no good

[andreapink]

well its all a mess!
the girlfriend left me after 6 months of knowing and being ok with me dressing she had a sudden change of mind and left me. as sad as i am it makes me wanna just dress even more! problem is i havent got the courage to go shopping alone yet and tired of buying stuff online that just ends up not fitting right.
not sure where to go from here, kinda feeling lost.

has anybody else been in my kinda situation and have any advice? i could really use some right now

[Jilmac]

Mourning over the loss of a SO really sucks and I know that dressing helps a person cope with that loss. That being said, you mentioned that you're not ready to go shopping by yourself (and I also know the difficulty in finding something on line that fits the first time. One alternative might be Goodwill or any thrift story of your choice. Goodwill has a wide variety of clothes in every size, style and color imaginable. They also have fitting rooms where you can try on clothes and many of the attendants have no concern over your choice of clothing.

I do a considerable amount of my shopping at thrift stores and come away with many bargains. I have gone underdressed in drab carrying my breast forms in a tote bag and inserting them once I am in the dressing room. I have also gone fully en femme and never got turned away. Perhaps you might want to give that sort of shopping a try. You could end up with a beautiful feminine wardrobe, be able to cope with the loss of your SO, and bring out a whole new feminine personality.

[andreapink]

thanks a bunch for the advice! :) im a little concerned as i live in a small town where everyone seems to know everyone. and it wouldnt be long before im seen. and as i have a pretty good career that i would most likely lose if they found out. also do you have any breast form recommendations?

[Shelly Preston]

You should save up for a shopping trip to a big town thats within travelling distace from you

Goowill will give you more for your money and you can get some wonderful items

[bridgetta]

sucks about the breakup.. nothing but time will fix that.. as for shopping. its all in your head.. tell yourself your buying a gift... put it in your head.. and you can do anything.. maybe trying things on wont work.. but if you have a story in your head.. you can do anything,.. the world is only what you say it is...

[TGMarla]

I can't advise you on your relationship, but as for buying online, it's very helpful to know all of your own measurements, and ask a lot of questions. This will help minimize the frequency of clothes that don't fit.

[DebsUK]

I'm sorry to hear about your breakup :(

I'd suggest getting yourself a tape measure, measuring yourself up and getting an idea to what your size you are (look at the size chart sticky in the fashion/clothing forum to get the dimensions). Then you can order online with more confirdence, or else buy things in shops. Be aware that you might be different sizes top and bottom (I'm a UK10 bottom and a UK12 top) and that you'd need to go for the bigger size in dresses because they cover both your top and bottom. With the right shapewear you can also drop the odd size, but it's not guaranteed.

[Karren H]

Yeah!! The infamous 180!! Not uncommon. If you have a Kohl's near you PM me and I can give you some tried and true tips....

[suzy1]

Sorry for your situation, I can understand you being a bit down at the moment.
As for shopping online, I have not had a problem for a long time.
Maria is right. I know not only my dress size but the style of dress that will fit my shape and the ones that won’t.
My boot size is a size larger than my shoe size and so on.
I shop on ebay and it’s so easy to ask questions before I bid or buy. Waist size, length of skirt, length of arms, everything.
Anyway, I hope your situation gets better very soon.

SUZY

[jennifer easton]

I personally do not buy on line, I'm a hands on type of girl, I like touchy-feely, I like to see what its made of, and how its made. the money exchange is there on the spot, and if its not the right size there's a face you can talk to with little or no trouble for the exchange, saying this how ever, I do realize how some of us do have to be in camo mode, and buying on line is the only venue into the outside world, so Andrea the way I see it there is only one way out babe, a trip off to the big city for some shop-pen!! I think this would do you a world of good, just for nothing else but to get your mind back on track!! A new outfit some new heels and especially some new sexy undies!! will really help to put your ex lady outa the picture hope this helps. love ya girl friend Jenni

[ReineD]

well its all a mess!

has anybody else been in my kinda situation and have any advice? i could really use some right now

I have a question for you before offering advice. Did the CDing (or your girlfriend's perception of the CDing) change at all over the course of the 6 months?

I ask because often a GG will at first (depending on how it's presented) see it as a harmless, fun hobby to be engaged in on occasion and then put on the back burner, with herself still being central to the relationship. But then if she notices a great deal more emphasis placed on CDing activities (the shopping, the talking about it, any body modifications such as shaving, pierced ears, etc, the sheer pleasure it brings you, in other words she may see it as an obsession depending on how often you bring it up), she may come to see herself as a second fiddle or as an accessory to your need to CD.

