Can't understand if it is just sexual fantasies or the way I am

[inokents]

Hello to everyone. As You see I'm new to this forum.

I would like to hear Your opinion. Here are a short story about me.

My mother wanted a girl and she told me it when I was very young and just learned to talk so I was saying "I'm a girl" very often. When I was older (some 4 to 8 grade or so) sometimes I wear at home (when no one was around) my mothers dress, heels and pantyhose. I also felt some kind of attraction to some boys, but nothing to do with the sex-thing. Then I had a break of this for some time and Years ago just came back to this cross-dressing idea. I have taken a walk outside with a makeup when there was dark, but not fully dressed. For some past years I thought it is something to do just with sex and passion, but not anymore.

Yesterday I was partying with my friends and I understood that I'm jealous to my girlfriends, but not in some kind of evil way. I'm jealous of those beautiful high heal shoes, pantyhose, dresses, long hair, mascara and lipsticks, attention from men and everything else.

I have had fantasies about me being dressed, going to a date, receive a kiss, be threaten as a woman, later get intimate, on the morning receiving a kiss from him and so on.

Well, don't get me wrong, I like being male, I like girls, like to flirt with them, like to kiss them, like to touch them. I like to drink with my man friends, like to drive cars on a frozen lake in drift and so on. All this manly stuff is nice.

But there are these fantasies. I couldn't have a relationship with another man while I'm man, I think maybe I could try sometime the intimate part, but nothing more, just not interested. I'm not considering myself as gay or bi (maybe I'm a bit bi, who knows), just straight. But I think I could be together with a man if I were in the role of female, I think that it would still be straight as I am woman. Actually I would like to try it very much. To take care of the house, make him a diner and so on.

Tonight I had a dream that I am living as a woman with a man. Actually like I was his wife. Nobody of my family didn't knew and I was in USA (I'm originally from Europe) so my mother flew to me and I drove to pick up her at the Airport dressed very feminine in dress with stockings and garter belt, heels, long hair and makeup and so on, she was shocked that I was living like this for some time and that I'm living and sleeping with a man, but after some hours she just accept this fact and we had so much mother-daughter fun, went shopping and so. I was so excited when I woke up.

So the question I can't find answer is - are these just my sexual fantasies or I can really be the women that is in me? And should I put the target to become a woman? I'm 24 now, so I have time left to do that :) I know, that nobody will answer this question but me. But I would like to hear Your opinions, and maybe someone has had a similar situation.

Post became long, but hope You don't mind.

[deebra]

Start dressing to whatever degree you feel comfortable with, go out to places where you will be accepted and meet people if thats what you want and se where it takes you. You won't know unless you try and what can it hurt. So start right now and do it.

[Tina B.]

You can't know the answers to any of those questions, without asking yourself a lot more questions. At 24 most of us where just starting to figure out what it might mean to us. I was still learning that there is more than one kind of transgendered people out there. By my mid thirty's, I did figure out, what ever I was it nothing to do with the women in my life, what I mean was having a girl friend or wife, never changed my desire to wear womens clothing. It was deep with in me, and no matter what I did, no matter how long I could keep it all inside, it was there just waiting to jump out and mess with my life. By my mid forty's, I gave up fighting against who I am, and started to learn to accept myself, as a crossdresser. after that it stayed about the same, dressing now and then, sometimes not dressing for months. Then I retired in my early sixty's, and started to spend more time dressed as a woman, now in my late 60's I am starting to believe just maybe I have always been more than just a crossdresser, maybe I'm a bit closer to being a Transsexual, than I ever thought. I know that I'm at a point in life where if circumstances where different, I could live out the rest of my life as a woman, even if I way past the age that I could consider surgery. So just understand, what you are today, is not necessarily what you will be down the road. But no matter what you find you are, it won't be boring, this life never is.
Tina B.

[Haley Heather]

I've also had these fantasies for most of my life, as for your question, only you can awnser it and so long as you are completely honest with your self you will not awnser it incorrectly.

[Briana90802]

Well most of us have had these types of dreams and questions at one time or another, so you're not alone. What it means is really up to you. I use to have alot of cd dreams and I realized that it was just my subconscious telling me that I wanted and needed to cd. Sometimes our dreams can be a window into the things we want and need. And sometimes tgey are the unfinished business we need to resolve. But sometimes a rose is just rose. So the real question becomes, what do you think it means?

[Julogden]

As others have said, you need to explore and discover for yourself exactly what is your fantasy and what is your reality. And try to keep an open mind about who you really are. You're still very young, and are just starting out. Particularly when you're young, there is a lot of pressure to conform to social and sexual norms, and it will take some work to overcome what you have learned about those issues, but someone in our situation has to grasp that we may need to break some of those often stupid rules in order to be happy.

