Hotel - stay: Doing my homework

[ReneeT]

I will be staying at an upscale hotel in DC next week and will be en femme much of the time. I sent them this email in preparation for my stay:


Good afternoon - I will be a guest at your property tomorrow, March 5, thru Weds March 10.* I am a transgendered individual and present as female a majority of the time.* I have reviewed your corporate diversity policy, and am aware that your parent company received a perfect score on the latest Corporate Equality Index - congratulations!* I would like to know if this inclusive perspective applies to your property, and if my TG status presents any issues for you* Also, I would appreciate it if you might make a note that my preferred name is Renee.
*
Thank You.* I am looking forward to my stay



I'll post the reply. For what it's worth, I like Marriot properties because of their HRC score

[RenneB]

What a great way of understanding the place you're going to stay in girl. Good job. I'm impressed.

Oh... love your name also...

Renne... (.)(.)

[ReneeT]

I got a response already!


Dear xxxxxxxxxx,
Thank you so much for your email. You are absolutely correct we are a very diverse hotel and all guests are welcome.* I can assure you that we treat all our guests with the same level of service, so please do not have any concerns about your arrival.* I have also notified our staff about your name preference of Renee during your stay.*
Should you have any needs or requests during your visit to our property please do not hesitate to contact our manager on duty who will be happy to assist you as I will be out of the office at the time of your visit.
Again, we look forward to welcoming you to The Ritz-Carlton, Washington , D.C.
Warm regards,
Stephanie

Renne, i love your name too!

[Stephenie S]

Well, my advice? Don't send that note. There is absolutely NO reason to involve the hotel in your private life. Can you imagine ANY other minority group asking that question?

"Hello, I am Black. Will you be accepting of me if I came to you hotel?"

"Hello, I'm heterosexual, Will that be OK with you guys?"

"Oh, by the way I am an Episcopalian. May I stay in your hotel?"

"Im gay. May I came to your hotel?"

"Oh, by the way, I'm a woman. Is it OK if I stay at your hotel?"

None of this, including your desire to wear women's clothing, is ANY of their business. Nor, you will find out when you get there, will they care. Sorry. They won't care a bit. Come in, do your business, behave yourself, pay your bill, and they won't care if you want to wear a clown suit and stannd on your head.

[Paula_56]

The tide is turning girls!!

[Stephenie S]

I got a response already!


Dear xxxxxxxxxx,
Thank you so much for your email. You are absolutely correct we are a very diverse hotel and all guests are welcome.* I can assure you that we treat all our guests with the same level of service, so please do not have any concerns about your arrival.* I have also notified our staff about your name preference of Renee during your stay.*
Should you have any needs or requests during your visit to our property please do not hesitate to contact our manager on duty who will be happy to assist you as I will be out of the office at the time of your visit.
Again, we look forward to welcoming you to The Ritz-Carlton, Washington , D.C.
Warm regards,
Stephanie

See? They don't care one whit. No need to send questions like that ever. Even if they DID care, what are they going to say? No, you can't come because you CD? THAT'S not going to happen. There is never any need to draw attention to yourself just because you crossdress.

[GaleWarning]

Stephanie is right on one level ... one should not need to forewarn the hotel and its staff.

On another level, though, I think you were wise, Renee, to email them. How many times on these threads do we read that the way to gain full acceptance is to communicate, communicate, communicate?
Now, not only will you feel a lot more comfortable when you pitch up there, THE STAFF WILL, TOO, because they will be fully aware of your special status with management and will treat you accordingly (ie. you will be especially pampered). That is worth it!

Enjoy your stay, Renee.

[ChanDelle]

Renee, I think you did absolutely the right thing in sending that note. It compelled them to respond in such a way to define their response to your presentation. Not that I expected a different attitude, but they're now on record and can develop the appropriate behavior internally to cope. I don't think we have quite the same social "rights" as the other "minorities" as we're not perceived yet to exist in the numbers that we do.

And thanks for publishing their response!

Enjoy your stay,

ChanDelle

[DanyaKay]

I like the idea. I may start making my own travel plans in the future.

[ReneeT]

Stephanie,

I appreciate your perspective, and i think we see things similiarly. I wasnt asking permission to be me, but rather was putting them on notice that i am aware of their corporate diversith policy and expected to be treated accordingly. I was also communicating that i am out and comfortable with who i am and will not be lurking in the shadows. I have since recieved another reply:


One more thing.. I noticed you are attending a group conference here at the property during your stay.* If you have any needs while at the conference please contact Ms. Becky Jones, our Assoc Dir of Meetings and Special Events.. she would be delighted to assist you with anything you need.* I have copied her on your email so that you can always email her if need be.
Warm regards,
Stephanie

And another reply (i think they want to make me hapy!):


As you should! Here is my cell number as well xxxxxxxx please let me know anything you need, even if it is only to say hello.

