Dating and the cd'er questions

[Dawn]

Hello all.
I've been looking for my soul mate for a while now and was just wondering how many of you have gone through this? I've been dating GG's but can't help the feeling that my cd'ing will keep me alone for the rest of my life. I run through all the scenarios in my head. What do I say when she asks why I have no body hair? What do I say when she finds my lingerie drawer? Should I be honest with her right away or wait till we get to know each other and hope she won’t hate me for wasting her time? Will she hate me so much that she out’s me on the internet?

Is it possible for a guy like myself to find love? Will I have to purge Dawn in order get it? Can’t we have our cake and eat it too? I know...so many questions. Maybe some of you could help me with the answers. I’d love to hear your thoughts ladies.

Dawn

[Kate Simmons]

Only you can determine what is more important to you my friend.:)

[Courtney]

Only you can determine what is more important to you my friend.:)

couldnt have said it better myself!!

[BRANDYJ]

Dawn, you worry to much! In the process of meeting a woman, you do not need to tell all about your lifestyle. You have no need to worry about her finding your lingerie drawer in the first few dates. Focus on her and show her the important things about you. Never mind about the crossdressing issue until such time you and she both feel that things will progress and maybe become a committed couple. It's a fine line between telling a woman early on and waiting to long. To long would be when she has fallen for the man in you and you have fallen for her to the point of committing to a long term relationship. Tell a woman on the first date or so could be foolish since she does not even know you yet.
Yes, I've gone through it. And never have I been dumped due to my crossdressing. As you get to know a woman, you learn how open-minded she is. How she feels about other lifestyles such as gays, lesbians and maybe even bondage and discipline. Have an idea how she will react long before you tell her about your private life...including crossdressing. Before I have ever told anyone, friends, both male and female, I had a very good idea how they would accept the fact that I am a CD. To be honest, the only person to ever shunned me and put me out of their life is a brainwashed religious fanatic older brother of mine. I have at least 7 female friends that know and enjoy a closer friendship and more trust in me for my trusting them in telling them. But this was not something I did without getting to know them quite well and sensing that they are not prudish, judgmental, homophobic, overly ruined by religious misguiding, and other things that I would not accept in a friend in the first place.
So go date, be a man, put your best foot forward and let them fall for a great guy that later you might share more personal things about yourself with them.

[WifeofWrenchette]

Hello all.
I've been looking for my soul mate for a while now and was just wondering how many of you have gone through this? I've been dating GG's but can't help the feeling that my cd'ing will keep me alone for the rest of my life. I run through all the scenarios in my head. What do I say when she asks why I have no body hair? What do I say when she finds my lingerie drawer? Should I be honest with her right away or wait till we get to know each other and hope she won’t hate me for wasting her time? Will she hate me so much that she out’s me on the internet?

Is it possible for a guy like myself to find love? Will I have to purge Dawn in order get it? Can’t we have our cake and eat it too? I know...so many questions. Maybe some of you could help me with the answers. I’d love to hear your thoughts ladies.

Dawn

There are women out there that will be accepting or even into it, like I am with my SO. I personally wish he'd told me sooner into the relationship. I kinda felt betrayed when his ex-gf told me look into his gym bag and I found the clothes just because she knew and I didn't. I think honesty is always the best policy and if a woman cannot accept ALL of you then she's not worth being with. You will not have to purge Dawn to find your TRUE soul mate.

[Lucy_Bella]

Dawn,.. I am going through this also..I could brush you off by suggesting only you can answen rthat question but that would be way too easy.. I have seen folks mention in here , go through a normal online dating site and letting it out from the start if permitted..
To me that would be odd, on the first meet but maybe they are onto something..??

[Dawn]

Dawn, you worry to much! In the process of meeting a woman, you do not need to tell all about your lifestyle. You have no need to worry about her finding your lingerie drawer in the first few dates. Focus on her and show her the important things about you. Never mind about the crossdressing issue until such time you and she both feel that things will progress and maybe become a committed couple. It's a fine line between telling a woman early on and waiting to long. To long would be when she has fallen for the man in you and you have fallen for her to the point of committing to a long term relationship. Tell a woman on the first date or so could be foolish since she does not even know you yet.
Yes, I've gone through it. And never have I been dumped due to my crossdressing. As you get to know a woman, you learn how open-minded she is. How she feels about other lifestyles such as gays, lesbians and maybe even bondage and discipline. Have an idea how she will react long before you tell her about your private life...including crossdressing. Before I have ever told anyone, friends, both male and female, I had a very good idea how they would accept the fact that I am a CD. To be honest, the only person to ever shunned me and put me out of their life is a brainwashed religious fanatic older brother of mine. I have at least 7 female friends that know and enjoy a closer friendship and more trust in me for my trusting them in telling them. But this was not something I did without getting to know them quite well and sensing that they are not prudish, judgmental, homophobic, overly ruined by religious misguiding, and other things that I would not accept in a friend in the first place.
So go date, be a man, put your best foot forward and let them fall for a great guy that later you might share more personal things about yourself with them.