I don't know if this happened in your relationship, I'm just asking. But usually it takes a while for GGs to fully understand how deeply ingrained it is and how much it means to their SOs and until this happens, the GG can feel as if her SO cares more about the CDing than about her and it's about at this point that a CD would think that she *changed* her mind.

Also .. is it the loss of your gf that you mourn, or do you just need help with finding clothes that fit, breast forms, etc?

[Tina B.]

Reine, why one or the other? Sorry about the girl friend Andrea, It's rough going trough that loss, but as for shopping, I still feel a little scared when buying make up, and underwear, but outerwear, it looks like you are buying a gift, to most outsiders. I've been told told many times how lucky my wife is to have a husband with such great taste in fashion. It's scary the first few times, but go where nobody knows your name, walk in with a smile, and shop away, they really want your money, that's what they are there for. There are women out there that will accept us, I know I found one, so keep looking!
Tina B.

[andreapink]

no she was very open and at first kinda like WOA but then very accepting. she even got me some panties as a gift. i kept it all to myself after that. we didnt talk about it much and she didn't know when i dressed. it wasn't really an issue, then out of the blue she just said she couldn't be with a fag. when im as straight as an arrow. we were together for 2 years and it was a very healthy relationship. never had any problems. but 6 months after she finds out she just left in an angry fit. and i agree with tina, why does it have to be one or the other?

thank you all for your kind support and wonderful advice it is greatly appreciated.

[Ellie Valentine]

maybe she left you not because of cd but something else

[Fab Karen]

Take it from those of us who once long ago were scared to buy things in a thrift store:heehee:, just go shop for what you want, people don't care. Relax & focus on finding what you want. They're just clothes, the staff will treat you the same as if you were buying men's socks.

Small town concerns- South bay, of the bay area S.F.? Take the train into the city to shop.

[ReineD]

out of the blue she just said she couldn't be with a fag. when im as straight as an arrow. we were together for 2 years and it was a very healthy relationship. never had any problems. but 6 months after she finds out she just left in an angry fit. and i agree with tina, why does it have to be one or the other?

Well, I'm sorry about your gf. It does seem odd to me that anyone would just out of the blue say something like this, especially after 2 years. Maybe she didn't tell you the whole story.

And it doesn't have to be about one or the other. I was just wondering if when you asked for help earlier, you meant in getting your gf back or if you've let her go in spirit now and you just need help with the clothes and forms.

If you were asking for advice about getting your gf back (which is how I initially read your post), my best advice is to sit down with her and try to get to the bottom of it. I mean, after 2 years surely she must know you're not gay.

[Gocaps14]

I have been married for 20 years, my wife feels that Within 10 years I am going to comew rto her and tell her I am gay, which I am not.

[OccasionalSkirt]

You could always try volunteering at Goodwill. Then you could have a reason to sift through female clothes, find good deals, more than likely try them on when the store is closed, and get volunteer hours, all at the same time! Plus, I met some of my best girlfriends when I did volunteer and church work (although it took eHarmony to meet my wife).

[docrobbysherry]

I agree with Reine. You didn't break up over CDing! It sounds to me like a communication gap! NOT uncommon in MANY relationships!

U have NOTHING to lose by meeting her just to hash out the REAL issue(s)! If, in fact, u can't guess what they r! The "fag" comment sounds like a cover up! By her, u, or BOTH! Maybe she meant, "unsatisfactory sex"?

[SarahLynn]

Pity about the relationship but perhaps it's for the best.

For many years I drove a truck to a small Northwestern Washington State town where my father lives. There was a small thrift store in that town and when I needed clothes, jeans and shirt or whatever, which I knew would get very dirty and greasy I bought what fit from that store. If they didn't have mens clothes to fit I bought from the ladies isle. I didn't care because they would be worn once or at most twice and then thrown away. It made no sense to spend twenty or more dollars for jeans which would end up in the dumpster (tip) when they were to dirty to wear again. I bought many a pair of pants and blouses for cheap money, and only one time did the sales clerk ask why i had a mix of mens and womens clothes. I explained my reasoning and she directed me to the back of the store where they had many an outfit which was total junk, stains, rips, etc., but good for my use. They were free to me, and most were womens clothes. I was one happy trucker. Some of the clothes were obviously womens but so what, I'd wear them once or twice lubeing the truck or changing the oil or whatever, and in the trash they'd go. No one ever asked why I was wearing womens clothes. I've done the same in a local (near my home) Goodwill and never get questioned either. You are only limited by your fear which is not a reason for not shopping. Go in drab if you must but go shopping.

SarahLynn

[MaryAnn40c]

To make yourself feel better...go shopping!!!!