accepting my Cding

[Lucy_Bella]

Since starting on this Forum ,going off the advice of many here to embrace my desire to dress. To accept myself as a Cder would only make life easier for me .
True I am not as bitter about it as I once was when I first joined , I am still very deep in the closet and I keep my dressing to myself.. I have learned to not only accept who I am but embrace it as well.
I have spent a small fortune on my closet since embracing ,leraning to tone my dressing down to a less revealing and to more of a modiest style.I am learning as I now see this is the best way to gain less sucspician if I ever choose to leave the closet..
I now know that this will be something that will continue to be a part of me and I may as well make the best of it and excell in it instead of spending useless nights fighting it and bathing myself in un needed depression ..
I have found that with accepting and embracing there is only one draw back, that being very lonley .. It is painfully obvious that few GG's would ever insert themselves to a man living this lifestyle but the hunt does continue I have hope still..I understand myself better now and I feel I could enjoy a healthy relationship or atleast maintain one with this being little or no issue.Problem is , finding someone who could except Cding .

[Eryn]

...there is only one draw back, that being very lonley .. It is painfully obvious that few GG's would ever insert themselves to a man living this lifestyle but the hunt does continue I have hope still..I understand myself better now and I feel I could enjoy a healthy relationship or atleast maintain one with this being little or no issue.Problem is , finding someone who could except Cding .

That is indeed a problem, but not an insurmountable one. It's a big world and she's likely to be out there. The trick is to get out there and meet some people. As comfortable as it is, you can't meet anyone sitting at home modeling for the mirror!

[Marissa]

Eryn said it in good terms, but I'll add one trick to it all..what is it you are seekin? You might be just a crossdresser..as you so nicely stated..but is your sexualality the same? meaning..is it all about women or ???? have to ask.. since that does open doors for more..but that is up to you..k?

Hugs,
Marissa

[2SpeedTranny]

It is painfully obvious that few GG's would ever insert themselves to a man living this lifestyle but the hunt does continue I have hope still..I understand myself better now and I feel I could enjoy a healthy relationship or atleast maintain one with this being little or no issue.Problem is , finding someone who could except Cding .


Holy crap... this forum is so depressing.

I have yet to date one single woman who has a problem with my crossdressing. Not one.

Of the crowd of people I hang around, I can name at least a half dozen women who not only would date a tranny, but get kinda starry eyed and salivate at the prospect.


I'm going to go out on a limb here... and please don't take this the wrong way... but if you can't get a girlfriend who isn't cool with you wearing girl's clothes, the issue isn't the clothes, it's you. YOU. YOU as a male has to be attractive to women in some way, and if you can meet that basic requirement, you as a male in a dress is not an issue.

To paraphrase member sissystephanie, underneath, you still have to be a man. Meditate on this, young padawan.

Added:
Oh yeah, and it's "accept" not "except." There's a difference. The dictionary is your friend.

[Tanya C]

Try not to despair Lucy, you'll eventually connect with someone who will accept. The key is meeting someone who's so attracted to you (and visa versa) that no matter what issues you bring to the relationship the attraction will endure, even when cding enters into the picture.
The fact that you've accepted and embraced your own crossdressing is probably going to improve your chances because self confidence is generally an attractive quality in a person, and the ability to love yourself is often quite infectious.

[Celeste]

Try not to despair Lucy, you'll eventually connect with someone who will accept. The key is meeting someone who's so attracted to you (and visa versa) that no matter what issues you bring to the relationship the attraction will endure, even when cding enters into the picture.
The fact that you've accepted and embraced your own crossdressing is probably going to improve your chances because self confidence is generally an attractive quality in a person, and the ability to love yourself is often quite infectious.

I like Tanya's response to this.Your over the first big hurdle,your own acceptance.Now its time to share.Just try to remember to use good judgement on whom to share with.If rejection happens,don't allow it to detour you,be patient and look at it as another stepping stone in finding someone you will eventually click with.

[Lucy_Bella]

Holy crap... this forum is so depressing.

I have yet to date one single woman who has a problem with my crossdressing. Not one.

Of the crowd of people I hang around, I can name at least a half dozen women who not only would date a tranny, but get kinda starry eyed and salivate at the prospect.