Good luck and have fun!
Carol

[NicoleScott]

You asked if anyone had a similar situation, so here's my experience:
A brief background: I began at about age 5 to be attracted to pretty women. I got excited while looking at magazines and catalogs, admiring pretty women's dresses, hair, and especially makeup and high heels. At around age 10, I started putting on lipstick and wearing high heels privately. Through several teen years my older sister and I were the same size, so I began expanding what I wore. I started dressing completely in my twenties, and came to understand that what excited me was over-the-top makeup and dressing, driven by fetishes for very high heels, dark red lipstick, and other things to a lesser extent. That's still what drives me decades later.
I am straight, never attracted to men sexually. However, I used to chat a lot in crossdresser chat rooms, and I've had some really good conversations with men who identified themsleves as admirers. Yes, there were posers and creeps, but they were weeded out. The anonimity of the internet often allows for being more open and honest than one can be in person, with people you know. While not attracted to men sexually, I found that I had a sort of psychological attraction to men (and a couple of women as well) who seemed to be attracted to me, for how I presented myself (overdone) as a crossdresser. I did fantasize about dating, but the fantasies never were about sex, but about attention, positive feedback for my efforts to look like a pretty women (which I know is in the eye of the beholder. Not everyone thinks so, and that's ok). I never took it past fantasy, never met anyone, and know I never would. I'm very secure that I'm just a straight guy that likes to dress up occasionally for excitement, but still I fantasize about getting attention.
I never wanted to be a woman (just a part-time cd), so I really can't address your sexual attractions to men. But it is possible that it could all be sexual fantasies. As others have said, take it slow, explore your feelings and go only where you feel comfortable going.

[joannemarie barker]

you can be whoever you want :) I wouldn't recommend being intimate with men if you can't see yourself in a relationship with one.it was different for me,I knew I fancied males when I was at school and it was years later that I acted on it

[Angie G]

I think we all have had thoughts of this sort at some time Explore the possibility's. It may be for you.:hugs:
Angie

[Sallee]

Heavy Questions, one answer out of many may be just, be safe, have fun, Try not to let one thing (CDing) run your life because you are way more complex than that. Remember "It keeps getting better"

[AnnaCalliope]

Just because you are a girl, doesn't mean you have to give up the so called "manly" things you enjoy. I'm planning on transition, and I still like to play paintball, read about firearms, learn how to fix my car and the like. All of my drinking buddies know and have met Anna, and so far none of have been "weird" about it. Hell, the last two parties we've had at my place, I spent the whole time dressed and everybody just took it as another normal night. Having a group of really tight-knit friends helps out a lot when exploring your feminine self.

[inokents]

you can be whoever you want :) I wouldn't recommend being intimate with men if you can't see yourself in a relationship with one.it was different for me,I knew I fancied males when I was at school and it was years later that I acted on it

Well the thing is that I can see myself with a man, just as I am in a woman mode not as a man. Actaully it seems to me much more exciting than to be in a long term relationship with a woman.

Well, thanks for Your opinions. I am thinking about moving to a warmer country in October or November this year. Not like forever, just to get away from winter, hate this cold weather and in my country they are very cold :D So I think as I'll be alone, I will experiment with myself. Now it is really hard for me to crossdress often.

[RenneB]

Here is the one test that I use all the time. I put on male clothes and go sit in my office and relax. What do I think about? Girly clothes. So then I dress up in the comfy girl clothes and go sit in my office and relax.. What do I think about then...nothing. I am fully relaxed. It's whatever you feel confortable in.

Here's another test. It's called lucid dreaming. If you ever get the chance, go to sleep in full girl clothes. I did this a few times and wow what a great dream. First I started dreaming about getting caught and embarrassed... that slowly faded and then it morphed into pagents and runways. Talk about 24/7.

Renne....

[docrobbysherry]

I think it's easy to confuse gender with sexual orientation, Inok. At least, it was for me when I first started dressing! I had fantasies of being becoming a female and made to service men!
I was PRETTY SURE I was suddenly turning gay!

So, I tried to find a man, ANY MAN, that I was attracted to! I think that is the tru test of being gay, bi or not!
I couldn't! Soon after, those fantasies disappeared!

The only way to find out if want to be with a man is; find one you're attracted to and see what happens! Lol!

[Debutante]

I've never had fantasies being with a man... however that lesbian thing with my wife -- yes,
I have some intense fantasies about us two as two women together...

[kimdl93]

You're fairly young. As a young adult male, sexual fantasies are so much a part of your life. And its also common for hetero males to have homosexual fantasies...even to experiement a little. So, at that stage in life, its difficult to distinguish between the desire to cross dress and sexuality.

I imagine that most cross dressers have questions about thier gender identification, quite apart from whether they have homosexual tendencies. Many of us live full or at least part time presenting as a woman, and are entirely hetero. Some of us are bi or have had bi expeirences.

Its OK if dressing is arrousing, and OK if dressing leads you to consider your gender and sexuality options, so to speak. But given your life expereinces, I doubt that dressing is solely a sexual thing for you.

The key thing is to realize that life is a journey. There isn't any need for you to set a goal of becoming a woman or to define yourself in other manners. Live, have experiences and enjoy the process of becoming. It never really stops.