why ?

[karenhunni]

Hi eveyone ,
First of all please let me explain my situation . Four years ago i went to see my gp here in the uk about gender issues i have and in doing so he sent me to see a gender therapist at a gender clinic . During my 4 sessions with the therapist he gave me a diagnosis as being primary transexual .In the four years that have passed i have not moved foward one jot i think the reason being a constant battle between acceptance and denial of myself . The realy hard and upsetting part of all of this is i know this will never ever dissapear and go away so my question is to you all why oh why can i not move foward with my transition when i know deep down in my soul that its the only thing for me to do ? and also are there any others out there that have or are experiencing the same thing and how doid you move foward .I am realy sorry for the rant put i need some help and understanding fast .
karen xx

[christinac]

You are not alone! I'm setting at that stop sign myself trying to decided either left or right or turn back because there is no straight ahead.

[karenhunni]

this is so hard four years an counting and im not getting any younger im 43 now .

[Kaitlyn Michele]

join the club Karen...

43 was the age where i said...OMG....i blew it...

shame/guilt/fear/confusion/ -- any of these ring a bell?
cost/marraige/kids/safety/medical risk - these are real life issues that are daunting

internal dialogue.."i'll never pass", "Everyone will laugh at me"....sometimes you are your own worst enemy!

when i got to mid 40's, i had the following thought...If i grow old and die without living my own life, my last thoughts will be regretting my life...that one thought haunted me at first, i gained weight, i stopped caring about work, my divorce was finalized...but then that thought motivated me and it was like a switch was flipped...

this article (which i have posted many times!!!!) basically caused me to transition...i must have read it 20 times trying to find something to comfort me..but it was just so true it was like reading about my life....although i knew there were many crossdressers and ts men and women, i never knew that what i viewed as my own insanity was something that others were experiencing in the same way i did..it was like reading my life story...and when i read about late middle age transsexuals that didnt transition, i can tell you that when i imagined myself in that position, the fear and sadness overwhelmed so much, that it trumped the fear and sadness of transitioning...

http://www.avitale.com/developmentalreview.htm

you are a fully capable, functional, normal human being, yes you are a rare human that has a gender conflict, but that's simply part of the human condition...you have to get that into your head...different than most?? yes....

Whatever you do, please take care of yourself...if you take small steps today, they may pay off later...get in shape...practice your voice, get laser or electrolysls hair removal, think about your money situation..if you are married, talk to your wife..

this is a hard thing...if you are ts, the thoughts you are having will not go away, and they will likely consume more and more of your life....this is something that i have seen over and over...

[Aprilrain]

Why certainly is the question you need to be asking but not us. You need to ask yourself why you are paralyzed with fear. That's the only reason why people do not move forward with whatever. Prcrastination is fear. My suggestion for what it is worth is to discuss your fears with your gender therapist. Maybe going to a support group would help too. You seem like you want to do this but your just to afraid to take that first step. Trust me, the process is painfully slow so you will have ample time to adjust. You could start with non permanent changes like growing out your hair shaving your body hair etc.

[StaceyJane]

I used to let fear control me.
Once I faced my fears and made the decision to move past them I have been so much happier.

[ashlylynn]

Perhaps you wait due to:

- don't want to disappoint family and lose the friends you have now
- today, you can choose to dress as a female or not - and thus choose the "risks" or not -vs "locking in"
- maybe you are afraid that you won't be pretty. ( Gosh - that's what being a girl is about for most girls. )

So - you are weighing the risks and benefits. Why not LIST them for yourself privately ( or here for others )

But really - it is far easier for a person over 50 to pass for the opposite sex than one younger.
We begin "looking kinda the same" before hormones begin max production
and we end up "looking kinda the same" after they slow production.

[karenhunni]

kaitlyn yes it does ring a bell and loudly too

thanx , lots of useful replies telling me things i alreadt know inside , just have to find a way .

[BreenaDion]

Did you ever stop and think that you are NOT suffereing for Transsexualism ? Thats why they wont give you treatment for it. Maybe you are not a ful transsexual , maybe just someone who belongs in the middle between male/female. Even they can get a low doze of hormones.
Better yet get to see a second opion and get a better therapist. Good Luck.
Breena.

[noeleena]

Hi.

Two points ill look at.

How do .....YOU ..... see your self , Are you in your mind a woman or not , do you accept that you.... ARE... a woman. this here seems to be the crux of the matter.

Two,
when you saw your G P . & psych did ....YOU..... tell them you ....ARE..... a woman or did you let them tell you what they thought. you are.

Un till you heve the conviction of who you are & the guts to damm well say who you are then nothing will happen . may be not what you wont to hear yet thats the truth. I did not get a diagnois i did not ask for one .

I did not need one i told them what i was . who i was . ....a WOMAN...& i said THIS is what im going to do & how im going to LIVE...i had the guts to stand on my feet & tell them & how i was going to get where i needed to go..
You know what they bent over backwards in helping me & so did many other people. i was firm in what i had to say no if s buts or any thing else .

you see YOU have to know in your self what your doing & be strong enough to carry it through.

You see i dont mince my words tho do speak my mind when i need to yet in a way that says i need your help , will you help me.

They did & they told me you get on with your life. if you need help we will be there,

My male background is my strenth my womens side is who i am.

Of cause many here know me well enough im one strong woman. yet a loveing one im accepted & get on well with others so you see you dont have to be a wimp or a grile girl im not i was very deturmined in what i needed to do. that got me through.


...noeleena...

[Carole Cross]

karen, it can be hard taking the next step. I always had a very low level of confidece as a man amd waited 26 years to see my GP but I have never looked back since. There is alot to think about such as possibly losing your friends and some members of your family may not be supportive. You have to find the courage somehow to move forward, I am still not sure where I got mine from but I did get some encouragement from the tg support group I am a member of.

I am 42 now so I know how you feel at having waited so long and I do hope you can find a way forward, I never imagined that I would be able to transition four or five years ago.

[Frances]

It took me 42 years to get over my guilt and fears. It seemed like it was too late by that time, but I had no choice. Suicide had become the only option since I was too afraid to move forward. I gave the gender clinic one more try and went through five years of individual and group therapy before being ready to transition. I had SRS two weeks ago.

[Areyan]

although i tend to agree with the others here about allowing fear to get in the way, i am also disbelieving of your story at least in part. either you told your doctors and therapists what you think you are and they have not made a move to treat you because they disagree (or in the worst case scenario, are bigoted fools) OR you really are not transsexual and this is why you've been on the fence about it for 4 years.

to me that seems too long a time to be sitting on the fence if you really are TS. you have not mentioned a wife/children or any of the myriad things that can and do pose REAL reasons for choosing not to transition, so i doubt you are being honest here in asking for advice. the simple fact that you are signed up here as a "junior member" tells me you may be young enough anyway not to have these issues to take into consideration. perhaps you are afraid you will miss out on something grand in male life if you give it all up and transition now - if that's the case, really DON'T do it. that's the kind of person who is not transsexual but merely, transgendered.

do what the others have suggested and go back to gender therapy. if this really is who you are then you still need help in coming to terms with it because those visits with the professionals 4 years ago should have already helped you decide either way. i know not everyone "just knows" but this really needs some focus and attention (with the right kind of support team) if you are in any way real about it and don't want to end up a statistic.