I'm going to go out on a limb here... and please don't take this the wrong way... but if you can't get a girlfriend who isn't cool with you wearing girl's clothes, the issue isn't the clothes, it's you. YOU. YOU as a male has to be attractive to women in some way, and if you can meet that basic requirement, you as a male in a dress is not an issue.

To paraphrase member sissystephanie, underneath, you still have to be a man. Meditate on this, young padawan.

Added:
Oh yeah, and it's "accept" not "except." There's a difference. The dictionary is your
friend.
I would only expect this type of comment from one who corrects grammer..If only it was a perfect world..I have no issues with being a male BTW it , after all it is how I was raised.. No need to attack that portion of me when it pertains to dating women ..I was also married for 25 years after all that being single so it is a completely new world..

I have no ideal about what generation you are from but my generation has little tolerance for my life style( IE things like this wasn't something you did openly) so setting that a side it has also been 30 years since I have been in High School so take your dictionary and place it where the sun doesn't shine!!

Try to start a nice thread only to have it picked apart by someone who obviously thinks they are perfect!!

[SuzanneBender]

Lucy hang in there gal. There are women out there that will "tolerate" us. I have met wives of CDers and TS's that celebrate all of the benefits of having a spouse like us rather than a guy named Jimmy Joe Bubba Bob who raises his wife beater t shirt, scratches his belly and balances his spit cup on it while watching female mud wrestling. This is something that accents who you are and if dealt with honestly makes you a better person. Sure most women won't go skipping down the street yelling to their friends and neighbors that they are in love with a member of the transgender community, but you will find that many women will put up with this for the person they love.

Some bits of advice:

1. Don't hide this from your love interest. You may get dumped because of it, but its a lot easier in the first few dates than it would be after the first few years of marriage.

2. Part of this depends on geography. Lets face it you are likely to meet a more accepting woman if you are circulating in more tolerant circles and live in a more tolerant community.

3. Step out of the closet just a little. Find a support group for local TGs. You will see that you are not doomed to a life of TV dinners, reruns and fabulous heels.

Mrs. Right is out there waiting for you.

[Deanna B]

hi . this may help or not but my last 2 girlfriend did not mind me cding. but 7-8months ago i told my wife and she hit the roof but now she is a bit ok with it. if you are not the type of people to go out and look why don't you put a ad in a paper and you could say that you are a cder and because it is confidential you be safe. take care .love deanna
PS if you like to have someone to chat to drop me a line

[carhill2mn]

I congratuate you on the progress toward self-acceptanc that you have made. The acceptance of who/what you really are
will help you to feel better about yourself but there will still be "issues" with which you will have to deal.

[CherryZips]

I have yet to date one single woman who has a problem with my crossdressing. Not one.

Of the crowd of people I hang around, I can name at least a half dozen women who not only would date a tranny, but get kinda starry eyed and salivate at the prospect.



Maybe you just need to get out more. Meet new people. There is more to life than a healthy tolerance, an interest in experimentation and a desire to please. Have you tried www.crossdresserswives.com ? :D

[Nikki A.]

Told my wife before we married, while not thrilled she still loved me enough to marry me and give it a go. Now widowed, I only met one woman so far that I was interested enough in to let her know. To her it was a deal breaker, but not why you may think. She still had feelings for a career soldier that was just deployed, and that since she was struggling financially she felt that I would be able to out-dress her.
Basically I'm just saying that there are women out there who can accept us, if we give them a chance.

[busker]

It is painfully obvious that few GG's would ever insert themselves to a man living this lifestyle but the hunt does continue I have hope still..I understand myself better now and I feel I could enjoy a healthy relationship or atleast maintain one with this being little or no issue.Problem is , finding someone who could except Cding .

Lucy, try not to make your quest for a soulmate the entire focus of your day. that can really be depressing. It is like girls out to find Mr RIGHT. they fret their lives away thinking that there is only one person. there are 6.5 billion people on this blue dot, and there IS someone for you. It is partly luck, partly being in the right place and the right time and identifying that like-minded person.

