple I would just lay it on the line and tell them that I am a crossdresser. This is how I like to dress, Is that a problem???