[suchacutie]

It is generally called "custormer service". Sadly, we don't see as much of it as we used to, in any gender. I enjoy staying at Marriott properties as well, and am delighted that they have their act together in a serious way!

tina

[DebsUK]

I'm with Stephanie on this. They cause problems then you make a complaint, citing their diversity policy, but why make it an issue? We're not going to make much progress if we constantly challenge people with "So, I'm a guy who wears a dress. Big whoop! Wanna fight about it?"

Also, is it really a good idea to post somebody else's phone number on a public internet forum?

[ReneeT]

Deb,

Thanks for your call out on the number - i have edited it. I disagree with you, though, in that we as a group will only be granted the rights that we demand. Putting people on notice that we demand treatment in accordance with their stated policies helps all of us. It also humanizes us, forcing people to deal with us as individuals

[Randall]

I think they are thinking Renee had a bad experience at there hotel before and this time making sure they understand who she is this time, the are bending over back wards to make her stay a possitive one.

I know you did'nt have to preannounce your self, but Hear you roar.

[NicoleScott]

You are right, Stephenie, in a perfect world. But that's not where we live.
Renee, your note was well-constructed. The tone was right on.
From the response from the hotel, there should be no incidents as we have heard here on the forum, like "enjoy your stay.....SIR!!"

[Carroll]

I think it's way cool what you did

[ReineD]

It is certainly your prerogative to eliminate potential problems by contacting the hotel first. But, it is an upscale property and in my experience such properties have well trained staff and they do bend over backwards to make sure their customers are happy. In addition, this company also has an established corporate diversity policy, so wouldn't it follow that you would have been addressed as Ma'am, or Ms. [last name]? At that point, you could have simply said that you preferred being addressed as Renee?

It's almost as if you are making a point, rather than just ironing out potential issues.

If it were a different situation, such as a hotel with staff that is not so well-trained or a middle of the road restaurant, for example, then I can see contacting them ahead of time to make sure their staff doesn't commit any faux pas.

But the up side is, it must feel good to receive the validation in the form of the emails they sent and also now you made yourself stand out to them, so I wouldn't be surprised to see a bottle of wine & chocolates in your room when you arrive. :)

[Jessica_Dillon]

Seems to be some mixed emotion on this. I don't think Renee is asking if she should have written a letter or not. In fact...I'm certain of that. What she did say was that she was going to be at the hotel, and is already aware of the diversity policy from corporate. She was verifying that this particular location honored those same rules, which sadly can vary from location to location. I've witnessed this in my own travels...even in plain old drab. Sad, but it's true. What is most important though, is that Renee, letter or not, represented all of us very personalby. Her letter is well written, sets a very honest and real tone, and should allow her to be who she is. A fantastic woman, visiting the DC area! Personally, I applaude Renee in her beautiful representation of the entire TG community!

[Debglam]

Renee, I am straddling the fence on this issue so I'll just say have a nice trip and I look forward to your post how it went. :)

BTW, Your avatar pic is so pretty that you probably didn't need to say anything and they would have assumed GG!

Debby

[ReneeT]

Everyone presents very interesting and valid viewpoints. I think this has been a really good discussion, and i hope it continues.

Jessica is correct - i didnt post to see if people thought it was the right thing to do, but to share my own approach in a particular situation to ensuring that my need for respect is met. I stay in zillions of hotels all over the country (although probably not a many as Kimberly TX!) and don't annonce myself, but, for what this place is going to cost, i didn't want to leave anything to chance.......

[Phoebe P.]

I think it was a brilliant move. I used to work at The Ritz. They keep a database on their guests and their preferences so you should never have to do that again with The Ritz. The database is accessible by all of The Ritz properties. That's the way it was in the 90's. I'm pretty sure it still is. Have fun girl!

[ReneeT]

I think it was a brilliant move. I used to work at The Ritz. They keep a database on their guests and their preferences so you should never have to do that again with The Ritz. The database is accessible by all of The Ritz properties. That's the way it was in the 90's. I'm pretty sure it still is. Have fun girl!


Like a tracking cookie? Can i delete my cache?

[Gocaps14]

I was a hotel Banquet Manager for abouit 10 years and not surprised one bit at the Hotels response. First, the Ritz-Carlton is a top notch organization. Secondly, the Hospitality industry seems to draw workers from all walks of life and probably have LGBT on their staff already. But mostly, they sound like they are professionals and want to treat you and all their guests with that proffesionalism. The Ritz in DC is probably over 200$ a night, and they want you and all their guests to enjoy their stay, come back and reccommend the Hotel to others(which you have done, in a sense).

[Phoebe P.]