If you don't have one, find a hobby to help you with your evenings--you can dress while you play. It is an excellent way to meet people through common interests. Do you have any female types of interests like cooking? needlework?
Groups often get together to do things for the county fairs, it's a good place to meet people working on common projects.
Don't make it the prime focus of your life though as finding a partner takes time. Live your life and enjoy each and every day and as you find peace and happiness, and more acceptance of your cding, you may also find that you are in the right spirit to meet people and one of them may be your future SO.
best wishes on your quest

[Samantha43]

You have made the first step by accepting yourself for who you are. There is nothing wrong with being a crossdresser. It hurts no one and can provide a lifetime of enjoyment. There are plenty of women that are accepting of us. I have been married to one for 23 years. The difficult part is finding the proper balance in your life. Crossdressing is important, but make sure she knows she is more important.

[Tasha McIntyre]

Hold in there Lucy, there are plenty of beautiful accepting tolerant GG's out there, although at times they seem hard to find!


Have you tried www.crossdresserswives.com ? :D

Wanna feel crap about yourself, just have a wander around crossdressers wives. That site just oozes venom, hate and spite.

[docrobbysherry]

Lucy, be aware that MOST CDs live in the closet! Please remember how few of us venture out on a REGULAR basis!
Some of us r quite satisfied staying home! We don't need to be seen out in public to complete our female persona's. Maybe u don't either! Which would make your finding an SO a little easier!

Altho, I've been dating "over 40's" women for awhile now. And, I can't say I'm overwhelmed by those I've met so far! I haven't gotten far enuff along with one to even THINK about revealing my "hobby"!

[Samantha43]

Wanna feel crap about yourself, just have a wander around crossdressers wives. That site just oozes venom, hate and spite.

WOW!!! Now there is a bunch of bitter, narrow minded women!

[Lucy_Bella]

Thank you everyone for your concerns , Docs I am never leaving my closet ,,lol ever... I have been hittin up the dating sites and have not found anyone that really sparks an interest for me as of yet, let alone reveal my hobby to.It seems many women my age are single for a reason, its how the world is today I guess.. Don't get me wrong I am not in any way saying I am perfect maybe just a little bit picky..

Do any of you single Cders pick out certain women that you think may consider accepting your hobby? I for one stay clear of women with young children due to how a protective mother protrays us in a "stereo type way"..I also stay away from the barbie type because I feel they may see my dressing as a threat.. I look more at the plain Jane girl next door type maybe a little tom boyish .. Maybe thats my down fall who knows? I think my biggest fear is introducing my hobby when I do find someone and I am pro longing it..
Thanks again for all the support and another note ..I do not wish to live as a female in anyway so that's not an issue ,I don't even care to be called a she...Odd I know but we all have our own quirks..

[eluuzion]

hiya LB,

I just assumed you made a Freudian slip. You know...“when you say one thing, but you mean your Mother.” jus’ kidd’n ...sort of :heehee:

It may be easier finding somebody who will “except” (take exception to) us, than it might be finding somebody who will “accept” us. But neither one is responsible for creating “happiness” or extinguishing “loneliness” in our lives. Those are personal feelings defined uniquely on an individual basis, primarily through our perceptions and choice of attitude. Although being “alone” is not always a choice, I believe feeling “lonely” is always a personal choice.

I have never “searched” for a job, a SO or an intimate relationship in my life. I have experienced many of each of those. I feel most occurred because I simply took action when a window of opportunity opened, not because I was actively “searching” for it. (of course the outcomes in each case are stories for another day...lol)

For me the term “Searching” implies some degree of “failure” in the process from the get-go, which creates a negative mental image of the process. So I try to avoid that term, and the concept altogether. (Unless I am getting paid to find somebody...lol)

I believe that “You are what you Think”. It is really just a game. There is nothing in my rule book that says “fooling yourself into thinking positive“...is against the rules. Sometimes that secret strategy makes the difference between winning or losing for some people. In my case, my expectations in life are never based upon “all or nothing“ outcomes. I use the “self-deception-ish” strategy on occasion because I know it will simply keep me IN the game, which is all that matters to me. :)

But that is just me...

Keep your chin up...:hugs:
the only way you can ever “lose” is to “give up“, which is never an option in my world...( where is the fun in that strategy?) :heehee:
:love:

[CherryZips]

Do any of you single Cders pick out certain women that you think may consider accepting your hobby? I for one stay clear of women with young children due to how a protective mother protrays us in a "stereo type way"..I also stay away from the barbie type because I feel they may see my dressing as a threat.. I look more at the plain Jane girl next door type maybe a little tom boyish ..