There are women out there that will be accepting or even into it, like I am with my SO. I personally wish he'd told me sooner into the relationship. I kinda felt betrayed when his ex-gf told me look into his gym bag and I found the clothes just because she knew and I didn't. I think honesty is always the best policy and if a woman cannot accept ALL of you then she's not worth being with. You will not have to purge Dawn to find your TRUE soul mate.

Ladies, thank you for your replies. It's great to hear from both sides. I feel alot better after reading them.

[Dawn]

Dawn,.. I am going through this also..I could brush you off by suggesting only you can answen rthat question but that would be way too easy.. I have seen folks mention in here , go through a normal online dating site and letting it out from the start if permitted..
To me that would be odd, on the first meet but maybe they are onto something..??

Lucy, that takes alot of guts if you ask me. Don't know if I could do that. Hun I hope you'll let me know how things go for you with this. Maybe we can lean on each other.

[Amy Lynn3]

Dawn, you worry to much! In the process of meeting a woman, you do not need to tell all about your lifestyle. You have no need to worry about her finding your lingerie drawer in the first few dates. Focus on her and show her the important things about you. Never mind about the crossdressing issue until such time you and she both feel that things will progress and maybe become a committed couple. It's a fine line between telling a woman early on and waiting to long. To long would be when she has fallen for the man in you and you have fallen for her to the point of committing to a long term relationship. Tell a woman on the first date or so could be foolish since she does not even know you yet.
Yes, I've gone through it. And never have I been dumped due to my crossdressing. As you get to know a woman, you learn how open-minded she is. How she feels about other lifestyles such as gays, lesbians and maybe even bondage and discipline. Have an idea how she will react long before you tell her about your private life...including crossdressing. Before I have ever told anyone, friends, both male and female, I had a very good idea how they would accept the fact that I am a CD. To be honest, the only person to ever shunned me and put me out of their life is a brainwashed religious fanatic older brother of mine. I have at least 7 female friends that know and enjoy a closer friendship and more trust in me for my trusting them in telling them. But this was not something I did without getting to know them quite well and sensing that they are not prudish, judgmental, homophobic, overly ruined by religious misguiding, and other things that I would not accept in a friend in the first place.
So go date, be a man, put your best foot forward and let them fall for a great guy that later you might share more personal things about yourself with them.

Dawn, Brandy nailed the answer for you, so follow her advise and allow your gf the opportunity to make up her own mind about things. If she can't handle it, then go on a dating site, like plenty of fish and find you a nice lady and then follow Brandy's advise.

[BRANDYJ]

Dawn,.. I am going through this also..I could brush you off by suggesting only you can answen rthat question but that would be way too easy.. I have seen folks mention in here , go through a normal online dating site and letting it out from the start if permitted..
To me that would be odd, on the first meet but maybe they are onto something..??

Dawn, I don't think this is the way to go. I believe a great number of women can and do accept that their partner is a CD once they know them as a man first. Putting it out there before ever making contact with a woman will surely get you labeled as some kind of freak or weirdo before they can discover the more important things about you. If you want to stay single, go ahead and scare them off before even an introductory message from them. Remember, most women are uneducated about exactly what a CD is and is not. Most have the Jerry Springer mentality simply because they never knew a crossdresser. But those same women given a chance to know the gentleman in you, and other attributes that might attract them, learn that you are otherwise very normal and loving. To put the fact that you are a CD in your profile is no different then listing your sexual activities, likes and dislikes. It's just to much information (TMI), to soon.
Now on the other hand, if you post a profile on alternative lifestyle/dating sites such as collarme.com or FetLife, then go ahead and be as open and honest about your being a CD. BTW, I met my current SO on Collarme.com over 4 years ago. Yes, my profile had both male and fem pictures of me. I was painfully honest about who I was, what I was, and what I was looking for. But in no way would I suggest you do this on a vanilla dating site.

[Rachel Morley]

Hi Dawn,

I agree with a lot of the things BrandyJ and Wenchette2 said. You don't need to tell her immediately, but you also don't want to wait too long, especially when things start to get serious and you care about one another. There's a fine point of judgement as to when to actually tell her and when to wait. Only you can decide where that point lies. When you start to fall for each other and you get to a point where you are opening up and sharing the more personal aspects of yourselves, you know, the point where honesty and integrity become a cornerstone of a developing relationship, then that might be the time to tell her.

Smaller less important things like sharing with her why you don't have any body hair are a little bit tricky. It maybe a time where you know and care enough about each other enough to be intimate, but you're not quite committed enough to tell each other all your most intimate secrets. It's tricky because you don't share everything immediately because you don't feel comfortable enough, but then later when you do want to "go deeper" and you tell her everything, you don't want it to appear that you lied to her earlier. As to the exact thing to say about say lack of body hair, well I used to say that I liked the "smooth tanned look" ... BUT ... in my particular case I was working-out a lot at the time and so had a more muscular physique back then, so saying that I liked to have a tanned and hairless like body builders and athletes was not stretching the truth too far. I did like the smooth tanned look and it was partly for the reasons I gave her so I wasn't actually lying ... but I wasn't sharing the whole truth either. If you don't have a muscular physique and you are not tanned then I guess you are going to say something different than what I did ... still the truth, but not the entire truth ... like perhaps that it's just a "thing" that you are into at the moment. A modern metro-sexual look that you just happen to prefer. :2c:

Hugs
Rachel

[Lucy_Bella]

Lucy, that takes alot of guts if you ask me. Don't know if I could do that. Hun I hope you'll let me know how things go for you with this. Maybe we can lean on each other.