Don't worry about it. It's for internal use only. I'm sure they don't keep them forever. They also keep track of how many pillows you like etc. Have fun and don't worry!

[Fab Karen]

Well, my advice? Don't send that note. There is absolutely NO reason to involve the hotel in your private life. Can you imagine ANY other minority group asking that question?

"Hello, I am Black. Will you be accepting of me if I came to you hotel?"

"Hello, I'm heterosexual, Will that be OK with you guys?"

"Oh, by the way I am an Episcopalian. May I stay in your hotel?"

"Im gay. May I came to your hotel?"

"Oh, by the way, I'm a woman. Is it OK if I stay at your hotel?"

None of this, including your desire to wear women's clothing, is ANY of their business. Nor, you will find out when you get there, will they care. Sorry. They won't care a bit. Come in, do your business, behave yourself, pay your bill, and they won't care if you want to wear a clown suit and stannd on your head.

True. The note may have eased her mind, but there wasn't a need to send it. I have stayed at major chain motels ( hotels like Ritz-Carlton are beyond my means ) without notifying anyone there of my status, coming & going in plain view & have had no problems. Other people have told stories of accidentally getting locked out of their room & having no problem with being helped.

[Phoebe P.]

Hotel employees won't say a word to you and will be polite, but The Ritz will go out of their way to make sure she is comfortable and taken care of. They have an Oath and a Creed related to Customer Service that all employees have to memorize. I LOVE The Ritz!

[Rogina B]

Write all you want,but I doubt you would ever have a problem anywhere..The major chains don't ever want to touch any form of discrimination...and we aren't talking a "no tell hotel"...Just why you feel you might get mistreated is beyond me...well,did they turn the bed down and leave the mints?

[Phoebe P.]

Seriously, do NOT worry about it. I'm sure they get things that are far more surprising! Relax and enjoy your stay girl! Glam it up and have a good time! I didn't mean to make you self conscious! Everyone there is totally cool and yes, there are MANY GLBT in the hospitality industry so don't worry!

I don't have the courage to go out in public, but if I did it would be at The Ritz.

[ReneeT]

I am definately looking forward to my stay, although not getting up at 3 am to make my 6:30 flight ( flying as Renee(who else would i fly as? :-) )).

This topic certainly has people on one ide or other! Debte is good!

[t-girlxsophie]

When my wife and I stayed at a hotel for our Anniversary last year.I spoke with the manager to find out If it would be ok for Sophie to appear there,they were absolutely fine with it,I did this just to put our minds at ease,not as a look at me gesture and we felt it was better to be safe than sorry

[cassandra.932]

Renee,

Good that you do your homework. If you prefer it this way, I think it is OK. Most importantly, don't forget your camera so that you can take some good shots during your stay and share with all of us when you return!

[MsJanessa]

I think the email was a great idea. Although I agree with the thought that generally our transgenderism, CDing etc is our own business, the Ritz is a luxury hotel in a major city--not some no tell, motel for a low rent rendezvous (sorry couldnt resist) that caters to its guests and telling them about your dressing will help them serve you better and will make you more comfortable knowing that you will be welcomed. BTW it is right up the street from my office in DC so if you are going to be there next week we may pass each other on the street. Have fun and enjoy your stay

[Phoebe P.]

Please trust me. People in the service industry don't care. As long as you aren't in my area "redneck central", you'll be fine! XOXO!!!

[Sara Jessica]

One one hand, I hate the thought that anyone in our community feels a need to obtain permission to be a customer, patron, whatever. Yet I get why we often do it and I have been guilty of doing so in the past.

However, your letter was lovely and gives you the peace of mind that you have a wonderful stay ahead of you. And I love the response by the property. Sure, it contained the requisite canned language but it was brimming with so many personal touches.

Have a wonderful and safe trip Renee!!! :)

[msginaadoll]

I think it was a great idea. It is just a way of letting people know who you are as well as a recognition of the companies policies and standards of service. I think it puts a face on someone who could be just a another number.

[Debra Russell]

Deb,

Thanks for your call out on the number - i have edited it. I disagree with you, though, in that we as a group will only be granted the rights that we demand. Putting people on notice that we demand treatment in accordance with their stated policies helps all of us. It also humanizes us, forcing people to deal with us as individuals

I agree, I think that putting them on notice does nothing but help acknowlege our existence with respect!

[Jessica_Dillon]

Most hotels are really pretty polite, and if they don't know how to do that, they will just be quiet. Shoot..I've been in 4 this week! Whether or not they recognize me, I've never had a hotel say a word when I'm in the lobby the next day with co workers getting ready to go to work. Even after I've walked in and out several times as Jessica. In any case, I'm always happy to see someone go above and beyond to represent us all in a positive light.

