Crossing the Line

[AKAMichelle]

How do you know when you are crossing the line? The line I am talking about is when you become happier as a female than as a male.

I have been a crossdresser for a very long time, but the line seems to be blurring for me some lately. I feel terrible when I go anywhere lately and it isn't Michelle who is going out. I almost feel like my male side is slowly dying. I have always been in the inbetween area where I am neither crossdresser or TS. I just wonder if I moving closer to TS.

Has anyone else experienced any of these feelings and where did it lead?

[Kate Simmons]

You know you are making progress when it isn't about gender any more. You are becoming a full spectrum person.:)

[LitaKelley]

I crossed that line.. When I first come here, I was just a crossdresser whom said I didn't want to physically be or become a woman, but that changed once I discovered my true self, and that I am more content and so much happier identifying and presenting as female. As a result, I'm going full time 24/7, have made changes to my life to accommodate this, and am considering and preparing for transition. I'm at the point where being male actually depresses me, and makes me cry

[sissystephanie]

So far I have only found one person on this forum who has been a crossdresser longer than I have! That said, in all that time, close to 70 years, I have never even come close to "The Line!" In fact, today is the first time I heard of it. I am a man who likes to wear feminine clothing!! It doesn't do anything for me, other than I love the fit, feel. and look of those clothes! But dressing as a male, which I do every day, doesn't make me cry! Why should it? I am a male!! My true self does have a feminine side, which most likely can be found in most males if they would care to look for it!! But that certainly does not mean that the person is really feminine!! I am not casting stones at anyone on this forum, because we are all individuals with totally different personalities. I am jusy expressing my own views!!

[AKAMichelle]

I don't cry when I wear male clothes, but I do prefer being Michelle. I am beginning to really dig deep and figure out who I really am.

[Lorileah]

The line shifts all the time. Sort of like when the Broncos play and that goal keeps moving further away. You are just getting comfortable Michelle, thats all and right now you are more on the fem side. That line will change again many times but eventually you will settle where you belong. It has been a banner year for you and the excitement has affected the "line". Just go with the flow for now

[Michelle.M]

You know you are making progress when it isn't about gender any more. You are becoming a full spectrum person.:)

THAT is an EXCELLENT answer!

[NathalieX66]

For me, gender is a slalom course. I'll go either way, I'll push both to the max and I will go right and left. Just don't keep me in one spot.
At the end of the day, I do what's right for me. The reality is I have the same or similar struggles as anyone who is TG. I'm not going all the way, nor am I going to sit on the sidelines either.

I am an in-betweener, and always will be.

[Billie Jean]

For me, gender is a slalom course. I'll go either way, I'll push both to the max and I will go right and left. Just don't keep me in one spot.
At the end of the day, I do what's right for me. The reality is I have the same or similar struggles as anyone who is TG. I'm not going all the way, nor am I going to sit on the sidelines either.

I am an in-betweener, and always will be.This is how I feel. I love being Bill as well as Bille Jean. I just go the way I feel at the moment. I'm a nurse at work and a biker sometimes then others I love to go out dressed to the nines enfemme. No one I work with knows about Billie Jean but I'm not ready to take that step. Billie Jean

[Bethany38]

I don't know if I remember the line, or when I crossed it, but it does seem like I am Bethany more than Thom anymore. I went shopping today at Wally World. What used to be the norm never even crossed my mind, and I needed oil to. I did not even think about the automotive dept. while I was shopping for new shoes, earing's and piercing gun, toe rings, foundation, and socks. Ohh well I guess I will just ride on the rode of self discovery for a while and re-invent myself. You cannot go back into the closet once you have kicked the door off the frackin hinges.:heehee:

[Robin Lee]

Hi Michele,
I have been going back and forth over the line for year and now. I now find my self going from just an out and about crossdresser to stepping over that line completly. I find my self now working with my endo to start HRT hopefully in May. watch what you wish for girl, it may just find you!