Lol Dawn I don't think I will do this either ...I am to secluded over my dressing..I really need a few meets first before I even give a hint..

[AnnaCalliope]

After having a few close calls with my first girlfriends, I made it a point to let every possible relationship know about "Anna" by date number three. I actually told most of my lovers on the first date, but I've always befriended the outcasts and rogues of society, so I was rarely the first GBLT person they had dated or at least expressed interest in. I've been involved with 4 women (including my SO) who actively sought out TG folk. There are lots of women out there who are not only accepting of CD/TG but actively enjoy it. There are few, however, who will openly admit to it, for fear of a similar degree of rejection and humiliation that we face.

[ReineD]

If I were in love with you, I wouldn't drop you just because you CD. :) I'd want to know early in our relationship though, because then I'd feel that you trust me enough to show me the most vulnerable part of yourself. I'd also admire your honesty. I'd feel compassion for your past needs to keep this side of yourself hidden, and I'd support your freedom of expression fully. But at the same time, I'd have the same qualms that you have about telling the rest of the world, our families, friends, and our coworkers. I would hope that we could find compromises that would suit both of us. Maybe in time, we could stretch together, depending of course on what was happening in the rest of our lives.

I'd also like it if you had a pretty good handle on who you are. For example, it might be difficult if, after having lived together for some years, you then discovered that you wanted to transition or perhaps live full time. I don't know that I'd want to end it between us if this ever happened, since this would depend on factors that are too numerous to list here. I'm just saying that I don't know how I'd react; I may or may not be able to alter my sexual preferences and live with another woman. It would just be so much better to know in advance if you think there might be a chance it would happen.

[Patty B.]

ReineD said it best, be honest about the cd'ing early on because it doesn't go away, maybe for a couple of years, but it will be back and then it may be to late for your so to deal with it. Speaking from experience.

[noeleena]

Hi.

I have been on a dating site & looking for women who may & i meam.... MAY....be interested in a friend one of .two who is staying with us in his caravan ,

now an interesting detail that has come up & are woman only , im finding quite a few are bi , lesbain & are looking for other women . Now i was unaware that there would be any or many in fact who would go on a dateing site . i dont have access to all of it as im not sure of a few details . any way im not on any others . so this thought has been that many of these women are quite close to where we live & many others of cause live some 200 miles away .

Im very weary of dateing sites & thats just me. never mind
You may find some very nice women / ladys that you may be able to have contact with & or meet some in womens groups like i have ,. mind you im just a woman so no details there.

Just my thoughts ,

Iv just come back, Thinking about what Reine said , of cause im thinking as a woman how would i work through this as a woman & i was seeing some one & out of the blue they say oh dear im a Dresser or Trans
after we had been to gether for some time or are married hmmmm so i looked at it from Jos s perspetive . i would not as a woman handle it very good . why this of cause is calling the pot black im outer here . i married a man you are not a woman .
Now i do know some women have no problems at all in fact they accept it far better than men do. the sad fact is many dont as can be said For Jos & i tho Jos & i have stayed to gether for 14 years after i told Jos im a woman & she helped & backed me up . what im getting at is you must think as a woman to understand how we feel about it. bloody hard to say the least.
Theres no easy answer & every one is so different.

Hope you do find a nice loveing woman

Hugs xxx

...noeleena...

[KrystalA]

Dawn, after reading all the responses, I'd say Brandy hit the nail on the head. You need to feel the flow if the relationship, and you will know when the time is right. Good luck, and be happy!

[j4fun]

I've been pretty lucky, I've let every woman I've ever dated know very early in the relationship and it's never been an issue. Some have been more interested in it than others but no outright rejection. Truth be told though I did grow up around a lot of dance and theatre folks, still consider myself a goth kid well into my 30s, and without ever really trying I do tend to date (and eventually married) women who identify as queer to some degree. This was never a conscious choice, but looking back at the last 20 years I can see pretty clearly the personality traits that I'm attracted to and without over-generalizing I think it's a selection bias for folks who would not likely have any hang-ups about my dressing or any number of other more "fringe" interests.

[Jenniferathome]

Tell her if you get the opening. You can only win. Stopping our cross dressing is not an option. I wish....

[Jill Devine]

Dawn, what you expect is as much as you will get. If you expect to find problems then you are bound to prove yourself right. So be positive, focus on being an awesome catch and expect the best.

It is possible to have it all. Sometimes it just takes time.