I have yet to see a complete pattern in what makes a woman interested in a crossdresser but I would point to some things that do not seem to be relevant.

The "barbie"' woman can be into crossdressers. Think of Lolo Ferrari (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lolo_Ferrari) and Jordan (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jordan_(Katie_Price)) in the UK, both were barbie style women who slept with crossdressers. They would see their interest in crossdressers as part of their appreciation of the exaggerated theatrical female form. They would see it as connected. But I think this is understandable theorising after the fact. Many other ultra fem women are not be interested in cders. They might say its a threat or they like their men masculine. There seems to be no correlation there.

Then there is the "fag hag" (never sure if thats an acceptable term) again I see no relationship with women who are gay friendly and those women who are more than tolerant of crossdressers. I've witnessed and read here on this site of gay friendly women who are not interested in femininity in their partners.

As with bi women, you will read some women justify their partnering with cders by their bisexual identity. However I have read plenty of bisexual people, men and women, who say they "like their men to be 'men' and their women to be 'women'."

Another suggested pattern is politically liberal women, I'm not sure this plays true either. Certainly liberal women will champion the rights of personal freedom for sexual expression and identity. But when it comes to loving someone I'm not sure those things can be directly translated. I think if a liberal woman can find herself conflicted between her political ideology to think gender expression should be open to anyone and not a deal breaker yet she does not want to sleep with a crossdresser then there is the possibility of the conservative woman who is stimulated by crossdressing men despite her convictions that "men are men and women are women."

I'd know lots of Tom boys and I'm not sure if they enjoy crossdressers more than average. Certainly they can seem to celebrate masculine activities and lifestyles and may look down on effeminate men. But they then I can imagine a tomboy rationalising it as the crossdresser providing balance in the relationship.

Lastly there is the bdsm women. Personally I have met bdsm women who enjoy crossdressers. They are well aware of kinks and what they mean. They can enjoy it in a role playing sub and dom way, they can enjoy it as a fetish for clothes and as a decadant taboo sexuality. As I have mentioned to others alt sex sites like fetlife will at least be open to cders being open about themselves unlike a lot of mainstream dating sites which will close an account crossdresser is open about themselves. But then you will find female kinksters who fetishise the ultra masculine form as master or slave, such as Bitchy Jones (http://bitchyjones.wordpress.com/) who does not enjoy cders.

So in summary its difficult to see a pattern and those that do each have their own rational. But there is a desire out there. One of the common things I think in both the male and female desire for trans people is the need for contrast between the outer female form and the inner male form. You will hear women saying they like knowing that under all that leather, lace and silk is a male. Likewise you will hear male admirers saying how they like a "girl with a bit extra."

I don't know if that helps but its my take on it.

[Vickie_CDTV]

WOW!!! Now there is a bunch of bitter, narrow minded women!

It is very unfortunate, but it is reality. Most wives hate it, and resent having it foisted on them and having to deal with it. We have plenty of wonderful exceptions here of course, but most wives who I have come into contact with in the years I have been involved in the TG community feel that way. Many truly love their husbands and want to accept it, but even then at the end of the day they still hate it and wish they didn't have to deal with it.

[NicoleScott]

I agree with all that eluuzion said (post #19). You can't control things that happen around you, but you can choose how you react to them.
Having a family is great, but one of the things I miss is time alone. I had lots of it before marriage, learned to use it and appreciate it, and now miss it. Alone, but never lonely.
A final thought: talking with others and from my own experience, I've never had success finding someone/something when actively looking. Only when not dwelling on it did the right person/job/etc appear.

[Jenniferathome]

Of the crowd of people I hang around, I can name at least a half dozen women who not only would date a tranny, but get kinda starry eyed and salivate at the prospect.

I think you are being a bit unfair. The key thing above is "people I hang around." You found an accepting group. That is rare. You are lucky.

[JamieTG]

Try not to get too discouraged. If you are a kind person who treats a woman well, many can be accepting. However you need to be honest early on before things become too serious. In my case, I have more trouble accepting myself than my SO does. I suffer from low self esteem and sometimes I feel disgusted with myself for what I am. I don't know if I'll ever totally accept myself.