Best wishes,
Robin Lee

[alexiss]

I can't say what constitutes a happy medium or what crosses any line. I have yet to go public. Its hard for me...one day my wife is cool with it and the next...well not so much. The people I work with are not ok with anything but NASCAR and golf and money. That's not me. Whatever feels good and right...well, that's your line.

[Daenna Paz]

My "line" disappeared in my rear-view mirror a long time ago!! :eek:

I love Denise's answer ... very well put ... ;^)

I am on a sliding scale ... :lol: :lol2:

[Karinsamatha]

Over the last three weeks I have been thinking very hard about the position I am in and which way to go. I think I have crossed the "line" I am indeed much happier when I am Karin, and yes I think the male side of me is very slowly fading out of the picture.
What you describe when you have to go out as a man is very close to how I feel when I have to get ready for work in the morning - In a word depressed. So I try very hard not think about it.
I think it is time for me to seek out a therapist.

[AKAMichelle]

When I read some of these responses, I am reminded of a quote from Oliver Wendell Holmes.

"A Man's mind stretched by a new idea will never go back to its original dimensions."

There is no going back now. I am too far out of the closet and I have no idea where I am heading. I just know that this ride is beginning to pick up speed taking me somewhere and I don't want the ride to stop just yet.

[eluuzion]

hiya M,

It was always my understanding that when you find yourself unconsciously just sitting there "waiting" after the dinner check arrives, you have crossed the line.:heehee:

I could be wrong...:)

Let's face it...when you are a CD, life just becomes one big "StreetCar named Desire", now doesn't it? :D

Hey, no rules on this bus. Everybody gets to make up their own and ride as long as they want! All Aboard !

Earth, what a great Planet, eh?...:D:drink::D

:hugs:
:love:

[Billie Jean]

When I read some of these responses, I am reminded of a quote from Oliver Wendell Holmes.

"A Man's mind stretched by a new idea will never go back to its original dimensions."

There is no going back now. I am too far out of the closet and I have no idea where I am heading. I just know that this ride is beginning to pick up speed taking me somewhere and I don't want the ride to stop just yet.I hope you go to the place you want to be. Have fun and just be yourself.Billie Jean

[darla_g]

i think it is all a matter of finding your personal "comfort zone"

[sterling12]

So, I imagine that you are somewhat distressed about this, and probably feel a bit guilty because Things have seemingly gotten out of hand?

Anything that constitutes an "unknown" is distressing, because we can't control what will happen. BUT, we can Adjust to changing circumstances. No one says that if you have somehow crossed over some Mental Barrier, you can't back up and recross, returning from whence you came. However, I don't think you want to do that, and so your stuck with ambivalent feelings? Obvious Answer is relax, and let this new situation "settle-over" you. Perhaps in a few days, or weeks. or months, The Ambivalence will pass.

If it doesn't, then you will need some professional help. A lot of The "Work" that goes into Transition is about learning new coping skills. If you decide to take this to a logical conclusion, you will eventually have to go through The Gateway provided by A psychologist. Can't be much harm in starting that process just a bit sooner?

Peace and Love, Joanie

[JamieTG]

I have already crossed the line to where I need to feel feminine all the time. I knew I crossed the line when I started becoming anxious and depressed any time I tried to put it away; even for just a day.

[SuzanneBender]

Michelle welcome to the mid path. Its a tough place to be but I know many women that identify as TS but live the bulk of their lives as male and they make it work. I understand what you are feeling. There are days that I don't think I can take another breath as a male. Then there are days that I couldn't picture giving up my male side and all of the gifts that it has given me. The best part about the mid-path is that you can have both. You can bask in your feminity while also enjoying things no other woman will ever have the opportunity to experience. Remember you are you no matter who is staring back at you in the mirror.

[Rogina B]

In our economy,splitting the difference is about financial survival!

[Tina B.]

