How I Explained to My Wife

[Phoebe P.]

I started off by explaining my first time trying on pantyhose and one of my first sexual experiences.

We have a business we run together. It's been VERY difficult over the past few years. We expanded the business right before the economic collapse. I've had a pretty tough time mentally. At several points I thought we would lose everything. I took it personally as a total failure on my part and I've never failed at anything I set my mind to. I was miserable and she doesn't know it and may never know it but I was close to suicidal.

I had nothing in my day to look forward to. We haven't had a vacation since '02. I stayed up as late as possible in the hope that the next day wouldn't come or at least be delayed.

I now have something to look forward to at the end of the day. What is Phoebe going to wear?

Crossdressing may have saved my life.


What I told my wife, "When I wear women's clothes and makeup it's like getting a big hug."

Something about me...

Damnit! Now I'm crying and my mascara is running!

Just today I have been allowed to post. I have about a dozen posts. Why can't I stop crying and being weepy? I'm not usually like this...

[busker]

Hi Phoebe,
Hang in there, get yourself a tissue, wipe those tearfull eyes, give your wife a hug and things will be better. I'm assuming she is OK with your dressing, and that as you say will be something to look forward to each and every day. Chin up, girl, life is a B...., but you'll get through now.

[Phoebe P.]

Thank you busker. It's been tough. I am actually laughing again now that I'm dressing. I also have started paying attention to any negative vibes I give off. I don't want to hurt my wife.

[Eryn]

Just today I have been allowed to post. I have about a dozen posts. Why can't I stop crying and being weepy? I'm not usually like this...

With all the emotion you're going through today it is not surprising. Not unnatural, either. Welcome to the experience of a fuller set of emotions than you knew you had!

[Phoebe P.]

It's kind of scary. I've been dressing for a couple of months but haven't felt like this.

I tend to "stress fast". I seldom have an appetite when I'm working hard and stressed. On the rare times I get away from home, work, and stress I eat like a pig! I'm 6'4", 175# and falling. Looks good in my dresses and panties, but not so good to my doctor. I've tried drinking Ensure Vanilla but they taste horrible. I put chocolate in them, but they're still not very good.

Some people think losing weight is a problem. I have the opposite problem and may start crying for the third time tonight! What is going on? I'm NOT a crier!

[Marissa]

Phoebe, many will say that it happens..but it depends on what is going on..yes, it can be a simple movie or show..but something triggers it. So how about more info..sorry I haven't read your past posts..k?

[Phoebe P.]

I've always liked to crossdress since I was 10 or so. I've seen a lot of people talk about TG. How on Earth do you know or is it just naturally known? Some confusion going on here. I'm very bi-curious, married, and not sure how to proceed.

I don't want to be rude. I hope I haven't been.

I came out to my wife 2 months ago after she kept seeing lipstick on the comforter.

We own a small business and expanded before the economy collapsed. Several times I thought we were going to lose everything. I gave control to my wife of the bills. I am WAY too emotional. She's very practical.

I started fully dressing about 2 months ago. It feels wonderful and I have just been able to post on the board today! I've been waiting like a kid at the mailbox for 4 days!

[Marissa]

Okay Phoebe, from the multiple posts you are doing, I can see you are in a state of confusion. Looking for all the answers to be like right in front of you. I'm sure that this thread is in the wrong place and maybe the mods will move it.

So you are very confused..we all get that at times.. you cry..and maybe have reasons to.. you are evolving..towards what? well that hopefully will be clear to you soon.

Now about the question at hand.. some are born with the question..and realize early in life..or fight it all, until that one day it becomes clear and the next battle wages.

Some are just crossdressers..meaning that pleasure or relaxation is provided by putting on a dress and makeup or parts of.

As far as being bi-curious..well is that always been there? or now that you are putting attire on? I have felt my bi-tendecies through most of my adult life..okay..as a boy, I did experienment. But for the most part, I didn't seek out to try it in adult life..but lately, yes..with cds and I'm okay with it. So I"m bi.. big deal.. well, if a future SO is not okay with it, then I better let that be known right off the bat.

So.. you may just be a crossdresser who loves the feel, look.. and comfort that comes with dressing.. and yes, you might have been bi all along..what you do with that is up to you.. How to proceed? hmmm again..that is up to you..and how much your wife will accept..

Sorry that you are having frustrations with it all..but you are in a good place here to get advice, etc.

Hugs,
Marissa

So if it all feels so wonderful..and she handles the stress of bills..why are you crying? and what type of crying is it? Happy or sad or lost crying? And for a bit of advice..slow down.. the site is not going anywhere.. lol.. sorry..not laughing at you..but you are just opening thread after thread.

[ReineD]

Phoebe .. I've merged several of your threads and posts. I think it's best for you to keep just one thread going to process all your feelings for now. Later on, when things have calmed down a bit, you can post more specific questions in the appropriate sections.

Welcome to the forum! :)

[Maria in heels]

Phoebe...rush of emotions, crying, feeling happy when you dress -- staying up all night, worrying constantly...these are all signs of the enormous stress that you are going thru, and you need to try try try to keep yourself level, calm, and happy. If your wife is not too upset with your dressing (you don't say ya or na in your posts after telling her) then ask permission to dress to relieve some of the stress. The calmness that you feel when dressing is also from the stress of you trying to "hide" this from everyone...

take it slow, do the best that you can, and start eating a little..the Ensure's are not going to cut it...if you get physically sick, where will you be then?

hugs Maria

[DebsUK]

You are pathetic! I mean, have you never heard of waterproof mascara, for crying out loud? I rememeber one of my first times trying makeup and I had this really cheap makeup set from a department store including mascara and an eyeliner that I think was actually made from cola it was so hard, then I decided to chop some onions for dinner. I looked like a cross between Alice Cooper and a panda by the time I'd finished LOL

Congratualtions on coming out to your wife. I'm guessing she is fairly OK with you dressing. I know how much of a release the whole ritual of dressing and makeup can be, so that's fantastic after all the stress you've had through your business. I hope you can take things forward together :)

[Gocaps14]

I haven't read the whole thread but as far as the crying goes it sounds like you are releasing emotions that have built up over the course of your daily life. It happens to me too. Better that than drinking or violence, so good for you, you are a good person. It also sounds like you dress because it feels good, again similar to me. Life is tough and no one knows what tomorrow will bring, so my advice is take care of your wife/family, be good to yourself and when you can slip into something you like to wear and enjoy yourself. Then get some rest and do it all over again. Good luck!

[Phoebe P.]

Sorry about the shotgun posts! Today is much better!

[charlie]

Hello Phoebe!
The last two years have been exceptionally awful as far as business is concerned. I own apartment complexes and watched our complex in Phoenix fall from 100% full with a waiting list to 50% empty. While in Phoenix I started crossdressing again after a 12 year hiatus. Dressing certainly does give one a different perspective and feeling. Now I go out every night while in Phoenix and be the girl I want to be. On the good side things economically speaking are getting better. I'm also doing my hair and makeup much better too!

[Rachel05]

Do you know it is similar for me, I went through a really tough time at work, well work went through a really tough time and cross dressing was my calming influence, my stress buster, my ability to leave the crappy stuff behind for a little while and when my wife discovered my "little secret" I explained it to her just like you have

I am not saying that is the only reason I dress though, I dress because I love it and it is part of me, but the stress buster is a happy side line