[Tricia Lee]

I think the email was a great idea! It wasn't asking permission. It was letting them know up front that you would be there. I'm sure there was discussion among the staff in response to the email, and I'm sure Renee was a great representative.

I just don't see anything negative here, and don't understand most of the responses. I may do this myself next time the opportunity arises.

[marny]

A- For 'Hotel Weird' crossdressing ranks maybe 1.5 in a 1 to 10 scale. Next, Stephanie hits the mark: Race, creed, colour,and sexuality are non issues when you are renting a room. and 3, you are a paying customer, someone who every business loves. Mutual respect and common decency make for a good stay for both parties. Compared to the average bear i am sure you respect their property as if it were your own. It is shocking the way a lot of people treat hotel rooms. Things they would never do in their own homes.

[2SpeedTranny]

I just can't imagine a bigger waste of time. To a business, a paying customer is a paying customer. And I will guarantee you, no hotel chain wants anything to do with even a whiff of discrimination they could get sued or boycotted for.

Frankly, if I were that manager, I'd see such a letter as demanding, but no doubt the staff of the Ritz are accustomed to it.

My brother managed an upscale hotel for a while. The only things they care about are as follows: pay your bill, don't trash your room, and no sex in the hot tub. :)

[Zoe Preston]

At first I was of the opinion that stating " I have reviewed your corporate diversity policy..." was a little strong as it would be more likely to antagonise me if I received it.

However, I can fully understand why you chose to contact them. I'm assuming you booked in a male name? So Fred Bloggs books a room using Fred's credit card but Renee walks up to reception. Now imagine if reception was busy checking in a tour party and you have to explain to a confused receptionist that "I am Fred" whilst the people either side of you start nudging their friends saying "Get a load of this".

I would only suggest that in your original correspondence I would have stated " Your hotel has been recommended to me because of its outstanding record regarding diversity. I have booked as Fred Bloggs but I will be presenting as Renee when I arrive - will that present a problem?"

Anyway, have a great visit Renee.

Zoe

[ReneeT]

Zoe, you phrased things so beautifully! Will you be my PR spokesperson???

I am having a really nice stay. The hotel staff has been great and the service impeccable. I have met some great girls here in DC already but will post the details elsewhere.

[Yolanda_Voils]

Your note was profession and well suited for the occasion, perhaps someone here is suffering from PMS ! JOKING :D

Your writing style and skills denote a well read individual, not everyone has the luxury of being so "well spoken" perhaps a little envy at your foresight..

I'll brag a little and note I've written "Codes of Conduct" for a company, done research papers for legal matters and have the keyboard at my disposal, as you obviously do. It never hurts to cover all your bases as we "legal types" tend to do.

Kudos for not being afraid to bring things to light for your future visit with them.

hugs
Yolanda

[GirlieAmanda]

I just stayed at a Holiday Inn Express and now and woke up a real GG!! Seriously I did stay at a Holiday Inn Express in PA and went to leave the room when just as the door clicked shut I thought of the door card on the nightstand. OH no! I will HAVE to say I am a CD to verify my ID to get a new key I thought. I was in a little panic but I just did it. I just went up to the nice lady at the desk and told her I needed a new key. She was very understanding. Thank God it was a woman though. There was kind of a surly guy there a few hours before. It really made me learn about how to adjust to problems while out.

[donnatracey]

Hotel employees won't say a word to you and will be polite, but The Ritz will go out of their way to make sure she is comfortable and taken care of. They have an Oath and a Creed related to Customer Service that all employees have to memorize. I LOVE The Ritz!

Really? That is quite interesting.....how long is this creed and oath?.....Just curious.....:doh:

[siantv2003]

I am having a really nice stay. The hotel staff has been great and the service impeccable. I have met some great girls here in DC already but will post the details elsewhere.

Cmon, you gotta share: Did you get the box of choccies in your room in your room when you checked in? Everyone knows that a girls loves a good box of chocolate to keep her company :)

[Melanie R]

When my wife set up Dignity Cruises in 1990 she met with the legal counsel for Royal Caribbean Cruise Line who took her to lunch in Houston and was educated about transgendered persons. A week later he called back to say that RCCL has set up a non-discrimination statement protecting transgendered persons who are on any of our Dignity cruises. On 42 Dignity cruses to date no matter the cruise line the ship's officers and staff know we will be onboard and to treat us with dignity and respect. We have never had a problem with a few exceptions. On one cruise out of Los Angelos in 2007, a passenger was calling me names and threatening to harm me. A ship security person overheard this and the man spent the rest of the cruise in the brig. I received lots of hugs from other passengers who witnessed this harrasment.

[linda allen]

Renne,,

I think what you did was a good idea. In a perfect world, you would not have to, but the world is far from perfect and will likely never be.

[Yolanda_Voils]

Well, don't keep us in suspense, how'd your stay go ?