Michelle, I've been following your post for a long time now, and you have changed, you speak so differently about your live, and how things effect you differently. Your look as changed a lot also, you look much softer and much more content in your photos now. I think finding out your where more than a crossdresser has been really good for you, you sound happier. I've been feeling a lot, of what your saying lately. I find it harder to have to go back to my male persona, and still being in the closet, it gets rough, on days I have to go out. I'm not ready to get out yet, but on the other hand I am starting to avoid things that require me to go out and be him. I never thought of myself as having been TS in any way, and don't really feel like a woman in the wrong body necessarily, I feel more like a male, with the wrong brain installed. But day by day, that brain is getting stronger and stronger, and is taking over my whole thinking process. I may not be a woman, in a mans body, but I really would love to be a body in tune with it's brain, and that would be feminine.
Tina B.

[AKAMichelle]

So, I imagine that you are somewhat distressed about this, and probably feel a bit guilty because Things have seemingly gotten out of hand?

Anything that constitutes an "unknown" is distressing, because we can't control what will happen. BUT, we can Adjust to changing circumstances. No one says that if you have somehow crossed over some Mental Barrier, you can't back up and recross, returning from whence you came. However, I don't think you want to do that, and so your stuck with ambivalent feelings? Obvious Answer is relax, and let this new situation "settle-over" you. Perhaps in a few days, or weeks. or months, The Ambivalence will pass.

It definitely is distressing. My wife and I have been dating and depending upon the days determines how it is going. Some days terrible while other are pretty good. The pressure to the relationship that my girl time causes is beginning to show. She wants me to be a man, but I am much happier as Michelle. Now she goes out with me as Michelle, but fusses about it from time to time.


Michelle welcome to the mid path. Its a tough place to be but I know many women that identify as TS but live the bulk of their lives as male and they make it work. I understand what you are feeling. There are days that I don't think I can take another breath as a male. Then there are days that I couldn't picture giving up my male side and all of the gifts that it has given me. The best part about the mid-path is that you can have both. You can bask in your feminity while also enjoying things no other woman will ever have the opportunity to experience. Remember you are you no matter who is staring back at you in the mirror.

I can definitely say that I don't like the mid-path. It seems to be much harder to navigate.


Michelle, I've been following your post for a long time now, and you have changed, you speak so differently about your live, and how things effect you differently. Your look as changed a lot also, you look much softer and much more content in your photos now. I think finding out your where more than a crossdresser has been really good for you, you sound happier. I've been feeling a lot, of what your saying lately. I find it harder to have to go back to my male persona, and still being in the closet, it gets rough, on days I have to go out. I'm not ready to get out yet, but on the other hand I am starting to avoid things that require me to go out and be him. I never thought of myself as having been TS in any way, and don't really feel like a woman in the wrong body necessarily, I feel more like a male, with the wrong brain installed. But day by day, that brain is getting stronger and stronger, and is taking over my whole thinking process. I may not be a woman, in a mans body, but I really would love to be a body in tune with it's brain, and that would be feminine.
Tina B.

This is probably the truest statement so far. I have definitely changed and things are continuing to change. That causes me to wonder where this path that I am on will lead. I never really thought of myself as TS, but even that is a big question mark now. The only thing that I know for sure is that as Michelle I am much happier and enjoy life more. I wish I understood things better, but it will take more reflection and study of myself to figure this one out.

[Prissy Linda]

I've always had one foot over the line, one step ahead or behind.

[sally silverfox]

I find that I'm truly uncomfortable if I go very long without being Sally.Circumstances dictate that I remain in my male persona in public most of the time but I'm nearly always enfemme in mind and spirit even then and at home I am able to dress and fully express my fem side.Will it go further?I truly don't know.Do I want it to?I truly can not answer that question at this time.I realise that I must not force the issue so I'm comfortable with my being naturally evolving.

[Lorileah]

I can definitely say that I don't like the mid-path. It seems to be much harder to navigate.


which is why so many stray off of it so frequently. If you can maintain at least a close to middle of the road for awhile, the side you NEED to be on will become more apparent. And even if you don't decide to stay on thta side, at least you know where it is. Life should be about exploring and learning.

It is always harder when you have a passenger on the road. If (when) you were alone, then the dcision is totally on you. You have your idea of who you are. Whenever you add another person, then they have an idea of who you should be. trite answer is that you are the one you need to make happy. If you can make the other person happy in the same time frame, all the better because you will be happier. I know this and understand how their fussing can become an annoyance. Too short too long to whatever. If you always follow their opinion, you will lose yourself again and be back where you were a scant few months ago. Compromise when you can, stand up when you can't. We all second guess ourselves but we usually had the right answr all along.

[RenneB]

When I watched that old movie DrJekyll and ms hyde I thought to myself that's me. There are two of us locked up in one body. Renne always wants to come out and play, but the guy has to make money. Okay, it's not really like that, but I did like the movie. I found the drug, it comes from ebay and it's under women's fashion. The dress....not to mention all that other stuff. This is much better than any of the real drugs that I've done in my past...

[AKAMichelle]

which is why so many stray off of it so frequently. If you can maintain at least a close to middle of the road for awhile, the side you NEED to be on will become more apparent. And even if you don't decide to stay on thta side, at least you know where it is. Life should be about exploring and learning.

It is always harder when you have a passenger on the road. If (when) you were alone, then the dcision is totally on you. You have your idea of who you are. Whenever you add another person, then they have an idea of who you should be. trite answer is that you are the one you need to make happy. If you can make the other person happy in the same time frame, all the better because you will be happier. I know this and understand how their fussing can become an annoyance. Too short too long to whatever. If you always follow their opinion, you will lose yourself again and be back where you were a scant few months ago. Compromise when you can, stand up when you can't. We all second guess ourselves but we usually had the right answr all along.

This is definitely great food for thought and so true. I feel like my wife being in the picture right now is causing this to become more difficult that it should be.

[Jessica_Dillon]

Michelle welcome to the mid path. Its a tough place to be but I know many women that identify as TS but live the bulk of their lives as male and they make it work. I understand what you are feeling. There are days that I don't think I can take another breath as a male. Then there are days that I couldn't picture giving up my male side and all of the gifts that it has given me. The best part about the mid-path is that you can have both. You can bask in your feminity while also enjoying things no other woman will ever have the opportunity to experience. Remember you are you no matter who is staring back at you in the mirror.

I really like what you said here, Suzanne. Especially your final sentence. Just be happy with you you are, live each day to the fullest, and, as Cornelius Robinson says; "Keep Moving Forward!"

[Tina B.]

This is definitely great food for thought and so true. I feel like my wife being in the picture right now is causing this to become more difficult that it should be.

Of course that will make it more difficult, as I recall, you separated because she doesn't like the whole crossdressing thing, and now that the two of you are dating, I would think she hates the competition even more. It's hard, you have years invested in the marriage, but then you have let your feminine side run loose for a while now. How can you be a good husband, while trying to figure out just what kind of woman you are? you have a big decision coming up in your life, and you are going to have to decide are you a part time CD with a less than thrilled SO, or are you a Trans women in the making? I've heard it said many times. Status as a transgendered male is fluid, maybe you should just follow the flow for now, until you know for sure who, and what you are. It wouldn't be fair to either of you to go to far until you figure it out.
Tina B.

[Daenna Paz]

I feel like my wife being in the picture right now is causing this to become more difficult that it should be.

Is your wife just "in the picture" or is she an integral part of your life?
Answer this and you may find some balance ... ;^)

[Nikki A.]

I don't even know where the line is anymore. If you told me that I would be attending church on Sundays, going out for brunch and shopping alone as Nikki a few years ago I would have said that you were crazy. But I do and don't really care what others thnk. I have met a few very nice people along the way and they have given me the courage to live life my way.

[Terri Andrews]

The answer is simple for me ,"Old Age" and responisibilies keep me from crossing the line .
I wake up and hate to put on my drab male clothes so I have to remind myself every day to be happy with the freedom that I have .
This keeps my SO and Family happy ,but it is slowly wearing me out.